New Christian weight loss program

Have you guys heard the story about closet Muslims secretly sacrificing turkeys to Allah? Yeah, apparently if you’re a good, faithful Christian and you want to avoid “creeping Sharia,” you need to boycott most major brands of turkey this Thanksgiving.

Well, seems to me that this could be the basis for a great weight-loss program. I hereby bless all the food in all the stores, markets, restaurant, and refrigerators in America, in the name of Allah, Bismallah-ulRahman wal Rahim.

There, now all true believers can boycott eating entirely. Take that, demon Gluttony.

(Say, “creeping Shariah”—didn’t I used to go to school with her?)



  1. Pierce R. Butler says

    And here I thought you were about to recycle the old grade-school joke:

    Want to lose 15 pounds of ugly fat?

    Cut off your head!

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