I’ve spent the last month trawling craigslist for a 2 bedroom apartment in Capitol Hill. Yes, my escape from the Apartment From Hell is nigh! While I haven’t found a replacement yet, I’ve learned a lot about what the various lingo on apartment ads really mean:
- “Cozy” = Tiny
- “Old world charm” = Ancient and falling apart
- “Homey” = Ugly, probably wood paneling
- “Basement” = I hope you’re under 6 foot tall and don’t have seasonal depression
- “Near the bustling…” = Noisy
- “Parking available on street” = Parking never available
- “Unbeatable prices” = First floor apartment that will get broken into / Next to a fire station / Someone was murdered here
- “Great location” = If you don’t leave the two block radius around your place
- “Near Capitol Hill” = A 20 minute bus ride from Capitol Hill
- “Beautiful” = Not in your price range
And if it seems perfect in every way…the landlord is probably crazy.
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I would also add that anything listed as “great for college students” or “close to [x] campus” should be avoided, unless you’re the kind of person who enjoys drunken shenanigans at all hours of the day and night.
My experience has generally been that landlords are just generally crazy… they vary in the form of their craziness, but they all are.
This reminds me of an XKCD recently. Have you checked if your school or grad society has an apartment listing? Might be less sketch.
I’ve been hunting for a studio or one bedroom on Capitol Hill to escape my freezing cold house. It’s an uphill battle.
I am apartment hunting now, it’s so true. I might also add: “No overnight guests/cohabitation”: Just don’t tell them you’re queer and you and your girlfriend are set.
Have you considered looking around in First Hill? It’s pretty close to Capitol Hill and there are tons of apartments. I walk to Broadway and Pine for school (SCCC) during the week and it only takes me about 10 minutes from my First Hill apt.
Depending on the city “downtown” and “hardwood floors” also equals out of your price range. Mine anyway.
“Natural Setting” — not for arachnophobes
“Convenient” = abutting a 4-lane highway.
Don’t forget”charming cottage” – tiny tiny house with fresh paint to make it look better”artsy” – painted with the weirdest and ugliest colors :)
Capitol Hill has very few apartment buildings. It’s almost all rowhouses. Why do you have your heart set on the Hill? There are lots of nice neighborhoods in DC with apartment buildings.
oops … not DC?
Haha, correct. Capitol Hill is a neighborhood in Seattle.
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Right there with you on apartment hunting. I’ve been haunting PadMapper over the last few days, ‘cuz student housing is the worst. Some additions to your list:”Quaint” – either it doesn’t have modern amenities (like a full size stove), or it’s teeny. Or both. “Vintage” – see “Old World Charm”, above.”Quiet” – so far from anything useful you’d better plan on driving everywhere.”Just __ minutes away from public transit” – We don’t mention that this is by car, and we won’t put the distance because you’ll realize that there’s no chance of walking there in any reasonable amount of time.Have fun with the searching, and good luck!
Do not get a first floor corner apartment unless you like having your shades always closed. Have known several women that learned that lesson the hard way in the neighborhood.
But would it really matter if somebody had been murdered there? That kinda sounds like some weird metaphysical essence thing we skeptics make fun of. :-)
A friend of a friend in DC got a great deal on an apartment because he was willing to clean up the crime scene of a murder that happened there
Perfect home = “please mail me money and I’ll send you a key”
Is that even legal? I wouldn’t think it’d be any of the landlord’s business.
I can’t believe the recommendation for support didn’t produce even one bra joke. O.o
Apparently it is, because I’ve seen many ads with “no cohabitation” specified. I was told my a realtor of dubious truthful character once that there’s something called a “Grandma’s law” in effect, meaning that if the person renting is renting a part of their own house, or a basement, or a guest house, rather than in a large apartment complex, they can set forth any arbitrary restrictions they wish, like not renting to gay people, or forbidding certain activities. Don’t know if it is true or not, but the evidence I’ve seen in rent listings seems to confirm it.
That’s definitely not true in Washington. You can specify gender if you’re looking for roommates, and that may apply to a basement apartment as well, but there’s definitely no discriminating on race, orientation, or even gender identity in Washington (I love this state). Other places I have no idea.The cohabitation thing I think is legal because they can require any adults living in the place to be on the lease and they can always refuse to lease to them. The “no overnight guests” seems sketchy to me.
There are now lots of “cozy” apartments that have “great locations.” Yeah, I agree to the lingo that you have listed.makati apartments
I’ve seen these terms used online and in newspaper ads, and I have to say they are spot on! breckenridge lodging
Hey Jen! I’ve been busy looking for a new apartment on “a href=”http://apartmentsincrystal.com”>this site and took a break to google some blogs referencing apartment hunting, came across yours, and had to thank you for the laughs! This is so true! I hope by now your search has ended with you finding the perfect place (and I truly hope that is how mine will end too!)! Thanks again for the mental break. :)