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Feb 24 2012

I…whut?

First thing you notice is the breakdancin’ Jesus, and then the eye moves to Catholic priests clapping politely, and then the brain shuts down. What is this alien event? Why…huh…ack…processor failure. Overload, overload, overload.

(via Movin’ Meat, appropriately titled for the image)

53 comments

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  1. 1
    Kevin

    That’s not Jesus. It’s a Jesus imposter.

    How do I know?

    No holes. Especially in his side. His guts should be hanging out. The better to fondle them with.

    (Hat tip: Ben Goren).

  2. 2
    holytape

    This isn’t Jesus break dancing. For dancing is a sin. The floors at the Vatican appear to be freshly waxed, and thus a little slippery. And who among us doesn’t enjoy a good prat fall?

    Fear and loathing in Damascus

  3. 3
    neilweightman

    Is it really safe to break dance on such a shiny floor? Maybe you’re OK if you’re magic and indestructible. Not sure that flimsy loincloth was a great choice given his company, though.

  4. 4
    Glen Davidson

    Should be break-dancing on water.

    Glen Davidson

  5. 5
    robro

    It’s ok, neilweightman, because he doesn’t have sex organs. As god, he doesn’t need them. To create another in his own image, he just piles up some mud and gives it a blow. Voila, C’est tout! C’est si bon!

  6. 6
    Herr Mann

    Sorry to go off-topic so early in the thread, but there’s a poll to pharyngulate.

    “Does God “clutter up” explanations of how the universe began?
    Yes, there is no place for religion in science (2,171 votes)
    No, a theory of creation is compatible with the Big Bang (5,985 votes)”

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9102740/Richard-Dawkins-I-cant-be-sure-God-does-not-exist.html

  7. 7
    space cadet

    Notice some of the priests don’t cast shadows? This is obviously depicting a story not included in the bible, titled “That One Time When Jesus Totally Destroyed Some Vampire Priests”. It’s widely known that vampires are mesmerized by breakdancing*.

    *not intended to be a factual statement

  8. 8
    robro

    Wait a minute. Somethings different around here. Is someone having fun with themes? I sense the force has changed color schemes…it’s all pastels and deep blue tabs.

  9. 9
    Inaji

    Glen:

    Should be break-dancing on water.

    +1

  10. 10
    Kevin

    Oh yeah, you can also tell he’s Imposter Jesus because he’s wearing tighty whities.

  11. 11
    Dick the Damned

    Jumpin’ Jeezus, it’s the second coming. You knew there’d be a lot of song & dance.

  12. 12
    Inaji

    robro:

    I sense the force has changed color schemes

    Yes and this latest blue is hideous and hard on the eyes. Blecch.

  13. 13
    Marcus Ranum

    Damn, Jesus sure is pale. Must be blood loss.

  14. 14
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.
    Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.

    Your one year older, one year wiser.
    Rock n’ Roll star king czar and a kaiser.
    A room full of friends, a mouth full of cake.
    Every present is for you and it feels pretty great.
    You’re the man of the hour, the V.I.P.
    You get the first slice of the p.i.e.
    But first blow out the candles and make a wish.
    Put a smile on cus it’s your birthday bitch!

    Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.
    Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.

  15. 15
    Aratina Cage

    Jesus? Or Liam Neeson?

    Since nobody really knows what Jesus looked like, I’m going with Neeson.

  16. 16
    'Tis Himself

    The guys in dresses are thinking that the guy in the loincloth is too old for their tastes.

  17. 17
    mcwaffle

    Argh, I logged in to make the exact joke as Janine @14. Congratulations… sigh…

  18. 18
    lipwig

    he ain’t breakdancin’ – he’s performing capoeira.
    but still, yeah, WTF

  19. 19
    dianne

    Jesus sure is pale. Must be blood loss.

    I don’t think so, since he looks kind of pink. Probably the effects of spending 2000 years in a tomb: very bad for your vit D level.

    I love the priests’ expression of polite interest but no enthusiasm. I’m sure that says something about the church and its relationship to its source text, but I’m not sure what.

  20. 20
    Louis

    Breakdancing Jesus…your argument is invalid.

    In Soviet Russia dance breaks Jesus.

    Jesus breakdances over 9000.

    I used to be a breakdancer like Jesus, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

    All your breakdance belong to Jesus.

    ______

    Yeah, that’s right, this has broken me so badly all I have are meaningless internet memes. This is more WTF than WTF.

    Louis

  21. 21
    rr

    Idiots – you’re not gonna get a lap dance unless you’re sitting down.

  22. 22
    Gregory Greenwood

    ‘Tis Himself, OM @ 16;

    The guys in dresses are thinking that the guy in the loincloth is too old for their tastes.

    Too true, too true…

    That said, has anyone else noticed that ‘Ole JC seems pretty athletic in this picture? It seems that he has inherited the same homoerotic demi-god super musculature that the ancient Greeks applied to Hercules, Perseus and the like.

    Apparently, wherever he has been for the last two millennia has a really good gym.

    Not that I am suggesting that the depiction of jeebus as a figure of worship with rock-hard abs should have any particlar sexual connotation put upon it. I mean, we all know that it is physically impossible for a catholic to be a closeted homosexual, right? Naturally, their homophobia comes straight from teh Lard, not from any kind of denial of their own desires based upon toxic self-loathing – like Ted Haggard, they are of course completely heterosexual

  23. 23
    David Utidjian

    Rasmus; The cardinals don’t need shadows, they have reflections. But note that Jesus has a shadow but no reflection, therefore he is a zombie or a vampire or something.

    The hair looks a bit strange. Is Jesus sporting a mullet hairpiece?

  24. 24
    frog

    I dunno, I kinda think this is high-quality Awesome. I like it much better than disco Jesus. Now we need snowboarding Jesus, skate-rat Jesus, and tagging Jesus with a can of spraypaint.

  25. 25
    hausdorff

    Why is there a space in the back. Was there another priest that left? Are they leaving room for the pope in case he comes by and wants to see?

  26. 26
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Probably the effects of spending 2000 years in a tomb

    Naked Mole Rate Jesus.

  27. 27
    dali70

    The old guys in drag aren’t clapping, they’re lubing up.

  28. 28
    Gregory Greenwood

    davidutidjian @ 23;

    The cardinals don’t need shadows, they have reflections. But note that Jesus has a shadow but no reflection, therefore he is a zombie or a vampire or something.

    As long as he doesn’t sparkle in direct sunlight…

  29. 29
    Ms. Daisy Cutter, General Manager for the Cleveland Steamers

    Rasmus:

    Notice some of the priests don’t cast shadows?

    They all cast shadows. The distinctness of the shadow depends on where they are in relation to the light source.

  30. 30
    dianne

    Is it just me or do the priests’ shadows look a lot like the “Anakin’s shadow is Darth Vader” picture used to advertise one of the Star Wars films? Especially the two on the right.

  31. 31
    frankb

    Jesus is in a spot of sunlight so he casts a shadow, but his reflection is washed out in the sunlight.

    The disciples were frequently amazed by their spiritual leader, so jesus found a way to amaze these cardinals in the 21st century. It’s a gift you know. Jesus may have done a lot of dancing when he was alive. I wouldn’t trust those old stuffshirts to write about it later.

  32. 32
    hamburger

    The title is “Jesus comes out of The Closet”….

  33. 33
    mikmik

    The Immaculate Conception:

    http://www.cosmosarson.com/index.php?/newworks/breakdancing-jesus/

  34. 34
    Rutee Katreya

    You guys’ weirdness meters are calibrated way too low.

  35. 35
    Forbidden Snowflake

    This picture is obviously fake. If it was real, Jesus Christ would be tap dancing.

  36. 36
    Therrin

    Jesus demonstrates Extreme Footwashing.

  37. 37
    carpenterman

    Who painted this?
    It reminds me of looking at a kitchen unchanged since the seventies. Orange formica, avocado green appliances, black-and-white checkered tile with mirrored back splashes. And I’m forced to realize: at some point, someone looked at this horror and said “Yeah… this looks GREAT! They’re gonna LOVE this!”
    And someone, sometime, actually did!

  38. 38
    myeck waters

    carpenterman, the link mikelaing posted at #33 seems to be the artist’s website.

  39. 39
    robro

    The gap in the center is where Jesus was standing before he took his turn. True to breakdancing fashion, each of the cardinals will strip off their albs and take a turn to show their stuff. (You don’t see any clothing on the floor for Jesus because he only wears the tighty whitey, if anything at all. Remember he doesn’t carry the stain of original sin.)

    Jesus is pale for a person of Semitic descent, at least on his mother’s side of the family. Perhaps that’s because God is a white guy…What am I saying!? Of course God is a white guy. Sorry, I know you’ll all forgive me.

    Also, he doesn’t get around much anymore since all that dying on the cross business. Plus, he spends most of his days in the prayer booth. Takes a lot of time to answer all those incoming requests.

    Most of the cardinals seem to be enjoying themselves except the one to the left of that gap. Maybe he’s down with Jesus’s moves or he’s concentrating on his own moves because he’s next.

  40. 40
    DLC

    Cardinals, you been Served!

  41. 41
    John Morales

    holytape,

    This isn’t Jesus break dancing.

    For sure, it looks like his coccyx is in for a world of hurt.

  42. 42
    erichoug

    Yet another thing PZ shows me that I would like to get on a T-shirt. Sigh!

  43. 43
    Sili

    I see those cardinals didn’t read the story of Didymos Thomas too closely.

    You’re not supposed to ask for signs. “Blessed are they that have not seen, and yet believe that Jesus is the awesomest breakdancer.”

  44. 44
    happy heyoka

    holytape:

    The floors at the Vatican appear to be freshly waxed

    that’s ok – so are the priests.

  45. 45
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Put a smile on cus it’s your birthday bitch!

    Janine, we don’t approve of gendered insults on this blog. ;/

  46. 46
    llewelly

    The Catholic Jesus is emaciated, wasted, a waif about to blow away in the wind.

    That Jesus, with all those muscles, is inescapably Mormon Jesus The Strong and Muscular Jesus.

  47. 47
    llewelly

    Do not miss the riots gallery, by the same artist:
    http://www.cosmosarson.com/index.php?/newworks/riots/

  48. 48
    McCthulhu, now with -25% less fat.

    This is obviously fake since breakdancing HaySeuss would be leveling buildings, what with being 2000 feet tall and everything. The National Enquirer knows all about these things.

  49. 49
    Don Quijote

    VATICAN NEWS

    Jesus slips on Catholic bullshit. Sues Ratzinger.

  50. 50
    BaldySlaphead

    Breakdancing? He’s clearly unleasing an air biscuit.

  51. 51
    Ava, Oporornis maledetta

    And here I thought it was Jesus TAPdancing Christ.

  52. 52
    Ichthyic

    Is it just me, or does this Jesus look really ripped?

    I mean… look at that washboard…

    Maybe he was really trying to show those lazy-ass priests how to stay in shape? They do look rather pudgy for the most part.

  53. 53
    Ben Schuldt

    I thought the absurdity of this image would be all the more striking in 3 dimensions, so I converted it. Enjoy! http://doublewoe7.deviantart.com/art/3D-Breakdancing-Jesus-287368600

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