Jan 21 2013

But I like Satan’s doorbell!

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Entertainment, Humor

Before you click “play”, you might want to read the lyrics. Definitely NSFW. But hilarious.

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58 comments

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1

dWhisper

21 January 2013 at 1:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

You’ve gotta love Garfunkel & Oates… given the leanings around here, I’d also suggest you look up “Save the Rich”
2

Reginald Selkirk

21 January 2013 at 1:25 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The lyric sheet was very useful, because the production values on that video are not so great.
3

The Mellow Monkey

21 January 2013 at 1:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I think Satan’s doorbell might be my new favorite euphemism.
4

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 1:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I’m rather attached to my, er, Satan’s doorbell too.
5

separatethread

21 January 2013 at 1:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I can never find it….
6

kevinalexander

21 January 2013 at 1:50 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Catchy tune. They should teach that one to the kids at Jesus Camp.
7

Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

21 January 2013 at 2:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I can never find it….

This claim has always mystified me.
8

Rip Steakface

21 January 2013 at 2:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

This is utterly OT, but I hope this will get some attention here.

Fox is claiming a new bill signed by Obama is a massacre of freeze peach rights. We could try Pharyngulating the like/dislike bar!
9

The Mellow Monkey

21 January 2013 at 2:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I can never find it….

This claim has always mystified me.

Me too. As someone who’s never had a lover who didn’t have their own clitoris…why is this such a common joke? Does anyone honestly have a hard time finding it? And what’s so funny about it?
10

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 2:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

separatethread:

I can never find it….

Take an anatomy class. Never go anywhere without an anatomy chart. Get your eyes checked. Don’t bother posting with such weak shit.
11

Ze Madmax

21 January 2013 at 2:34 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Mellow Monkey @ #9

And what’s so funny about it?

I think it may be an extension of the “women are complicated” strain of humor. So it’s funny in the same way “women, amirite guys?” is funny. Because apparently if it’s not male-like then it’s “complicated.” And that’s funny*!

–
*Most of the time, it’s not funny.
12

Josh, Official SpokesGay

21 January 2013 at 2:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jesus Christ, I’m a fag and I guarantee I could find it. It’s right there.
13

Josh, Official SpokesGay

21 January 2013 at 2:46 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

These women crack my shit up, consistently.
14

dysomniak, darwinian socialist

21 January 2013 at 3:00 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Kate is one of the people who inspired to buy a ukulele.
15

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 3:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Josh:

It’s right there.

Ayup. It’s not like it’s in a magical super-secret internal pouch.
16

mouthyb

21 January 2013 at 3:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The ‘clit mystery’ is also part of that whole, “I shouldn’t have to be concerned with her pleasure” thing. I mean, who has time to find the little bugger when you need to get off, amirite guys?
17

steve oberski

21 January 2013 at 3:14 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: “Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. Then I’ll blow you.” Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.

Bill Maher
18

The Mellow Monkey

21 January 2013 at 3:14 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

mouthyb:

I mean, who has time to find the little bugger when you need to get off, amirite guys?

It’s not like she’s there for anything other than getting him off. Just a hole for the pole, yaknowwhatImean?

ugh
19

Mike

21 January 2013 at 3:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Huge fan of these 2, trying to get my kids hooked.
20

mouthyb

21 January 2013 at 3:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The Mellow Monkey: Obviously, that’s her problem.

I learned a long time ago to take care of myself, because the other person didn’t care.
21

No One

21 January 2013 at 3:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

” I can’t find it.”

That’s because they are found on women you clown.
22

erikthebassist

21 January 2013 at 3:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The Mellow Monkey: Obviously, that’s her problem.

I learned a long time ago to take care of myself, because the other person didn’t care.

Do women find that a large portion of the men they’ve slept with show little interest in getting them off? I’ve always been of the opinion that I have more fun when my partner is enjoying themselves as much or more than I am.
23

cicely (No Description Available.)

21 January 2013 at 3:52 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Like.
24

Bjarni

21 January 2013 at 4:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I have much love for these two, everything they do is gold, GOLD!

Also, Satan’s doorbell isn’t hard to find, even if it does vary in size quite a bit from door to door, it’s always easy to find and worth the finding :)
25

atheist

21 January 2013 at 4:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Finding the clit is definitely easy. Knowing how exactly one needs to work the clit, and when, and how hard, and all the other things to do first… these are more advanced questions.
26

mouthyb

21 January 2013 at 4:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

erikthebassist: Yes, actually. We’re supposed to enjoy vaginal intercourse so much we don’t need to do anything else, including foreplay. Works for some people, but the treatment of that as the only possible sex and source of arousal is common in popular culture.

Hence the taking care of yourself.
27

dysomniak, darwinian socialist

21 January 2013 at 4:25 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Knowing how exactly one needs to work the clit, and when, and how hard, and all the other things to do first… these are more advanced questions.

If only there were someone in the room at the time with the relevant expertise you could ask… of course that would probably “break the mood.”
28

Julien Rousseau

21 January 2013 at 4:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I got someone to google “sex with ducks” at a christmas party last year. Their reaction: “I never thought I’d google something like that”.

Next time I ser them I’ll tell them to google “Fuck Me In The Ass Because I Love Jesus”.

Aside: First time I’ve seen a worthwhile video on Justicar’s channel. Not surprised that it’s actually someone else’s output.
29

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 4:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

atheist:

Knowing how exactly one needs to work the clit, and when, and how hard, and all the other things to do first… these are more advanced questions.

Yeah, wouldn’t want to do anything stupid, like ask the owner of the clitoris, amirite?

:eyeroll:
30

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 4:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Dysomniak, *jinx*
31

The Mellow Monkey

21 January 2013 at 4:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Finding the clit is definitely easy. Knowing how exactly one needs to work the clit, and when, and how hard, and all the other things to do first… these are more advanced questions.

“Hey clitoris owner, do you like this? What about this? Harder or softer? More direct or less? Any suggestions?”

Very advanced questions.
32

NelC

21 January 2013 at 4:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Getting my (theory-only) sexual education in the seventies and reading widely about the subject as was my wont, I got a strong impression that the existence of the clitoris wasn’t really widely known back in those dark times. There were women’s magazines with articles about how to find it, sex manuals diagrammed its position (badly, from what I remember) for confused couples, for the more adventurous there were workshops to teach women how to masturbate. And people not being able to find it was a joke that was going around.

In the UK at least it was difficult to publish photos to help those of us without a clue, and we had to make do with sketches that ranged from artistic to platonic symmetrical ideals, with the occasional badly reproduced, badly lit monochrome photo. I was quite shocked by the first wild labia I encountered. These days, as the web-comic Penny Arcade once pointed out, full colour photos of sexual organs are mere clicks away on the internets.

So yeah, it doesn’t make a lot of sense as a joke these days, unless you live in one of those benighted countries with poor sex education and strong social constraints against looking at pudenda on the internet.
33

Rev. BigDumbChimp

21 January 2013 at 4:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

this song’s alternate title:

I saddleback because Rick Warren likes me to.
34

jefrir

21 January 2013 at 4:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Erikthebassist,

Do women find that a large portion of the men they’ve slept with show little interest in getting them off?

It varies, a lot. I had an ex who was interested in getting me off – or at least, he was interested in being told he was getting me off and giving me lots of orgasms, because that fed his self image as a big studly manly man who was awesome at sex. Actually learning about what turned me on or what felt good, not so much. But then, he also had difficulty with such advanced concepts as “porn is not real life” and “bisexual =/= wants a threesome”.

Even well-meaning, less stupid guys can get caught up in social narratives that tell them that sex consists of putting a penis in a vagina and pounding away, and ignore all the many, many other things that make sex fun.
35

erikthebassist

21 January 2013 at 4:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

mouthyb, I thought it was common knowledge that most women enjoy clitoral stimulation much more than vaginal penetration, but maybe that’s just because I ask and listen, I dunno. I figured some guys were jerks about it but not most. Fits in with the whole patriarchal culture paradigm though.
36

Rev. BigDumbChimp

21 January 2013 at 4:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Hey clitoris owner, do you like this? What about this? Harder or softer? More direct or less? Any suggestions?”

Wait just a minute!

You mean those things are attached to…. people?!?!?
37

Rev. BigDumbChimp

21 January 2013 at 4:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

EVERYTHING I’ve learned

Out the window.
38

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 4:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jefrir:

Even well-meaning, less stupid guys can get caught up in social narratives that tell them that sex consists of putting a penis in a vagina and pounding away, and ignore all the many, many other things that make sex fun.

Oh so much word. There is nothing as boring as a pounder who pounds on and on and on, more to impress himself with his own prowess than anything else.
39

carlie

21 January 2013 at 4:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

If only there were someone in the room at the time with the relevant expertise you could ask… of course that would probably “break the mood.”

On a podcast I listened to yesterday, two guys were talking and one mused “Maybe if we could read women’s minds we could understand them..” and the other guy exclaimed “Have you tried “listening”?!?”
Yeah, that.
40

erikthebassist

21 January 2013 at 4:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

“Hey clitoris owner, do you like this? What about this? Harder or softer? More direct or less? Any suggestions?”

I can see where when I was much younger I would be embarrassed to ask questions like this, like you’re supposed to know and if you don’t you’re a fool, or inexperienced or whatever. At some point I realized I’m not a mind reader and if you want to know what your partner likes, you have to ask.
41

separatethread

21 January 2013 at 4:58 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Wow. I will admit the joke is a rather dated, in a “Take my wife please” kind of way, but I find those jokes are funny in an off-kilter, semi-ironic way, as long as they are contextually applicable. To those who didn’t find it funny, my apologies, but don’t forget to tip your waitress. To those who didn’t even know it was a joke, I feel thoroughly sorry for you.
Disclaimer: In order to sap this remark of any last iota of humor, let me say this- I know how to find a clitoris, thank you. I found your Mom’s just fine.
Get it?
42

erikthebassist

21 January 2013 at 5:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

@separatethread yeah we get it and it’s not funny, it’s juvenile and sexist. The whole premise behind “your mother” jokes is slut shaming and is exactly the kind of crap that doesn’t go over well here.

Are you new or just trolling? Can you explain why you would say something like that otherwise?
43

Julien Rousseau

21 January 2013 at 5:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Get it?

Splash Damage

Get it?
44

Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

21 January 2013 at 5:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I can see where when I was much younger I would be embarrassed to ask questions like this, like you’re supposed to know and if you don’t you’re a fool, or inexperienced or whatever. At some point I realized I’m not a mind reader and if you want to know what your partner likes, you have to ask.

Unfortunately, your partner doesn’t always know, or feeling comfortable talking about it. Especially if you’re young. :/

This does seem to be getting better on both sides. Maybe.
45

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 5:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I found your Mom’s just fine.
Get it?

Yeah, we get it. Now take your sexist act elsewhere. We don’t much care for assclams swimming in smegmarmalade.
46

Kagato

21 January 2013 at 6:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I was introduced to this duo when they appeared on Wil Wheaton’s TableTop show on Youtube. They played the zombie boardgame “Last Night on Earth“. I definitely need to track down more of their stuff.

I recommend TableTop, too (and pretty much everything else on Geek & Sundry).
47

Kagato

21 January 2013 at 6:25 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Re Rip Steakface’s OT @8:

HR 347 was signed in February last year, and the Youtube video is from March, so it’s hardly “new”.

Details from Snopes (emphasis mine):

In February 2012, the Federal Restricted Buildings and Grounds Improvement Act was passed in the Senate by unanimous consent and (as HR 347) approved by the House of Representatives by a lopsided vote of 399-3; the bill was then signed into law by President Obama. This bill was an updating of an existing law, originally enacted in 1971, that restricted access to areas around the president, vice president, or any others under the protection of the Secret Service.

HR 347 did not technically make it “illegal to protest anywhere the Secret Service is present,” as a law to that effect had already been in place for over forty years.

Opinions differ on how significant the changes are; see the article for details.
48

Bob Merlin

21 January 2013 at 6:50 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

They’ve brought on the Apoxalips!
They’re mockin’ god, the bible an jesus all in one song!
Keep up the good work girls!
49

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 6:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

There are *two* open threads here – take off topic there, please.
50

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 6:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Bob Merlin:

They’ve brought on the Apoxalips!

*Snortle*
51

michaelpowers

21 January 2013 at 7:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I liked this song, but I like sex with ducks better…wait…that didn’t come out right.
52

chigau (無味ない)

21 January 2013 at 7:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

separatethread
Some people who read here are quite young.
For their benefit, please explain:
-why not being able to find a clitoris is funny,
-why “Take my wife, please.” is funny,
-why finding my mother’s clitoris is funny.
53

No One

21 January 2013 at 8:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Chigau

They weren’t funny then, they ain’t funny now, an’ they won’t be funny in the future. It’s like a mobious strip of un-funny.
54

Caine, Fleur du mal +

21 January 2013 at 8:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Chigau, I don’t think separatethread has the requisite mentality to answer, so I’ll provide a cheat sheet of a one word answer: sexism.
55

No One

21 January 2013 at 8:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

…Mobius…
56

sunny12

21 January 2013 at 9:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Pictures of genitals may be easy to come across these days (pun not intended), but still, I’ve found that most people’s sex education is sadly lacking. I mean, the number of adults (including women) I’ve encountered who honestly believe that women pee out of their vaginas is…a bit disconcerting, to say the least.
57

bluentx

21 January 2013 at 10:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Brilliant! My new faviorite ‘band’!
Only thing is (pardon my French) darn it to heck I can’t share it with anyone on FB! Having grown up in Texas virtually ALL my friends (and ‘Friends’) are godbots. Almost every time I get on FB I contemplate de-friending or deleting my account. I get so frustrated/sick of the prayer requests and ‘God is so awsome’ posts!

My new my new mantra:
“I want out!*

* See nym.
58

bluentx

22 January 2013 at 12:24 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Yeah, I’m hooked… like a big bass…

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