I’m sure this happens all the time.
A 2cm long fish apparently found it’s way into the penis of a 14-year-old boy from India in a bizarre medical case.
The patient was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period. According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home.
This is precisely why, when I’m cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on.
(via Rev. BigDumbChimp, who always finds stories like this.)
Thanks! It sounded very fishy to me.
Um
wait a minute
I’m skeptical of his explanation. Is his name Troy McClure, by any chance?
What. the. flaming. hell??!? He….fishtank….penis….what?
Yes, a lot of strange stories floating the websphere. Something isn’t quit adding up here, but that makes the story.
They didn’t believe me either when I tried his explanation at the emergency room. The nurses still talk about it, “that freaky fish f*cker”, I do believe that’s what they call me. ;-)
I just spent a painstaking six hours moving a 55-gallon aquarium into my new basement den. You’d be amazed how often I discovered a frisky little Tetra heading for my crotch.
Danger, indeed.
Here in Germany (geez, it just appeared to me that quite a lot of my posts have this opening) there was a medicine student who wrote her PhD thesis about penis injuries due to masturbation with vacuum cleaners. When finishing with summa cum laude she went on a reading tour with it…
Aw, c’mon, give the kid a break. He was just having a wet dream.
There’s the video!
http://www.ispub.com/journal/the_internet_journal_of_urology/volume_5_number_2_41/article/unusual_foreign_body_in_urinary_bladder_a_case_report.html
Wow! That’s even more unlikely than the priest who likes to change his kitchen curtain rods in the buff. There’s a greater probability that a 100 amino acid peptide just randomly formed the fish getting up there like that. To prove it, I’m going to pull numbers out of my ass … on second thought, everyone is going to want to know how those numbers got up there in the first place.
Never mind!
Ohhhhh, so *that’s* why my husband never cleans the tank! The only fish in our tank is a 10″ long, 4.5″ deep koi. You’d think it’d be pretty apparent if it got “misplaced”, but better safe than sorry.
To make things even worse he now has a nasty case of crabs.
Thread won. We can go home.
Uh, yeah, he had a candiru in his tank?
If not, it’s (wait for bad pun) a fish tale.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Could someone with a deeper knowledge of human anatomy than myself, please care to elucidate from which possible adjacent organ a fish might migrate into the bladder?!
Had to look up iatrogenic
Even knowing what we do about all doctors (evil pharma shills who would kill you through malpractice just as soon as they’d look at you) I’m going to think it’s going to be hard to blame a renegade MD running in mid bladder emptying and precisely throwing said fish penis-wise.
And knowing he had the fish in his hand I think we’re pretty clear it was a self-insertion. And by self I don’t mean the fish inserted itself.
I recall reading about a man who swam the Amazon River from near the source to the ocean. His greatest fear wasn’t piranhas or snakes or other nasties, rather he was most worried about a fish homesteading in his bladder. I think the fish is called “Canduri” or something like that.
Shudder.
As long as you don’t relieve yourself in the Amazon River you should be fine. Otherwise…
Yikes! I was going to clean out my aquarium later today…it contains a couple of 5″ turtles, and I’m going to be extra-special careful now, for sure!!!
There are three ways into the bladder: urethra, R ureter, L ureter. All things considered, my money’s on the urethral route, which is explicitly “designed” (sorry for the shorthand) for passage in the, uh, other direction. The damn fish had to have been inserted and then worked all the way up the urethra to the freakin bladder. Kid’s got issues.
I’ll provisionally accept the medical report but I’m not buying the boy’s story… just slipped in there while he was peeing… no, sorry, no sale here. Experimenting? Yeah, maybe. But damn, 2cm is a tad over 3/4 inch. That’s small as fish go but pretty big for a urethera. I wonder if it’s really possible. Now where did I put my minnow net?
Moral of the story:
Always, always, always cover your penis tightly with one hand while you clean your fish tank with your scrotum.
I’m glad to know these things happen to other people besides me.
At least this kid doesn’t keep gerbils.
@18, yes, candiru is a small bloodsucking catfish that has reportedly found its way into the penises and vaginas of bathers in Amazonian rivers.
How the hell does a 1.5 cm wide fish get in a urethra?! I mean, even assuming the kid has a history of dangerous forms of masturbation, that’s huge.
Also, the “urethra fish” from everyone’s nightmares is the Candiru.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
Wait is that one fish called the Candiru?
As everyone who has passed a kidney stone can attest, a ureter is significantly smaller. Though it’s amazing how big a stone can get through–amazing the amount of pain it causes, too.
I would think, however, that the fins would prevent it from moving “downstream” in both ureters and urethra. Fins make movement one-way, hence it would make it into the bladder causing, no doubt, kidney stone-like pain.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
“This is precisely why, when I’m cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on.”
Thank goodness you’re working with zebrafish and not cephalopods.
Now see? This is why my kid just has gerbils.
JC
I’m sure this kid is never going to live it down. His parents should take a heavy interest in the hobby; maybe start breeding betas. That fish looks a bit big for a first timer… I smell a urethra stuffing fetish. We should watch this kid; I suspect he’ll provide the internet with “gotse from the other end” in a few years.
-FST
I’ve heard some pretty lousy lies in my life, but nothing tops this one. And two “professors” believed him? Egad.
“This is precisely why, when I’m cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on.”
Thank goodness you’re working with zebrafish and not cephalopods.
Rev. BigDumbChimp @17,
Yeah, but that still doesn’t explain what the good docs are thinking when they write that it could migrate from an adjacent organ?!
Dammit! Tis Himself’s post was not here when I posted!
JC
Hey now, wait a minnow! I’m sardine to think that making fun of this kid’s predicament cod get outta hand.
Without a trout, the kid was following SOP for cleaning fish tanks, and he used both common sense and good hygienic practices while peeing.
Don’t all aquarists remove the fish from the tank and hold it in their hand while cleaning the fish tank? I mean, what other possible sensible options are there?
And, of course, it makes perfect sense that one would (apparently) use the same hand for holding one’s penis while peeing that was holding the fish while the tank was being cleaned. Really, does anyone think the better and healthier option would have been using the hand that wasn’t holding the fish?
(OTOH, maybe the kid didn’t use good sense and used his fish-free hand, and the fish just took a big leap from the fishless hand. See, that’s the big danger in using one’s fishless hand.)
I don’t know why anyone would carp that the boy’s story seems a little shad-y.
Wasn’t this an episode of the Venture Brothers?
If you watch the video posted in #10, if that fish is 2cm long, there is NO WAY it is also 1.5cm in diameter – maybe in circumference, making it about 0.6cm in dia – which still looks large, unless they are measuring extension of the fins, which would not count for much during insertion.
The article is unclear. Methinks it was kind of hard to write through the tears of laughter.
JC
Reminds me of the story of “how did the Red Bull can get in my rectum”…
Email me for xrays.
“This is precisely why, when I’m cleaning the bank of tanks in my lab, I make sure to keep my pants on.”
As an Apantseist I don’t believe in your “pants”
In my first read, I read “20cm” in his penis and I have to admit, I was impressed.
<Darth Vader> I find your lack of pants most disturbing.</Darth Vader>
Pogo @ 37:
The Monarch threatened them w/the Candiru fish as he dangled them over the Amazon river, but Dean came down w/a case of torqued groin, so they had to invoke a ‘time-out’ in accordance w/the ‘Rusty Clause’ out of the Guild handbook.
& yeah, I’m a little too much of a fan since all that’s from memory.
JackC #30
Are you Richard Gere’s father?
Now I’m thinking of a Lovecraftian eldritch horror called Cthandiru.
Tis Himself… HAHAHA … no.
JC
Note to self: Wear condom while near fishtank.
Do note that there are only one or two actual documented cases of a candiru entering the urethra of a person (and one of those looks much like the case under discussion here).
No, they don’t jump out of the water and swim up streams of urine.
(that’s impossible, btw)
If you’re swimming in South American waters, this should be the least of your worries. Frankly, I’d be more worried about contracting one of the nastier parasitic diseases. Or, if you’re looking for more macrofaunal fears, you might try caiman:
http://www.trinidadexpress.com/index.pl/article_news?id=161468327
One in a million shot Doc, one in a million!
Yeah, but you should have seen the one that got away!
Ichthyic @48,
there are only one or two actual documented cases of a candiru entering the urethra of a person
That’s as may be, but at least one of those cases was documented by the surgeon who removed the fish from the poor victim’s lad. Documented with copious photographs. Sometimes, Google Image is not your friend.
The Candiru Song
I watched the video that #10 linked to and all I gotta say is that the kid better pray that the SPCA doesn’t get a look at it!
Poor little fishy, all dead and floating in pee. Why, it just makes you cry. And the video showed a big chunk missing from the poor critter’s tail. No doubt a wound inflicted when the kid realized his mistake a made a desperate, last second attempt to pull the poor fishy out. (The case history made no mention of the bit of tail fin under the kid’s fingernails, but had they looked . . .)
*nice to have an inside look at the facts. thanks 386sx.*
@Crudely Wrott #53: It’s fish abortion. Expect to see it on giant signs soon.
Watch “River Monsters” on Animal Planet. The segment on the Candiru in the Amazon was a part of a larger segment on the big fish the correspondent (Jeremy Wade) was after. They actually caught some candiru and talked to the urologist who used an endoscope to remove it from the victim. The remains of the fish are preserved in a jar somewhere in Brazil.
Stephanurus
Why has the good Rev forsaken bacon, and is now blogging about sausage?
Sigh!
That will teach him to teabag the fish.
In the Animal Planet video, the doctor’s name was “Dr. Johnson.” *snigger*
MMmmmm. Backed brown trout. You need at least a four pounder. Some chopped onions, ‘taters stuffed inside. Your choice of additional ingredients and seasoning. Wrapped in foil and placed lovingly on the coals. Cooking time varies but is normally short.
But before you wrap the fish in foil, wrap it in bacon!
You won’t regret it.
*to obtain a four pound brown, try a Mepps, or a Panther Martin on six pound test mono in slow water, ten pound in fast.*
there is no ‘c’ in ‘baked’
RBDC syndrome. In comparison, swine flu is nothing. Except that it comes from swine, as does bacon.
Worlds with worlds . . .
We always have vinegar on our fish and chips.
I imagine this kid and potato vicar would devastate a fish and chips shop.
That better be legal.
Does anyone else suspect that the guy mistook “fist” for “fish”? Perhaps he got the wrong idea when he was told he should clean his aquarium with special tools?
There are supposedly such parasitic fish in sections of the Amazon river and they seem to seek out amines (found in fish gills and many other places) but they apparently don’t discriminate between amines in fish gills and urea in human urinary tracts.
@Crudely Wrott #59: I just stuff ’em with onion, tomato, cracked black pepper, salt, maybe throw in a bay leaf if there’s one lying around. The aluminum foil works fine, but if you’re in a region where you can get banana leaves, wrap it in banana leaves and throw it into the coals; when most of the leaves have burned away (you might even leave it until some fish skin is exposed) you have perfectly steamed trout. Dang, now I’m hungry.
Funny… but not as funny as potato vicar: http://tinyurl.com/57z4sv