1. Samuel Vimes says

    Holy carp! Looks like a prime entry for r/badwomensanatomy. Warning for whomever is no longer working from home: lots of NSFW posts there.

  2. CX316 says

    Pretty sure this is one of the top posts either on badwomensanatomy or menwritingwomen, it’s been floating around for quite a while

  3. bcw bcw says

    My Ken doll seems to be a virgin too. When does the dick pop out and grow some balls underneath?

  4. says

    There is (or was) a TV show called “My Dad Wrote a Porno.” What little I heard read aloud on that show was better-informed than the quote above.

  5. says

    You aren’t allowed to write erotic fiction if all you know about human anatomy was learned from playing with a Barbie doll.

    Or you are Chuck Tingle. I favor a special cut-out for the great Chuckness.

  6. kenbakermn says

    @ bcw bcw, # 6: Been waiting over 50 years now. Wait a sec, you’re talking about that toy Ken that goes with Barbie? Never mind.

  7. birgerjohansson says

    Going off on a tangent, a priest in Minneapolis that told his parishioners to practice “fleshy discipline” is under suspicion of molesting a teenager.

  8. birgerjohansson says

    Clearly, the woman in the fiction was an alien infiltration robot. I am surprised the protagonist did not get terminated.

  9. PaulBC says

    “untouched, unbroken, unable to pee” I am wondering how the writer even thinks this is supposed to work, independent of their knowledge of anatomy.

    But I see that Planned Parenthood has a whole section called For Teens: Ask the Experts with questions like

    help! i know alot about sex and everything but i dont know anything about what holes are for what! i dont even know how many are down there please help!

    It’s easy to laugh, but I’m glad there’s a place they can get advice. Isn’t this supposed to be taught even in the most basic, non-controversial sex-ed course?

  10. efogoto says

    @16 PaulBC: I’m pretty sure that abstinence only classes cover nothing at all about anatomy other than “Don’t touch it! “

  11. JustaTech says

    @16 PaulBC: I had a roommate in college express frustration at having to remove her tampon to pee. “But that’s a different hole? I mean, it’s icky if you pee on the string, but you don’t have to take it out.”

    That was when I started to understand that my non-religious girls’ school had been far more educational than I had realized compared to public schools. And that most people don’t read the package insert for any product.

    (Same year, different roommate: her boyfriend walks extremely awkwardly out of our suite. She asks the group of us sitting in the common area “so, how do you get pregnant?” Everyone looked at me and basically stampeded out of the room, leaving me to explain the birds and the bees to my very smart roomie who had been very ill-served by her Catholic school.)

  12. says

    Wait, what?
    First of all, yes, there are openings. Second of all, hymens aren’t freshness seals. And, they’re still open.

  13. Hairhead, Still Learning at 59 says

    I visited the reddit listed above. Male ignorance was on display, but also female ignorance.

    The most horrifiying thing was the number of women posting who had not been told anything about their anatomy, and for whom puberty was a mystifying/horrifying/tragic (fill in your own word) experience.

    And what makes it even more depressing is that this was and IS far too common. (My mother, born in 1928, told me that when her first period came, she thought she was dying. God, the cruelty of ignorance!)

  14. davidc1 says

    When i was about 8 or 9 i got an Action Man (Gi Joe for you Americans ) for xmas ,i asked my dad ,what happed to his meat and two veg ?He replied he must have been badly wounded .

  15. Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought says

    Wanna hear something even scarier? A lot if not most of fanfiction writers are girls and women, but they don’t have much more specific knowledge of their own genitalia. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was actually written by a girl.

  16. vucodlak says

    Shades of the movie I watched on Turner Classic last night, The Lure (2015). ‘Tis a Polish musical horror comedy about two mermaids working in a cabaret/strip club in the 1980s. Their human forms were smooth as a Barbie down there (that’s exactly how the sleazy night club operator describes them), although they did have genitals on their eel-like tails, and nipples in both forms.

    I recommend the movie, which is a nicely twisted take on The Little Mermaid. Certainly better than whatever the quote in the OP came from.

  17. PaulBC says

    To be completely pedantic, I’d still need context. This could be 2nd-person android porn in which the subject does not have conventional human genitalia (not likely but the mind wanders…).

    And a very different plot development: “… but what he did not know was…” (here’s where I’m torn between a concealed immobilizing agent or android ninja; I also thought of a concealed explosive device, but it would be terrible to put the onus on the victim, who is clearly sentient)

    And yeah, rule 34, something for everyone.

  18. wzrd1 says

    @Giliell, not always. There is a medically significant condition of imperforate hymen, which becomes a problem once menses begins. It’s rare, but not exceptionally rare. Usually, the required surgery is minor, but on occasion, it can get complicated due to other malformations, either of musculature or erectile tissue hypertrophy.
    Reference: Benson and Pernoll’s Handbook of Obstetrics & Gynecology

    My first copy was a 1976 edition, gifted to me by a friendly PA, during my wife’s second pregnancy, the first having failed.
    I recently bought the most current revision for my reference shelf. Don’t get me started about physicians who get things wrong…

  19. birgerjohansson says

    To properly educate kids, you need to tell them about what a cloaca is (used by fish, amphibians, reptiles, birds and monotremes) and the arrangement used by marsupial mammals (urine and fetus uses the same exit) and finally us placental mammals (specialised openings for everything).
    Goddam It, in Sweden in 1969 they explained the anatomical basics to us in the first or second grade, using rabbits as anatomical analogs (to avoid upsetting parents, I assume).
    BTW if you get annoyed when kids keep asking about the birds and the bees, just say “you were not born. You are a replicant, just like in that film that scared you. Those memories you have? They are synthetic.”
    They will be too traumatised to ever ask again. BWAHAHAHA.

  20. birgerjohansson says

    PaulBC @ 27
    I am reminded of a character in Neil Gaoman’s “American Gods” who consumed her victims through…an opening not connected to the gastrointestinal system, not in ordinary humans.
    So if the protagonist was dating one of these succubi, he was very fortunate to find one whose…. weaponised genitalia…had not yet matured.
    This is the anatomical explanation of the anomaly I would favor. And it would end up being a much more interesting story.

  21. birgerjohansson says

    Another explanation. Why did she not have reproductive organs? Two words: pod people. The protagonist is the last surviving human.
    The rest of the story describes how he desperately tries to escape and hide.

  22. d3zd3z says

    To be “fair”, there is a genre of erotic gay (male) fiction frequently written by women. Sometimes, the descriptions of sex there can also be quite, um, interesting. At least they tend to read each other’s works, so the same handful of bizarre things tend to show up frequently.

  23. says

    Yeah, sorry for not including every single fucking anatomical variation that may occur as to not appear in dire need of some cis dude explaining my anatomy to me…

  24. birgerjohansson says

    zetopan @ 32
    Another film enthusiast that watched “Under The Skin”!
    -A possible explanation could also be that she is a construct made from the protagonist’s memories, like the “visitors” in Solaris (1972).
    And if he did not recall that part of the anatomy it explains everything. Unanswered question; what role did the Solaris ocean play in this? Is the protagonist even on Earth?

  25. birgerjohansson says

    The late author Philip Jose Farmer wrote “The Lovers” where the woman was an extra-terrestrial sapient human- mimic organism.
    Advice: Check if her DNA has the same chirality.

  26. nomadiq says

    Everyone knows you have to find the zipper tab before you can unzip the vagina and find the clitoris. It has nothing to do with virginity eyeroll

  27. microraptor says

    I’m reminded of Laurel K Hamilton’s novels where she wrote men as having organs that were the size and shape of fire hydrants. This was treated as being extremely sexy and something that the five-foot-nothing human female protagonist would not have any problems accommodating during intercourse.

  28. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    Huh, that’s a new one. The usual hymen-related idiocy has seemed to be a bizarre but unshakeable conviction that it’s internal and located about halfway between the vaginal introitus and the cervix.

  29. bcw bcw says


    Of course girls/women in the 1970’s all had the detachable pull-tab/pop-top vagina covers but these were all changed over to the StaTab, zipper and velcro versions by the 1980’s.

  30. says

    An “alien infiltration robot” would be much a more effective asset if she had the full complement of naughty bits. I guess we should be relieved that the Pan-Galactic KGB is so incompetent…

  31. says

    @#6, bcw bcw:

    Since Ken is apparently gay but in the closet it probably doesn’t matter.

    (According to both Wikipedia and first-person reporting I have read, the best-selling Ken doll ever produced was the “Earring Magic Ken”, which — apparently without the designers telling the executives about it — was modeled after then-current gay male club fashion, including a ring on a chain around his neck which was apparently a trend, but the ring was… well, let’s say not intended for the wearer’s fingers. And then there was the early companion doll which was marketed with something along the lines of “Ken’s friend — goes wherever Ken goes, wears Ken’s clothes”.)

  32. voidhawk says

    When it’s safe to do so, I would recommend any man still confused on the details visits the Vagina Museum in London. A brilliant little exhibition dedicated to educating people about the actual science of female anatomy and answering the myths and faslities which have emerged.

  33. Anton Mates says

    birgerjohansson @29,

    and the arrangement used by marsupial mammals (urine and fetus uses the same exit) and finally us placental mammals (specialised openings for everything).

    Actually, most placental mammals use the same arrangement as marsupials do–including the rabbits your teachers told you about! Only a minority of placental species, including primates and rodents, have separate external openings for the vagina and urethra.

    Also, just like hyenas, female guinea pigs and spider monkeys pee out of their clitorises. Knowing is half the battle.