Hercolubus or Red Planet

Hi, Ben!

Ben is my neighbor, and I think he’s on his way to being a good skeptic. He found this book at the library book sale and had to share it with me — although he had a hard time holding back the laughter as he tried to describe it, and now that I’ve read it, he’s right…it’s hilarious.

We are doomed, according to V.M. Rabolú. There is a giant planet called Hercolubus, or the Red Planet, which is going to collide with Earth and destroy the human race entirely. Rabolú is warning us, not that there’s much we can do about it.

How does he know this? He’s an astral traveler. You can trust him because he provides verifiable evidence to show that he actually has visited other planets. For instance, he’s been to Venus.

The Venusians have perfect bodies: a wide or broad forehead, blue eyes, straight nose, blond hair, and an astonishing intelligence. They are more or less between 1.3 and 1.4 meters (4’3″-4’6″ feet) tall. Nobody is taller or shorter. There are no potbellies and you do not see deformed people. Everybody has an angelic figure: there is perfection in men and women because it is a planet with an ascendant, superior Humanity. There are no monsters like those you can see here.

They wear a wide belt full of red, blue, and yellow buttons all around, which flash like a lighthouse. When in danger, they press a main button, which you can imagine is like a buckle we have on our belt. Just by pressing it, a circle of fire is formed which can destroy a bullet and everything that it catches around it.

How can they be perfect? They’re little runts with poor fashion sense.

Rabolú has also been to Mars.

Life on Mars is exactly the same as on Venus. There is freedom in everything. The Martians can move to any place on the planet, without needing papers or passports or anything like that, and without needing anyone’s permission. Wherever they may go, there is a place to sleep, eat, clothing to change themselves, in whatever place on Mars. Wherever they may be, they find everything they need, because there are no borders but complete freedom. It is exactly the same way on the other planets of our solar system.

Martians have stronger bodies than Venusians, visibly more vigorous, for they belong to the Ray of Force.

On Mars everybody wears a soldier’s univorm: shield, helmet and a suit of armor. All these war clothes are made out of a material similar to bronze. They stand out because they are warriors to the core, but not warriors in the sense that we would call it here. There are no wars among them or with the other planets. Their war is directed against evil, to defeat evil, not against one another.

There are apparently some small number of people who take this very seriously. Why, they even have a website! With a video explaining it all!


HERCOLUBUS : THE PLANET OF THE END OF THE WORLD
Uploaded by Alcioneassociation. – Up-to-the minute news videos.

Now you may be wondering…it’s all well and good that this wise interplanetary traveller is sharing his knowledge with us, but we’re about to be destroyed! At the end, he gives us his Formulas to disintegrate the Self and go out into the cosmos, just like him, and escape our destruction. Here’s all you have to do: lie down, recite these formulas 3 or 5 times verbally, and many more times mentally, and you will be translated:

Mantra LA RA S: this mantra is pronounced so that the sound of each syllable is prolonged:

Lllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaa (rolling the r).
Ssssssssssssssss (like a hiss).

Another mantra for unfolding within the astral body is: FARAON

FaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaa
Oooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. (rolling the r)

If you have problems with this, the website has recordings of how to say the formulas properly. They also have a form so you can order your very own copy of the book. Get to work! You don’t have much time!

I am wondering exactly how many people are able to swallow this nonsense. There may not be many, but those few have got money — they’re mailing this silly book out for free, after all, which has got to add up. I’m not believing any of it, and I doubt that Ben is, either — at least, I haven’t heard any strange chanting from next door lately. Although, apparently, someone in Morris, Minnesota ordered this thing and gave it to our library, so there may be Hercolubians among us.

I get email

I don’t know what it is, but the kooks who write to me either don’t know what paragraphs are, so that I get a dense knot of disconnected sentences, or they use a peculiar pattern of quirky line breaks that makes sense to them, I suppose, but not to anyone else. Arvin is one of the latter. He likes his white space.

Hello Dr. PZ Myers my name is Arvin Sookiassian

I had two questions for you Dr. PZ Myers.

1. How do you justify objective morals without a moral source (GOD)?

2. Why are short human beings deserving of life?

• Taller human beings are smarter then shorter human beings (they make more money and are better respected by their colleagues).

• Tall men are much more wanted by females then short men are (for mating/financial security).

Thus by an evolutionary reasoning we can see that taller

Men/people are much better suited for survival in life.

So if there is no god why shouldn’t I go around and kill people and rape women?

If evolution is true then why shouldn’t I kill short men? I mean what are they good for?

I am taller then them and thus smarter and much better fit to mate with females. (I can provide them with a better life, thanks to evolution (my height).

So if evolution is a fact and God is not real then why shouldn’t I kill short men?

Thank you for your time

I really wish Arvin had bothered to tell me how tall he is; I think that is an essential datum here. If he’s less than 5’11” or 180 cm, I should hunt him down and kill him because he is too short, while if he is taller than I am, I should hunt him down and kill him in self-defense.

It’s a strange world Arvin thinks we should be living in — one where, if they aren’t controlled by a magic slave-owner in the sky, we’d wander about killing and raping. I wonder about people like Arvin. Why don’t they ever imagine that, if we abandoned biblical authority, we might wander the earth drinking beer occasionally, watching TV, and working hard at our jobs so we can afford that vacation to Disneyworld? You know, the kind of stuff most people do right now.

The short answer to Arvin’s goofy but all-too-common question is this: morality is not obedience. Morality derives from empathy and a sense of communal obligation with our fellow human beings, not with an arbitrary and whimsical supernatural authority. Destroy god, and people still live…so nothing would change for me.

Arvin, on the other hand, would be going on a rampage with a yardstick, losing sight of the fact that other people are something more than meat of a certain height and sex, raping and killing. Arvin really ought to see a psychiatrist. He’s an emotionally and intellectually stunted individual.

P.S. Tall people aren’t smarter than short people, nor do women entirely judge prospective mates by their height.

I am home and I am tired

It’s been a long and busy couple of days, participating in the Darwin Day events at Southern Illinois University, but it was worth it — in addition to having a splendid time and many great conversations, I got swag!

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After the talk at SIU, I traveled home by way of St Louis and met the skeptics group there for a splendid evening of carousing, and was given a fabulous leather hat by Gawdzilla. I received an astonishing number of compliments on my headware as I was going home the next day — it inspired lust and desire in all who looked upon me, despite my worn and bedraggled appearance otherwise.

You’ll notice I also have the official SIU Darwin Day Bobblehead. You should get one. It also attracted much attention from my fellow travelers. I’m thinking that if I were single (which will not happen!), I’d just walk around with the cool hat and the bobblehead on my shoulder and pick up girls. I’d be adorable and irresistible. How can you bear to be without your very own high-quality historically accurate Darwin?

By the way, I also had my crocoduck tie in my pocket, but wisely decided to keep it concealed — putting it on with that combination would have been like setting off an atom bomb of style, and I wouldn’t have been able to make it down the jetway without getting ravished.

By the way, Gawdzilla also field tests and breaks in the hats under grueling conditions.

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Suddenly, I don’t feel quite so pretty wearing it.

We missed Date Night at the Creation “Museum”!

I’m so sad. It sounded so charming: “This special evening begins at 6:00 PM with an inspiring message about love and the biblical view of marriage from Creation Museum founder, Ken Ham”. If only I could learn about romance from a sleazy fundamentalist atavism with a neck beard.

Sadly, some people who did know about it, and who paid the $71.90 in advance, and showed up to hear Ham’s special squeals of wisdom, got expelled.

Unfortunately, we were told at the door that we would not be allowed entry.

They explained to us that the Creation Museum Date Night was a “Christian environment”, therefore the presence of two men eating dinner together would not be allowed. The very sight of this would “add an un-Christian element to the event” and “disrupt the evening for everyone”.

That would be unchristian. Jesus always showed up for dinner with a hot chick on his arm, you know.

It’s also not a real Date Night without suspicious guards and security checkpoints. I know when I’ve been out of town for a few days and want a quiet evening to spend with my wife, we always start by threatening to tase each other.

Congratulations, Egypt

I think. Mubarak finally woke up and noticed that nobody likes him, and has resigned. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that power has been turned over to a military council. Shouldn’t a stable state have a plan for managing succession and change that is entirely civilian?

But for now it’s entirely for the better that a man who held onto power for 30 years has been deposed. Let’s just hope they aren’t trading one dictator for another.

Wait, you’re trying to decide who’s the best atheist, and you’re doing it with an online poll?

I know. That’s crazy. But I have no choice. Go vote.

Readers’ Choice Award for Best Atheist Blog of 2010

Atheist Revolution
1%

Common Sense Atheism
7%

The Friendly Atheist
5%

Martin S. Pribble
52%

Pharyngula
32%

Readers’ Choice Award for Best Atheist to Follow on Twitter

Matt Dillahunty

1%

Monicks

84%

PZ Myers

6%

Religulous

5%

Rosa Rubicondior
2%

Friday Cephalopod: Abdopus in love

It will soon be Valentine’s Day, and it’s not just the bipedal mammals that turn to amorous thoughts. TONMO has a fabulous series of photos of courting and mating Abdopus aculeatus — here’s one small sample.

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Your mission for Valentine’s Day is to get together with your partner and do your best to recreate the poses in the series. You will fail, but it will be fun trying.

Great jobs in Kentucky!

Wow, Ken Ham has been touting all the jobs his Ark Park will bring into Kentucky, and he’s already advertising. Isn’t that great? Look what opportunities are available:

Job Opportunities in the United States:

  • Constituent Data Administrator (CDA)
  • Guest Services Coordinator
  • Public Safety Console Operator
  • Senior Database Administrator (Senior DBA)
  • Video Editor/Animator/VFX
  • Web Developer–Python
  • Zoo Keeper
  • Ark Encounter Jobs

That’s a diverse assortment of jobs, and they just have one thing in common. One little bitty catch.

All job applicants need to supply a written statement of their testimony, a statement of what they believe regarding creation and a statement that they have read and can support the AiG statement of faith.

So, you get to manage a database or shovel llama shit, as long as you have Fundamentalist Jesus in your heart. That goes even for those jobs at the Ark Encounter, where they are begging for state subsidies while insisting that it isn’t really a religious ministry. If it isn’t, why do all the employees have to swear an oath to worship Jesus precisely as Ken Ham demands they do?