Frank and Jamie McCourt, the multi-millionaire owners of the LA Dodgers, have been revealed to have employed a Russian scientist to beam thought waves to boost the team’s chances.
That’s over now, though. I urge all loyal readers to close your eyes, face LA, and beam baseball hatred at them. To really potentiate the effect, you can also wiggle your fingers and go “Nnnn-nna-nna-naaaaa” or speak in tongues while doing it. We’re also going to pray for the New York Yankees*. Dodgers are dooooomed!
According to Bill Shaikin of the LA Times, the McCourts paid Vladimir Shpunt several hundred thousand dollars over five years to apply his “V energy” and help the Dodgers to victory. Between 2004, the first season under the McCourts’ ownership, and 2009, Shpunt was retained for Dodgers matches, despite the fact that he knew little about baseball.
…you know, “Vladimir Shpunt” is an awesome name for a Russian woo artist.
I might also be persuaded to end my campaign of psychic oppression for a few hundred thousand dollars, myself.
*Don’t worry about it, we’re atheists and already going to hell, so rooting for Satan’s favorite team won’t do you any more harm.