Once there was an accidental Christian
Who had never read the bible—not a word!
She never knew that Jesus died to save us
Though it’s not her fault; she simply hadn’t heard!
Her beliefs, of course, were just coincidental
Cos she’d never heard a sermon or a prayer
So her strange belief in transubstantiation
Was devout, though she herself was unaware.
She believed in god the father, son, and spirit
She believed we fell from Eden, cloaked in shame
She believed that Jesus’ sacrifice redeems us…
Though she never knew, believed it just the same
Now the Catholic League is searching for this woman
Who is Christian, though she truly doesn’t know
Cos they’re looking to adopt her as their daughter
So her accidental faithfulness can grow.
Incredible stupidity, after the jump:
See, now, this is exactly the sort of thing I was complaining about here–when people misuse religious logic to speak of a lack of belief. Bill Donohue’s Catholic League chooses to define atheism in terms of strong atheism, which allows them to speak of “non-believers” as a fairly substantial group, but “atheists” as a tiny fraction of that group. That logic, though, does allow for the possibility that someone absolutely fits the definition of an atheist in the privative sense, but (since they do not self-identify as one) not realize that the definition fits them.
Donohue flips this logic around and applies it to Christians as well–if it’s possible to be an atheist and not know it, surely it must be possible to be Christian and not know it:
Today we are launching our “Adopt An Atheist” campaign, the predicate of which is, “We want atheists to realize that there may be Christians in their community, even if those Christians don’t even know they are Christian.”
Here’s what our campaign entails. We are asking everyone to contact the American Atheist affiliate in his area [click here], letting them know of your interest in “adopting” one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.
If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.”
Because it makes perfect sense that someone believe in Jesus without knowing that they do… or believe in the trinity, or literal transubstantiation, or original sin.
And yes, I know it’s intended mostly as a jab at David Silverman and American Atheists, but it’s a jab made possible by a bad definition. Bah, humbug.