I love nature documentaries


Especially when they’ve been jazzed up a bit by Michael Bay.

It gets a bit repetitive once the joke is made, but that’s true of Michael Bay movies, too.

Comments

  1. Hoosier X says

    I don ‘t get it.

    Why are the bats and crocodiles fighting?

    Is it Obama’s fault?

  2. moarscienceplz says

    Quick, somebody tell Dr. Evil he can get crocodiles with fricken lasers in their heads!

  3. numerobis says

    So this is what Eve Online was about before she and Adam got kicked out of the garden of Eden and went off to outer space?

  4. microraptor says

    And the real question is- why can’t Syfy Channel original movies ever look this good?

  5. Holms says

    The sad thing about this footage is that it is actually kinda accurate in that far too many nature documentarians have a habit of dubbing sounds over the footage to jazz it up a bit. Such as this fucking travesty, entirely ginned up to portray a ‘war’ between various animals, with lion roars, clashing swords going sssshhhing, mewling lamb noises when something is dying… Ridiculous. “The desert centipede is the baddest of the bad. He’s aggressive, fast, big, mean. He wanders the desert like a serial killer, looking for more victims to add to his list.” Fuck you.

    But I guess at least they don’t artificially pit them together in a glass tank like this even worse shit.

  6. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    Make that an actionMMorpg. I need to be a bat with lasers and bombs.

    I think you mean an MMOSLAG.

  7. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    Stats and Levels Action Game.” A term I’m trying to popularize for games like the Diablo series and WoW which are lumped in under “Role Playing Games” due to having incorporating certain mechanics associated with them, despite containing miniscule to zero actual role-playing.

  8. says

    I’ve long thought the same thing — there’s a flaw in those games, in that they require treadmilling for points to ‘level up’, which requires constant amping up of the challenges to make it interesting, constantly rendering the bulk of the game obsolete and boring. I think Minecraft actually does it right: there are levels and experience, but you burn them in enchanting stuff, so everyone is at roughly the same level in the world and with respect to each other.

    Another thing that bugs me is the canonical triad of meatshield/healer/pewpew. It makes no sense. When you fight bad guys, everyone knows to kill the squishies in a dress first, so why don’t the monsters ever figure out that all they have to do is ignore the guy in plate armor for a minute, crush the healers in a minute flat, then rampage through all the weaklings wearing robes before focusing on the now-isolated muscle-bound hero?

  9. serena says

    @ #12:
    I may also be kinda old, but I’ve always heard games like that called “hack n’ slash”. I tried to give more insight about this comment but came up with nothing that actually had a point, heh.

  10. emergence says

    I think that part of the point of leveling up is to give a sense of progression to your character and make it feel like they’re getting better as they adventure more. It would actually be interesting if there was an RPG (or “SLAG”) that gave you the ability to select your stats, equipment, and abilities from the start and then just had you stay that way for the whole game.

    There are a few other things that bug me about most RPGs:
    1. They all have the same pseudo-medieval setting. I’d like to see an RPG where the creatures, cultures, magic, etc. were all original instead of being cookie-cutter stereotypes.
    2. Actual role-playing or the ability to make a character with a distinct appearance or personality is almost entirely absent.
    3. The gameplay is focused almost entirely around combat. I’d like to see more RPGs that try to make other aspects of adventuring main components of the gameplay, like character interaction, navigating obstacles, survival, stealth, etc.

    That last one is kind of relevant to something that I’ve been talking about over on the mended drum. PZ, I don’t want to ask too much of you, but you seem like the kind of guy who can tell when researchers are doing flawed research or drawing hyperbolic, sensationalistic conclusions from limited research. Do you think that there’s anything to the claim that combat-oriented games make people more aggressive or violent in real life?

  11. microraptor says

    PZ Myers @ 13-

    Another thing that bugs me is the canonical triad of meatshield/healer/pewpew. It makes no sense. When you fight bad guys, everyone knows to kill the squishies in a dress first, so why don’t the monsters ever figure out that all they have to do is ignore the guy in plate armor for a minute, crush the healers in a minute flat, then rampage through all the weaklings wearing robes before focusing on the now-isolated muscle-bound hero?

    Actually, a lot of modern RPGs (both tabletop and video game) have mechanics regarding that. Fighter type classes in many games now have abilities designed to prevent enemies from moving away from them or engaging other targets. But that’s not universal. Things can get brutal really fast when a party faces opponents that use intelligent tactics that they’re not prepared for. I’ve nearly caused TPKs (total party kills- wiping out all the player characters) when GMing with monsters that according to their Challenge Ratings should have been easy opponents just because I had them do things like pushing the fighter into a ravine (not deep enough to be terribly dangerous, but too steep to climb with the armor penalties), grabbing the mage with a flying monster, or otherwise doing anything but standing still and blindly attacking the closest thing to them. The party ninja never figured out that since she was the only character in the party with a demon-slaying sword, it meant that any time they faced demons they were always going to try to kill her first.

  12. Robert Harrison says

    That looked more like prequel era George Lucas then Michael Bay. Why are you always wrong like this

  13. Holms says

    @12
    Those are often termed ARPG, where the a stands for action and the RP is pretty much bludgeoned into nonexistence.

  14. says

    @Azkyroth 12
    Thanks! Now I don’t feel quite so old. It took a bit before “MOAB” would not make me think of Iraq and right-wing politics. It’s a good term. I guess the role-playing here would probably end up as your standard metaphor for recent wars with one of the sides tribal and the other industrial. Or a rip-off of Star Wars with the reptiles as the Empire.

  15. says

    Also the more boring “over and over” type stuff is good for people that like the cheap dopamine fix (sorry “gamers” but I’m getting into the smart phone games). All those story elements need people “fluent” in social brain “stuffs”. That might be what scares the “gamers”.

  16. Anders Kehlet says

    Torment: Tides of Numenera is promising to be a true RPG with meaningful combat.
    I’m kinda excited about that. ^^

    Pillars of Eternity was pretty good too, though it was very combat-heavy in the tradition of BG/ID.

  17. says

    Holms @9:

    far too many nature documentarians have a habit of dubbing sounds over the footage to jazz it up a bit. Such as this fucking travesty

    Good grief, that was awful.

    I can forgive a bit of foley work with documentaries. With insects they often add a bit of rustling for steps, squishy noises for chewing etc. But blatantly dubbing other animal noises over for dramatic tension is just silly.

    However, even David Attenborough indulges in unrealistic dubs once in a while.
    “Spiders from Mars” is a very interesting BBC documentary on jumping spiders. Portia are remarkably intelligent hunters, and move in a slightly robotic way; so as a bit of a gag, they overdubbed electric servo sounds while it moves around in some scenes. (Direct link here if you live in the UK; for convenience here’s a proxy link for other locked regions. Skip to 5m48s for an obvious example)

    But I guess at least they don’t artificially pit them together in a glass tank like this even worse shit.

    That’s not even trying to be a documentary, that’s a cockfight with arthropods. Ugh.

    Having said that — jesus christ camel spiders.
    Looked for other, less bloodsporty videos to confirm size; that particular species is not quite as big as it appears there, but still pretty hefty. And now I have one more fact boggling my mind.

    There are spider unboxing videos on Youtube.

  18. pentatomid says

    Nah, this doesn’t look like Michael Bay’s work at all. Way too well directed. In a Michael Bay film, you’ve got no idea what’s going on at all most of the time. Just look at those Transformers films.

  19. says

    emergence

    I’d like to see more RPGs that try to make other aspects of adventuring main components of the gameplay, like character interaction, navigating obstacles, survival, stealth, etc.

    Try Runescape. It’s FTP, though a paid account will get you access to certain areas and a handful of skills. ALL of your skills are important, from combat (divided into Magic, Melee, and Ranged) to Agility and Thieving and even Woodcutting, Mining, and Crafting. (Oh, and Cooking and Fishing — there are quests you need these skills for.)

  20. davidnangle says

    Needs Attenborough narrating a Tom Clancy script. Attenborough teamed up with some poor man’s Chris Rock telling him he’s one crazy mofo.