Tourist in Dubai reports rape to police; instead is arrested for “illegal sex” with her fiance

What.

A British woman who alleged that she was raped in Dubai on New Year’s Eve has had her passport confiscated and may face a jail sentence after she was charged with having sex outside marriage with her fiancé.

The 23-year-old woman, a Muslim from London, of Pakistani origin, said that she was attacked by a man who is understood to be a worker in the hotel where she had been drinking with her fiancé to celebrate their engagement during a three-day holiday in Dubai.

When she reported to the police that she had been raped, she and her partner, 44, were themselves jailed for sex outside marriage, which is illegal under the emirate’s laws. Unmarried couples are not allowed to share hotel rooms or live together, although many establishments turn a blind eye. The couple were also charged with being drunk outside licensed premises.

…Let me play the devil’s advocate before anyone else does: Yes, Dubai has the right to come up with their own laws, and as a tourist you should know what’s illegal before you go there, yadda yadda. That being said…

Never fucking go to Dubai.

The fact that this sort of misogynistic horseshit exists in the 21st century nauseates me. A woman is raped (and yes, it was raped – no level of inebriation equals consent) and when trying to get help from the police, gets sent to jail for a completely unrelated “crime” that would never have been discovered otherwise. Rape victims are often traumatized by the attack – and then she faces badgering questions about sex with her fiance? Is the law and purity of women so much more important than human compassion?

Apparently it is when you’re dealing with backwards sharia law in a predominantly Muslim country. Only religion, and the misogynist culture generated by said religion, can make consenting sex a criminal offense. You can bet if this woman wasn’t Muslim that they’d have a lot less interest in her personal life. Isn’t it lovely when honor and the rules of an Invisible Sky Daddy are more important than human rights?

This isn’t going to exactly help Dubai boost their tourism like they so hope. I’m damned sure I”ll never step foot in a country with such archaic laws – I’m not inclined to go to jail or fund their ignorance.

No G-Spots?! …Wait, what?

If you have the same taste in blogs that I do (aka you’re obsessed with sex), you’ve probably been inundated with posts about how a new study has proven that G-spots don’t exist!

The scientists at King’s College London who carried out the study claim there is no evidence for the existence of the G-spot — supposedly a cluster of internal nerve endings — outside the imagination of women influenced by magazines and sex therapists. They reached their conclusions after a survey of more than 1,800 British women.

Well, I’ll be damned. I was fairly certain from personal experience that G-spots do exist, but I can’t argue with scientists, can I? They must have carefully inspected all 1,800 of those British women (what a lucky grad student!), right?

In the research, 1,804 British women aged 23-83 answered questionnaires. All were pairs of identical or non-identical twins. Identical twins share all their genes, while non-identical pairs share 50% of theirs. If one identical twin reported having a G-spot, this would make it far more likely that her sister would give the same answer. But no such pattern emerged, suggesting the G-spot is a matter of the woman’s subjective opinion.

And what was that questionnaire? Just a single question:

“Do you believe you have a so called G spot, a small areas the size of a 20p coin on the front wall of your vagina that is sensitive to deep pressure?”

…Alright boys and girls, it’s time for a lesson on why this is “Bad Science.”

Questionnaires are always a bit subjective and iffy – especially when asking someone about their anatomy. If you ask people how many chambers their heart has, and some say 3, that doesn’t mean they’re actually missing a chamber. Simply asking people if they have a G-spot doesn’t confirm it’s existence or lack thereof. I can’t believe that this study would rely on opinion rather than medically examining females to see if it is there or not.

The fact that they didn’t see any correlation in identical twins just illustrates that personal opinion about the existence of a G-spot is not genetically determined. Their initial logic that genetically identical twins should have identical sexual responses is flawed. Sexual response has a huge environmental component, which the study finds but apparently ignores:

While 56% of women overall claimed to have a G-spot, they tended to be younger and more sexually active.

That makes perfect sense. Finding the G-spot isn’t easy. It usually takes a patient partner, sex positions other than missionary, or specialized sex toys – all of which are more likely to be found in younger, sexually active people. What’s more likely: that these women are partaking in activities that make them more likely to find their G-spot, or that the majority of women are all delusional about a specific area that causes intense pleasure? I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to hallucinate a pleasure button, I’m going to put it somewhere I little easier to reach.

A quote from the researcher also sends up a red flag for me:

Andrea Burri, who led the research, said she was anxious to remove feelings of “inadequacy or underachievement” that might affect women who feared they lacked a G-spot.

Yep, it’s always great to go into research with an agenda and preconceived result in mind!

This all may be the result of bad science reporting, which is always a likely cause, since the actual paper is coming out next week. I’ll look forward to reading it and seeing if it’s also so strident in its claims.

Don’t be sexy, or guys have the right to randomly ejaculate on you

Feminist rage in 3…2…1…

No one disputes that an on-duty Irvine police officer got an erection and ejaculated on a motorist during an early-morning traffic stop in Laguna Beach. The female driver reported it, DNA testing confirmed it and officer David Alex Park finally admitted it.

When the case went to trial, however, defense attorney Al Stokke argued that Park wasn’t responsible for making sticky all over the woman’s sweater. He insisted that she made the married patrolman make the mess–after all, she was on her way home from work as a dancer at Captain Cream Cabaret.

“She got what she wanted,” said Stokke. “She’s an overtly sexual person.”

A jury of one woman and 11 men—many white and in their 50s or 60s—agreed with Stokke. On Feb. 2, after a half-day of deliberations, they found Park not guilty of three felony charges that he’d used his badge to win sexual favors during the December 2004 traffic stop.

And apparently since you decided to show us all that you’re flaming asshole, you want me to punch you in the face. You’re obviously just asking for it.

Not only is this a disgusting case of slut shaming and victim blaming, but the police officer was actually stalking the stripper. He knew her profession would make her an easy target, as her “sexiness” was his only defense. The only sensible person at the trial was apparently the prosecutor:

In his closing argument, Stokke pounced. He called Lucy one of those “girls who have learned the art of the tease, getting what they want . . . they’ve learned to separate men from their money.”

Kamiabipour wasn’t amused. “Dancer or not, sexually promiscuous nor not, she had the right not to consent,” she told jurors. “[Park] doesn’t get a freebie just because of who she is . . . He used her like an object.”

There is no excuse for rape or sexual assault. It doesn’t matter if they’re wearing revealing clothing, a stripper, walking around alone at night, or drunk. The blame lies with the man who is sexually assaulting and raping others. The fact that some people still can’t get this through their tiny brain mildly terrifies me.

(Via Dispatches from the Culture Wars)

How to Meet Atheist Women (and not scare them away)

“How do I meet atheist women?” It’s the question asked over and over by other atheists, and answered over and over again by random bloggers. Random male bloggers. I’m not saying men can’t give good dating advice, but it seems logical to me to get an atheist woman‘s point of view since…well, the goal is to attract an atheist woman. I also feel somewhat obligated to write an article on the topic, since “atheist dating” and “how to meet atheist women” are some of the most popular search terms that lead people to my blog, yet I don’t really have a post on it. Of course, using that rationale I’d have to write posts on some pretty strange, kinky stuff, so…scratch that. I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heathen heart.

As a disclaimer, this advice is being generated with straight men in mind. To all the bisexual women and lesbians, you know I love you gals (and most of this advice is probably still applicable), but I’m a straight chick and writing what I know. And even though my many years of listening to Loveline and Dan Savage make me feel like a qualified relationship guru, I’m just some blogger with opinions and a vagina. No suing me if you’re single for life.

The first major problem men seem to have is finding atheist women. There’s not really anything different that you need to do for an atheist woman versus women in general. If you’re a jerk/creep/slob/etc, finding an atheist chick isn’t going to magically solve your girl problems – especially because atheist women have their pick of the litter. We’re not necessarily outnumbered by atheist men, but I think it’s safe to say we’re currently harder to find. Many atheist groups, meetings, and conferences currently have a male bias (the reasons why are for another post), so we have more out atheists to choose from. Women are becoming more out and active, and I suspect we’ll see an equal gender ratio soon – but you need companionship now, so enough of this speculation.

Where to find atheist women:

  • Local atheist organizations: Starting with something painfully obvious, go to your local atheist/skeptic/freethinker meetings. Some have better gender ratios than others, but if you’re looking for someone who’s active and vocal about her atheism, it’s the place to go. Unitarian Universalists also tend to attract a lot of atheist women, so don’t count them out.
  • Other nerdy or liberal organizations: Looking for clubs is probably easiest for those of us at college or in a big city, so I apologize to all of you atheists living in the middle of nowhere. Don’t limit your search to explicitly atheistic organizations – not all atheists need a club for their atheism, and you can find them elsewhere. A lot of (but not all) atheists tend to also be science oriented, geeky, and or liberal – so take an Evolution course, check out the Anime club, or get active in your local ACLU. Obviously, pick things that also interest you (more on this later).
  • Artsy, non-traditional hangouts: As an artist I can speak pretty confidently on this one – for every artist that’s crazy into woo, there’s one who thinks it’s bullshit. Artsy people tend to be pretty non-traditional and independent, and that can manifest itself in anything from weird spirituality to rabid rejection of religious dogma. Even the woo ones tend to be fairly tolerant of atheists, since they’re at least not following the man. Or something like that. Check out local coffee shops, art galleries, poetry readings, or any other avant-garde events you may find.
  • The internet: Online dating may weird some people out, but I know women (atheist women!) who have had it work out great for them. OkCupid is teeming with atheists, to the point where talking about atheism greatly increases your number of replies (and religious talk is a conversation stopper). There are also plenty of atheist women who blog (woo!), comment on blogs, post in atheist forum, tweet, put videos on YouTube, etc. However, don’t be a stalker (more on this later).
  • Let them find you: If you’re comfortable with your atheism and don’t feel like it’ll get you lynched (people in the Bible Belt may want to ignore this advice), wear it proudly! Put on a skeptical shirt. Wear a scarlet A or Flying Spaghetti Monster pin. Deck out your backpack or man purse with heathen buttons. Decorate your lap top with skeptical stickers. Read the God Delusion or any other godless book in public. I know I’ll usually at least say “nice book/sticker/etc” or give a smile to a kindred atheist – that can be your opening to start a conversation. Now, doing all of these things at once may come off as overkill – you don’t want to be a walking billboard for atheism (as cool as our billboards are) unless you only want a woman who’d appreciate that. But small things do help. If you’re out, it’s more likely someone will find you or you’ll pique her interest. When I was single, friending a new acquaintance on Facebook and seeing that he lists himself as “atheist” or “Pastafarian” or “Jedi” definitely made me interested. Once I was tempted to drive after a cute guy because he also had a Darwin fish on his car. Being out pays!

So you’ve finally found an elusive atheist woman – but now what? You don’t want to frighten her away by being too forward, but you don’t want to miss your chance by being too passive. It’s a lot like catching that Chansey in the Safari Zone – you need a happy medium and a bit of luck. Or with a lot of luck, you’ll find a woman who loves Dawkins and can make random Pokemon references.

How to not scare atheist women away:

  • Don’t be a poser: Remember when I listed all those cool hobbies and clubs you should frequent because they may have atheist women? Only go to the ones that you’re actually interested in. I’m not saying you have to be a master of whatever subject the club focus on – novices are often welcomed in organizations so they can cultivate their interest. But if you have absolutely no interest in Astronomy and you’re hanging around just to pick up some godless chicks, stop. Women will find out you’re feigning interest just to get in their pants, and it’s creepy.
  • Remember that women are people, not just mates: While you may be on the prowl for a date, that doesn’t mean every woman is too. Atheist women will go to clubs and coffee shops because they enjoy club activities and want a cappuccino. They’ll partake in atheist activities on the internet without the goal of a relationship in mind. That’s not to say they’re completely unwelcoming to flirting – but constant flirting from every atheist with a penis does get old (Obvious Tip: Don’t stare at boobs). It’s enough to scare women away from atheist meetings because they’re seen as a piece of meat rather than a fellow human being. If you follow the previous tip about being sincere about your interests, you should have common topics to talk about instead of coming off as desperate. Or at the very least, try to recognize when your advances are unwanted – I suggest all men go read Schrodinger’s Rapist to see how many women perceive unwanted flirtation.
  • Have interests other than atheism: I am a very active atheist activist – I’m President of a club, I blog, I’m outspoken – but I have other interests. I have favorite books, TV shows, foods, sports, hobbies, etc. I am a person, and so is every other atheist women. When you meet one of us, the conversation shouldn’t only be over how religion is silly and Richard Dawkins is awesome. Not only will you seem a bit one sided and obsessive, but it’ll also make it seem like you’re not really interested in us as a whole. This is especially true if you’re dealing with a non-rabid atheist chick – she may not want to discuss religion at all.
  • Don’t stereotype atheist women: I know this whole post I’ve been speaking in generalities, so this seems a bit hypocritical, but it really is important. Don’t assume all atheist women are alike just because they’re atheists. Some may be science oriented, and some may be bored to tears by your geek talk. Some may joke about eating babies, and some may punch you for such a crass joke. Some may be all about promiscuous sex and kinky orgies, and some may be waiting for marriage. This is yet another reason why communication is key; you just can’t judge someone’s personality, interests, and political beliefs because of their lack of religion.
  • Look presentable: I didn’t want to delve into general dating tips, but this is so important that I have to mention it. You don’t have to be endowed with fabulously handsome good looks, but simple effort to look decent is noted. Shave, unless you’re one of the few men who can pull off the sexy rugged look (if you’re not sure, you probably can’t). Wear deodorant. For the love of FSM, shower. You’d think by now I wouldn’t have to say that, but I’ve seen far too much greasy, unkempt bed head in my days at Purdue. I personally don’t care about clothes as long as they’re clean, but not every woman is as fashion apathetic as I am – something other than baggy sweatshirt can give you that extra bonus point over the other atheist guys. I fully understand that everyone has their bad day – I’ve stumbled off to meetings looking horrible and not giving a damn – but consistent sloven appearance leaves a lasting impression. If these suggestions sound patronizing, then you’ve probably been doing it right all along and they’re not for you. If they seem like novel ideas, I suggest you take my advice.

Hopefully by now you can locate an atheist woman and get her to talk to you long enough to persuade her that you’re not a giant creeper: congratulations! But if you’re still having trouble, here are a couple of more tips:

  • Don’t judge a book by its cover: A giant studded cross necklace or religious t-shirts don’t automatically mean the woman wearing them is religious. I know my friends and I own some religious merchandise for irony’s sake – because nothing is funnier than an in-joke of an atheist wearing that tacky “Jesus Saves” lifeguard shirt. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking – now women are camouflaged? Why do they have to make it so difficult?! I guess it’s just to teach you a lesson that you need to get to know a person before judging them. Sorry, guys.
  • Lame atheist pick up lines are still lame: No, you are not the first guy to joke about your noodly appendage. No, doing the “I just wanted to tell you about Jesus – jk, I’m an atheist and Christians are dumb” switch isn’t funny either (about 25% of the messages I receive on OkCupid do this; not creative, guys).
  • Don’t rule out non-atheists: Agnostics, deists, and “spiritual but not religious” types should be dating options as well – don’t rule out someone who may have a little woo in their life. And while I believe you should never go into a relationship with the goal of changing someone, people without strong religious beliefs can and often do become atheists. Sometimes it’s from being around an atheist so much, but other times it’s because they were an atheist all along but never comfortable enough to admit it.

Like always, questions and comments are welcome. Particularly insightful and helpful tips may be added to this post if deemed worthy. I’m not sure what else to tell you other than good luck!

Erotic pottery, sleeping around, and the gaydar

Okay, now that I have your attention…

Today was just full of sexual news! Usually each of these stories would win their own post, but I guess I’ll just make one super sexy entry. Try not to get too hot and bothered.

1. A new exhibit has opened featuring the erotic artwork of ancient Greece and Rome. Ah, I’m so proud of my ancestors. I can’t imagine having the dishes in my apartment covered in drawings of gay sex. …Well, okay, I can, but some of my guests probably wouldn’t want to eat off of them. …Who am I kidding, my friends are all strange like me. They’d love it. That being said, I love their description of the prostitutes kiosk, with the walls covered with illustrations on what’s on the menu. “Eh, you like the retrograde wheelbarrow over there? That’s two chickens and a loaf of bread.” (Via Boing Boing)

2. A new study from University of Minnesota researchers has found that casual sex does not have a negative psychological impact on those that practice it. So to all of those people out there who say sex without love is evil or imply that something is wrong with people who enjoy sex for the sake of sex – HA!

3. Oh, the inner workings of the Gaydar. Not only do people fair better than random guessing when it comes to speculation on a stranger’s sexual orientation, but they can make that decision in under a second. Original article talks about the evolutionary implications and some of the studies flaws, though it left out my major criticism – how do fag hags do compared to the general public?!? I’m pretty sure I would have been an outlier if you threw me in that study.

Best postcard ever

One of my good friends is currently studying abroad in Italy (sooooo jealous), and I received pretty much the best postcard ever from her today:

“Jen and Vanessa,
Please know that when I first saw these classy postcards in Florence, I had a short list of “Who would most appreciate gratuitous peener?” and you came in at the top. Congrats.”

I feel like I should be concerned that lots of penises make my friends think of me. Hmm.

The Sexual Mystery of the Decade: Maleness glue

When I was in high school, I was part of an academic competition called Science Olympiad. Yes, I was a nerd, big surprise – but Science Olympiad was a level of awesome that far surpassed your typical quiz team. A team of fifteen would send two or three individuals to compete in events, with formats like typical exams, building airplanes, creating Rube Goldberg devices, making your own robots, using forensics to solve a crime scene. No area of science was left on covered – we had everything from ecology to quantum physics. But there was one event that was mine, one event that every time I competed in it at Regionals or State, I would win the gold:

Birds and Bees.

Yes, there was an event on reproduction, with a focus on humans. This event was offered to not only the high school teams, but the middle school ones too – shockingly progressive for many states, especially Indiana. The first year I was assigned the event I was a freshmen, though because of the grade cut offs, freshmen competed on the middle school teams. I got stuck with Birds and Bees since I was one of the oldest students and had actually gone through sex ed, unlike many of the other kids.

At the time, I was embarrassed; though looking back, it’s what sparked my scientific interest in sex. It was an easy joke for everyone (“Going to go study, Jennifer? Did you find a tutor?”) and on top of that, I had a giant crush on our coach, making it all the more awkward asking him questions about sex. I worked extra hard to find answers on my own, but eventually I found a term on our official Science Olympiad study sheet that I just didn’t understand:

“Maleness glue.”

Eventually I gave up and approached my coach, probably blushing, and stammered out, “Mr. K, er, there’s this word I don’t know…can you tell me what it means?” I handed over the sheet of paper and pointed at the offending word. His smirk (he was most likely preparing to crack a joke) soon faded to a look of confusion.

“I have no idea.”

We ventured off to the computer lab to do some Googling. Apparently Indiana’s website blocking software wasn’t so hot eight years ago, because Mr. K yelled “GAH!” and quickly closed a window (Of course he wouldn’t tell me what it was, so being the curious scientist I was I looked it up when I went home, and it was gay porn). But regardless if safe search was on or off, we couldn’t find any useful information on maleness glue. It never appeared on one of the exams, but it became a running gag because of its mysterious nature. What the hell was maleness glue?

At the time, we had created various theories about the cryptic phrase. One male friend joked that it was just a euphemism for semen, but the event instructions were very scientific – no other euphemisms or slang were included. Another friend joked that it was the substance that made men gay (bound them together like glue). As much as I enjoy that theory, it’s also not exactly scientific – but if I ever discover the gay gene, it’s getting named mglu. The only real clue we had was that it was a process “involved in gonadal determination.”

Now I’m 22 years old and about to graduate with a biology degree, and I still don’t know what it means. I’ve asked two different college professors who taught human sexuality courses, and they’ve had no clue. At this point I’m fairly convinced there is no such thing as maleness glue, but there’s still the mystery of how it got on the event instructions to begin with. If you look at the same instructions for the event provided now, they have never been edited – they still contain the mysterious maleness glue. Was it a typo of an actually relevant sexual term? Was it just some disgruntled scientist, hoping to set a young student on a life long wild goose chase?

The world may never know.

Secret Diary of a Poor PhD Student…wait, Call Girl?

Some of you may be familiar with the blog Diary of a London Call Girl by Belle de Jour. The stories of a professional woman’s secret life as a high class prostitute won the Guardian’s Blog of the Year in 2003 and has spawned multiple books and a Showtime series, Secret Diary of a Call Girl. The author had been working behind a pseudonym, but has now outed herself as Dr. Brooke Magnanti.

Until last week, even her agent was unaware of her name. But now Magnanti, a respected specialist in developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology in a hospital research group in Bristol, has spoken of the time six years ago she worked as a £300 an hour prostitute working through a London escort agency. Magnanti turned to the agency in the final stages of her PhD thesis when she ran out of money. She was already an experienced science blogger and began writing about her experiences in a web diary later adapted into books and a television drama starring Billie Piper.

…

Magnanti said she was working on a doctoral study for the department of forensic pathology of Sheffield University in 2003 when she began her secret life. “I was getting ready to submit my thesis. I saved up a bit of money. I thought, I’ll just move to London, because that’s where the jobs are, and I’ll see what happens.

“I couldn’t find a professional job in my chosen field because I didn’t have my PhD yet. I didn’t have a lot of spare time on my hands because I was still making corrections and preparing for the viva and I got through my savings a lot faster than I thought I would.”

This fascinates me for a number of reasons. My initial reaction was how sadly underpaid PhD students can be, which I’m sure I’ll be experiencing first hand fairly soon. Not only is it hard to find a job during and after getting your doctorate, but the only decent paying job you can get is prostitution.

But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. It’s not a job I’d want, but I’m not going to judge those who choose that path. Magnanti stressed that she greatly enjoyed her job, though she was lucky in that she was a high class escort with a generally safer pool of customers. I’m personally in the camp that thinks prostitution should be legalized and regulated (background checks, STD testing, etc). We shouldn’t punish people for being naturally sexual beings (and really, is prostitution that much different than buying someone dinner or jewelry with the hopes of sex?), but we should try to protect sex workers from potentially dangerous situations.

While that’s my opinion, I know many disagree with me. I’m afraid what sort of bad press this may get for female scientists. I don’t think it deserves bad press – more power to her for enjoying what she did – but I know the slut-shamers are going to come out of the woodwork. Women in science already have to deal with being in the minority and dealing with all sorts of biases and stereotypes. I’m just waiting for someone to go, “See, brains don’t matter because she still had to resort to being a whore.”

What do you guys think?

(Via BoingBoing)

Replacement penis tissue grown in lab

Whenever I find an article that somehow combines my love for biology with my odd obsession with sex, I feel compelled to share it with all of you (aren’t you lucky?). Apparently researchers have grown replacement erectile tissue for rabbits using their own smooth muscle and endothelial cells. And this all wasn’t just for show, either:

Functional testing of the implanted tissue showed that vessel pressure within the erectile tissue was normal, that blood flowed smoothly through it, that the response to nitric oxide-induced relaxation was normal as early as one month after implantation, and that veins drained normally after erection.

Rabbits screwing like rabbits – a success!

Random thoughts:

Does this mean they removed the erectile tissue from the original rabbits? Poor bunny – but it was in the name of science!

How long until humans utilize this for people with severe erectile disfunction, or those that have been in some sort of accident?

How long until humans abuse this so you see late night infomercials telling you to inject smooth muscle cells into your penis for better erections?

Or most importantly, does this mean I am one step closer to my dream of a detachable penis*?!?!

(Via Boing Boing)

*This is an inside joke many of you are probably very glad that you don’t understand.