I’m going to my high school reunion later this summer, and I’ve just had a revelation that will color the experience. A Catholic philosopher has exposed the awful truth.

In the column, published last week, the writer argued that one reason the children of gay parents should not be admitted to Catholic schools is the “real danger” that they would bring pornography to school.

I remember high school, and I remember some of the guys who would bring porn to school, or had it in their homes. I remember groups of guys getting together on the football field to snigger over the latest centerfold.

I had no idea they were all gay! Or that their parents were gay!

I’m going to have to bring that up at the party. I’m hoping that all those jocks have melted down into plump balding insurance salesmen, though, so I don’t get beat up too bad.

I’m still baffled by one thing, though. Why were all those hedonistic gay boys drooling over pictures of naked girls? I don’t think I saw a single scrap of gay porn until the internet was discovered and fundamentalist Christians started sending me pictures of men having sex with each other.