May 26 2010

This event is giving me good vibrations

A public service announcement for anyone interested in a wacky celebration that’s coming soon. May is National Masturbation Month, and Sunday is the 10th Annual Masturbate-A-Thon. Nope, I’m not jerking you around! You can get more information on how to lend a hand at either of those websites, though they may be mildly NSFW.

This event might rub some the wrong way – the idea alone could probably give some people a stroke. But I have to give them a hand for such a creative idea!


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  1. 1

    …#I ah…cold shower. *slinks off*

  2. 2


  3. 3

    Might prove to be a bit of a handful.

  4. 4

    Come, now. Don’t overdo the puns.

  5. 5

    Oh, and incidentally, someone should let the folks know that their site has a slight positioning problem towards the bottom of their pages that causes their text to scroll out of the box it belongs in, and certain images to display in the wrong place. Also, cold showers aside, I support this event in the spirit of increased sexual awareness throughout the world, and a better understanding of safe sex practices for everyone.

  6. 6

    Would that make May 10th Palm sunday?

  7. 7

    June 12 here in Portland

  8. 8

    I hate to inform you, but this is just another corporate holiday, much Secretary’s day, Valentine’s day, and Canada Day, created by Hallmark, Hershey’s and a little know tribe of Sasquatches respectively. Don’t fall for this commercial monstrosity created by the evil Anglo-Dutch company Unilever.

  9. 9

    Masturbate-a-thon? That just sounds…kinda awesome but kinda…I dunno, thons sound like they go for a long time.

  10. 10

    I WISH hallmark made cards for this. How great would it be if you got a card for this. I would hope that it’d be sticky. The look on the face of the recipient would be PRICELESS!

  11. 11

    …This is easily the worst pun I have ever heard. I can die peacefully now, knowing that I have lived long enough to hear such a groanworthy pun.

  12. 12

    I face-palmed like five times reading that post.Sounds…interesting?

  13. 13

    You could make a request to David Ellis Dickerson (http://www.youtube.com/user/gr…. He has cards for nearly every occasion imaginable. :-)

  14. 14

    Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook, I’m good now. I’ll read this again in an hour.

  15. 15
    Joé McKen

    And that’s bad how?

  16. 16
    Joé McKen

    You used “give a hand” twice. Learn to variate your puns more, or else it comes out sounding all wanky.Ha.

  17. 17

    I’m glad you finally reached a climax with the puns. That was a long time in coming.

  18. 18
    Ruby Leigh

    nice use of innuendo

  19. 19

    She bop, he bop, a we bopI bop, you bop, a they bopBe bop, be bop a lu, she bop

  20. 20

    I’m afraid I’ve been growing too old, but I’ll try to rise for the occasion.

  21. 21
    Andrew Hall

    I don’t need to masturbate, I’m married and get sex whenever I want it.http://laughinginpurgatory.blo

  22. 22

    One does what one can. :)

  23. 23

    എന്റമ്മോ.. ജനിക്കുന്ണേല്‍ അമേരിക്കേല്‍ തന്നെ വേണം..നല്ല ആള്‍ക്കാര്‍..

  24. 24

    I am having difficulty getting a firm grasp on what this event is about.

  25. 25
    cognitive dissident

    As an atheist, I have to confess that most holiday rituals seem rather esoteric…they just don’t touch me on a personal level. This seems like the perfect antidote: a holiday that can leave everyone with a warm, happy feeling deep inside…

  26. 26
    Mr Topp

    Wait … are you trying to pun us to death?I bet you get off on that kind of thing.

  27. 27
    Peter Madsen

    But… but… but! May’s almost over! We’ve missed twenty-five days worth of festivities!

  28. 28

    the puns…! the horrible horrible puns…! they’re killing me!:-p

  29. 29

    Wait, it’s been Masturbation Month all this time? I’m having a hard time just getting a grip on that.

  30. 30
    Chris, Floridian Atheist

    I hope you washed that hand first.

  31. 31

    I believe I am coming to an understanding.

  32. 32
    Eric Dutton

    Nah. A masturbate-a-thon wouldn’t be that difficult. I could single-handedly pull one off.

  33. 33
    Eric Dutton


  34. 34
    Eric Dutton

    I love it; this holiday’s got some spunk!

  35. 35
    Eric Dutton

    I’m sure those cards would be deeply touching.

  36. 36

    this is a gripping event, but I fear that it’ll turn out to be a heavy load for the average participant. The Jerks behind it deserve a good spanking.

  37. 37

    Ho hum, just another day at the orifice.

  38. 38


  39. 39

    Speak for yourself.

  40. 40

    That was puntastic!

  41. 41

    I don’t expect that there’ll be a whole lot of photos of this particular event.

  42. 42

    I’ll be in my bunk

  43. 43

    I usually take my self-gratification activities too seriously to make silly jokes about it — but I suppose I could toss one off . . . .(btw I am typing with both hands right now . . . .)

  44. 44

    We got the Cindy Lauper reference, but I’m a little surprised we’re 43 comments in and no Billy Idol!Oh, when there’s no one else in sightIn the crowded, lonely nightWell, I wait so long for my love vibrationAnd I’m dancing with myself

  45. 45
    Rawr! A Bear!

    Married != guaranteed sex. .__.

  46. 46

    I went to this yesterday as a spectator, and I was thoroughly disappointed in the homogeneity of the masturbators. The one woman I saw participating “double clicked her mouse” for only about ten minutes, and the rest of the participants were men. I think that every body has its beauty, but there is only so much beauty I can find in three dozen old white men who look like they drove over from a stereotypical truck stop.However! Everything besides the actual masturbation blew me away (no pun intended). The dancers from the Lusty Lady gave a great show, and a crew was recording “alt” porn scenes throughout the day, with a live studio audience. Each scene was a pleasure to watch. I never knew I was into genderqueer spanking porn, but apparently I am. The last scene was with Nina Hartley and Jiz Lee. Their combined charisma made this scene by far the best scene of the day. Finally, the woman who had been filming all of the scenes just decided to lay back on the couch, and had everyone from the earlier scenes come on the stage. She was then gangbanged by five girls, not for a DVD, but just because she had been seeing sex all day and wanted a release.Also, I met some other cool people in the spectators section.tldr: The masturbation part was boring/kind of gross, but the live porn shoot made it more than worth going to. Pro tip: Watch people fuck, especially if they’re kinky or really into it.

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