I was born to a liberal Jewish family, and grew up with all the cultural trappings of Judaism…Bar Mitzvah, religious school, and holidays.
During the 60s, which is when I grew out of childhood (I was 12 in 1960) the Temple I belonged to began to deal with the social issues of the time (or, more likely, I became aware of that), most notably the Civil Rights movement and later the Vietnam War. The theme running through the discussions focused around the rights of other people to freedom…freedom to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and freedom to say and think what they believed.
This is what I grew up with…this is what my parents and the religious tradition to which I belonged taught me. Yet even this open attitude engendered hypocrisy when combined with theism as I learned later.
This social attitude gave me very good feelings about my family, friends, and religious tradition…so much so that I went on to study “religion” in college. In 1970 I graduated with a B.A. in (secular) Religious Studies. However, by the time I got my degree I had learned that theistic religions were all based on varying degress of superstition.
As with so many others who have written on this topic here, one incident stands out in my mind as the point at which I realized that god is a myth…no more valid than Greek or Norse (or any other) myths.
I was home from college and was attending some sort of service at my Temple. At one point a prayer was read, which I had heard all my life. One passage from the prayer jumped out at me. It was a prayer for peace on earth and understanding between governments and people of different cultures and beliefs. The passage prayed for a time when “superstition shall no longer enslave the mind, nor idolatry blind the eye.”
At that moment I realized the hypocrisy of it all…here we were, praying to a “supernatural” being to end superstition. I don’t think I laughed out loud, but this insight — which now seems so obvious that I’m embarrassed I didn’t see it years before — set me on the road to non-theism.
Other things have added to my understanding…
• I fell in love and married someone who was raised as a Christian and the response from the Rabbi of the Temple I attended was so hurtful that I realized his words throughout my life about openmindedness were just that…words. Nothing else. When faced with the results of what he, himself taught me, he reverted to bigotry.
• I took two science classes in graduate school — botany (which had a very strong genetics focus) and geology. This provided me with information about common anscestors and the age of the earth and piqued my interest in evolution. From there I did a lot of reading on my own.
• My wife was, and still is, a theist. She is very liberal, doesn’t believe in the divinity of Jesus (though she was raised as a Presbyterian) or in heaven and hell. She wanted to have some sort of religious “base” for our family so we went around trying to find a place where we would both fit. We chose the local Unitarian-Universalist congregation in our city. The members of the congregation were a mix of religious and non-religious liberals…theists and non-theists whose philosophy was “the search is the answer.” I did more reading and learning there. One important thing I remember was that we rarely discussed whether “God” existed or not. This was because we were busy discussing things which mattered — social issues such as war, medical ethics, and political rights.
I don’t identify myself as an “atheist.” I spent my professional career as an elementary school teacher in rural Indiana and if I had admitted that I was an atheist I would have been run out of my small town. I still identify culturally with Judaism, so that was my “cover.”
Spending all those years (I’m retired now) as a closet atheist hasn’t always been easy, but there are others here with me. I have a small group of friends who are in the same position. We “share” the closet.
Maybe someday, I’ll find the courage — like Jessica Ahlquist — to “come out” and face the ignorance of family and friends who are still myth-believers. That, I think, is why I’m here…reading this blog every day (and others…Jerry Coyne, Ed Brayton, for example).
I know I didn’t actually explain WHY I’m an atheist…instead I wrote about how I realized I was an atheist…and how I grew into my atheism. The “why” to my atheism is fairly simple: I don’t believe in supernatural myths.
Stu
United States
This makes me very sad. One shouldn’t have to be courageous to be who they are. Conversely, one shouldn’t have to feel uncourageous for surviving a theocracy.
The US really is a brutal, savage, backwards place.
Wow – a UU church in Indiana would be like a Catholic church in Kabul (maybe those exist, but you get the idea). At least you opened the closet door.
@2 davidgentile
There are several UU congregations in Indiana. I live in the Fort Wayne area (home to the state senator sponsoring the creation bill), but I know of at least two others…Indianapolis and Bloomington. I would be willing to bet that there are more of them, too. There aren’t a lot of UUs in Indiana…but enough to be visible.
Your reticence about “coming out” is understandable. However, the stakes are just to great for any of us to continue hiding in a closet, especially once we are retired.
I suggest reading Sean Faircloths new book: Attack of the Theocrats! Sean is executive director of the Secular Coalition for America and working closely with Richard Dawkins. They will both be meeting with some of us free thinkers and atheists at a private home in Secona, Arizona this Sunday.
Sean points out very forcefully just how important it is to resist and fight the insidious drive for clandestine promotion of theism that has been gathering momentum for decades. I will be publishing blogs about this meeting at my site next week: http://theageofreason–21stcentury.blogspot.com/
It’s for people like Stu that I produced Letters from an Atheist Nation, a collection of letters from atheists in 1903, which were requested by ex-Rabbi Morris Sachs out of Cincinnati.
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In my research, I came across this little bit of Indiana history that I thought Stu would find comforting…
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From A Portrait and Biographical Record of Delaware County, Indiana (1894) comes a short biography on a known agnostic (emphases are mine):
Stu:
May I invite you to check out my blog….http://www.TheAtheistRabbi.com? I’m a real rabbi and an atheist.
I work in a mainstream Jewish community agency and serve on the board of the Society for Humanistic Judaism and as vice-president of the Association of Humanistic Rabbis. And by the way, thanks for reminding me of that prayer…I’m going to adapt it for use in our non-theistic Shabbat services where we do not pray to God, but we do still celebrate our Jewish heritage and humanistic philosophy.
Wishing you the best, Rabbi Jeffrey Falick, Miami Beach, Florida.
@1, @4, @5,
I’m sorry. I think I’ve given the wrong impression. I’m not a professional writer and, truthfully I wrote this on my iPod while waiting at the doctor’s office a couple of days ago…
I wrote:
“Maybe someday, I’ll find the courage — like Jessica Ahlquist — to “come out” and face the ignorance of family and friends who are still myth-believers…”
First, and most emphatically, I have no problem with speaking out against religious insanity, in favor of scientific and rational thought. My blog is a pro public education blog…and I’ve mostly focused on the corporate intrusion into public education. I have, once, I think, included something about prayer in school…but most of all I’m trying to educate people on what the federal government (and state) in it’s rush to privatization is doing to the public schools of the country. I have considered including stories about the “creation science” bill in Indiana and Jessica Ahlquist’s court victory…both are in my list of “blogs to write.”
Everyone in my immediate family (children, children in law, and my brothers) as well as my closest friends, know that I “don’t do religion” and, truthfully, MOST of them don’t either. They also know that I’m outspoken about the danger that the religious right poses, the hypocrisy (and/or rationalizing) I believe exists with most organized religious groups and the ignorance caused by religious indoctrination. This is not true for my in-laws, however…see below.
What I meant in that passage about “coming out” was that I don’t broadcast that I’m an atheist. I’m not going to post it on my facebook page…for former students, parents of students, former colleagues, acquaintances and extended family to see. I’m not going to put a banner on my blog saying, “I’m an atheist.” I don’t want to get into that sort of public conflict. This is a very conservative part of the world…filled with Evangelicals, Amish (although I doubt that I’d find them on FB), and Mennonites. I have to live here.
In addition, after 41 years of marriage I don’t want to fight with my believing in-laws (mostly mainline protestant). They’re my family…and that’s important to me. They don’t have to know that I think they’re beliefs are stupid or ignorant. Sometimes, in extended families, you just ignore what you don’t like.
If anyone ever asked me point blank if I was an atheist I hope I would answer yes. On the other hand, to me, the argument over whether or not God exists is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t really care. (Note…the public argument IS relevant as long as there are people who are trying to force their religious beliefs on others.)
I didn’t make myself clear. I should have spent more time thinking about what I was going to write. I apologize.
P.S. Rabbi Jeff, I know your blog and have been reading it on and off for about a year. Thanks.
Sorry, Stu, I didn’t mean to imply that you were trapped in a closet, but I was inferring that atheists have to change their behavior, bite their tongues, and inadvertently give credence to ideas that have had their day.
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We may be freethinkers, but we’re not freespeakers, unless we don’t mind awkward family dinners. Atheists have this strange fascination with being reasonable and wanting to maintain order. Religious people don’t, or at least feel confident enough in their delusions to not care what happens when they open their mouths at the dinner table. They may be delusional, but it must be nice for them to not have to hide their true selves or keep their mouths shut. Atheists aren’t as fortunate.
I understand Thomas. Thanks.
An interesting article about being an atheist in America:
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/d2239780-4d4e-11e1-8741-00144feabdc0.html