Voted most likely to be a recurring character on SNL


The Mooch.

“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

It’s nonstop hilarity!

Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention. “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)

Bannon hasn’t been making as much of a spectacle of himself lately — I now realize it’s because he’s working through an intense list of flexibility exercises.

Comments

  1. Pierce R. Butler says

    Or maybe Bannon is trying to figure out how to work one of those “lengthening” gizmos.

  2. Just an Organic Regular Expression says

    It’s like dialog by David Mamet. It could be outtakes from Glengarry Glen Ross

  3. willj says

    This kinda talk is what’s making America great again. Evangelicals aren’t even complaining. Just a little American Exceptionalism.

  4. konservenknilch says

    I assumed Spicer was fired because he was such a laughing stock. Turns out, he just wasn’t crazy enough.

  5. EigenSprocketUK says

    Bizarre to read in that article how easily he refers to himself in the third person. “The Mooch only arrived a week ago, but…”. And he’s even taking ownership of the insulting nickname he was given by his enemies and rivals.
    I’m not qualified to diagnose him, so my amateur diagnosis is that he sounds just like an unhinged person.
    He’ll fit in well.

  6. davidnangle says

    Can’t wait for him to do his best Andrew Dice Clay in telling us to “Respect the fuckin’ office!”

  7. blf says

    He blithered a notpology for the language and complained (from memory) I won’t trust a journalist again, apparently in reference to being quoted, presumably accurately, in the New Yorker article.

  8. robro says

    se habla espol

    How does Mooch’s rant differ from leaking, anyway?

    Damn, now he has to fire himself. One difference: Unlike an intelligent leaker, he didn’t ask to keep his name out of the story.

    I won’t trust a journalist again

    That will make his job interesting. Actually, I’m sure he means journalists other than those at Fox and Breitbart.

  9. whywhywhy says

    OK, time to get serious.
    How does a comedy writer satirize this? A verbatim rendition is better than anything I could write. Do they show him actively snorting lines of coke in between questions?

  10. emergence says

    whywhywhy @11

    Just read it verbatim, but have the delivery be snarling and deranged. What he’s saying is unhinged, so just change the tone and accompanying body language to emphasize and draw attention to that.

  11. Rich Woods says

    Such a skilled communicationialistism-leader! Nothing can possibly go wrong now that … oh fuck it I really can’t be arsed. How did it sink to this level? Oh yeah, by putting gob-shitted ignorant idiots in charge.

  12. blf says

    I won’t trust a journalist again

    That will make his job interesting. Actually, I’m sure he means journalists other than those at Fox and Breitbart.

    Presumably. And as others have pointed out, the eejit wasn’t even bright enough to tell the reporter the phonecall the eejit himself initiated was off-the-record. His being accurately quoted on-the-record is his own fecking fault.

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