Sandusky Guilty… I Take Notes In Rhyme.

No, it’s not a talent, it’s a disease. After the jump, my observations on the Sandusky verdict. Yes, these are my actual notes while watching the CNN coverage, and yes, they are in rhymed verse. And yes, they are better than the vast majority of the mainstream coverage.

Sandusky is guilty, and now it appears
He’ll be going to prison for four hundred years.
The church should take notice; it’s possible, then,
For a man to be sent from Penn State to State Pen*
(Penn State is the one place you’ll find, if you search,
More revered in this state than the Catholic Church)
The crowds are excited; they’re cheering; it’s weird,
But it’s not the “not guilty” that so many feared.
It’s tragic for all; I won’t cheer with the crowd—
And of course, they’ll appeal, which of course is allowed.
The lawyers still argue; the jury has spoken;
The saga continues; more lives have been broken;
This should be an end, but of course it drags on,
The defense makes a case, but their spirit has gone,
The state is elated; the verdict is theirs;
A message to kids that society cares;
They thank all the victims who spoke up in court,
Who struggled with stigma, by every report,
But testified freely; who dared show their face,
Whose evidence clearly was key in this case…

Debate will continue, for days and for weeks,
There’s no resolution that everyone seeks;
But children are special; they must be protected,
By those we’ve appointed; by those we’ve elected;
And coaches, and bishops, and churches, and schools,
Are expected to lead, not to just follow rules.
These groups are respected; these people are trusted;
You violate this? Then expect to be busted.

The verdict is good; I would not have dissented…
But damn… how I wish it could all be prevented.

*credit where credit is due–kelsey lionel dahmer (@yokelsey) had this joke first, as far as I can tell.


  1. echidna says

    For a man to be sent from Penn State to State Pen*

    I didn’t think that there was anything about this saga that could make me smile. But I love puns.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    echidna, you *almost* make me wish I was the sort to take credit for other people’s jokes.

  3. Stevarious says

    (Penn State is the one place you’ll find, if you search,
    More revered in this state than the Catholic Church)

    Ain’t THAT the truth.

    I’m so sick of running into people around here (I live in PA) that amazingly feel compelled to defend that piece of crap because of where he worked.

  4. loreo says

    How in the hell is this funny, charming, humane, compassionate, and appropriate all at once?

    And in verse?


  5. Cuttlefish says


    I attended a conference once where I ended up taking three days’ worth of notes in limerick form. Once the madness comes on, there’s not much I can do.

  6. Cuttlefish says


    I’m getting Ron Paul, quiBids, and t-shirts–maybe it *should* concern you!

  7. SherryH says

    What a sad, sad situation all around. I’m glad for the guilty verdicts, and though I wasn’t on the jury, I think they’re the right verdicts. And of course Sandusky’s lawyers are already talking about how they didn’t have enough time to do this and they are going to appeal because of that and I am trying to remind myself that defense lawyers serve a necessary and valuable purpose… I hope the verdicts provide some measure of healing and comfort for the men those poor boys have grown into.

    You summed up the whole mess very well. And that last couplet – perfect.

  8. says

    Those constant rhymes in your head don’t make you a little bit crazy?? They can make me crazy, yet you hear them way more than I do. Or maybe that explains why you are the way you are… ;-)

  9. Cuttlefish says

    I don’t know whether they are cause or effect, Rebecca Rose, or unrelated. But it is funny–I’ll be driving along, and something will come to me in verse, I’ll work out an entire poem… and not be able to write it down, and forget it with the next shiny thing I see. Sometimes a line or two is recoverable later, but quite often not!

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