Now, at last, with this handy reference and a pair of binoculars, you too will be able to identify biologists.

Notice the unusual markings. These varieties of biologists are clearly wearing no pants, one of the characteristics of the bench biologist, a delicate breed that favors air conditioned environments and wilts if not well-watered with money. The hardier subspecies of field biologists usually do wear pants, although it may be difficult to tell if they are also wearing hip waders.