Somebody would have had to pay for the sin of causing me to ruin my laptop screen had I not narrowly managed to refrain from spitting my coffee all over it when I saw this!
Oobsays
Marcus, I thought he died because some people killed him (assuming there’s any reality to the story at all and such a person ever actually existed). What’s this about being “weak and stupid”?
I thought he died because some people killed him (assuming there’s any reality to the story at all and such a person ever actually existed). What’s this about being “weak and stupid”?
He was weak enough that they were able to kill him, and stupid enough to get into a conflict he couldn’t win. Ergo, weak and stupid. Which is surprising for a divine being – so they had to make up this great big story to explain how their god-man got smacked down by something as measly as the Roman Empire. I mean, fuck, anyone could have done that. That’s easy. “HEY look at ME! I managed to get CRUCIFIED BY THE ROMANS!” Gosh. How creative and original.
Wowbagger, Designated Snarkersays
I’ve never had a Christian be able to explain to me the point of Jesus and his ‘death’ – which of course wasn’t death anyway; it was a temporary inconvenience before he went on to an eternity in paradise – because there’s no reason why their god couldn’t have just forgiven them their sins without anyone having to be nailed to anything (as Douglas Adams put it).
A minor tweak to the story – say having Jesus actually dying and taking our collective places in hell for eternity? That would have been somewhat compelling.
lenisays
@ martincohen
If he died for my sins, what am I to die for?
You can have mine. Expect lung, liver, and possibly breast cancer. Also I don’t really eat enough fiber or calcium so keep an eye out for colon cancer and osteoporosis. And apparently I have high cholesterol so there’s that.
Thanks man!
Stacysays
Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine. –Patti Smith
Stacysays
I’ve never had a Christian be able to explain to me the point of Jesus and his ‘death’ – which of course wasn’t death anyway; it was a temporary inconvenience before he went on to an eternity in paradise – because there’s no reason why their god couldn’t have just forgiven them their sins without anyone having to be nailed to anything (as Douglas Adams put it)
The fundies tell me something had to die, because God needed a blood sacrifice. Remember how he always used to demand the sacrifice of unblemished bulls and lambs and suchlike? Well, innocent Jebus was the Ultimate Sacrifice, and after that we didn’t need to kill livestock to appease the Big Guy any more.
Ask why Yahweh set things up that way, when he could have arranged for a less brutal way for people to get forgiveness for their sins, and you’ll get “Because, that’s why. He’s God, he must know best. Lalala I can’t HEAR you.”
Markita Lynda—threadruptsays
It was a form of magic that was well understood in those days: the village shaman or priest magically transferred all the bad luck and guilt from breaking taboos to a goat, which was then driven out of town or killed, taking away the bad juju and avoiding divine punishment for the community. Goats were used because they were less useful than sheep, which gave not only meat and milk but large quantities of wool as well (hence, separating the sheep from the goats). So Jesus was a diving scapegoat.
Markita Lynda—threadruptsays
Sorry, that should be “divine scapegoat.” I don’t know what’s wrong with my typing today!
jagwiredsays
You never have to apologize for calling Jesus a diving scapegoat.
I’m reminded of the old spoonerism in which the Lord is a shoving leopard…
sawellssays
Jesus died because the author of the story said so, then came back likewise.
So did Gandalf.
Amphigoreysays
I really hope Grumpy Cat’s popularity as a meme doesn’t result in more people trying to breed cats who look like her. She has severe facial deformities, which is common in Snowshoe cats.
I thought he died because he was weak and stupid and didn’t pick his enemies very well. What’s this about sins?
He died so that he could return to eternal life wielding great power. Just like every other lich.
Heh heh. I love Grumpy Cat.
If he died for my sins, what am I to die for?
Somebody would have had to pay for the sin of causing me to ruin my laptop screen had I not narrowly managed to refrain from spitting my coffee all over it when I saw this!
Marcus, I thought he died because some people killed him (assuming there’s any reality to the story at all and such a person ever actually existed). What’s this about being “weak and stupid”?
I thought he died because some people killed him (assuming there’s any reality to the story at all and such a person ever actually existed). What’s this about being “weak and stupid”?
He was weak enough that they were able to kill him, and stupid enough to get into a conflict he couldn’t win. Ergo, weak and stupid. Which is surprising for a divine being – so they had to make up this great big story to explain how their god-man got smacked down by something as measly as the Roman Empire. I mean, fuck, anyone could have done that. That’s easy. “HEY look at ME! I managed to get CRUCIFIED BY THE ROMANS!” Gosh. How creative and original.
I’ve never had a Christian be able to explain to me the point of Jesus and his ‘death’ – which of course wasn’t death anyway; it was a temporary inconvenience before he went on to an eternity in paradise – because there’s no reason why their god couldn’t have just forgiven them their sins without anyone having to be nailed to anything (as Douglas Adams put it).
A minor tweak to the story – say having Jesus actually dying and taking our collective places in hell for eternity? That would have been somewhat compelling.
@ martincohen
You can have mine. Expect lung, liver, and possibly breast cancer. Also I don’t really eat enough fiber or calcium so keep an eye out for colon cancer and osteoporosis. And apparently I have high cholesterol so there’s that.
Thanks man!
Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine. –Patti Smith
The fundies tell me something had to die, because God needed a blood sacrifice. Remember how he always used to demand the sacrifice of unblemished bulls and lambs and suchlike? Well, innocent Jebus was the Ultimate Sacrifice, and after that we didn’t need to kill livestock to appease the Big Guy any more.
Ask why Yahweh set things up that way, when he could have arranged for a less brutal way for people to get forgiveness for their sins, and you’ll get “Because, that’s why. He’s God, he must know best. Lalala I can’t HEAR you.”
It was a form of magic that was well understood in those days: the village shaman or priest magically transferred all the bad luck and guilt from breaking taboos to a goat, which was then driven out of town or killed, taking away the bad juju and avoiding divine punishment for the community. Goats were used because they were less useful than sheep, which gave not only meat and milk but large quantities of wool as well (hence, separating the sheep from the goats). So Jesus was a diving scapegoat.
Sorry, that should be “divine scapegoat.” I don’t know what’s wrong with my typing today!
You never have to apologize for calling Jesus a diving scapegoat.
I’m reminded of the old spoonerism in which the Lord is a shoving leopard…
Jesus died because the author of the story said so, then came back likewise.
So did Gandalf.
I really hope Grumpy Cat’s popularity as a meme doesn’t result in more people trying to breed cats who look like her. She has severe facial deformities, which is common in Snowshoe cats.