I demand to be put on the Professor Watch List

They’ve been coming for women, minorities, and immigrants, so you just knew they get around to college professors as enemies of the state. A group called “Turning Point USA” has created the Professor Watch List, which includes a list to expose and document college professors who discriminate against conservative students, promote anti-American values, and advance leftist propaganda in the classroom (doesn’t that sound lovely and vaguely familiar?), and also includes a form to turn in suspected leftists. It’s like a McCarthyite wet dream.

One problem: I’m not on the list. In fact, nobody at Morris is on the list. I fear our problem is that we’re such a little sanctuary of progressive thought that we’ve got a shortage of far right wing rats. I must make my case for being included on the list.

Look at that. I didn’t even have to get into the Cracker Incident.

I hope this omission can be corrected rapidly. If I am listed, I can also rat out virtually all of my colleagues, too, who are all raging liberals (OK, with a few exceptions). I’d like to see my university more prominently acknowledged on a right-wing enemies list.


  1. birgerjohansson says

    I am not employed at the University, but I sometimes post on your blog so I should qualify for being a honorary *Enemy Of the American People*!

    -for instance, I think darkies are, basically, OK. I have never found any of those “Welfare Queens” Ronnie was talking about.
    -I think wimminz should not have to deal with mutoids who cop a feel, or shout insults.
    -I think people who speak Spanish in a public place are OK, and English speakers should tolerate that.

  2. birgerjohansson says

    By the way, I think it was wrong of Breitbart.com to call Bill Crystal a “renegade jew”!

  3. shouldbeworking says

    I just checked out their website. If you want, I can nominate you. Do you have a flattering photo or video that I could attach to the nomination form?

  4. zenlike says

    They are not even clear on what their list is about:
    – from the home page: “Check our full listing to see if any of your professors have records of opposing freedom of speech on campus.”
    – from the about page: “expose and document college professors who discriminate against conservative students, promote anti-American values, and advance leftist propaganda in the classroom. ”

    Never mind, because I clicked on a few random names in their list, and none of them actually did anything described above. Their “crimes” seem to be that they used their freedom of speech outside of the classroom, and their speech didn’t conform to Right Wing Political Correctness.

  5. nomadiq says

    Best way to deal with these ‘watch lists’ is to flood them with responses that appear reasonable and worthy of following up, but are of course fake – let them waste 5-10 minutes looking into it. And get creative!

    I suggest sticking to well known universities and ‘suspect’ departments like biology, ecology, gender studies, you get the idea. Use professor names where the ball will drop once they fail to find said professor in said department. Names like Benno von Arent who is obviously a Professor of ‘Media Studies’ at Brown (once you do a little googling you’ll get it). Or just completely reverse it on them and name you favorite racist, sexists and bigoted professor. Describe their ‘anti-american values’ in the full detail it deserves.

    And of course, add your own name.

    Spread it around and fuck this thing up.

  6. blf says

    The criteria for being on the list is too complicated, a “description” (essay). Shorter and simpler would be a list, such as the following (check all that apply):

    ○ Looks like a Muslim.
    ○ Is a Woman.
    ○ Is Black.
    ○ Maybe didn’t vote for Trump.
    ○ Maybe wasn’t born in the USA.
    ○ Looks like a Mexican
    ○ Doesn’t openly carry a gun.
    ○ Looks like a Jew.
    ○ Looks Gay.
    ○ Doesn’t open class with a prayer.
    ○ Uses “textbooks” other than the Bible.
    ○ Can speak a language other than American.
    ○ Doesn’t like peas.

    And so on, albeit the problem with a long list is the short attention span and avoiding multisyllable words.

  7. Gregory Greenwood says

    Prodding bigoted idiots like Turning Point USA is always good for a laugh…. right up until they start to get real power, a scenario that is frighteningly possible under President Trump. Messing with their nasty little neo-McArthyite wet dream is definitely a good idea now, before they get to the point where they are wearing their nice new black shirts and kicking down doors at three in the morning to drag off those on their ‘undesirables’ list. With a little luck, US progressives might be able to nip this thing in the bud before it metastasizes into something truly dangerous.

  8. Larry says

    As you might expect from these RW loons with delusions of McCarthy dancing in their heads, their professor watch reporting form is anonymous so you can nominate all the professors of your choice without fear of compromise or having to defend your accusations in an open forum. Just make sure to do it from an open-wifi hot spot. I suspect it’s a trial for when they take it nationwide for a ‘report your neighbor’ campaign.

  9. wzrd1 says

    @PZ, just don’t forget to inform on me as well.
    Fewer things are more fun than when an alt-rightie makes threats of the use of arms, only to learn I have more gunz than him.*

    *Well, my grease gun counts, as I have that gun and know how to grease my car with it.
    Now, whereinhell did they hide all of the grease points? Don’t give me any of that permanently greased crap, once the grease evaporates, the joint fails.
    I think I gave away my age with that one, for the above reason stated in my objection to permanently lubricated joints.

  10. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    Apparently, their “nomination” form has been overloaded with entries and they can’t take anymore, cap’n. As I found out when I tried to turn in that notorious Marxist professor I.P. Freeley from Yellow River University.

  11. Greta Samsa says

    I suppose the only way to combat Politically Correct Culture is to silence other people for saying things that are politically inconvenient, isn’t it?
    How ironic that they’re the only side that’s implemented actual political correctness, and yet they’re the first to complain about it.

  12. gijoel says

    There’s a submit a tip button on the site. Should we start complaining about those cultural Marxist professors, “I.P Freely”, “Seymour Butts”, and “Wayne Kerr”?

  13. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Ooh, I haven’t taught in almost 30 years, but I would like the badge of honor of being on the list. Except teaching chemistry, politics, religion, and imaginary deities never came up. I think the closest I got to politics in class was telling the students just before an election to “go vote”.

  14. vucodlak says

    I think I’ll report my favorite history teacher.* I’m sure he’d get a kick out of it. Of course, he’s been dead for 8 years.

    *His class was held in the university’s administration building, in the room directly above the uni president’s office. Every once in a while the professor would pause in the middle of his lecture, walk off to one side of the room, then stomp noisily to the opposite wall while wearing a big, shit-eating grin. “I like to remind him people are teaching up here,” he told us, the first time he did this.

  15. sugarfrosted says

    Why am I not on this list. I’m a math grad student increasing mathematical literacy. This increases the chance of people seeing through rightwing pseudo-economics.

  16. chigau (ever-elliptical) says

    I know a bunch of Canadian professors who are lefty anti-Americans, can I fink on them?

  17. says

    By the way, I think it was wrong of Breitbart.com to call Bill Crystal a “renegade jew”!

    That should be Bill Kristol. You had me going there for a bit, trying to think of what Billy Crystal did to be labeled “renegade” and put on the enemies list. At least Mel Brooks made fun of their hero Adolf.

  18. birgerjohansson says

    Area Man, you are right, of course.
    In Swedish “crystal” is spelled “kristall” so my memory had a glitch.

    BTW any film actor is automatically suspect of being part of the Librul Hollywood Establishment.
    so we might as well fink on those, too.
    Eddie Murphy played a gross professor once, and he is black, so he is definitely anti-American, and should go on The List.
    (“The List”? I think Stewie Griffin had one of those…)

  19. Meg Thornton says

    “Oh we’re meeting in the courthouse at eight o’clock tonight
    You just walk in the door and take the first turn to the right
    Be careful when you get there; we’d hate to be bereft
    But we’re taking down the names of everybody turning left.”

    … and other such appropriate humour.

    I do find it interesting the way these supposed champions of “freedom of speech” tend to leap on any opportunity they can find to silence their opposition. Then again, they do tend to think of rights and freedoms as being specific rather than universal, from what I can gather – they’re allowed to have them, but others shouldn’t. (Particularly others who aren’t “real people” like them).

  20. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    Browsing that list, the few I read looked a gold star list of professors I’d like to have collected at a single university for me kids to attend.
    Shucks me too lefty me gess

  21. Greta Samsa says

    slithey tove, #25
    Unfortunately TPUSA is incompetent, so no teachers are listed for my University. How else do I find out which classes to take?