You know what I think of cats


My impressions have been confirmed. Someone has made a video showing the cat’s true nature: ASSASSINS.

Comments

  1. rq says

    The Oatmeal did a great cartoon on the bloodthirstiness of cats years ago. I’m sorry you’re so late to finding this out, PZ. The truth is difficult, when you realize you’ve been enslaved to a mass murderer.

  2. Al Dente says

    No self-respecting assassin cat would wear a hood and cloak. Those are reserved for ninja gerbils and enforcer weasels.

  3. blf says

    The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog was more effective, efficient, and messier, albeit vulnerable to the The Holy Hand Grenade. President Carter’s killer rabbit seems to have not suffered from that defect.

    Trebuchet ammo fails again!

  4. Gregory Greenwood says

    Careful – we don’t want the dudebro misogynists to find out about our secret weapon; cute kitteh femi-ninjas!

    At least, we can’t let them find out until it is too late, and adorable kitteh-related death from above is imminent…

  5. applebeverage says

    If my cat ever wanted to kill me, it’d make for a very funny and cute story. If one of the dogs in this house wanted to kill me, I’d be dead within seconds, and they’d be the most painful seconds of my life. And don’t tell me dogs are perfect angels and incapable of such evil, because the one foster dog that was supposed to be gone in July but is STILL HERE has already attacked me twice. I’ve been told those were “warning attacks” and not even “real” attacks, and they were the most pain I’ve ever experienced.

    tldr; pet stereotypes are crap, cats are better than dogs, this was a really cute video. Hey, do you suppose if the actual game used kittens instead of humans, there could have been some female kittens because Ubisoft wouldn’t have to render boobies?

  6. ck says

    applebeverage wrote:

    Hey, do you suppose if the actual game used kittens instead of humans, there could have been some female kittens because Ubisoft wouldn’t have to render boobies?

    Rendering boobies hasn’t been a problem for years since game developers invented jiggle technology that lets them render in-game women with quivering mounds of Jello attached to their chest.

  7. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    So what is the actual game, and is there a trailer that this directly parodies, or is it a more general parody?

  8. 2kittehs says

    You’ve done it now, PZ. You’ve made yourself a target. First rule of Kitty Assassins is you don’t talk about Kitty Assassins.

    (I have no idea what this vid is parodying, or games or anything, but it is So Cute it doesn’t matter.)

  9. says

    Tony!

    My ex and I had Samoyeds. Due to an emergency adoption* of one which was, unknown to us, pregnant, at the same time as the one we already had also being pregnant, we had two litters adding up to sixteen pups, a week apart. Cute doesn’t begin to describe it.

    *Rescued from a puppy-farm.

  10. 2kittehs says

    Tony! @12, oh, gotcha! Thanks, I’m so not a gamer I didn’t have any idea about that. :)

    Daz @11 … ::sighs:: The Samoyed puppy cuteness is extreme, but for me, kitty cuteness will always be supreme.

    Oh my, you had sixteen pups in the house? Now that really is Extreme Cute.

    Belatedly, theophontes @5

    The only thing worse than being enslaved by a cat, is not being enslaved by a cat.

    Truth. I never want to be without furry overlords. I just wish I could have more than two!

  11. Anthony K says

    Rendering boobies hasn’t been a problem for years since game developers invented jiggle technology that lets them render in-game women with quivering mounds of Jello attached to their chest.

    ck, I’m not sure if you’re aware that when Assassin’s Creed Unity was released without any options for female player characters, Ubisoft explained that female bodies would have taken too much work to render.

    http://www.themarysue.com/ubisoft-female-characters-assassins-creed-unity/

  12. says

    Daz:
    I’m guessing you didn’t keep all the pups. Did you successfully get them adopted?

    ****

    2kittehs:

    Tony! @12, oh, gotcha! Thanks, I’m so not a gamer I didn’t have any idea about that. :)

    Angry Birds

    Angry Birds is a puzzle video game developed by Finnish computer game developer Rovio Entertainment that started the Angry Birds franchise. Inspired primarily by a sketch of stylized wingless birds, the game was first released for iOS in December 2009. Since that time, over 12 million copies of the game have been purchased from the iOS App Store, which has prompted the company to design versions for other touchscreen-based smartphones, most notably those using the Android, Symbian, Windows Phone and BlackBerry 10 operating systems. It has since expanded to video game consoles and for PCs.
    In the game, players use a slingshot to launch birds at pigs stationed on or within various structures, with the intent of killing all the pigs on the playing field. As players advance through the game, new types of birds become available, some with special abilities that can be activated by the player. Rovio Mobile has supported Angry Birds with numerous free updates that add additional game content, and the company has also released stand-alone holiday and promotional versions of the game.
    Angry Birds has been praised for its successful combination of addictive gameplay, comical style, and low price. Its popularity led to versions of Angry Birds being created for personal computers and gaming consoles, a market for merchandise featuring its characters and even long-term plans for a feature film or television series. With a combined 2 billion downloads, as of January 2014, across all platforms and including both regular and special editions, the game has been called “one of the most mainstream games out right now”, “one of the great runaway hits of 2010”,and “the largest mobile app success the world has seen so far”

  13. says

    Tony!

    All bar one were adopted, though it took a while. Samoyeds were becoming a bit “trendy” at that point (hence the puppy-farm), so we wanted to make sure the pups would go to loving homes, not people out to make a profit breeding them.

    (If anyone’s interested: I’ve never known a breed as good with kids as Samoyeds and other Spitz breeds. They even beat the patient old Labrador on that score.)

  14. ck says

    @Anthony K,

    Yeah, I remember hearing about that. I’d bet Ubisoft was just too cheap to hire a woman motion capture and voice actor rather than having anything to do with needing to model a woman character.

  15. 2kittehs says

    Tony!

    So that’s what Angry Birds is about? I’d seen pictures of them and assumed it was birds fighting each other, or something. ::shakes head::

    Defintiely sticking to freecell and Stack the Cats and Tetris when I want a major challenge/bout of RSI.

  16. applebeverage says

    ck @8 & Anthony K @17: Yeah, I was making a little jokey joke there at Ubisoft’s expense.

  17. rq says

    xavierninnis4191
    That is one pissed off and confused cat – “HEY, who ordered these crappy boxes?? *nyuh nyuh* Maaaybe… if I just… Eeeerrrghhh… This sucks.”

  18. ledasmom says

    Daz, sixteen puppies? Did you ever just fall asleep under a mountain of puppies?
    And did you ever find your floor again under the drifts of fur? That sounds like several sweaters’ worth of Samoyeds.

  19. numerobis says

    True story: my art “director” (meaning he spends half his time doing all the artwork, and the other half doing other things) told me a couple nights ago about how Ubisoft found it too expensive to model a woman in their game. “UBISOFT” he repeated, pointing down the street (wrong street, but only a couple blocks off). So how could we POSSIBLY expect to cater to this small subset of our clientele? Reminded that girls comprise roughly half our clientele, and that many boys also didn’t like our character, he just repeated that it wasn’t worth the cost and effort because nobody really actually cared.

    So tonight I spent a few hours getting a female character in our game. Took me about three hours, including finding a free (as in beer) female character asset and learning from tutorials (since I knew nothing) how animations work in the Unity game engine. Looks better than our original character.

    Something else I learned: games animators seem to believe that women wiggle their ass and breasts suggestively at every possible opportunity, or at least so it seemed from the few “female” animation packs I saw videos of. Maybe that’s what was going to cost Ubisoft too much?

  20. ledasmom says

    Daz:

    Sadly, we didn’t know at the time that it’s possible to spin Samoyed (All Spitzes?) fur, or we’d have had a go.

    I saw part-Samoyed yarn once; it bloomed almost like mohair, but less scratchy. I believe they’re considered one of the better breeds if one wants to spin dog hair.
    One of my coworkers has a dog (husky) whose hair has the most amazing ability to hide itself and then roll out into the center of the floor in large fluffy balls. Literally five minutes after you sweep, there it is, mocking you.

  21. 2kittehs says

    One of my coworkers has a dog (husky) whose hair has the most amazing ability to hide itself and then roll out into the center of the floor in large fluffy balls. Literally five minutes after you sweep, there it is, mocking you.

    First it was The Blob, then it was The Hair! :O