On second thought, maybe some humans are alien enough


This is the trailer for a house for sale in Beverly Hills. It is not safe for work.

OPUS | Red Band Trailer from Drew Fenton on Vimeo.

It’s going for $100 million. I have no plans to sell my house, but if I do, it’ll be going for a lot less than that. I am going to steal one idea from them, though, and put up a video. It’ll be shot on my iPhone, and it’s going to feature me, in a speedo, painted gold and writhing on our couch. The offers will come pouring in.

Comments

  1. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    Does the wine cellar stay fully stocked and the garage fully populated with exotic cars as incentive to purchase that awesome swimming pool? and the 3 golden girls are permanent staff?
    I guess, as usual, the better the trailer the worse the product being sold. That’s why the trailer is so distracting.
    my cynicism runs even further: there must be something evil about this house to spend so much on such a beauty of a tralier for it. Illusion, the house is all illusion, it’s actually a literal trailer on a hill in the Beverly Hills region with no utilities to support it, my cynicism is telling me to prevent lusting after it.
    people are strange, especially with money influencing them.

  2. FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!) says

    You know, if I had the scratch for such a house I wouldn’t even consider that one. I feel like those selling it are contemptuous of my intelligence to the point that I wonder what they’re trying to get away with.

  3. robro says

    Well, I’m at work, so I only caught a few seconds of the opening. You’re right…not safe. A house selling movie that starts with a mud bath massage and blindfolded writhing is, well, what can you say…something else? And here I thought the big thing in real estate sales is drone shots. Real estate websites are full of them these days. I knew a photographer who was making a pretty good living doing drone shots for real estate. I guess I’m out of step.

  4. brett says

    This must be intended for the assistants of rich folks assigned to look at potential houses for them. Like they’ll watch the trailer while doing the drudgery of house-searching, think “neat!”, and include it on the list of houses that their bosses should go look at as a potential acquisition.

  5. says

    Looks like it was made to attract Trump’s attention. What is with the obsession with cheap layers of gold? Ugh. And that ridiculous gold plate Homer Simpson doughnut, gad.

  6. mudpuddles says

    The only thing not unsettling about that video is the view over the landscape from up on that hill, which looks quite amazing. Otherwise, everything about it is creepy as fuck. Ugh.

  7. says

    Mudpuddles:

    Otherwise, everything about it is creepy as fuck. Ugh.

    Should tell you something about the tastes and fantasies of the rich.

  8. lindsay says

    When I get together with my girlfriends, we always paint ourselves gold and sit around wearing nothing but chains. It’s a woman thing. You wouldn’t understand.

  9. komarov says

    Looks like it was made to attract Trump’s attention. What is with the obsession with cheap layers of gold? Ugh. And that ridiculous gold plate Homer Simpson doughnut, gad.

    I don’t think it had occured to Trump that he could gild his staff, too. Not yet, anyhow.

  10. whywhywhy says

    No way this is an ad for anything like a house or home. This has to be the ad for next years Fyre Festival.

    P.S. I like trees too much to enjoy SoCal. Someone else can have the house. Please.

  11. robro says

    Caine — So I discovered when I got to my desk and had a chance to look at the article (still at work, and even the article is sketchy, so no movie). But VR thingy or blindfolds, it’s kind of the same idea.

    This MSN article gives you an idea of where it’s located. I can’t ID the specific property, but you can clearly see it’s not alone.

  12. Matrim says

    I don’t know, I would like to think that if I were a multi-millionaire my tastes would be far less…gaudy.

    Plus, I wonder if that house is above the smog layer. If environmental protections get rolled back that might become a serious consideration again.

  13. robro says

    I wonder if that house is above the smog layer.

    Perhaps, but it will have a wonderful view of the smog layer engulfing the LA basin.

    By the way, that house and its neighbors are in some prime California firewood country that’s just waiting to burn. While the drought crisis was ameliorated by this winter’s rains that just means the scrub brush is growing like crazy and when it gets dry…woosh! Fires can happen and there goes a few hundred million dollars. (Probably some lives, too, but hey, this is America where we measure lives in dollars all the time.)

  14. A. Noyd says

    Well, that’s sure putting the “obscene” into “obscenely rich.” And just think how easy it’ll be to reuse the video as an ad for a tumbril company.

  15. gijoel says

    @1 Maybe it’s an evil house, and the only way to protect yourself is to cover yourself with gold foil. Could make a good Dr. Who episode, but the ladies will have to be replaced with men.

  16. colinday says

    It’ll be shot on my iPhone, and it’s going to feature me, in a speedo, painted gold and writhing on our couch. The offers will come pouring in.

    Yes, the offers will be “We’ll buy, just get dressed!”

  17. says

    If you manage to look past the golden boobs, the house actually looks dreadful. I’m pretty sure the McMansion Hell blog would have some choice words to say about that specific variant of slapping modernist architectural elements incoherently together. Also, is that Oprah’s old house or what is that…thing…doing in front of it?

    For all who don’t yet know it, enjoy:
    http://www.mcmansionhell.com/

  18. robro says

    I finally watched. I was expecting the Goldfinger theme at the beginning, but I guess that’s too obvious. So, a $100 million house ready for porn filming…that’s not that unusual. Extra plus bonus: a gigantic penis ring at the front door. Yeah. So El Lay.

  19. methuseus says

    It apparently comes with the vehicles, hundreds of bottles of (likely decent) wine, and hundreds of bottles of Cristal. That means, if you accept the face value of those bottles of wine and Cristal, plus the price of the vehicles, $100 million may not be all that overpriced. But if I had $100 million I would buy a European castle instead, or at least some prime, wooded property in the Pacific Northwest.

  20. methuseus says

    I forgot to mention: The vehicles and Cristal are worth nowhere near that much to me, personally. The wine, probably not, either, but it’s probably closer to actual value, at least.

  21. pacal says

    After regular porn, hardcore porn, softcore porn and costume porn we get house porn. Are you supposed to watch this with one hand down your pants!?

  22. lee101 says

    I would definitely rate this trailer as pornographic, but not because of the near-naked women. The kind of opulent wealth captured in this trailer, in a world with so much suffering and want, is truly obscene.

    The pretty models are OK though.

  23. emergence says

    What the tap-dancing fuck was any of that? This looks like if David Lynch developed a gold fixation and decided to direct softcore porn.