I’m so sad. It sounded so charming: “This special evening begins at 6:00 PM with an inspiring message about love and the biblical view of marriage from Creation Museum founder, Ken Ham”. If only I could learn about romance from a sleazy fundamentalist atavism with a neck beard.

Sadly, some people who did know about it, and who paid the $71.90 in advance, and showed up to hear Ham’s special squeals of wisdom, got expelled.

Unfortunately, we were told at the door that we would not be allowed entry.

They explained to us that the Creation Museum Date Night was a “Christian environment”, therefore the presence of two men eating dinner together would not be allowed. The very sight of this would “add an un-Christian element to the event” and “disrupt the evening for everyone”.

That would be unchristian. Jesus always showed up for dinner with a hot chick on his arm, you know.

It’s also not a real Date Night without suspicious guards and security checkpoints. I know when I’ve been out of town for a few days and want a quiet evening to spend with my wife, we always start by threatening to tase each other.