In the woo zone


Everybody get out your patented Gullibility Boots, you’ll want them buckled up to about mid-thigh for this one:

“Every cell in my body tingled with pure joy,” that is a common statement made by anyone who just entered “The Zone” state of consciousness. The euphoria reflects the fact that anti-aging and stress hormones are surging through our body, a signature of “The Zone” experience. Faith-based athletes are more likely to experience this elevated state of consciousness, simply because they have streamlined their thoughts and emotions to be focused on the highest vibration frequencies.

Mmm, faith-based higher vibration frequencies, oozing into your bloodstream and cleansing away all those icky, stinky toxins. But wait, I left off the last sentence of that paragraph.

We see this focus, each time they do the “Heart Pump” and point to the Heaven’s, a gesture birthed from my book.

OMG, this article is written by the guy who invented fist pumps? Wow! Like, I mean, wow, man.

And there’s tons more woo, name-dropping, and self-promotion where that came from. After invoking the holy and glorious names of Usain Bolt, Tim Tebow and Robert Griffin III, we get this:

It is my belief that in order for our country to evolve out of our current state of panic and fear, we need to look at how the best athlete’s in the world transform their fears into something positive. Dr. Candice Pert wrote the book “Molecules of Emotions,” putting out the science about these facts back in the 70s. The key to all of our successes in health and wellness sits in our heart and gut brain centers. Yes, when you say my “Heart was not in it,” you literally are talking about your heart brain center. It too has the same brain neuron clusters as the brain in our skull.

Yes, we’re not just talking about personal wellness, we’re talking about the salvation of our entire nation.

NFL Stars Tim Tebow and Robert Griffin III, NBA Star Jeremy Lynn are just a few folks showing the reality of the ultimate human experience within all of us. They are showing our country out of this economic depression and recession. The only way we are going to revive the current dark ages we are in, is to take a page out of these athlete’s play book, and unite as a country as one again. Divided we fall, united we stand. These are well proven messages already proven to work, and never more true than today.

So do your faith-based fist pumps today, and flood the brain of your heart muscle with toxin-purifying high vibrational frequencies. Your country is depending on you.

Comments

  1. John P. says

    I love the blatant attempt to fleece the gullible — the author doesn’t claim that these people are working from his material, they just happen to be making a gesture that is “birthed from” (i.e., sorta resembles) his (utterly trivial) gesture. Apparently, his target market is “people too stupid to understand the difference between coincidence and endorsement.”

    Not a great choice of endorsements, either. Tebow was the darling of the fundie set for winning a couple of games in 2011, but didn’t exactly seem to have a great 2012 season. And Griffin’s season-ending (perhaps career-ending) injury doesn’t exactly inspire much reason to believe that the Divine is somehow overseeing every detail of his career.

    Incidentally, the source article is full of typos, not the least of which is misspelling the last name of Jeremy Lin as “Lynn.”

  2. JohnnyAl says

    Sorry, I cannot take anyone seriously that doesn’t know that an apostrophe is not used to pluralize a noun.

    Not that the rest of it made any sense…

  3. dukeofomnium says

    Is the misspelling of Jeremy Lin’s name in the original? Can’t they even get their propaganda correct?

  4. DLC says

    how does Fist-Pumping for Jeebus compare with ordinary prayer in terms of effectiveness ? Studies have shown prayer to have a negative effect on health outcomes.

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