You have two jobs to do:

• In the 2011 census, be sure to tick “no religion” on the form. Don’t play games, don’t compromise, don’t even call yourself a “secular humanist” — you’re just diluting the influence of the godless.

• Sign this petition to stop Rupert Murdoch. He’s like a parasitic invasive species who will strangle all the native competitors.

See? That’s not so hard.