North Dakota, chickenshit capitol of the world (plus a bonus poll!)

Professors Molly Secor-Turner and Brandy Randall of North Dakota State University were recently awarded a $1.2 million federal grant. Good news, right? The state should be happy, the university should be happy.

NDSU is turning it down and returning the money.

WHY? Because this is a grant to provide comprehensive sex education to teenagers in the Fargo area, in collaboration with Planned Parenthood. The state legislature, stacked as it is with regressive conservative jerkwads, freaked out and went scrambling to find a legal way to forbid it. And the president of the university, Dean Bresciani, is going along with it.

“Whether technically or not, in my evaluation, it’s not respecting the intent of our Legislature,” he said. “And that’s close enough to me. We’re not looking for loopholes to work around our Legislature; we work in respect of our Legislature.”

Bresciani said the recent discovery prompted him to freeze the funding. If the money can’t be redirected appropriately, he said, it will be returned to the federal government.

“What we’ve found is a very specific codicil of the law that makes it clear that it cannot be with Planned Parenthood,” he told Hennen. “And unless we can work around that, and again I’m not holding out hope on that, we’ll have to go to the direction of returning the resources.”

I have some words for you, Bresciani: your mission, as the president of a major university, is to improve the knowledge of the citizens of your region. Your faculty know that. Your students are going to your school for that purpose. When your legislature is actively working to undermine the mission of a university, it should be your job to oppose them. I know, they hold the purse strings; but that’s why you get paid the big bucks, because you have the difficult job of negotiating with idiots to serve a higher purpose. If you’re just going to cave in and do their bidding, well, the legislature could save even more money by simply hiring a dullard who would say “yes” to everything they ordered. Or did they already do that?

Oh, wait. Maybe that’s too many words, too long, too difficult. How about one word?

Chickenshit.

That’s a chickenshit move by a chickenshit administrator serving a chickenshit legislature.

Better?

What’s also rotten, as the paper makes clear, is that the North Dakota legislature is dishonestly strong-arming the university. There is no specific law that says the university cannot receive this federal grant. Here’s the stretch they made:

In 2011, North Dakota lawmakers approved a law effective as of July 2012 that requires K-12 schools in the state to ensure any sexual health curriculum “includes instruction pertaining to the risks associated with adolescent sexual activity and the social, psychological, and physical health gains to be realized by abstaining from sexual activity before and outside marriage.”

However, the NDSU professors awarded this grant previously told The Forum that law wouldn’t apply to their program because it was to be taught outside of the schools and only to those teens who voluntarily agreed to participate with parental consent.

Not only is that a chickenshit law, it doesn’t apply. And man, but North Dakota really wants to keep their young people ignorant.

Oh, look. The paper has a poll to go with the article.

Do you agree with the NDSU president’s decision to freeze funds for a sex ed program in partnership with Planned Parenthood?

Yes 37.7%

No 54.1%

Don’t know 8.3%

Look at all the poor people

The Wall Street Journal ran an article on the effect that the proposed tax plan would have on real people — you know, not just the rich people, but also the working poor. And they illustrated it with a picture of what they consider the poor.

poorpeople
Look how sad they all are!

So…a single mother with two children makes $260,000 per year. A retired couple living on a measly $180,000 per year.

Jebus. These people are completely out of touch with reality. The article is supposed to be talking about the effects on “affluent and poor”, but apparently they never heard of anyone making less than $100K.

Don’t lump satanists and atheists together: it’s satanists and Republicans

Florida governor Rick Scott has some new allies who thoroughly approve of his plan to allow prayers in public schools if the student body votes to approve: Satanists. It’s annoying that people constantly confuse atheists and Satanists, when they’re nothing alike philosophically.

They have a press release explaining their position. It turns out that Satanism is one of those liberal religions.

[We believe] that God is supernatural and thus outside of the sphere of the physical. God’s perfection means that he cannot interact with the imperfect corporeal realm. Because God cannot intervene in the material world, He created Satan to preside over the universe as His proxy. Satan has the compassion and wisdom of an angel. Although Satan is subordinate to God, he is mankind’s only conduit to the dominion beyond the physical. In addition, only Satan can hear our prayers and only Satan can respond. While God is beyond human comprehension, Satan desires to be known and knowable. Only in this way can there be justice and can life have meaning.

It’s still all bullshit.

Louie Giglio backs away from the inauguration

Good news! Giglio has withdrawn from the inauguration.

I am honored to be invited by the President to give the benediction at the upcoming inaugural on January 21. Though the President and I do not agree on every issue, we have fashioned a friendship around common goals and ideals, most notably, ending slavery in all its forms.

Due to a message of mine that has surfaced from 15-20 years ago, it is likely that my participation, and the prayer I would offer, will be dwarfed by those seeking to make their agenda the focal point of the inauguration. Clearly, speaking on this issue has not been in the range of my priorities in the past fifteen years. Instead, my aim has been to call people to ultimate significance as we make much of Jesus Christ.

Neither I, nor our team, feel it best serves the core message and goals we are seeking to accomplish to be in a fight on an issue not of our choosing, thus I respectfully withdraw my acceptance of the President’s invitation. I will continue to pray regularly for the President, and urge the nation to do so. I will most certainly pray for him on Inauguration Day.

Our nation is deeply divided and hurting, and more than ever need God’s grace and mercy in our time of need.

Notice that he does not withdraw his anti-gay message — it’s just not a “priority” right now. Anyone want to take bets whether he considers homosexuality one of those forms of slavery he’d like to end?

Could one of the presidential advisors please mention to him that it doesn’t matter what religious leader they try to recruit for this job, he or she is going to be an asshat?

Oh, wait, strike that: I have an interesting suggestion. Bring in the Rev. Barry Lynn — I think he’d probably do a good job of offering a secular benediction.

Jebus Christ, guess who’s going to deliver the benediction at Obama’s inauguration?

Here’s a hint.

CHAPLAIN:
Let us praise God. O Lord,…

CONGREGATION:
O Lord,…

CHAPLAIN:
…ooh, You are so big,…

CONGREGATION:
…ooh, You are so big,…

CHAPLAIN:
…so absolutely huge.

CONGREGATION:
…so absolutely huge.

CHAPLAIN:
Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell You.

CONGREGATION:
Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell You.

CHAPLAIN:
Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and…

CONGREGATION:
And barefaced flattery.

CHAPLAIN:
But You are so strong and, well, just so super.

CONGREGATION:
Fantastic.

That’s pretty much a pitch-perfect imitation of Louis Giglio, the icky creepy pseudo-scientific preacher who has been picked to put on a piety show for Obama.

You’ve never heard of him? You’re lucky. You might want to give this video a pass then, because, oh man, he is so treacly stupid he might make you gag.

Here’s the Giglio schtick. He shows a Hubble space telescope photo. It’s really, really big. It’s huge. This thing is gigantic. And our god created it! Therefore our god is really, really, really big. He’s the biggest god ever! Here’s a diagram of the laminin molecule. IT’S SHAPED LIKE A CROSS! Aaaaaaaah! <swoons> <Meg Ryan imitation> <audience cheers wildly>

The man is a gushing idiot. And this is the clown who’ll be praying at the inauguration. Well, I won’t be watching any of it, anyway.

But at least they didn’t pick one of those ranty anti-gay homophobic conservative pastors, right?

Whoops.

Hey, wouldn’t it be great if someday a president just said, “No, we’re not going to bring one of those embarrassing loons onto the stage at all…let’s just have a secular ceremony”?