The Morris NorthStar can f*ck off and die

How fitting. That wretched, badly-written, psychopathically ‘conservative’ alternative campus newspaper for racist homophobes, the Morris NorthStar, was hand-delivered to my office today. They do this all the time: pile up a bunch of copies on the racks around campus, and then come by my office and personally slide one under my door or give it to me at my desk. They don’t do this for any other faculty in my building. I’m just special, I guess.

I’ve had enough. I’ve posted this sign outside my door now.


Zero tolerance for Nazi fuckwits. No more.


  1. Gregory Greenwood says

    Why do I think that the oh so brave champions of free speech at the Morris Northstar will be less than pleased with this particular demonstration of the practice? Why, it is almost as though they think that speech should only be free within limits that they and their fellow travelers set or something, but surely such noble champions of true American Freedom(TM) would never stoop to such rank, self serving hypocrisy? I mean, wouldn’t that make teh baby jebus cry too?

  2. prae says

    You could put a bin next to your door, with a sign saying “toxic waste disposal” or something, and that for each copy of that newspaper you will donate some amount of money to Planned Parenthood or something.

  3. Chris J says


    Ok, first off, if you’re trying to distance yourself from nazis, “exuberant” is probably the last word you want to use to describe your nazi-like language. “Oh man, I just got so caught up in the joy of the moment that I thought shouting out ‘Hail Trump, Hail our People’ was a good idea!”

    Second off, when literally the first line of your wikipedia page reveals that you are a well-known white-supremacist, no amount of cheeky ironic-ness is going to excuse your white-supremacist speech.

  4. specialffrog says

    This Sartre quote has been floating around lately:

    “Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert.”

  5. cartomancer says

    Does the University of Minnesota, Morris have a Literature department that these swamp-dwellers could be directed to for an outline of what satire actually consists in?

    Or maybe a local primary school?

  6. blf says

    “Literature Department” is too many syllables beyond their compression. So is “Primary School”, albeit that typically is where people are taught to use pencil on lined paper, rather than crayon on the floor.

  7. MHiggo says

    PZ @ 3 — re: Satire

    I’m trying and failing to remember where I heard this. I think it was Noah Lugeons: “Satire is not saying what you mean really loudly.”

  8. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    Would it be too dastardly do the following?
    Put out a bin with a slot in the lid with a sign “Northstar Here for PZ Myers”. Once a week swap the lid for the “Recycle” symbol for maintenance to empty.
    Never lie to a liar, eh?

  9. Greta Samsa says

    It’s sad (and stupid) that so many (especially the Nazis and other Republicans) believe not only that other people lack the right to speak against them, but that their own freedom of speech obliges others to listen.

  10. wzrd1 says

    @PZ, you’re tired of the writings unfit for the bird cage bottom. I’m tired of the cat constantly stealing and laying on my papers (and oddly, when I turn it on, my e-book).
    How about you collect them and I’ll pay $5.00 plus shipping for the cat’s play area. He’ll happily shred them, take running leaps to slide across the floor, etc, then they go into the recycle bin.

    At least then, I’d be able to not lose a bill when I set it down or something that I’m working on.

    *Note to self: don’t wear reading glasses when handling that nonsense. The wife frowns upon my vomiting inside of the house.

  11. komarov says

    Re: chigau (#7):

    PZ can just keep sending them bills. If they don’t pay, the entire staff of the North Star will be rounded up by the liberal campus cops and thrown into the dungeon deep beneath the biology department. After some torture and a brief show trial for the amusement of the student body, they will be sentenced to hard labour, forced to work off their debt by cleaning aquariums for 7 cents an hour. Such is the harsh “reality” that the intrepid university-attending conservative has to face every day. At least that’s what it sound like coming from these poor, poor people.

  12. Holms says

    If they continue to give you copies in person, and you happen to be in the office, direct them to the cylindrical file.

  13. ck, the Irate Lump says

    I wish that something like that would be successful. Instead, these people will likely just make even more of an effort to provide you with their racist newspaper, since they apparently “hit a nerve”. Worse still, they’ll start screeching about their frozen peaches being taken away.

  14. handsomemrtoad says

    To #3 PZ and # 10 MHiggo:

    Here’s what the great English comedian Michael Flanders–of Flanders and Swann–said about the relationship between comedy and satire:

    The purpose of satire, it has been rightly said, is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cozy half-truth. And our job, as I see it, is to put it back again!

    Flanders and Swann also did a bit about the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics. It goes:

    One of the great problems in the world today is undoubtedly this problem of not being able to talk to scientists, because we don’t understand science. They can’t talk to us because they don’t understand anything else, poor dears!…

    …It’s no good going up to a scientist and saying to him as you would to anybody else, you know, “good morning, how are you, lend me a quid” and so on, I mean he’ll just glare at you, or make a rude retort, or something. No, you have to speak to him in language that he’ll understand. I mean you go up to him and say something like, “Ah, H2SO4, Professor! Don’t synthesize anything I wouldn’t synthesize. Oh, and the reciprocal of pi to your good wife.” Now, this he will understand.

    [C. P.] Snow says that nobody can consider themselves educated who doesn’t know at least the basic language of science. I mean things like Sir Edward Boyle’s Law, for example – the greater the external pressure, the greater the volume of hot air. Or, the Second Law of Thermodynamics, this is very important. I was somewhat shocked the other day to discover that my partner not only doesn’t know the Second Law, he doesn’t even know the First Law of Thermodynamics!…

    The First law of Thermodynamics:
    Heat is work and work is heat.
    Very Good.
    The Second law of thermodynamics:
    Heat cannot of itself pass from one body to a hotter body.
    Heat won’t pass from a cooler to a hotter.
    You can try it if you like but you’d far better not-er.
    ‘Cos the cold in the cooler will get hotter as a rule-a
    ‘Cos the hotter body’s heat will pass to the cooler
    Heat is work and work is heat and work is heat and heat is work
    Heat will pass by conduction and
    Heat will pass by convection and
    Heat will pass by radiation
    And that’s a physical law!

    Heat is work and work’s a curse
    And all the heat in the universe
    Is gonna cool down,
    ‘Cos it can’t increase
    Then there’ll be no more work
    And there’ll be perfect peace
    Yeah, that’s entropy, Man.
    And all because of the second law of thermodynamics which lays down:
    That you can’t pass heat to a hotter from a cooler
    Try it if you like but you’ll only look a fool-a
    ‘Cos the cold in the cooler will get hotter as a rule-a
    And that’s a physical law!…

    That’s the first and second laws of thermodynamics!