As usual, I’ve been running the projector for the local theater
Last night was the dull horror of Verity, a movie based on a potboiler by Colleen Hoover. It’s had a low level of attendance for the past week, but it does tap into an unusual audience: women’s book clubs. It’s fair that that audience should be served, and Hoover is apparently an extremely successful author, but it’s unfortunate that they are so poorly represented. The movie has a dark and twisty plot that bored me far too quickly, but it’s greatest flaw that its star is…Dakota Johnson. The woman cannot act. She spends the entire movie looking vaguely stunned, just as she does in every movie I’ve ever seen featuring her. Anne Hathaway is also in it, but she spends the first half imitating Johnson by playing a brain-damaged paralyzed accident victim.
We had two ticket-paying attendees last night.
The other movie playing last night was Heart of the Beast. It’s a dog movie. It also features Brad Pitt and an unbelievable plot. Brad is flying a private plane over the Alaskan wilderness with his loyal and brave military dog, when he has a massive heart attack and crashes his plane into a lake, 60 miles from civilization.
He has to dive deep into the frigid lake to salvage his camping supplies. He and the dog then have to hike through rugged terrain, fighting of the occasional grizzly bear and wolf pack, falling into a whitewater stream, breaking his arm, getting gnawed on by wolves, and, like Dakota Johnson, never changing his expression. Did I mention that the inciting incident was a massive heart attack? Rather than going into intensive care, he instead must stoically battle against a savage wilderness with his dog pal. It was a long slog for both Brad Pitt and the audience.
Attendance: 0.
I blame the movie studios. These are dull, formulaic movies that are also poorly marketed. I knew nothing about either before pushing the button to put them on the screen: Verity was dependent on the popularity of a book in a niche market, and Heart of the Beast was a movie about a dog, and that’s all you need to know (not that there was much deeper in it than that).
I think the one bright spot this time of year is the free Saturday matinees, when we show old, familiar spooky movies and make all our profit on popcorn and candy sales — and we also get an audience of appreciative families. Digging up old hits is a more productive use of the theater than showing the poor fare the studios are dumping on us.
And look! Today you can get firetruck rides!
Despite the enticement of firetruck rides, I’m not at all tempted to go see a Spielberg alien movie.
Dog movies are great ..as long as the dog survives.
Presume the dog can act and even if it can’t then well, its a dog.
“Old movies.” You know, the ones that came out when I was a full-grown adult. And one released in 2015? whimper
The dog lives.
For a Halloween appropriate dog movie there’s Good Boy, but it’s already old hat by now. Not a dog movie, but if you want to scar the audience for life there’s Malum. You might upset Last Shift purists, because don’t redo a movie when you have more money later in your career. If you want a Fred Durst marathon go with Y2K then I Saw the TV Glow.
I hear there’s another installment in the V/H/S series but the one last year disappointed me too much. Went to the well too often as did The Ring. 🥁
The only movie I’m planning to see in Dune 3. That’s it.
Edit: to see is
Dude, even I think the Anne Hathaway / Dakota Johnson thing was harsh.
@ PZ Myers : Good.
I like Dakota Johnson. She’s got an everywoman appeal. I guess her affect of being mildly surprised works for me in other movies almost like she’s an audience insert. “What the heck is going on here?”
That being said, I don’t plan to watch Verity. I read the book and it has a “lady or the tiger?” ending I didn’t care for. And honestly I don’t really like Anne Hathaway most of the time.
… two ticket-paying attendees …
Strange word usage, when you stop to think about it.
They came to attend the movie: they were attenders.
The movie itself was attended: it was the attendee. If the usage requires a present person to fill that function, that would, presumably, be the projectionist.
If you can get ahold of foreign films with subtitles (not the horrible dubbing with samurai talking in English out of synch with lip movements) I have some odd titles.
“Go And See” -the horrors od Nazi occupation in Belorussia, seen from the perspective of a boy. Warning: Oscar Dirlewanger’s penal SS battallion was despised even by fellow nazis.
Other films: Dark City
Angel Heart
Rare Exports – a Christmas tale
Night of the Comet
Mandy
Europa Report
Attack the Block
And many, many others.
For the Halloween season, there is a Polish film about carnivorous sirens
.
Excerpt from Wiki:
“The Lure is a 2015 Polish musical horror film directed by Agnieszka Smoczyńska and written by Robert Bolesto. It tells the story of two sirens who emerge from the waters and perform in a nightclub. One falls in love with a man, and gives up her tail, but loses her voice in the process. The story is a reworking of the 1837 fairy tale “The Little Mermaid” by Hans Christian Andersen, with inspiration from Smoczyńska’s experiences. After premiering in Poland, the film screened at the 2016 Sundance Film Festival and Fantasia Film Festival to positive reviews.”
I wouldn’t judge an actor’s performance ability by any movie. There’s no “i” in “starlet”, and every movie is a “team” effort. Half that team is the director, cinematographer, producers (usually more than one these days), and studio execs. Note that Hathaway got a producer credit. The studio execs have a lot of pull. This studio is Amazon MGM Studios…and nothing about that pairing sounds like a recipe for “good movie”, much less “great”.
Nice that Hoover got a writing credit for the screenplay. She can demand a lot more money from her publisher thanks to that.
Both of these films still sound better than Digger.
Yeah, we have Digger on the schedule in the next few weeks.
Spoilers!
Anyway, if I wanted to watch a dog movie I’d re-read White Fang and Call Of The Wild.
Couldn’t they have come up with a more plausible reason for the plane crash? Because “heart attack” is about as incompatible as you can get with “diving and swimming repeatedly in deep water”, “rough-country bush-whacking” and pretty much the rest of the plot.
What about the original Cowboy vs. Vampires film from 1959? “Curse of the Undead”. Made by Universal.
Cockneys vs Zombies (2012) is a methaphor for the gentrification of East End.
The Body Stealers (1966) has Sean Connery’s brother investigating why parachutists disappear in midair.
Two fims fron 1996: “Bound” is aimed at a female audience, without the male gaze making things awkward.
“The Trigger Effect” is a very American film about armed people under stress.
And if you want a weird, big-budget film for Halloween, try the British “Lifeforce”.
If you are aiming for a very young audience, there are always the Japanese Gamera films. Personally I think they were made with more enthusiasm than sense.
#18: I know. But the physiological improbability is overcome by casting hunky Brad Pitt.
It’s all good, he does die in the end, as one would expect. Heroically and all.
(Also, he’s 62 years old!)
Wait, Bound? With Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly? That’s not a horror movie. That’s a lesbian power movie.
@16 My condolences.
I just wanna see Little Shop of Horrors. Howard Ashman we lost you too soon.
I was reasonably OK with Heart of the Beast, heart attack and all — after all, it is Brad Pitt, and he’s not going to die 15 minutes in the film — because the scenery was great and the dog was attractive. And then . . . and then . . . (SPOILER) Brad and the dog are attacked at night by a pack of wolves, wolves who keep on coming after one, two and three of their number are killed, giving up only after a fourth member of their small pack is killed by the intrepid duo.
C’mon! Slavering wolves deciding to attack a human, not just a human, a measly human, as Brad had watched them not 12 hours earlier killing and eating a caribou calf.
Aaargghhh!!
Went and saw Coyote Vs Acme and loved it, but I was the only one in the cinema. I thanked the attendant for the private screening on the way out. But given the cost of electricity, why run the film if there are 0 people in the audience? Is there a contractual quota?
I’ve heard of theaters that simply don’t run a film if they’ve sold no tickets for the last showing of the night.
Finally got spoiled for Verity. I think The Housemaid is probably a better take on the “down-on-her-luck woman goes to work for rich family with dark secrets” subgenre of thriller. Sydney Sweeney’s performance is, as usual, nothing to write home about, but Amanda Seyfried is fantastic as the scenery-chewing housewife. And the ending is more satisfying and girl-powery, if over-the-top.
Never Cry Wolf
The Japanese director that made Tokyo Godfathers also made some horror-themed films, but I do not recall the titles.
Alien: Monday is a fan-made anime that seems promising.
@29 fishy — Seconding that. Despite Charles Martin Smith’s stereotypical character, the story, casting, and cinematography are top-notch. And a great soundtrack. Mowat’s book is also good.
Well, saw the trailer for Godzilla Minus Zero that released today and that movie at least looks good.