The verdict has come down, and Jerry Sandusky has been convicted of 45 out of 48 counts of child abuse. He now faces life in prison at sentencing.
But he was just guilty of a poor career choice! Imagine, if he’d been a Catholic priest instead of a football coach, he’d simply be quietly relocated to a new venue, or paid $20,000 for his silence.
Seriously: I will slap you down hard if you dare to make prison rape jokes here. Don’t try it.