It’s a feature of the language, OK?
(via Making Light)
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
This is probably the nerdiest thing I’ve been sent in oh, two or three days.
Of all the disciplines to use for science-based pick-up lines, why would you pick chemistry?
This is one of the many virtues of biology: an authoritative knowledge of anatomy and physiology is much more persuasive.
I have been sent a copy of the cover of the official Pharyngulista passport, produced by MinnieTheFinn.
I don’t know about this “People’s Republic” stuff. This is clearly a brutal, oppressive dicatatorship.
Oh, wait, is this like calling a small dog “Goliath”?
Warning: Using this passport can get you in big trouble with security agencies. Take special care not to visit the Vatican with it.
I guess I’m not the only person in the world to get ranty emails from devout Christians. I was sent a copy of the message below which was originally sent to a store (name hidden to protect the guilty) which was selling a copy of the hideous leg lamp from the movie, A Christmas Story.
To ‘Your Retail Store’:
Today I went into your store, and I was appalled and disgusted that you blasphemed Almighty God Jesus Christ and His Most Holy Nativity Christmas by selling from your store shelves a filthy pornographic lamp that said “Christmas” Story on it. REMOVE THAT PIECE OF FILTHY, PORNOGRAPHIC BLASPHEMY FROM YOUR STORESHELVES AT ONCE! Christmas is the Most Holy and Sacred Birthday of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ of the Most Holy Perpetual Virgin Mary. It is MOST SACRED! How dare you blaspheme Jesus Christ with a filthy, disgusting, pornographic product by daring to put the Holy Name of Christ in Christmas on your filthy disgusting product! REMOVE THAT FILTHY, DISGUSTING, PORNOGRAPHIC, BLASPHEMOUS PRODUCT FROM YOUR SHELVES AT ONCE! Repent! And go to confession AT ONCE, and get down on your knees and beg Almighty God Jesus Christ to forgive you for your filthy pornograph blasphemy of the Sacred and Holy Name of Christmas, which is the Holy Nativity of the One and Only God, the Messiah, Jesus Christ. Almighty God will not let go unpunished those who blaspheme His Holy Son, or His Holy Nativity Christmas. It is Most Holy and Sacred, and you must always treat it in a Holy and Sacred manner.
I will NEVER shop in your stores again. And as long as you continue to sell that blasphemous filth of yours, I will encourage others to not to shop at ‘Your Retail Store’ because of your anti-Christ blasphemies, and will promote a BOYCOTT of ‘Your Retail Store’.
In Deepest Adoration, Reverence and Respect for Almighty God Jesus Christ and his most Sacred Nativity Christmas.
P.S.: No e-mails from you will be received. Remove those filthy blasphemies from your shelves, as I fully intend to implement what I have stated.
(*Do not contact me about this inquiry.)
Category: Customer service
Type: Other service
Sub Type: Other
It makes me wonder if good Catholics tend to wear out the caps lock and shift keys on their keyboards at a faster rate than sane people.
Not a parody. It’s a real PC game, if someone wants to try it out. I’m safe because I only have Macs.
With mixed feelings, I announce the demise of Paul the ‘psychic’ octopus.
On the one hand, he was a living creature, and I feel sadness at any death. On the other hand, he was a psychic fraud, and I have no sympathy for those rascals. On the other hand, he was a cephalopod, and those especially deserve to thrive. On the other hand, the hype surrounding him was tiresome and overblown—good riddance. On the other hand, he was being exploited by his trainers slave masters, so he hardly deserves the blame. On the other hand, what a waste of everyone’s time to be playing fake psychic games with already boring football games. On the other hand, he spent his life confined to a really boring tank instead of savoring the splendor of life in the wild. On the other hand, he did have a life of safety and security and readily available food, so it could have been a better life than the typical short and brutal experience of nature.
I guess the bottom line is that I regret the death of the octopus, but am relieved that there’ll be no more of this psychic flim-flam.
Fabulous fashion statement:
I’m thinking I could one-up her if I stopped trimming the beard, too.
Daniel Phelps just reminded me that today is 23 October, the date that James Ussher, Church of Ireland Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland, determined to be the very first day of creation in 4004 BCE. That makes the world 6013 years old today, in his chronology (if you’re adding it up at home, remember that there is no year 0).
Keep in mind that you now have excuses to party almost all week. Tomorrow, you should celebrate the creation of heaven and Space Water. You knew the earth was a floaty in a watery universe, right? I think the appropriate celebration is to drink.
Monday, you can celebrate Oceans and Plants day. Garden or go to the shore. And drink.
Tuesday is Moon Day. It’s also Sun Day. It took god a few days, but he finally got around to creating the celestial bodies. This should be a day sacred to werewolves and anathema to vampires. Celebrate by voting for Team Jacob. And drinking.
Wednesday is birds and fish day. This is a day of sorrow, because all the cephalopods will be weeping at their neglect — they don’t even get a mention in the book, except for a later declaration that they are generically unclean. Either that or the clueless idjits who wrote the book considered squid to be fish, which is highly offensive. Celebrate by contemplating cephalopods and raising many toasts to them.
Thursday is “Aw, screw it, I’m done” day, in which you just give up on your work, throw it all together in a big pile, announce that it’s good enough, and ship it. Celebrate by going out for ribs and putting your drink on, ’cause you aren’t doing a thing tomorrow.
That’s the plan, get out and implement it. Alternatively, you could look at the document above and recognize that it’s all an awesome load of absurd blatherskite and just toss it all in the rubbish.
I’m kind of leaning towards the latter plan.
Mormons go around baptizing the dead into their church, but at least dead people were once real…the official Vatican newspaper has just announced that Homer and Bart Simpson are Catholic. It’s not clear whether they didn’t mention Marge, Lisa, and Maggie because they lack the sacred Y chromosome of Jesus that is required to be a true Catholic, or if it’s because, perhaps, they are apostate Presbylutherans.
