Conversational gambit…failed

I listened to your suggestions. So, this morning when I made my trip to the bait shop to pick up wiggly things and the clerk made a friendly remark about fishing, I said, “Oh, I’m not fishing. I use these to feed my spider colony.”

He hesitated for a second, gave me a funny look, and reacted as if he was going to pretend I didn’t say that. He gave me my change and didn’t say another word. I may have derailed his brain, and he didn’t have an easy reply to mind.

I’m not taking your advice anymore, especially if a mob with torches and pitchforks shows up outside my house tonight.


  1. GenghisFaun says

    Oh, this gave me a hearty chuckle! Please tell me there is video documenting this exchange!

  2. says

    Ray, from what I’ve seen, the usual accepted term for a large group of spiders is “AAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!” along with a series of quaint gestures, each of which tells a story.

  3. says

    Just wait until you come in the next time. Possible predictions: 1) he refuses to sell to you; 2) he has the cops waiting for you; 3) he starts showing you spiders he has found around the place. You never know . . .

  4. says

    In his book “Jazz Anecdotes,” Bill Crow tells the story of the trombonist who discovered that he’d left his plunger mute at home, and went to the local hardware store to buy a replacement. When he told the salesclerk that he “…didn’t need the handle,” the guy’s facial expression changed to one of pure disgust.

  5. says

    What if a mob of supplicants bearing exotic gifts and local Republicans in chains to offer as sacrifices to the prophet of their new spider-god shows up? You’d look pretty foolish being angry now.

  6. oddie says

    Haha. Bring pictures in ur wallet of like 50 spiders and show them off like they’re ur grandkids. Let’s see how awkward this can get.

  7. larpar says

    @YOB #5
    @Crip Dyke #7
    Is “biology research project” an euphemism for world domination?

  8. wzrd1 says

    …especially if a mob with torches and pitchforks shows up outside my house tonight.

    “What? No, the spiders at the lab – the government lab. Are you sure that burning radioactive spiders sounds like a good idea, considering your homes are within the fallout zone?”

    Then, watch the lot of them look for that mythical government lab with radioactive spiders, so that they could all acquire stuporpowers.

  9. =8)-DX says

    This was an obvious success since the primary functions of communication were achieved: 1) the transfer of information 2) the exchange of relevant social cues.

  10. jimzy says

    Maybe he is wondering if you have more spiders in your colony than he does?
    If it’s a new clerk, try saying “I drop them into my wife’s mouth when she snores at night.” Or, “They go great on my Cherrios and milk.” Maybe “What’s fishing?”

  11. kenbakermn says

    Next time buy one of those big bones butchers sometimes sell for dogs, and tell them that’s for the spiders.

  12. KG says

    When I worked with spiders –

    What do you mean? Doesn’t everybody have an arachnid-related job at some point in their career?

    Anyway, as I was saying, when I worked with spiders, the little ones were fed Drosophila fruit flies surplus to the geneticists’ requirements, while the big ones got locusts. Going down to the locust room to collect a few dozen was always a strange and somewhat disturbing experience, like a scene from a dystopian sci-fi movie.

  13. says

    @7Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden: My name is actually Warren Senders (note the “e” in the surname). Any relationship to the current presidential campaign is entirely serendipitous.

  14. says

    @7Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden:

    You can probably imagine that it’s not the first time this has happened.

    I usually try and aid Mnemosyne by telling the curious that, “If you and a friend are mailing a colony of rabbits to another location, the two of you are collectively warren senders.” This strategy has the double disadvantage of failing to clarify my name almost 100 percent of the time AND confusing my interlocutors, but I persist, apparently because I just plain don’t know any better.

    And yes, I SWYDT! Pleased ta meetcha!