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Dec 22 2011

The GOP’s Bright Shining Light Of Freedom

God bless the GOP.

I hope you know me well enough to read that with the appropriate ironic tone. The GOP have allowed me my first chance to repeat a post written originally by me, not on the old blog but on this one! The “Gilding Our Past” party, faced with the effects of G.W. Bush’s energy-efficiency law, have decided that before they do anything about …well, anything… they are gonna save the 100-watt incandescent light bulb. For freedom. (more, after the jump:)

Mind you, the lighting industry doesn’t want them to save it. The planet doesn’t need them to save it (they are terribly inefficient). In the long run, saving it will cost consumers more than getting rid of it. So who in their right mind would want to save it?

(What? I’ve assumed too much?)

By spinning this into “Big Gubmint wants to limit your freedom!”, enough Republican congressweasels want to save it, that the new budget bill was threatened, and now contains a rider aimed at preserving our right to slowly kill ourselves use whatever god-given lightbulb we freely choose! I honestly thought it was only Michele Bachmann; I had no idea there were enough idiots in the House to push this through!

Anyway… For all of them, I remind you…

Grab your pitchforks! Grab your torches!
Cos it’s time to join the fight!
Take up arms against Big Government;
They want to take your right
To illuminate your castle
With an incandescent light—
All-American—designed by Thomas Edison!

We should act as burning beacons
Blazing bravely through the night
Never hid beneath a bushel
But held proudly, shining bright!
So the world can see our power
And can tremble at our might—
It’s our duty to refuse to take our medicine!

So we’ll rally ‘round the bulb, then,
We’ll rally ‘round the bulb
The incandescent symbol of our freedom
Watt for watt, they’re not as bright;
They produce more heat than light
They’re just like us—and that is why we need ‘em!

It’s not just about a light bulb
No, it represents much more
It’s a symbol of our freedom
And it’s why we went to war!
Cos the right to use more energy
Is what we’re fighting for—
This is principled and righteous, not a rant

So we’ll hoard them while they’re legal
Yes, we’ll empty out the store
When electric rates start climbing
We can blame it on Al Gore
We’ll pretend this is an issue
That affects us to our core
But it’s mostly cos Obama says we can’t

So we’ll rally ‘round the bulb, then,
We’ll rally ‘round the bulb
We never will give up our incandescents!
Though it’s such a small demand
We’ll choose here to make our stand
The battle plan of whining adolescents!

Yes we’ll rally ‘round the bulb, then,
We’ll rally ‘round the bulb
The incandescent symbol of our freedom
Watt for watt, they’re not as bright;
They produce more heat than light
They’re just like us—and that is why we need ‘em!

6 comments

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  1. 1
    rikitiki

    Michele Bachmann: a shining example of a ‘dim bulb’.

  2. 2
    F [is for failure to emerge]

    A thousand points of light. (Well, no point at all, really.)

  3. 3
    'Tis Himself

    But it’s all about freedom and liberty and freedom fries and like that there. You should be allowed to be as wasteful as you want. Nobody should tell you that you should save money and resources. Won’t somebody think of the wastrels?

  4. 4
    gregpeters

    Please, people – let us *think* before we scrap the 100W bulb. After all, those of us with Kenner Easy-Bake Ovens(r) will be TOTALLY screwed if that happens. I, for one, refuse to even consider NOT having to eat a disgusting, semi-congealed, brownish, “chocolate”, apparently cake-ish substance with my offspring.
    Thank you.

  5. 5
    F [is for failure to emerge]

    gregpeters

    Seize the opportunity: 100W heat lamps for toy ovens. Take the market now.

  6. 6
    rob

    they can take away our lightbulbs, but they can never take away our freedom.

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