I’m glad I’m an Apple purist, because all these marvelous iProducts just keep pouring out.
(Advance warning: before you PC/Unix/Whatever fanatics start expressing your outrage in the comments, watch the video. OK?)
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
But I just bought my typewriter 1 two months ago! RAGE!!! Fuck you Apple!!!!!1
I have to admit, that’s rather clever. Clearly, though, that young pup never bothered to take a typing class. Why, in my day…. Excuse me a moment…
Hey, you damn kids! Get off my lawn!
Next up: Apple sues Smith-Corona for patent infringement.
I didn’t catch the sentence they printed out. What was it?
Well, say what you will, it’s still faster than using the onscreen typepad…
Wake me when we can get back to a quill and a bottle of oak gall ink.
Glen Davidson
Semi-OT, but not 30 minutes ago I had a somewhat hilarious bit of Apple frustration:
In order to download the Quicktime SDK for Windows (FOR WINDOWS, DICKFACE), you have to have an Apple ID account that has Developer status. Which I already did, thankfully. But since the time I registered as a Developer, apparently they want more survey information now. One of the questions is, “Which Apple platforms do you plan on developing for?”, and it lists the choices as iOS, Mac OS X, and Safari.
And you must check at least one of the boxes. Or else it won’t let you register. To download the Quicktime SDK.
FOR WINDOWS.
Can I get an iAbacus?
I just count on my peripheral digital devices.
This is exactly as practical and useful as every other Apple product.
I bet those typewriter keys are proprietary and cost $50 a key.
And my PC is every bit as fast as that, I’ll have you know.
Glen Davidson
I watched the video. I saw someone who didn’t know how to type spend almost three minutes typing a sentence I could type in less than 20 seconds. Am I supposed to be impressed?
I’ll stick with my pc and laptop. At least they come with real keyboards.
Ah, yes, Apple. The company that got rich commercializing a Xerox PARC invention, and now goes after anyone who tries to emulate their products.
Forget the final copy on my elite typewriter. Rough drafts. What I wouldn’t have given for the ability to cut ‘n paste, correct, back up, move forward, insert, copy, remove, rewrite … My rough drafts looked like graffiti and were virtually illegible to anyone but me, filled with arrows and crosses and little carrots with lists of words on them and teeny tiny notes and notes and notes in the margins. Teachers who wanted to “see them” could not possibly have read them.
I had some misgivings when I finally took my old college typewriter out of the attic and donated it — partly because it had once been so crucial to me and partly because it was so old even when I got it (my high school graduation gift from my parents) that it wasn’t all that far from being a “collectible” (maybe it was from the 40’s or 50’s?) It weighed a ton. Well, no — but very heavy. I envied those modern girls in the dorm with their sleek electrics. I was uncomfortable with electric typewriters, though — so fast. They’d repeat letters if you weren’t quick enough, and the clunky old thing I used had to be pounded on.
I don’t miss typewriters at all. And I’ve been told I still pound on the keyboard. Bad habit.
1. It’s slow as hell, even slower than that soft keyboard
2. IT WILL DESTROY YOUR TOUCH SCREEN.
That is, if it even works and this is not a hoax. Which I’m pretty sure it is.
It’s a joke, son.
Watch the video first? But that’s contrary to all of the rules of reflexively outraged reaction!
My Windows PC, running IE, will not do videos over the internet for some strange reason. So I will ignore our lord and master’s command and be outraged anyway.
Ah. The iFinger. You could go blind!
kind of reminiscent of the things done with modding computers steam punk style only not steam punk. What would 50’s styling be called?
uncle frogy
I gotta say, the reason I got an iPod (and 3 more after that) was solely cause of the accessories. At the time this meant a 3rd party remote control, but even now it’s a big advantage, however pointless they may seem.
Apparently Apple will be changing the dock connector soon though, so also, here’s the obligatory: fuck you, Apple.
Pfft.
Wet clay and stylet. Or chisel.
Unholy cow, that was painfully slow.
iOldSchoolTouchTypist.
Knotted string.
What’s it called?
The I-Pecker?
Sastra:
iOldSchoolProofreader too.
Maybe the typist, being of the iGeneration, apparently, only knows how to thumb-type.
I’m more outraged that it’s a vertical video.
No worries! Coming soon from Apple, a replacement for your obsolete visual sensory organs. Presenting…
The iBall!
@18
I had that problem too and did everything I could find online to try and fix it and nothing worked. I downloaded a different browser because I was sick of it.
Oh, jolly! I’m personally very excited about the return of the monospaced American Typewriter and the double spaces after the full stop.
Oh, wait, those never complety disappeared.
@Ogvorbis
This is the problem.
Get a browser instead of a series of bugs that happens to fall into the vague shape of a browser.
There needs to be a big lever that moves from right to left. That’s what causes the thingie to hit the Enter key.
Can’t do that. Approved software and all that shit.
Regarding typewriters, steam punk, 50stech, I think it would be really cool to have a typewriter-shaped laptop: the slightly bulky burlap-with-leather-trim case, with a zipper, opening up with the lcd screen in the lid and a sloped, typewriter-style keyboard (full, with f-keys and everthing else) in the base. Just like an old portable typewriter.
I know that I would need to download the iWhiteout app.
It sounds flimsy (joke goes here), but if the feel of the keys is right, I’ll get one in a heartbeat. (For the S*ms*ng ripoff, of course.)
Funny, incidentally, how Apple ridiculed the idea of the Tab when it came out – noöne would want anything that small.
iRonic?
For Dog’s sake, that video was slow, bad and pointless. There was a landscaped version of the vid that could have been linked to, although a picture would have been sufficient. Who the frak makes such shit video these days?
I’m enough of an engineer that I was thinking that the linkages could all have been identical, and that was the funniest thing about the device, the concept and certainly the vid. I can say that it was built, not CGIed, so it isn’t a hoax that way, but only as a joke—certainly not for production. I could program all the sheet-metal into a laser cutter or a water-jet in a morning, and have the puppy assembled in an afternoon. Plus, it certainly looks like an engineer’s alleged sense of alleged humor.
iGagged.
Not a stupid idea. I only wish I knew how to operate an abacus.
I think an iSliderule makes sense a paedagogical tool as well. (It’s not exactly easy to get the real thing anymore.)
Also a Morse app for one-fingered texting.
“What would 50′s styling be called?”
Atomic Punk, of course.
I had that problem too and did everything I could find online to try and fix it and nothing worked. I downloaded a different browser because I was sick of it.
firefox windows ftw.
seriously, there is no better or more flexible browser available on any platform.
that said, DO NOT even attempt to use firefox in Android. it’s the exact opposite in that platform: one of the clunkiest and least workable browsers available.
I know that I would need to download the iWhiteout app.
*mind twitches at memories of late nights typing papers for college classes*
I think I may have experienced more brain damage from white-out fumes than from weekend college parties.
Caine:
I watched the video after reading the comments, and expected to se a two-finger typist. Instead, I saw someone who is used to using multiple fingers, but so slowly that it was painful to watch. From the use of fingers, I would guess the typist is a muso, but muso’s tend to type faster than that regardless.
Is it possible that the speed of typing was an artistic decision?
iPianoPlayingOldSchoolTouchTypist
@Sili at #37
There are at least a dozen slide rule apps for the iPad and even more for iPhone. ;)
I remember typing my complete thesis on a typewriter like that – and at the same speed, too. Drove my roommates nuts.
Waste of fucking time, that was.
I had a typewriter with that style of keyboard when I was young. It always annoyed me how the hammers with the letters would get stuck together, and when my parents got a “digital typewriter” I was so happy, because it would buffer what I typed, and print it out at the best speed the letter ball could spin and whap itself against the page at. Putting up with the occasional BEEP when I got more that 16 letters ahead of the printout was much better than having to stop every few minutes to unstick the hammers.
Somehow, I suspect that wouldn’t be as much of a problem with this gadget, but it’s also nice to see that it could probably be used on an android tablet with no extra difficulties beyond the damage to the screen from using it.
Does anyone remember daisy-wheel printers?
Does anyone remember daisy-wheel printers?
yup. that was my first typewriter after high school.
Okay people, this is ~not~ somebody who simply can’t type. The typist is working slowly because of the limits of the machine–slower than you see in the video, because it’s been sped up.
…ok, second, now that I recall better.
first was an old manual typewriter.
the daisy wheel one I used in college was a Brother electric one, IIRC.
hey, whaddya know, they still make them!
http://www.brother-usa.com/typewriters/default.aspx?src=ML300#.UD6iuaCK9Fs
Yep, wrote about a 1500 line 6502 assembly program to use AppleWriter files with a daisy wheel printer for professional looking chemical documents that we manually pasted drawings into. Used it for years.
The daisy wheel we had at work was big.
It was set on a cheap little table and the thing moved said table when it reversed direction.
One of our jobs was to brace the table when printing a long document.
While we’re at nostalgia, who remembers when computer monitors were television sets?
Green all caps on a black background.
Actual caps being a little square of reversed colour.
and the secretary typed faster than the computer could display.
(good old days)
Sigh. If the work on evolution was done with the depth of knowledge, logic, evidence gathering and and analysis that leads to the quality of comments such as 3,10,13 and uncountable (and possibly infinite) others currently abusing poor innocent electrons across the net then creationists would win without breaking a sweat.
I blame AOL. The day AOL joined the internet marks the end of any hope for humanity. It unleashed the beginning of ‘youtube comment’ quality discourse. When the aliens come to do archeology on the still-smouildering wreckage of Earth, they will decrypt ancient storage devices, read the vast gibbering archives of social media and wonder how such creatures could have successfully pulled on their pants each morning.
Yep, it could have, except it was a SteelCase table.
Nerd
jeez you had actual, designed office furniture?
We had discarded kitchen and bedroom tables and chairs.
(uphill in both directions)
It’s just not the same without the rrrrring!! of the carriage return.
Amphiox:
You youngsters and your writing. At your age we were expected to memorize a new epic poem every day!
Dave #28, you’re late to the party. (NSFW)
As for typewriters, if I had to own one again I’d want either an Olivetti or an Underwood. Because style.
The typist is working slowly because of the limits of the machine?
Come on. There’s only one reversing linkage at most between key and thwacker. If they’d sped the vid up, they should have done even more.
As for still making typewriters: I helped distribute new old-style manual typewriters to some very rural schools in Indonesia back in 2005. They had no electricity and could not afford computers. The kids were learning to use the abacus—I bought mine here in America, and had to cut a bead off each wire, ’cause it wasn’t even made right (no, I still don’t know how to use it).
Oh, come one, you HAVE to know by now that the only legitimate use of IE is to get online once to download another browser.
And of course now there’s Ninite, so even THAT use is obsolete.
/SmugElitistJerk
“Ah, yes, Apple. The company that got rich commercializing a Xerox PARC Invention, which Apple paid for with a huge block of Apple stock*, and now goes after anyone who tries to use Apple’s inventions without paying in a similar fashion.”
There, fixed it for yah.
*Which stock Xerox, true to their almost inconceivable ability to make the wrong business decisions yet remain in business, sold JUST before Apple’s stock zoomed into the stratosphere and split, the first time, thus missing out on a gigantic profit.
moarscienceplz says:
I was thinking Brylcreampunk.
Fairly recent building, and SteelCase was located in Grand Rapids, Michigan (this was in Dah Yoo-Pee).
Ms. Daisy Cutter:
I still have my small Olivetti portable – it’s red and has a spiffy red case. :D
Propeller-punk?
Glen Davidson
I thought the idea behind that was sort of cool until I noticed that the typewriter was hitting the iPad screen. Once I noticed that, this video became fucking stupid. I wouldn’t want something like that for a touchscreen.
Menyambal: by ‘limits of the machine’ I mean that you can see that they’re having problems with accuracy at that speed as it is, particular the double bounces. You can tell from the sound of their voices that they have sped it up.
echidna
I counted roughly 7 wpm. I was not aware that typing that slowly was even possible. If it was an artistic decision, I’m not sure that the ad bodes well for what Apple thinks of their consumers.
Also, on a sad note, I’m reading The Odd Women for one of my classes. It’s a Victorian era novel, and one of the central characters is very much into helping other women to get training on typewriters to help them expand their potential job prospects. There was a footnote when she brough out her Remington, and the footnote explained that Remington is a typewriter brand.
That’s just sad that that needs to be a footnote nowadays.
When Xerox R and D was busy establishing all the foundations that would pretty much later assemble the entire edifice of the modern computing revolution, the people in charge basically had the attitude of “we’re not interested in these fancy tangents. We’re a Photocopier company, and we make and sell photocopiers. And we focus on making our photocopiers damn good.” They basically traded away their intellectual property rights for what was essentially nothing at the time because they didn’t consider those things important to their core mission.
But guess what? It WORKED. Xerox is still in business, still selling photocopiers, and still making damn good photocopiers.
So who are we to second-guess them? If they had kept that tech and tried to market it themselves, who’s to say they would have had the expertise to do it properly? (Anyone remember the Amiga or Atari ST, or any of the other attempts at GUIs that ultimately failed the test of time?) What if they had screwed it up the way Corel screwed up when they branched into productivity software from their graphics software core? What if that screw-up had destroyed the company, like it did to Corel?
Okay, sorted out name issues. Stupid google login. Woot! I am now part of the commentariat.
That’s really clever.
How long before Apple patents the idea and sues the inventor?
Our first electric typewriter had a ball that you could switch to one with another font. The problem was that it would get confused and occasionally when you typed it would not type, but just spin back and forth. At least when the little manual typewriter’s keys got bunched it was not a problem to put them back.
I am old enough that in college I carried my computer programs in a box. It was a tragic when the cards would fall out and get mixed up.
Then when I went back a year after getting my degree as a graduate student, all but a couple of the keypunch machines were replaced with keyboards and monitors that communicated with the mainframe. When I returned (again) as a graduate student about three years ago there were now stations with personal computers hooked to the internets and loaded with the requisite software (like Mathematica, MatLab, etc).
(and yes, I dropped out of graduate school twice)
Anyone remember the Amiga or Atari ST, or any of the other attempts at GUIs that ultimately failed the test of time?
hell, even IBM failed with OS2.
that was, at the time, a vastly superior operating system to windows.
and global giant IBM failed to make its case based on merits.
a great lesson in the success of the marketing strategy of MS vs IBM.
…and the end of marketing based on the quality of your goods instead of the flash you can add to your commercials.
yes, I dropped out of graduate school twice
no shame there. so did I.
sometimes you never can really tell what a lab is going to be like until you spend a year or so there.
4idan, I do not agree that the vid was sped up. All the motions and the machine sounds seem correct to me. Yes, there is a person with a Yeardley Smith voice, but there’s a guy in the background who sounds normal, and who comes out very clearly just before the end to ask, “How much longer?”
ss, it isn’t an legitimate ad. It was a joke video of a toy some engineers whipped up in their spare time on a CNC cutter, or something.
Seriously, if Apple was going to make something vaguely like this, to improve typing feel, they’d make a little rubber keyboard to lay on the screen, with clicky springs in it, and soft pads that came down to touch the screen. It’d need to align to the edges of the screen, and have hollows over each letter’s space on the touchscreen.
Or, of course, a separate keyboard entirely, as you can buy already for many products.
I normally avoid these Mac vs. PC pissing matches (no computer is perfect, after all), but I have to ask: What the hell are people doing to their computers to cause all these problems? I have never had this problem in my life (even back in the days of Windows ME), videos work on IE just fine. I spent a whole month trying to recreate conditions that might lead to something like this and I got bupkis as a result.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not one of those fanboys who think Macs suck on principle, I just can’t understand how people get these problems with any system they use. Two years ago, one of my friends lent me her Macbook while she was on vacation for two weeks. It worked just fine, no problems at all (though admittedly, it didn’t have the hardware necessary to run games the way I like ’em). My friend fully expected me to immediately become a fan of all things Apple when she returned.
Observations: There was no discernable difference in the quality or functionality of the software was noted. It only took a few minutes to figure out where everything was located, and every time I used a program, it ran the way it was supposed to run.
The result: Much to my friends disappointment, I found no reason to spend money to switch to Apple in order to avoid problems I never have, and there was nothing I could do with her Mac that I couldn’t do with my PC. However, I suspect that if I was already an Apple user, I wouldn’t have any complaints because I would already know how to use Apple products without issue and thus would find no reason to switch to a PC.
Computers are computers, there really is no difference except with how it ‘looks’. If you like OS, use OS. If you like Windows, use Windows. If you like Linux, use Linux.
But ffs, stop screaming about which brand is ‘superior’ because that varies with the person using it!
I just can’t understand how people get these problems with any system they use.
I recommend NOT going into a career servicing people’s personal computers.
you’d be ripping your hair out at what you see.
@Ichtyic
I accept your suggestion.
Ogvorbis, uncle frogy, and anyone else with a touch of Captain Nemo:
behold.
and more pretty pictures on his old site, where you can still poke around and admire things.
As time passes, I care less and less about people making fun of OSes or hardware, but I’m getting increasingly enraged by embedded videos in blogs which have no description if I don’t want to watch the video.
Fuck, I’m tired.
@Ichthyic
I accept your suggestion.
But I’m sure Ichtyic would’ve had a nice idea, too.
yeah, I just speak from years of personal experience. I spent 20 years working on people’s personal computers, mostly as a sideline, occasionally as a full time job.
the horror.
the horror.
I just remembered an old e-mail joke about tales from the customer service desk. I can’t find that one now, but there are far more available just like it on the internet.
Naturally, one can’t verify their veracity, but some of these are still facepalm worthy.
Hey, that’s what *I* do.
The stories are all true. *twitch…twitch* ALL of them.
I just remembered an old e-mail joke about tales from the customer service desk. I can’t find that one now, but there are far more available just like it on the internet.
the wordperfect customer service dialogue?
yeah, that’s a good one, but it’s mostly embellished fiction:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp
still like to tell it on ocassion though, as it is so close to things i actually HAVE seen as to be indistinguishable.
almost a Poe, as it were.
The one I got actually had the ‘mouse as a footpedal’ complaint.
I managed to find that one on Snopes, too.
Still pretty damn funny.
Apple would never release something like that. It has way too many buttons. Now, if you can get that typewriter down to four or maybe five buttons, then maybe they’d be interested.
I prefer the ClarisWorks customer support complaint if we’re going for this stuff. (Warning: possibly NSFW.)
“They did a full clean custom install on me, you better believe it.”
Next Apple will attach a tablet screen to a 15 ton Babbage Difference Engine–iBDE–followed by the iBDE2. Then after a couple of years of that they will bring out the Babbage Analytical Engine–iBAE which will mean you have to change everything and they will probably sue the British for their Plan 28 which is a project to build Babbage’s Analytical Engine.
The last project is real and apparently the researchers welcome public contributions. So, if you are interested.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/08/science/computer-experts-building-1830s-babbage-analytical-engine.html?_r=2
I’ve grown accustomed to being suspicious of a common word having a lower case i or e stuck in front of it like it was brand spanking new and better.
Now I see that I was right.
~still typing at fifty five wpm with errors and backspaces after nearly fifty years at the keys–I feel so literate and not obsolescent–little glowy icons and rounded corners do not help plus I have large hands–hurray for standard keyboards and desktops!~
I can personally vouch for the xeroxed copy of a floppy disk received as ‘a copy of your floppy disk’. Also ‘Why does the power plug jump out of the socket when we run your software?’, and ‘why can’t we print anything when the green power light is off?’.
As no-one’s answered @4 and for those others having difficulty the typed sentence was “This is iTypewriter for iPad User can enjoy the old feeling of typing and also the latest technology in the same time”
So they can’t type, punctuate, or use basic grammar… gosh they must be Apple users :-P
i think the bottom row of keys on the joke iTypewriter (see screenshot) is activating the top row on the iPad keyboard, which might account for the extreme hunt ‘n’ peck typing we’re seeing?
@93 – Looking at it in HD at the start you’re right the layout is different.
something, Z, something, D, F, G, H, U, I, O, P , something.
A, S, D, E, R, T, Y, N, M, something, something, Return.
Q, W, X, C, V, B, Space, J, K , L, something.
Hmm must be Apple’s latest attempt to patent something else for their own little propriety market.
The machine has been in continuous use for three and a half years now and, due to security issues with the agency’s server, we are limited as to what versions we can use. The small problems add up and, with a mandated version that cannot handle the newest versions of Flash and other online programmes, eventually some stuff stops working. It happens. I did nothing to the computer other than use it. A lot. And I know that I could probably go in, find the switch that is set wrong, and fix it but, since I don’t actually need it for my job, whay bother?
yes yes brylcream/atomic punk or atomic/brylcream punk
grey-flannel buttoned down hot-rod.
computers are computers they all are wonderful and they all suck we’re barely out of the Sesame street era (maybe). I don’t buy the paid hype by the manufacturers nor the free hype by the users.
uncle frogy
has always been my favorite “ID10T error” question.
Sili wrote (#37) “I think an iSliderule makes sense a paedagogical tool as well. (It’s not exactly easy to get the real thing anymore.)”
A couple of years ago I bought a 20-inch K&E bamboo sliderule for a buck at a yard sale…in Silicon Valley.
There is a slide rule simulator in the Apple App Store.
Oh for crying out loud, people, it’s a funny video with a cute machine.
Apple sells keyboards which work with the iPads. I use one with my Android phone and my PS3 because they’re nice little keyboards (no, I didn’t pay retail for them, I got them at the flea market.)
I think the typewriter idea is funny. I expected fewer hammers and a slider moving the iPad side to side, tho.
@Crissa:
Shhhh! The anti-Apple sentiment over this lawsuit is a very fragile, delicate thing. It’s bad enough that Google has already issued a press release condemning Samsung for having copied Apple instead of innovating, thus demolishing the “this ruling is stifling innovation” argument. Now you’re pointing out that Samsung’s users are basically hipsters — “I like Apple’s OS, but their stuff is too mainstream, so I use Android instead — you’ve probably never heard of it.” Quiet! You might shatter their egos!
people complaining about typing speed, lets see how well you do on a Non-qwerty keyboard
Where the hell is the platen?!
And boy is that guy a slow typist.
I’d almost use this, but only if you can get rid of the superfluous screen keyboard.
And it must ding at the end of each line.