Oh noes, atheists are taking over teh internets!!11!one!!

I should probably just ignore Christian blogs that whine about Sotomayor’s racism and the homosexual agenda, but this struck me as both silly and intriguing. It’s a post titled “Bring Down the Atheists“:

“…why does it seem like the internet is being overrun by God-haters? Am I the only person who sees this? I like to get on various article sharing sites like Digg, Reddit, Stumbleupon, etc., and it seems like the stories that poorly reflect upon God are generally the highest rated on those networks. My article titled, “Hollywood’s Creation” was placed on Reddit by an atheist, and the person who posted it basically called me crazy. I got several hundred visitors in a few hours from Reddit, most of them atheists looking to see if I was as insane as advertised.

I could literally spend hours typing out the names of all the atheist forums and blogs that exist. And all of this had made begin to wonder; where are the Christians? This is especially puzzling when one considers that Christians make up nearly eighty percent of all Americans according to pewforum.org. Have Christians given up on the internet?”

Maybe between all the goatse and lolcats, they realized the internet is truly an abomination. Ahem, continuing on:

“If you can write, start a blog. If you can make Christian music, share it on a website. The nearly eighty percent of all Americans who are Christians need to let our voices be heard louder and clearer, and that’s the HardTruth.”

Ok, first things first. Does this guy seriously think Christians are somehow not having their voices heard? Really? He says it himself that Christians make up nearly 80% of the US population. Christianity has permeated our culture in every imaginable way: in our national motto, on our money, in our pledge, in public school graduation ceremonies, in laws and public policy, on our city hall and court room steps… attempting to infiltrate science classrooms, cluttering radio stations with gospel and christian rock channels, permeating our language and slang, filling up billboards down the highway, putting a church on every street corner, tacking little silver fish onto the back of a car, etc, etc, etc. If that’s not loud and clear enough, I think I’m going to be fucking deafened by the coming Christian Internet Revolution.

But I have to admit, he does raise an interesting point. Are atheists overrepresented on the internet? Being one of those technological atheists who follows Digg and reddit, reads numerous atheist blogs, and blogs about atheism, I’m not sure if I’m unbiased enough to comment. I’m obviously seeing a very atheist heavy side of the internet because I seek out those atheist-friendly communities. I’m sure there are a plethora of Christian sites out there, but I have no interest in going to them or interacting with their communities. But just as an extremely rough estimate, lets look at Google, shall we?

Christianity + Christian = 5,620,000,000
Atheism + Atheist = 18,620,000

They have us beaten by two orders of magnitude when it comes to search terms. And while atheists can be quite vociferous, I’m pretty sure all the hits for “Christianity” aren’t from whining heathens.

So have we infidels taken over the internet yet? Not quite. But I have to admit that Digg and reddit do intrigue me. If you’re not familiar with these news sharing sites (shaaaaaaaame), they are pretty atheist biased. Atheism and religion bashing articles are constantly making the front pages, getting many votes, and acquiring tons of comments. I’ve seen even the most liberal and kind of Christians get torn to shreds in comments, while atheistic comments get automatically upvoted. What gives? Why would news sharing sites foster atheist activity?

If I had to put forth a hypothesis, I’d guess that atheists thrive in the anonymity of the internet. So many people are afraid of coming out of the closet because of possible backlash, and even out atheists aren’t always vocal about their beliefs. We don’t get our fill of atheism in every day American culture (like Christians do in the above examples), many of us don’t have any local organizations, and I’m sure even some of us have no atheist friends. The internet is the perfect platform for finally getting stuff off of our chests and for meeting other people who share our beliefs. We can see atheist news that isn’t making it to mainstream newspapers, heathen comics that would never make the local funny page, religious criticism that you may be too afraid to speak of in real life for fear of physical harm… So I guess if this hypothesis is right, it really makes sense why atheists flock to Digg and reddit and blogs and forums. We’re part of a nation so dead set on labeling itself Christian, that instead we’ve become citizens of the internet.

And you know what? I’ll pick ASCII pedobear, mudkipz, and Leeeeeerrooooy Jeeeenkins over superstitious dogma any day.

Blogathon 2009

Hey everyone! I just wanted to make an announcement that I’m going to be participating in Blogathon 2009. Blogathon is a blogging marathon for charity. On Saturday, July 25th everyone participating will begin blogging at 9 AM Eastern time and make a new post approximately every half hour for 24 straight hours. We’re not allowed to store up entries for autoposting (no sneaky naps allowed!), which means my entries will most likely get more and more delightfully insane the longer I’ve been awake.

Why would I do such a thing? Well, for one, it seems pretty fun. But like I said, it’s for charity. And since one of my main topics here is atheism, I felt like the obvious choice for my charity was the Secular Student Alliance. SSA is an amazing organization that greatly helps atheist, humanist, freethinking, etc groups all across the US. They help groups get started, provide information on running clubs and event ideas, help fund projects like volunteering in needy areas, and send speakers to universities (and not to mention orchestrate PZ’s creation museum trip). I don’t think I need to explain to you guys why educating the public about atheism, especially students, is so important.

If you would like to sponsor me in my blogging adventure, just click here. You can either make a lump sum or donate hourly (though I don’t really see the point of paying hourly, since this isn’t one of those ‘How long can you blog?’ things…anyway). There’s no minimum donation required, so every little bit helps. Your donation will go straight to the SSA – it won’t pass through Blogathon or me. And you can keep it completely anonymous, though I’ll probably give a shout out to the people who donated at the end.

So, help me help out the SSA! Sponsor me and spread the word to your fellow freethinking friends. Not only does it go to a good cause, but you’ll get a (hopefully) entertaining day of blogging from me. Maybe if I get enough pledges, I’ll set up a webcam so you can watch me as I slowly enter the delirious world of sleep deprivation.

EDIT: Yes, you do have to sign up in order to donate. Yes, I know it’s annoying…and I apologize. I don’t make the rules. But it just takes two seconds…and if you really don’t want to, you can just donate to the SSA directly here.

EDIT: The website appears to be back up, but in case it’s not working again in the future, just try back later.

Apparently I’m in mortal peril

Sometimes my dad is a giant downer.

Tonight I came home for the weekend for his birthday, and I was excitedly telling my parents about the SSA conference in Columbus, OH and the trip to the Creation Museum. He didn’t know what it was, so I briefly explained it to him and laughed. He turned very serious and looked at my sternly.

Him: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You can get yourself killed. Think of all the crazies there.
Me: …Dad, that’s ridiculous.
Him: You’re my daughter, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
Me: …Dad, it’s a family museum where people take their small children to indoctrinate them, not the ghetto. And I’m going to be in a huge group of more than fifty people. And I know people who’ve gone alone or just with another friend and they were fine.
Him: Well that’s worse that you’re in a group. Who knows what they’ll do when they find out you’re coming. They’ll go after you.
Me: I’ve seen signs where they say “Welcome *Insert Atheist Group Name Here*.” They don’t care. They just want money and to convert people.
Him: There are still crazy people there and it’s a bad idea. When I was in the south in the 60s I didn’t go around sticking up for black people because there was always a guy with a shotgun outside waiting to blow your brains out.
Me: …

Ugh. I know I’m my dad’s little baby girl, but I’m getting sick of this. I get this sort of “don’t go and get yourself killed” lecture any time I ever bring up club stuff. My dad’s basically an atheist, so it’s not that he disagrees with our message – he just thinks I’m going to get murdered for saying I’m an atheist…which I find a little bit ridiculous. I mean, yes, we have discrimination, and I’m sure some people have suffered physical harm…but what are the odds? I’m not living in rural Alabama and waving a giant sign that says “There Is No God.” I’m not running around Iraq in a bikini going “ra ra atheists rule!” I live on a freaking college campus.

And you know what, so what? What if there was some minutely slim chance that someone’s going to beat me up, rape me, kill me? Is it better to sit down and shut up about something that’s extremely important to you because of the fear of being harmed? If anything that shows that people need to stand up and shout their atheism from the rooftops. If it weren’t for the brave people who did stand up for the rights of blacks, and did take the risk of getting hurt, and did actually get hurt, where would we be today? Where would gay rights be if people didn’t speak out and march and take the chance of being harmed by crazy bigots?

I don’t want to be a martyr. I don’t want physical harm or even the fear of being harmed. I don’t go out of my way to ruffle feathers, nor am I ever looking for a fight. If the atheist movement is going to need some big violent act against them in order to get national attention, I really hope it’s not me. But if I happen to be part of that generation that needs to speak up in order for future atheists to not be paranoid when wearing a scarlet A or a FSM necklace, then so be it.

The most annoying part? If I had a penis I probably wouldn’t be even getting this talk. And while I don’t want to go all EmoJournal on you, No Doubt’s Just a Girl pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hmph.

Apparently I'm in mortal peril

Sometimes my dad is a giant downer.

Tonight I came home for the weekend for his birthday, and I was excitedly telling my parents about the SSA conference in Columbus, OH and the trip to the Creation Museum. He didn’t know what it was, so I briefly explained it to him and laughed. He turned very serious and looked at my sternly.

Him: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You can get yourself killed. Think of all the crazies there.
Me: …Dad, that’s ridiculous.
Him: You’re my daughter, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
Me: …Dad, it’s a family museum where people take their small children to indoctrinate them, not the ghetto. And I’m going to be in a huge group of more than fifty people. And I know people who’ve gone alone or just with another friend and they were fine.
Him: Well that’s worse that you’re in a group. Who knows what they’ll do when they find out you’re coming. They’ll go after you.
Me: I’ve seen signs where they say “Welcome *Insert Atheist Group Name Here*.” They don’t care. They just want money and to convert people.
Him: There are still crazy people there and it’s a bad idea. When I was in the south in the 60s I didn’t go around sticking up for black people because there was always a guy with a shotgun outside waiting to blow your brains out.
Me: …

Ugh. I know I’m my dad’s little baby girl, but I’m getting sick of this. I get this sort of “don’t go and get yourself killed” lecture any time I ever bring up club stuff. My dad’s basically an atheist, so it’s not that he disagrees with our message – he just thinks I’m going to get murdered for saying I’m an atheist…which I find a little bit ridiculous. I mean, yes, we have discrimination, and I’m sure some people have suffered physical harm…but what are the odds? I’m not living in rural Alabama and waving a giant sign that says “There Is No God.” I’m not running around Iraq in a bikini going “ra ra atheists rule!” I live on a freaking college campus.

And you know what, so what? What if there was some minutely slim chance that someone’s going to beat me up, rape me, kill me? Is it better to sit down and shut up about something that’s extremely important to you because of the fear of being harmed? If anything that shows that people need to stand up and shout their atheism from the rooftops. If it weren’t for the brave people who did stand up for the rights of blacks, and did take the risk of getting hurt, and did actually get hurt, where would we be today? Where would gay rights be if people didn’t speak out and march and take the chance of being harmed by crazy bigots?

I don’t want to be a martyr. I don’t want physical harm or even the fear of being harmed. I don’t go out of my way to ruffle feathers, nor am I ever looking for a fight. If the atheist movement is going to need some big violent act against them in order to get national attention, I really hope it’s not me. But if I happen to be part of that generation that needs to speak up in order for future atheists to not be paranoid when wearing a scarlet A or a FSM necklace, then so be it.

The most annoying part? If I had a penis I probably wouldn’t be even getting this talk. And while I don’t want to go all EmoJournal on you, No Doubt’s Just a Girl pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hmph.

What’s in a name?

It’s mid July, which means it’s time for me to start thinking about club events for the fall semester. And as I’ve been brainstorming and figuring out what needs updating on the website, one thing keeps bugging me.

Our name.

Our student organization is officially the Society of Non-Theists. When I co-founded this club two years ago, the name seemed like a good idea. One, we thought “atheist” provoked a negative reaction from most people. Not just religious people, mind you – but secular people who didn’t want the consequences of labeling themselves an atheist. We figured by toning it down a bit we’d be able to slip under the radar – have events and start dialogs before people actually knew we were mostly a bunch of atheists. Pete Stark had just used the term non-theist, so we thought that was a good stand in. Two, the vagueness of “non-theist” allowed us to use it as an umbrella term. It wasn’t just a club for atheists, but for agnostics, humanists, or whoever else wanted to come.

But the more I think about it, the more I don’t like it for many reasons:

1. Non-theist really isn’t an umbrella term. The prefix “non” is effectively equivalent to “a”, so it’s just a silly way of saying atheist. The only reason it works as an umbrella term is because no one really knows what it means. Which leads to my second point…

2. No one really knows what non-theist means. We’ve slipped under the radar a little too much. I think a lot of students don’t discover our club because it doesn’t have “atheist” or “secular” right in the name. This is especially problematic on the student organization website Purdue has. There’s no way to search in the descriptions of clubs – just for words in the name (it’s an awful, stupid system). So if someone searches for atheist, nothing will come up. They’ll only find us if they happen to browse through the Special Interest category of clubs, which is another debate in our group. Do people look for atheist groups in the Religion category, or would an atheist never bother to click Religion?

3. My ideology has changed since I first formed the club, and now I think it’s wrong to shy away from the term “atheist.” There’s no reason to be ashamed of it, and people are going to keep treating it like a negative term if even us atheists won’t use it. If anything we need to have organizations that proudly call themselves atheist, so people can see us volunteering and holding insightful events and smiling and laughing and just being good, normal, human beings.

If I had a time machine, I would go back and rename the club something like Purdue Atheist, Agnostic, and Secular Students – PAASS. It’s inclusive and has an acronym you can actually use and say – unlike SNT. Hell, I have a hard enough time saying Society of Non-Theists without developing some kind of lisp. But the problem is I don’t have a time machine, and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to change the club name now. Granted, we’ve already been around for two years, but I don’t know if it’s worth the confusion to go around changing a name. There would certainly be people who would think we’re some different club, and then there’s the whole business of our website and email having non-theist in it. I guess those wouldn’t be too bad to change, but it would still be annoying.

So, am I over analyzing this? Is non-theist a fine word or should we have more atheist pride? I guess I should really be asking the club members rather than random internet people, but consider this more me talking out loud.

What's in a name?

It’s mid July, which means it’s time for me to start thinking about club events for the fall semester. And as I’ve been brainstorming and figuring out what needs updating on the website, one thing keeps bugging me.

Our name.

Our student organization is officially the Society of Non-Theists. When I co-founded this club two years ago, the name seemed like a good idea. One, we thought “atheist” provoked a negative reaction from most people. Not just religious people, mind you – but secular people who didn’t want the consequences of labeling themselves an atheist. We figured by toning it down a bit we’d be able to slip under the radar – have events and start dialogs before people actually knew we were mostly a bunch of atheists. Pete Stark had just used the term non-theist, so we thought that was a good stand in. Two, the vagueness of “non-theist” allowed us to use it as an umbrella term. It wasn’t just a club for atheists, but for agnostics, humanists, or whoever else wanted to come.

But the more I think about it, the more I don’t like it for many reasons:

1. Non-theist really isn’t an umbrella term. The prefix “non” is effectively equivalent to “a”, so it’s just a silly way of saying atheist. The only reason it works as an umbrella term is because no one really knows what it means. Which leads to my second point…

2. No one really knows what non-theist means. We’ve slipped under the radar a little too much. I think a lot of students don’t discover our club because it doesn’t have “atheist” or “secular” right in the name. This is especially problematic on the student organization website Purdue has. There’s no way to search in the descriptions of clubs – just for words in the name (it’s an awful, stupid system). So if someone searches for atheist, nothing will come up. They’ll only find us if they happen to browse through the Special Interest category of clubs, which is another debate in our group. Do people look for atheist groups in the Religion category, or would an atheist never bother to click Religion?

3. My ideology has changed since I first formed the club, and now I think it’s wrong to shy away from the term “atheist.” There’s no reason to be ashamed of it, and people are going to keep treating it like a negative term if even us atheists won’t use it. If anything we need to have organizations that proudly call themselves atheist, so people can see us volunteering and holding insightful events and smiling and laughing and just being good, normal, human beings.

If I had a time machine, I would go back and rename the club something like Purdue Atheist, Agnostic, and Secular Students – PAASS. It’s inclusive and has an acronym you can actually use and say – unlike SNT. Hell, I have a hard enough time saying Society of Non-Theists without developing some kind of lisp. But the problem is I don’t have a time machine, and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to change the club name now. Granted, we’ve already been around for two years, but I don’t know if it’s worth the confusion to go around changing a name. There would certainly be people who would think we’re some different club, and then there’s the whole business of our website and email having non-theist in it. I guess those wouldn’t be too bad to change, but it would still be annoying.

So, am I over analyzing this? Is non-theist a fine word or should we have more atheist pride? I guess I should really be asking the club members rather than random internet people, but consider this more me talking out loud.

How to Meet Atheist Women

Go check out Hemant’s post about how to meet, date, and woo atheist women. I helped contribute to it, so you know it has to be good.

Because I’m bored, let me comment some more!

#1: I think atheist clubs are the best place to meet other people. Unfortunately for me, I think I’ve sort of assumed the role as Untouchable Out of Your League President… which is really strange for me, because I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that way before. My friend assures me that we have a new class of atheist freshmen coming in, but that’s just creepy.

#2: I really hate admitting this, but I have an account at OKCupid. Wait, let me explain myself. I made the account 4 years ago back when the site was still The Spark, which was just for stupid personality quizzes and book summaries. During that time period it somehow morphed into a dating site without me noticing. Anyway, I fiddle with it occasionally now, but the vast majority of guys on there creep me out. I just don’t think internet dating is for me.

#4: Mmmmm House

#5: Oh boy, this is so true. Just because I’m an atheist chick doesn’t mean I want to sit around talking about books and philosophy all day. I do have other interests, ya know. And to be honest, I’m not a big atheist philosophy buff – my area of expertise is evolution. When people assume I know everything about every philosopher, my eyes start to glaze over and I feel kind of stupid.

#6: This was one of the points I suggested, though others probably did too. If I see a decent or cute looking guy reading an atheist book or wearing an atheist shirt, I’m going to approach him. I was once driving behind a smoking hot guy with a FSM emblem on his car, and I was so tempted to give him a love tap…er, I mean, rear end him…er, slightly bump his car with my car. But I didn’t, because I figured I wouldn’t get my sitcom like ending.

And that sounds really shallow, so I apologize. I don’t have this “I only date hot guys” rule. Most guys I’ve dated are your general geeky/nerdy types…which doesn’t mean they’re unattractive…er, I’m just going to stop since some of my exes read my blog. Regardless, I am a young human female, so seeing a hot guy reading an atheist book is going to motivate me a bit more to make the first move.

Hm…I don’t have any witty closing remarks. Look, a cute distraction!*runs away*

The Creation Museum trip just got better

My friend Mark pointed out to me that we’ll have some wonderful programming during our visit to the Creation Museum with PZ. Emphasis mine.

“The Ultimate Proof of Creation” with Dr. Jason Lisle

When: Fri, August 7, 12pm – 1pm
The Ultimate Proof of Creation There is a defense for creation that is powerful, conclusive, and has no true rebuttal. As such, it is an irrefutable argument—an “ultimate proof” of the Christian worldview. This presentation will equip you to engage an unbeliever, even a staunch atheist, using proven techniques. Read more about the accompanying book here: http://www.answersingenesis.org/PublicStore/product/Ultimate-Proof-of-Creation-The,6134,186.aspx

Dr. Jason Lisle did graduate work at the University of Colorado where he earned a Master’s degree and a Ph.D. in Astrophysics. He grew up in a Christian home, and because his family believed in the authority and accuracy of the Bible, he had little difficulty in dealing with the evolutionary bombardment he received in school. To learn more about Dr. Lisle please visit: http://www.answersingenesis.org/events/bio.aspx?Speaker_ID=40

This event is free with paid museum admission or Museum membership. Seating is first come first served.

Good luck, Dr. Lisle. You’ll have a room full of staunch atheists on which to test your hypothesis. This also sounds delightfully hilarious, but I’m not willing to pay four dollars for it:

“It’s Designed to Do What it Does Do Workshop” with Buddy Davis

When: Fri, August 7, 1:30pm – 2:30pm


Join Buddy Davis to explore God’s unique design of many different animals. He will show how God should be given the glory instead of time, matter, and chance. In this one hour workshop, you will have fun with several activities including sculpting a Tyrannosaurus Rex head from clay. You will also have the opportunity to sing-along with Buddy, including the ever popular “It’s Designed to Do What it Does Do.” Come learn how God has designed different creatures in unique ways to do what they should do.

Gifted by God in many ways, Buddy Davis is a sculptor, speaker, and singer/songwriter for Answers in Genesis. An adventurer and paleo-artist he leads very popular children’s workshops and plays many acoustic instruments. To learn more about Buddy please visit: http://www.answersingenesis.org/events/bio.aspx?Speaker_ID=5 Ticket cost is just $4 with museum admission; a discounted rate is available for Museum members. This workshop is sponsored by Cedarville University.

Note to self: Cedarville “University” promotes crackpot religious artists who seem to think sculpting dinosaurs is proof for creation.

Unfortunately we won’t be there long enough to see “Ape-Men: The Grand Illusion” and “The Hearing Ear and the Seeing Eye,” the latter having such probing questions as “Why don’t your ears see, and why can’t you hear with your fingers?” I guess now I’ll never know! Oh wait, I know what the answer is. God. Right.

Three more weeks until the trip. I can’t wait!

August will be amazing

It’s official! I’ll be attending the Secular Student Alliance conference in Columbus, OH from August 7th to the 9th and I’ll be joining PZ in his visit to the Creation Museum on that Friday. Wooo! I’m pretty sure this will be the most amazing trip to the Creation Museum ever, so I’m super excited. Totally going to get a photo of me riding a dinosaur and then sobbing in front of the evolution exhibits.

You don’t need to be a member or a student to go to the SSA conference or the Creation Museum trip. Midwestern people, you totally need to come. I mean, I’ll be there. …Well, okay, more importantly PZ and Hemant and Dan Barker will be there. I just like to think I’m that important.

If you can’t come, you should at least think about donating to the SSA. It’ll help counteract the money we’re giving Ken Ham.

Atheism & Dating

This is my response to Hemant’s call for atheists’ perspectives on dating religious people. It’s long and personal and rambling, so don’t feel required to read it if you don’t want to. I guess this is just a bit cathartic for me.

I’m still only 21, so I don’t exactly have a long list of guys that I’ve dated…but my list is long enough that it’s shaped my opinions on dating religious people. And what’s that opinion? Well, for me, I think it’s a bad idea. Now I clarify that this is for me only. I’m sure there are plenty of atheists out there who can get on completely happily with a religious significant other, but I don’t think I’m one of them.

I guess to fully understand my viewpoint you need to know a bit about my dating history and how in coincides with my thoughts on religion. My first boyfriend I dated for a year mostly when I was 16. At the time I pretty much considered myself agnostic, after recovering from a brief preoccupation with deism. He was (and still is) pretty apathetic about religion; while he’s not religious at all, he’s not going to go around being an atheist activist. That was fine at the time for me, because I still didn’t find my non belief a big deal. Now however, I think I’d prefer to be with someone who takes an active stance about atheism like I do – or at least supports what I do.

My next boyfriend when I was 17 was Wiccan, but not in a serious way at all. He never really talked about it, and now he’s an atheist too. Like I said, I wasn’t super serious about my non belief, so this wasn’t an issue for me. It was more important to me that he agreed about the silliness and corruption in mainstream organized religions like Christianity.

But by the time I was 18, I was getting a little desperate when it came to guys. I was depressed and having a lot of self esteem issues (what 18 year old girl isn’t?) and felt like I needed a guy in order to be happy, but at the same time thought that most guys were out of my league. I needed I nerdy guy like me, someone sort of shy that I could approach. That’s when I started dating another guy. He was another honors student in a bunch of my classes who I always thought was a funny guy. There was one major downside though, and I think this shows how desperate I was: he was a conservative Republican Lutheran.

At the time the Republican part bothered me more. Bush had just gotten reelected, so I was especially fuming about politics. But at the same time, that was one of the reasons I liked our relationship. We would debate politics and then make out, and that was pretty fun to me – especially after my last boyfriend, who drove me nuts for being “too nice” and never disagreeing with me (sorry, I was one of those girls!). I didn’t even think of religion being an issue. None of my friends were religious, whether by chance or the fact that we accidentally banded together. I didn’t really know anything about Christians or Christianity, so I thought dating a conservative Lutheran wouldn’t be a problem.

Yeah, I was wrong.

It wasn’t a problem for me, but it was a problem for him. I was pretty sure I was an atheist at this time, but I was still telling him I was agnostic to kind of soften the blow. I’d even start parroting my old deistic stuff to make him feel like I believed in something, even though I didn’t really believe in that any more. Whenever he took a religious stance on something I would usually back down as to not start an argument, or at worst give him an incredulous look.

But the longer we dated, the more arguments and problems started occurring. I wasn’t blameless here. I wanted to mess around – he was cute and making out just got me all worked up – but he wouldn’t ever go past heavy kissing. I probably annoyed the crap out of him with my wandering hands and persistence, and I kind of feel bad about not giving him his space. But at the same time that led us to arguments about morals and laws. It upset me that he occasionally drank alcohol while I had never even tasted it (yeah, I was a prude about drinking back then). To me it was more important to follow the laws of man that actually have repercussions than the laws about sex made by something I didn’t think existed. It scared me a bit when he said the laws of God were more important than the laws of man, and that since the Bible didn’t forbid him to drink, it was okay. But I dropped the issue because again, I wanted to keep the peace.

As we dated longer it became more awkward. I was invited to his brother’s wedding, and the religious parts of the ceremony upset me. They bashed it into the audience’s head that marriage was between a man and a woman, and that the woman must be submissive to the man. At the party they had Finnish ceremonies like the woman putting on an apron and jumping over a broom to signify her devotion to him as a homemaker. I remember turning to him and saying I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that, and he just scowled.

Despite all this I was still in love with the guy, though I was too nervous to say the L word yet. He was nice and funny and whenever we did stuff together it was great. It was fine for high school, but I knew it could never work on a serious level because of our differences. Still, we ended up attending the same university. It wasn’t planned, but we both got big scholarships there. When we were hanging out a couple days before school was going to start, he asked me if I would be willing to go to church with him. He told me it would mean a lot to if I tried it at least once and would help him since he didn’t know anyone here in his church yet. I then made the mistake of telling him yes, I’d go, because I loved him.

The next day he broke up with me. Why? “I want you to go to church because you believe it, not to make me happy.” He said he couldn’t see our relationship working because I needed to be the same faith as him. It didn’t make sense to me. Couldn’t I have become religious by trying church, wasn’t that his point? I’m pretty sure he was just planning on breaking up with me anyway and this gave him a convenient excuse, but it still made me feel like shit. I felt like being an atheist made me damaged goods, that no guy would want to settle for me. It didn’t matter that I had been good to him, that I helped him out when he needed it, that his family liked me – because I didn’t believe in God. And the scariest part is that I now realize far too many feel that way – that being a good person doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in God.

When a month later I met a guy who was an atheist, I almost immediately fell for him. I was so happy to find someone I could be myself around. I could have my little rants about religion, I could read the God Delusion without hiding it away, I could point out the silliness of superstitions without worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. Having such a big part of my life in common with another person not only made me happy, but also showed me how important it was to know other atheists are out there – which helped me to start the Society of Non-Theists here at Purdue.

A couple months later, when I was reading the God Delusion in the laundry room, a wide eyed girl with a necklace of the Virgin Mary around her neck approached me and asked what I was reading. When I explained, she asked very honestly, “But how will you find a man to marry?”

At first I was taken aback by the very fact that marriage should be the most important thing on my mind at age 18. But then I just replied, “There are a lot more atheists in America than you think. More than Jews and Muslims and Hindus combined. So since they can find husbands, I think I’ll be okay.”

And while she looked terrified at the thought of so many atheists, it made me very happy.

So can an atheist date a theist? Sure, depending on the atheist and theist. But could I? I don’t think so. I constantly felt like I had to hide my beliefs in order to avoid offending theirs, something I don’t really do with strangers, but would do with someone I love. I can’t have a healthy relationship where I’m muting a part of me I find so important. At the same time, the guilt and shame I felt about not being religious really hurt. Even if he wasn’t explicitly voicing his disdain, I could tell he wished I had the same beliefs as him. Even though he cared for me, there was that nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him I was going to hell. And all these feelings and thoughts were when I was much less of an activist. Now I think even a very liberal Christian or deist would bug me, since I would see their beliefs as irrational.

But would I automatically count a religious person out? No. I don’t want to pass up “The One” (which I don’t believe in) because of some prerequisite I have. But when I’m actively searching for a boyfriend, it’ll be among atheists and agnostics. It’s not necessary, but I know I’ll be happier.

…

Wow, that was way too long. I apologize. And you know, since I’m currently single, lonely, and can’t really find that cute smart atheist guy to date, maybe I shouldn’t be dispensing dating advice.