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Nov 21 2011

An Atheist Christmas Card

A few years ago, I got a really sappy christmas card from the mail carrier. Its true purpose, of course, was to provide an easy way for us to deliver him a Christmas tip. Tis the season, after all. But it started me thinking–how hard can this card-writing business be? Anyway, this one is a two-parter; the outside of the card is just below, and the inside of the card is below the jump:

[front]
As we battle our way through the line at the store
And think to ourselves “there has got to be more”
And wonder where “Christmas of long ago” went,
When the meaning of Christmas was what it first meant…


[inside]

It was stolen by Christians from heathens, of course—
From Greeks and from Romans, from Celtics and Norse—
Why, Christmas is pagan, from yule-log to tree
To mistletoe waiting for you and for me

The meaning of Christmas—the good stuff, at least—
The ornaments, stockings, and “rare Who roast beast”
Has nothing to do with a Son of God’s birth
But rather the changing of seasons on Earth

The nights now grow shorter, the days will grow longer,
The rays of the sun (and our spirits) grow stronger!
So celebrate Solstice, rejoice in the season,
And love one another whatever the reason!

Related posts: An Atheist’s Christmas, ‘Tis The Season and The War Against Christmas Comes Early.

21 comments

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  1. 1
    Daniel Fincke

    Well done!

  2. 2
    Badland, delurking for a bit

    I would buy many of these

  3. 3
    Wren, a Tru Hoppist

    Can I write this in my Happy Monkey cards I bought?

  4. 4
    Lorence Sing

    This will be shared!
    Kudos, DC!

  5. 5
    Cuttlefish

    Wren–Certainly, if you like, but it might be tough writing the first part over the printed card!

  6. 6
    RisingApe

    Bravo! I have a pagan friend who will especially enjoy this.

  7. 7
    Sheila

    Love it! You should make up some cards and sell these.

  8. 8
    Wren, a Tru Hoppist

    Cuttlefish,

    I’ll just put all of it inside, although your plan is better.

    Cheers!

  9. 9
    Epinephrine

    Definitely one of my favourites.

  10. 10
    cathrynsmith

    Well done! :D

  11. 11
    lafranceprofonde

    Fantastic! Congratulations and I shall certainly use it.

  12. 12
    HP

    how hard can this card-writing business be?

    He sat and he stared at the stack of rejections,
    From Hallmark, American Greetings, and more.
    “My rhymes and my scansion, my subtle inflections!
    “Yet none of my verses on sale in a store.”

    His bills went unpaid, and with grave irritation,
    He tried to fight back, but he wanted to hide.
    Until he was struck by a great inspiration:
    He’d purchase the copyright for “Blank Inside”!

  13. 13
    rob

    heathen!

    :)

  14. 14
    Spanish Inquisitor

    My favorite commercial Christmas card:

    [Front: below a picture of a wriggling little sperm]

    If life begins at conception…

    [Inside]

    …then why do we celebrate Christmas in December?

  15. 15
    ingridscott

    Right on! If you had such a card, I’d definitely buy some. Since mimicry is a sincere form of flattery, I’d like to “mimic” this in holiday correspondence to some like-minded friends, with your permission.

  16. 16
    annaoconnell

    I am *so* using that in my holiday cards. With attribution of course. :-)

  17. 17
    kennypo65

    That is just wonderful. I’m sharing this with all of my friends and family. Thank you, and merry Xmas.

  18. 18
    SallyStrange

    My favorite commercial Christmas card:

    [Front: below a picture of a wriggling little sperm]

    If life begins at conception…

    [Inside]

    …then why do we celebrate Christmas in December?

    So, are you saying that Yahweh has sperm?

  19. 19
    Dorothy

    Pretty please, may I use this one instead? Personal cards only. I have recently moved, and I can’t find my quilling tool. I am stuck with Glurge grade Tole work.

  20. 20
    mikmik

    LMAO, HP!

  21. 21
    Cuttlefish

    Of course, Dorothy!

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