I’m a bit jealous — I didn’t get this amazing email:
As for myself, I believe that science has proved that there has to be a creator (The best mathematicians, physicists, biologists, astronomers,etc all admit they cannot explain how the DNA data gets into each cell/gene and can only be put there by intelligent design. But a campaign of disinformation from the atheist scientific communtity was exposed on British TV (I have the documentary), that proves that even the atheists admitted in secret scientific unpublished journals that all organic life in the universe had to come from a designer creator, and cannot appear randomly. The documentary exposed these findings and carried the atheist scientists through to their final statement and conclusion (which was pretty weak) that all artificial intelligence can appear randomly, but they admit that all organic life has to have a creator. THAT WAS THE COVER UP! THIS WAS EXPOSED AND THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY WERE INFILTRATED BY OCCULT SECRET SOCIETIES AND PAID TO NOT PUBLISH THEIR FINDINGS. (MOSTLY HIGH RANKING FREEMASONS, ROSICRUCIANS, ORDER TEMPLAR ORIENTALIS,ETC). tHE DOCUMENTARY PART 2 STATES THAT 90% OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY DO NOT BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION BUT AGREE WITH CHRISTIANS SCIENTISTS THAT NATURAL SELECTION IS A CORRECT THESIS, BUT THEY CANNOT ADMIT THIS, BECAUSE THEIR FUNDS WILL BE STOPPED BY POWERFUL INSTITUTES CONTROLLED BY THESE OCCULT FREEMASONS/BUSINESSMEN WHO OWN MULTINATIONAL CORPORATIONS
That is impressive, a classic kook-rant that hits all the high points: paranoia (“secret scientific unpublished journals”); conspiracy (“freemasons, rosicrucians, order templar orientalis”); delusions that a majority secretly agrees with them (“90% of the scientific community do not believe in evolution”); and of course, everything is completely made up. And the sudden ramp up into all-caps hysteria is beautiful.
I’m going to have to add something to my to-do list, though: contact the freemasons and find out what happened to my checks. I’ve got about 30 years of outspoken evolutionism that I’ve been giving out for free, and they owe me big time.
Wow, just wow. I’ll be printing this for my students.. they need to see what a lack of critical thinking produces.
Well, DUH!
It’s obviously the martians and the queers in a conspiracy controlled by the Illuminati!
My head hurts; it’s too early in the morning to read stuff like this, especially in all caps.
I need more coffwee.
Wow. That is a thing of rare beauty.
And I bet the original was in Comic Sans as well, so you didn’t even have to change the font.
PZ! You have broken the Vow of Silence! Your punishment is to be locked in a small room with ID proponents, while you are gagged, while they explain the true nature of the Universe. I figure four days should be enough.
Respectfully yours, Principal Secretary to the Evil Overlords.
Have a nice day.
When you ask for your checks, ask them what the name of the documentary is, I’d like to watch it. Anything that incites that much conspiracy and paranoia in such a brief amount of writing space must be an interesting view.
Win
I’m prepared to respect any idea, from Last Thursdayism to the Russell’s teapot hypothesis, so long the idea is not expressed in all-caps. Even the most heinous conspiration from Lizard-Dawkins do not deserve all caps.
Those must be The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Science.
Just woke up. Way too early to read this shit.
I think the only defensible interpretation of “secret scientific unpublished journals”, is a document written by a crackpot who hides it in his sock drawer. I mean, if it is “secret” and “unpublished”, then it’s hardly a “scientific journal” in any useful sense, now is it?
Why would the Freemasons – who are an expressly theistic organisation, requiring their members to profess faith in a Supreme Being – be bribing scientists to promote atheism?
And there’s nothing wrong with multinational corporations; who does this guy think manufactured the computer that he’s typing on, at a price the average consumer can afford? The elves at the North Pole?
But then again, it’s a conspiracy theory. It doesn’t have to make sense.
That’s nothing. Here’s one sent to someone about their scientology video on youtube.
…are you sure the guy isn’t joking? It looks like a parody to me. It’s that insane.
Woke up in the middle of the night, read this right before heading back to bed, thanks PZ, now I’m going to have nightmares in all caps about conspiracy theories.
That is pure mental illness.
Impressive indeed.
I’m going to have to add something to my to-do list, though: contact the freemasons and find out what happened to my checks. I’ve got about 30 years of outspoken evolutionism that I’ve been giving out for free, and they owe me big time.
Why stop there, PZ? Demand that the Masons (and the Jews) vote to make you President at the next meeting of the World Domination Sub-CommitteeTM)!
I’m with #13; this looks too good(bad?) to be true. The only thing that makes me unsure whether this is a Poe is that it was sent to someone on email, not posted on the internet.
Marc Abian
I vote that reply as Discordian Satire.
It references the number five (V) a lot, which is a classic Discordian calling card.
*cough* Poe *cough*
I hope. Even if it isn’t, the parenthetical “which was pretty weak” in reference to evolutionary theory had me L’ingOL.
That is a beautiful email – I sense Poe
Poe or not that’s good stuff right there.
there a parenthesis in line 2 that never gets closed. so everything beyond that is probably not that important.
In case anyone’s interested, there’s a kookometer for measuring general cases of nuttery:
http://www.hyperdeath.co.uk/kook/
and one for physics crackpots:
http://math.ucr.edu/home/baez/crackpot.html
but I don’t seem to have, in my collection of links, a system which is specific to biology quacks and cranks. :-(
No checks for you, PZ. You’re obviously entirely too ready to spill the beans and throw your fellow scientists from the gravy train. One mustn’t violate omerta.
Wheels in wheels though. It’s obviously posted on the internet now. Send something to people you know will post it, there’s no need to post it yourself.
Favorite bits are the “secret scientific unpublished journals” and a lowercase “t” in the capslock orgy, where his typing instincts tried to restore order after the rest of his intelligence fled.
So, do the unpublished journals have all those annoying ad cards sliding out of them when you’re trying to secretly read them to advance the global conspiracy agenda? If the journals use invisible ink, how do the secret pressmen check registration and so on? How can I get my hands on the unpublished journal mailing list so I can spam everyone about my secret, unheld Freemason/Rosicrucian conspiracy trade show?
The show will feature lots of 10’x10′ booths with blank posters and shifty occupants who deny anything asked of them. Secret press conferences will be held wherein a single speaker will address the crowd and say, “Nothing to see here. Move along.”
…”AND THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY WERE INFILTRATED BY OCCULT SECRET SOCIETIES AND PAID TO NOT PUBLISH THEIR FINDINGS”.
..oh shit, the bastards are on to us. I guess its time to hang up my secret occult goat sacrificing robes and get a real job.
I kid you not i think I just sat next to that guy on the 7 hour flight from Australia to Indonesia. Luckily I found where the muslim staff had hidden the white wine on board and got myself rather inebriated. He made more sense that way.
@1: Why? The Nazis already paint a perfect example.
“Reason can treacherously deceive a man, emotion is sure and never leaves him.” – http://www.gocreate.com/humanism/creative-humanism.htm
You have to remember what conspiracy theories are about. Multinationals are quite happy if the impression is made that only nutters oppose them. It’s called chaff.
Just keep in mind that there are good reasons to be against the robber barrons.
It’s YOUR $700 bil they’re stealing.
That email was totally crazy, but as a member of the ‘atheist scientific community’ I am kind of excited to discover this morning that I am part of an occult secret society designed conspiracy theory. I am so cool.
OOOhhh, all caps! It MUST be the truth.
“90% OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY DO NOT BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION BUT AGREE WITH CHRISTIANS SCIENTISTS THAT NATURAL SELECTION IS A CORRECT THESIS”
Errr…
I feel kind of bad laughing at these insane people… oh what the heck, I’m on holiday. hahahahahaha
FNORD!
Well, it starts out reasonable (for a creotard), then it gets to the point where I wonder how he got out of the straitjacket.
These crackpot letters really make my day – though I do feel sorry for PZ, for having to receive them, it must waste a lot of time…
I’m confused. Is it an atheist conspiracy or an occult conspiracy? In any event, my favorite bit is the notion that artificial life doesn’t require a creator, but organic life does.
Mr Meyers,
we sincerely apologize for the problem with your payment. Apparently, the funds have gone to one “Joseph Ratzinger”, formerly of southern Germany. We will rectify this problem immediately.
yours,
Brother Germanguy,
High Chair of Coverup Coven,
Secret Island,
Undisclosed Location.
“90% OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY DO NOT BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION BUT AGREE WITH CHRISTIANS SCIENTISTS THAT NATURAL SELECTION IS A CORRECT THESIS”
It seems to me that you should really check your typing when making an ALL CAPS RANT to drive home your point. Otherwise you might come across as stupid and self-contradictory.
(That’s a general “you”. Like “you should do up your seatbelt”)
Just to add my two cents. I’m a TV critic based in the UK, so I’ve a professional interest in knowing what’s on the telly as we say in these parts. And, though the standard of science programming has plummeted of late, that British Documentary “John” mentioned isn’t ringing any bells.
Alas, I supposed we’ll just have to take his word for it. Well unless science somehow invents a way of embedding moving images in Web Pages. Which obviously won’t happen until the Sky Wizard intervenes.
Desparation breeds more lunacy. They just can not get the best of us so they have to resort to the only method the demented rabble can latch onto; outrageous and incredible examples of trying to prove their non-existent god is real, and laboring under extreme measures to refute our superior rational discourse with lunatic and childish pukings. You poor, disillusioned, retarded religious morons. Suffer.
Remember “Poe’s Rule”: Assume every potential Poe is indeed a Poe until proven otherwise.
You didn’t get the memo? You’re supposed to hang your apron from a gantry, at midnight of every new moon, while dancing widdershins around your standard issue rubber chicken. Hang on, you’re not still using the superseded live chicken are you?
My Poedar is worthless, but given the lack of misspellings upon a closer examination of the words (just check the spelling, not the context), and the lack of totally capitalized words in the first half, it is a possibility. Too much nonsense there before my second cup of coffee though.
‘Tis a Great Shame that there does not exist a Technology by which this Honorable Fellow could send his British TV Documentary proving the Great Scientist/Freemason/Rosicrucian conspiracy out unto the World for all to see and hear for themselves and PROVE the veracity of his words.
Tsk. A Great Shame.
@30: So conspiracy theories are the product of a conspiracy?
Fik! Mik got there first. Drat!
Dear sir–
I am writing this, in secret, with a pen dipped in my blood–
There are mind-controlling substances in ink–
To expose the vast conspiracy, existent since the flood,
That controls the way the common people think.
I have stumbled, inadvertently, upon the subtle plan,
And I’m worried that my life may be in danger;
It’s the greatest vast conspiracy in all the reign of Man,
Which is why I’m writing you, a perfect stranger.
When I tell my friends and family, they merely roll their eyes–
They are clearly in the Legion of the Beast–
And I’d never the Media-it doesn’t fit their lies–
And the Military clearly are policed.
As soon as this is posted, I will change my hiding-place;
I’ll find a way to read how you condemn
And expose the Evil Legion; rip the Mask off of their Face!
Unless… it seems… Oh, Shit! You’re one of Them!
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2009/02/paranoia-grandeur-and-red-ink.html
I, for one, welcome our high ranking Freemasons, Rosicrucians, Order Templar Orientalis, etc. Overlords.
I love your last paragraph PZ!
It rang so delightfully familiar, as I’ve heard the same thing from my wife for years. Every time we’d encounter some nut-ball nattering on about the “International Jewish Economic Conspiracy” and how Jews controlled all the money, she’d reply by saying she needed to demand her cut, since it seemed to be getting lost somewhere.
So from one set of “conspirators” to another, we can sympathize with your lack payment for “services” rendered.
On another note, I’m dying to find out what documentary this delusional conspiracy theorist might be referring to. I’m having a hard time imagining that anything this wacky made it onto TV anywhere in Europe, even Britain. If we are to believe our email writer, then we’re talking full-scale, old-fashioned conspiracy mongering with all the usual suspects thrown in (Rosicrucians, Freemasons, even Templars, for Ifni’s sake) but applied to the unusual areas (for this sort of thing) of science and evolution. It just seems a bit far out there for either the BBC or its commercial competitors. So, any chance we’ll be able to find out (or figure out) what documentary fired this bullet-brained nut on a ballistic trajectory for crazy-town?
I’ve noticed that more and more of these types can no longer decide just what conspiracy to believe anymore. They just throw them all in together into an unintelligible mass of words. See this is what happens when you let the quality of education slide to where it is today, even the conspiracy theories get lamer. Where is a good old fashioned JFK / Grassy knoll nut when you need him.
@47:Precisely! It’s a preemptive strategy; if we through out as many ridiculous conspiracy theories as possible then nobody will believe someone who discovers the real conspiracy. (Insert evil laugh.)
Dammit! If it’s all Freemasons and Rosicrucians, does that mean I’m disqualified from the conspiracy as a female scientist? That’s not fair! I want in!
Pretty much, yes.
The original UFO hysteria seems to have been mainly air force misinformation, meant to distract attention from their normal but secret activity of testing planes, rockets and such.
A word appears to have become lost (between “never” and “the”)
It’s an unwarranted assumption that there’s even been such a “documentary”. There are a lot of people who can’t reliably tell reality from fantasy – eg as well as the existence of religions there’s also the copious amounts of hate-mail sent to actors merely playing the parts of villains in soap-operas or similar.
Jesus is made of bread.
I too enjoyed the ascent into ALL CAPS, IT WAS A PARTICULARLY FINE EXAMPLE OF THE GENRE. I DID HOWEVER FEEL LET DOWN BY THE LACK OF THE, USUALLY CONCURENT, EXCLAMATION-FEST !!!!!!!!!
“The best mathematicians, physicists, biologists, astronomers,etc all admit they cannot explain how the DNA data gets into each cell/gene and can only be put there by intelligent design.”
First off, why are mathematicians, physicists and astronomers trying to explain how DNA gets into the nucleus of a cell? Also, is the writer of the email simply describing mitosis/meiosis or the first group of biochemical molecules to use replicators? Well, either the case, the writer should leave the cell biology to people like me, cell biologists.
Dammit. Thanks, SEF
Never tell the media…
A lot of people even believe Sherlock Holmes really lived. Sheesh! I blame television.
The guy clearly is not a software type. He can’t even close all his parentheses. At least get the syntax right.
All of a sudden, I have a huge urge to actually create the aforementioned documentary, seeing as it doesn’t seem to exist at the moment. 45mins or so long, with good production values. In each scene, a discrete icon of atheistic philosophy could be hidden – an image of the FSM, Russel’s Teapot, the scarlet A, the walking fish symbol, etc etc.
The one thing these rants never seem to get is a persons desire for self preservation.
If I knew that evolution was wrong, and there was proof of a creator God, then I wouldn’t spend my life going against that God! I would be doing my best to get in his good graces so I could go to heaven and get my 42 virgins. (praise be to our Lord D. Adams)
It’s the very lack of attendance in Churches that shows how people truly feel about god. Most in the US give it lip service, and show up in church on holidays.
I still contend that the number of true believers is far lower than the polls show. There are too many people who have the impression that you are supposed to be a believer, so when asked they profess some mild belief.
Then again, I live in Oregon, the least churched state in the US. It might be far worse elsewhere.
ORDER TEMPLAR ORIENTALIS
Ordo Templi Orientalis.
It’s a real shame when someone can’t even get his batshit insanity correct.
Not that I think it has been on British TV recently (unless perhaps there was a satellite/cable option), but what was that really famous crackpot pseudo-science “documentary” of some years back (starring some really high-profile loons) trying to pretend there was something mystical (ie religious) to quantum stuff? Unfortunately, I’m very bad at names and I didn’t even see it(!), so have less chance than usual of recalling its title or some googlable content (and IMDb is being hopeless at me). However, it feels like it was something along the lines of “what do you think you know”.
PZ MEYERS U FOO’ DONNT U KNOW THAT TEH PEEKOK’S TALE IS IIREDUSSIBLEE COMPLEX THEIR IS NO EVILUTOIN ONLY INTELIGENT DEZINE THE LORD ISNOT MOKKED I WILL PREY FOR U COZ JESUS LOVES U AND WHEN HE CUMS BACK HE WELL SEND U TO HELL UNLESS U WARSHIP HIM END STOP BEING AN AHTHIEST
Bwahaha!
I just died from THE AWSUM(tm).
Reminds me to call the Overlords for my last paycheck for promoting atheism, safer sex (Ohmigawd SEX!!) and vaccinations to the young… You didn’t think they’d stop at evolution, did you?
I wonder what the program that they claim was shown over here was? I really wish I’d caught it so that I could now know the truth. :)
I like the “I have the documentary!”
Which one? I want to see it! Wait, maybe not. It’s probably expelled.
My real thoughts are this guy either was dreaming or hallucinating, watching Nova with the volume turned down and a religious radio turned up, or one of those “documentaries” that the religious nuts get a hold of, hack all the content out of and dub over with pro religious ID content.
Hey guy, when you don’t see the lips sync up with the words . . .
Here is another excellent artcile on Charles Darwin, from SCIENCE TIMES, the New York Times, today, February 10. Give it a read.
From thwe last paragraph, which never ceases to amaze me of his remarkable intelligence;
“From prolonged thought and study, he was able to intuit how evolution worked without having access to all the subsequent scientific knowledge that others required to be convinced of natural selection.”
Ah, the simplicity and reality of it all!
Man, talk about syncretism: that guy mashes together damn near every possible group and loony-conspiracy in one vast tangle of crazy. I mean Scientology AND Freemasonry AND Knights Templar AND evolution AND….? About the only item he leaves out is the Jews (though I get the feeling that, in these days when anti-semitism is in disrepute, “international bankers” is a dogwhistle for that) And then: “Jedi Timelords”? — toss in a sci-fi mashup as well? I call Poe.
NB Making the minimal unwarranted assumption that the “documentary” did indeed have a part 2 as claimed (though not necessarily of the content claimed!), that raises several possibilities:
– It was on ITV, channel 4 or 5 or some other non-BBC broadcast with adverts between short parts.
– It was in 2 or more parts over several days/weeks (as per Richard Dawkins’ “Root Of All Evil?” the other year).
– It’s a fictional serial, ie a horror soap-opera sort of a thing, being misunderstood as being a “documentary”. Eg 24 or Lost or any of the many other such ghastly things I haven’t watched but which a nutter might.
I dunno, tho’. Sometimes I wonder if I was meant for bigger and better things. I mean, sure, installing condom machines in high school bathrooms, recording backwards Satanic messages into pop songs, it’s an okay gig, I guess… But, honestly, lately, it’s getting to be a bit of a grind.
My evil mom always wanted me to be an evil banker. Sometimes, I wonder if I shoulda listened to her…
Dear Sir,
I am most anxious to get a subscription to the secret scientific unpublished journals to which your correspondent alludes, so that I, too, can be on the cutting edge of conspiracy theories. If their address is also unpublished, can you tell me where to find it?
SEF #66
I think you’re refering to the “documentary” “What the Bleep Do You Know”.
My teachers play that a lot at my school,
and most of the students believe it.
Thanks, Somero, that sounds about right (the title not the school behaviour!).
Was it an indivisible one-off film or is it likely to be shown in parts? Could it in any way be construed as matching the delusional claims made by the unknown e-mailer?
“…secret scientific unpublished journals…”
This is an oxymoron. If it is secret and unpublished then it is not science. A primary part of science is peer review, if you don’t have that then it’s not science.
Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!
I can’t stop laughing!
Thanks PZ.
Herculean use of the caps lock key. Impressive!
What’s a Rosicrucian? yes I could google it.. but this would be quicker… maybe.
No, you’re wrong PZ. I saw the documentery the guy’s talking about. It’s being played on eternal loop right next to the Dillinger exhibit at the Smithsonian Institute.
SEF #77
I doubt it’s the one this guy is talking about.
The film is mainly used to push a weird form of theistic existentialism.
The rant needs more lizard-men.
Secret journals? Perhaps the writer got the idea from Michael Ruse’s book (The Evolution-Creation Struggle, p. 187): “Their (the scientists) strategy was clever and simple. They would publish two sets of books. One professional, with no hint of progress. One popular, with much talk of progress.”
Where’s my check?
And how did jennyxyzzy get hold of my root password?
It’s a conspiracy!
I’ll get me coat.
It’s nitpicking, but they also did not close their parentheses… as someone who has done some programming, I pay attention to that. You don’t want a compilation error.
@23 and 62:
My thoughts exactly!
The software side of me was having a small fit because of that open paren in line 2.
I actually had to go back and read it a second time in normal voice, because I automatically turn on ‘small paren voice’ in my head when anything is in parentheses.
What the shit? Somero, do you go to a public school in the US? Because “What the Bleep” is a religious movie promoting the cult of Ramtha. It would be a violation of the Establishment Clause of the US Constitution to show it at a public school. You could get them to stop showing it. What school do you go to?
The author of the email left out the Zionists, Bilderbergers, and members of Skull and Bones.
Cuttlefish, you are my hero. Brilliant.
I too, would like to call Poe. The email is far to literate with far to few misspellings to be an actual creationist rant.
@ Somero # 76
Yeah, I remember one of my friends talking about how awesome that movie was. luckily for me he is a book bug and likes to learn so it was a matter of pointing out scientific scrutiny. When I got to the matter of “Well was there a control on the ink writings?” No. “Was the ink tested consistently and done by many different people and perhaps mechanically?” No. The look of shock on his face when he realized that what he had watched was all bunk was priceless.
It’s amazing how far a couple questions and a thinking mind will go.
Argh… to literate = too literate. Damn my lack of coffee.
Actually, mathematicians and physicists are often interested in invagination (and who wouldn’t be, with a name like that?) on membranes, low-Rayleigh-number flow, protein folding, and the like. All of these *may* have played, or are playing, a large part in mitochondrial enfolding, cell membrane assembly, and so on. After all, biologists just aren’t that comfortable with Laplacian operators (sorry, PZ). As for astronomers… well, exobiologists are trying to explain the same stuff on different planets… aughh! I thought I was doing well defending the kook, but …
This is all I can think of now:
“Oh, I hated the Colonel with his wee beady eyes! And that smug look on his face, ‘Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken!’ Ohhhhh!”
Must watch “So I married an axe murderer” again, such fun conspiracy sillyness in it.
This is a form letter that kooks use. You could substitute AGW, anti-vaxers, commies, or those guys who keep trying to get you to take your meds and it would read the same.
The guy even butchered that. In his list of Occult Secret Societies, he left out the Illuminati, Grey Aliens, and Bigfoot.
I know someone like this. She carefully collects all conspiracy theories and weaves them into a semicoherent tapestry. She is also a schizophrenic who hates doctors because they keep prescribing meds she won’t take. These people have sad lives. She also hates the government which sends her an SSI check each month, routinely gets evicted from places for bizarre behavior, and several of her close relatives committed suicide, one while being locked up in a mental hospital.
Ha, I love the ‘ETC’. Like any secret organization that has ever existed is a part of this ultimate secret organization. It’s like they don’t even try to be creative anymore, they just use a conspiracy theory template…
Ouchimoo “I like the “I have the documentary!”
Which one? I want to see it! Wait, maybe not. It’s probably expelled.
My real thoughts are this guy either was dreaming or hallucinating, watching Nova with the volume turned down and a religious radio turned up, or one of those “documentaries” that the religious nuts get a hold of, hack all the content out of and dub over with pro religious ID content.”
I live in the UK and don’t remember seeing or even hearing about any TV documentaries similar to the one the loon who wrote the e-mail above is referring to, even Channel 5 isn’t that bad!. I believe that Expelled may have shown in a few cinemas here so that may indeed be what he’s talking about, or else as you say it was probably some import shown on cable.
I particularly like the part “STATES THAT 90% OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY DO NOT BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION BUT AGREE WITH CHRISTIANS SCIENTISTS THAT NATURAL SELECTION IS A CORRECT THESIS,” There’s some weird thinking going on there!
Man, my articles never get accepted in any of the secret scientific unpublished journals; that must be why I’m not getting any fat checks.
Now come on, PZ, what is this, kook e-mail envy?
I mean are you having trouble finding anti-reality nonsense on your own account?
Frankly, I wish this sort of thing were true, it sounds exciting, plenty of financial reward, an exciting life peddling nonsense – but no doubt we’d also fit in some good works, as atheists, lacking a sky-daddy, are obliged to do.
Unfortunately this rant makes Heddle seem like Bertrand Russell, and the world described belongs firmly in a mental institution.
But seriously, do you have a personal stupidity drought? I don’t imagine so. There’s nothing that we can do with this rant, eccept admire its Gothic Insanity, and move on.
Hey, what about a few more science/nature posts on here. Many of your contributors have beautiful blogs of their own, and we all like nature here. So how about some tales of fauna and their wacky doings which we can all admire?
I like Ecographica
but its one of many.
Less Bolloks, more Testes and Vulvas, say I.
< Sigh >
I call Geek Poe – anyone geeky enough to have ‘jennyxyzzy’ as their root password (or for that matter to even know what a root password is), would also know never to reveal their root password… :-)
I’m proud of our ability to keep the science community in line with threats and payment, to pretend to believe in evolution, rather than natural selection.
Against all normal reactions to rewards, we refuse eternal life, better science, and lose much money to keep scientists silent about the truth of the Creator. I’m so proud of our inability to be swayed by the evidence and by the enducements of eternal life, and the 72 virgins promised for merely acknowledging the truth.
Whose faith is strongest? Ours is, because we really do believe in Untruth. Mere evidence, rather than the vast and uncontrovertible facts that were made up by holy souls of humans.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
I imagine this so-called documentary is repeated three times a week on a channel in the high-500s on Sky Digital where the Hitler-heavy documentary stations and God channels collide.
The documentry is: ^$^&*%$$$%$ $^^&&^^^ by #@$%81!^ @78*(&%%$. 2002. I’m sure this wont come through as the internet automaticly removes post. Why do you think Google is rich? Google is run by $^^%#$55!!!body, I used to work there but I found out and now I am blacklist twelve.
I’m worried now. What’s a “root password”? Do I have one? Do I have to have one? What does it give me access to? Who else knows mine?
And what do theologians think?
This thread is making me paranoid.
Where was the closing Bracket? No Closing Bracket! That’s a bigger crime than the dirvel he was writing about!
Somebody, please, give me a closing bracket…
I can’t answer for “true believers” but people lie – a lot- about how many of them go to church. For decades those responding to polls seemed to indicate that about 40% of the population went to church each Sunday. It seems that number is inflated by, oh, 100% or so. The real figure is closer to 20%. Google actual church attendance and you can read how the more accurate figures were arrived at, particularly one study in Ashtabula County, Ohio.
)
Get over it, and move on. Please.
In debating with fundamentalist online I have decided that there most be some special doctrine that all communication must be in all caps or they risk the penalty of eternal hellfire.
Or is that just a correlation vs. causation fallacy i.e. people who believe in eternal hellfire just type in all caps.
That’s no more cranky than Expelled and the DI. Not that it isn’t bizarre conspiracy-mongering, I just have to point out that it’s standard BS from the “more respectable” ID establishment:
The DI recently sent out a fundraising letter, which I also received, due to having entered a contest for an Expelled DVD, in which David Berlinski is saying something quite similar.
I’m just waiting for PZ to get drunk, or some such thing, and admit on this blog that evolution is just a strange little atheist ploy to destroy Xianity. Cuz ya know, I implicitly trust Berlinski and Paul Nelson.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Parody. Too crazy to be real.
@what the shit #91
I don’t think there is any reason to worry. I’m pretty sure most of the teachers that show it are not even aware of the Ramtha cult.
Most of the time they’re pretty cool(some of the best teachers I’ve ever head), but at the same time they can be a bit gullible. They’ve also shown The Secret a few time. Existentialism seems to be a fad here.
The school I go to is an alterntative ed high school(I like the small classes). A lot of the kids come from pretty bad homes, so maybe the teachers are just trying to give them some hope?
Since I seem to be the only that actually researches these movies. I do my best to be the voice of reason, but sometimes there just isn’t enough class time.
Unfortunately real is often too crazy to be real.
Though if this is “real” it challenges some of my conceptions of real reality.
As a Freemason (raised at the Culver City Lodge in Los Angeles; who acknowledges “Physics” as the Prime Creative Force of the Universe), I can tell you that your checks are being spent very well. My secret black helicopter gets me to work every morning. Your donations are appreciated.
WTF?! He left out the part about the Jews being in cahoots with the reptilians in an effort to suppress the troof about how Big Pharma wants to preserve our childrens’ brains by soaking them in mercury for harvesting at a later date!
Hmmm, must be an Illuminati plot. I KNEW IT!!!
Here’s ten minutes of quality – James Randi on his horoscope (which was amazingly correct by the way!) and other matters:
Oh no. They must have discovered our super-secret “PubMagic”, “Whiley Magic Science” and “MagicDirect”!
As a jew and a mason, I wonder why I am not getting either my checks or the journals. Our lab could really use both with the NSF still not funding our grants.
From the desk of an official member of the St Loony up the Cream Bun and Jam.
What? No Bavarian Illuminati? No one respects the classics anymore…
You know, I’ve never been let in on the ‘Gay agenda,. either.
“The Gay Agenda* is referred to in the “Huamn Sexuality Congress” files under “Any Other Business.”
Have you been missing the meetings?
It’s more of an expressly Deistic organization, although theists certainly fit in. But then, so do atheists. I am a Mason, and I know lots of atheist Masons. After all, you only have to profess a belief in a supreme being, and I am sure that at any one time, by an objective measure, there is, somewhere in the universe, a being who would qualify as more badass than any other.
And the best part is, we apparently control the world. w00t!
That’s worth kissing a chicken’s ass under a full moon any day.
Secret freemason initiation rites revealed!
What documentary? Simple – someone’s mistaken the film The Da Vinci Code for reality tv.
Oh? So, do you happen to know why it is that our NWO overlords can’t come up with some black helicopter paint that can take exposure to San Fernando Valley air without cracking and peeling after a couple of weeks? I’m getting mighty sick of having to keep taking the chopper back to Earl Scheib- and waiting for the morons in Accounting to process my expense reports for all the repaints.
It’s about time we faceless evil minions organized a union.
There’s no way this is real. If it were, such an author would certainly not be able to log onto the internet and operate a keyboard.
Jello @ 52 thinks the writer cannot decide which conspiracy to believe in due to a poor education.
So, perhaps, this is something new. A CONSPIRACY CASSEROLE!
That said, I think PZ suffers from “kook email envy.”
Perhaps he needs to get out the hammer, the nail, and the consecrated cracker in order to bring up the quality of his own kook emails?
you must be new here
Jello @ 52 thinks the writer cannot decide which conspiracy to believe in due to a poor education.
So, perhaps, this is something new. A CONSPIRACY CASSEROLE!
That said, I think PZ suffers from “kook email envy.”
Perhaps he needs to get out the hammer, the nail, and the consecrated cracker in order to bring up the quality of his own kook emails?
I would like to ask some questions of any or all of the people who speak or believe in some secret evil group or organization or entity that is controlling or trying to control us.
To what end are they doing this?
If it is to “get our eternal soul” if all I have to do is believe and do good then how is this going to work?
If they are controlling the world I want to know just what part is it that they are controlling. Is it the banking part? How about the economy in general? How about international relations? The U.N is controlling just what exactly? The Vatican?
I just do not understand what the point is.
it is not as if today these secret groups are loading up the gas chambers.
this not to say that there are not groups that do try to control and take over the world but they are not very supper secret but they are dangerous.
If it is really the “devil” well then to what end when all I have to do is believe and do good?
I ask again SO F’N WHAT?
If you’re going to use parenthesis:
1) Close them
2) Don’t make your entire point inside the parenthesis
3) Consider Using commas instead
4) Use square brackets when using a parenthesis inside of parenthesis, or just use commas.
That is all
There doesn’t have to be a point to a conspiracy. The conspiracy is self-fulfilling. The _______ [organization(s) or group(s) as needed] conduct their conspiracy because they can. It isn’t an “end justifies the means” thing, it’s an “end is the means” idea. The Evil League of Evil is evil because that’s what Evil Leagues are. QED.
I need to make my CV more impressive.
Can you please ask this guy where I may send my manuscripts for submission to these “secret scientific unpublished journals”?
…
This guy knows nothing about science, or scientists. The last thing we want is for NO ONE to know how many freaking hours were spent in lab producing enough data for one damn figure, let alone enough to publish a whole damn article. If we find something worth talking about, we’ll shout it out, ‘cuz it’s cool (or at least we think so), and because we need stuff on our CV.
Concerning the article. I wish I could write like that. Damn.
To be found out must have taken him some time. Shoot for us older folks we used to have our decoder rings and it would take way too much time to figure out the secret science. It did have one advantage. That advantage was that the “Normals” were too lazy and undisciplined to work through the essays. But now with computers all of us can enjoy secret scientific findings. Curses, foiled again.
STATUS UPDATE, 2009CE.02/EARTH
Supreme High Conspiracy Control
Most übertop secret.
Do not write down.
Destroy this memo immediately.
Agent Bush has successfully infiltrated atheist central by the ruse of sending a misdirecting e-mail to a minion. The screaming hordes are now descending on atheist central in an attempt to decipher agent Bush’s identity. The next missive will hint that agent Bush is an operative of atheist central. That should cause a few heads to detonate.
In the meantime we can get on with the real plan to take over the world. Atheist central is too busy laughing at agent Bush’s imagined plan.
Most übertop secret.
Do not write down.
Destroy this memo immediately.
“>…AGREE WITH CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS….” I was raised in the Church of Christ Science; don’t remember much discussion of natural selection at Sunday school. Actually don’t remember much of any Sunday School discussion.
(i got better; lost the christain part and kept the scientist).
That there email’s lookin’ like it deserves a dramatic reading a’la ytmnd.com.
~CJ
http://www.helium.com/users/165611/show_articles
Please, please post the link to this ‘documentary’. I just finished the third season of ’30 Rock’ and I’m looking for my comedy fix this evening..
I’m trying to figure out how the super-secret scientific journals debunking evolution get peer-reviewed. Since they’re all hidden away in sweater drawers, maybe scientists sneak into other scientists’ dressers during sleepovers & read them and make comments?
Having read the submitted email, and In keeping with many of the other comments (Fnord!) heretofore posted, I am reminded of a song who’s lyrics go something . . . like . . . (tuning guitar) . . . this:
“You know what, Stuart?
I like you.
You’re not like the other people
Here
In the trailer park.
Don’t get me wrong
They’re fine people, they’re good Americans
But they’re content to sit back
Maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy
On channel 67
Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-oz.er
They’re good fine people, Stuart.
But they don’t know
what the queers ARE DOING TO THE SOIL.”
-portion of lyrics from “Stuart” by The Dead Milkmen, (c) 1988
From the album Beelzebubba on the Enigma/Restless label.
No kings,
Robert
in re #144
“Look at the soil around any large metropolitan area with a large underground homosexual population.
Des Moines IA, perfect example.”
And let’s not forget,
“They’re building landing strips for gay martians!!!!”
I need to dig that album out….
That reminded me of an article I found on Pubmed once. If you go there and look up “dreaming Subbotsky”, it’s titled:
“Can magical intervention affect subjective experiences? Adults’ reactions to magical suggestion.”
I wasn’t sure if it was serious or not. Or what, for that matter, it was talking about.
Matt,
They are testing the effect of ceremony (magical spells) on adult thinking. The abstract of the companion article explains it somewhat more clearly:
Despite several decades as a scientist, my knowledge of the secrets of science is deficient. Can someone tell me whether they are peer reviewed and if so who peer reviews them? Who knows these secrets? – The National Academy? – Nobel prize winners??
Are you not married?
65: Several different organizations call themselves the OTO today, but as far as I know they all agree it stands for Ordo Templi Orientis.
PZ Myers must work for the half-serious OTO that worships Cthulhu and other tentacled monstrosities.
You know what makes me more sad than letters like these?
People who insist they can’t be real. Get out into the real world, people. Delusional thought like this is not even exceptional – it’s boringly ordinary.
There are many millions of people who believe exactly this stuff… and there are millions who would say that this guy doesn’t know the half of it.
I have known some personally. People who think like this guy does are actually more common and mainstream in the US than skeptics and atheists. I’ve heard this kind of dribble from relatives, co-workers, etc.
Stop underestimating the task we face.
He forgot to add the founding fathers, the british monarchy, the bush family, i’m assuming darwin and a few others are all blood related and part of the illuminati that conspired to give us the federal reserve system and that 9/11 was a false flag event brought on to fill the couffers of the big bankers/illuminati and that the theory of evolution is all part and parcel of their evil system to control the world and enslave the human race.
i’m telling you guys the new-age religious conspiracy theorists are much more entertaining than the boring christians.
All the worse, then. The cult leader, JZ Knight, is in the movie but does not identify herself as a cult leader. Several of her cultists, like Fred Alan Wolf, are also in the movie and make no mention of their affiliation. But if one starts googling the names, one will find an invitation to come and stay at with the cult for a weekend. This shit is very dangerous. And as I said, a clear violation of the First Amendment.
Man, I know existentialism. This stuff is not existentialism. Zombie Sartre would be PISSED.
But has it been on British TV (and in parts, as specified)?
My favorite line is “secret scientific unpublished journals”.
If science was invaded by the occult, which level of arch lab technician do I need to become to learn real magic?
Oh oh, this will be so awesome.
Wow! All I can say is, “Sir, please adjust your tin-foil hat! Your brains are melting!”
Just mentally insert a closing paren at the end of the sentence, after “Intelligent design.”
Whoah whoah, isn’t one of the requirements to be a Free Mason to believe in a god? Yet they are propping up the same scientific community that makes their own religious beliefs look patently retarded?
Mein gott! it most be some devilish plan to later discredit science to prove their religions are true in an effort at global domination!
Vestrati, inscrutable yet ineluctable are the schemes of the Illuminati. fnord.
I loved this cornucopia of codswallop! # 27(Nangleator) , you view the invisible ink with lemon juice of course, haven’t you received your Illuminati handbook?
By the way, we of the Unified Anarchists are organizing a pledge drive and march. Anyone? Anyone?
I only got a few sentences in and I hit a syntax error, more specifically an unpaired ‘(‘. After programming Perl all day I just can’t comprehend this atrocity.
That was probably written by somebody who was spying on us at Bohemian Grove.
Documentary? I can’t think of any fiction that crazy.
It’s like the spawn of Dan Brown and Chris Carter went to a Dembski talk while on a shroom binge.
Or it could be a Freeper.
A masterpiece of paranoid ideation. Regarding the “documentary”, I think it’s quite possible that – if this letter is from a genuine crackpot – the gentleman has hallucinated the whole thing.
As for the conspiracies, I assume the reason most of you haven’t received your paychecks is because there’s a recession going on, and the Order is cutting back on expenses like all other organisations. 2 000 abortion doctors and 650 black helicopter pilots were fired yesterday, and they’re thinking of eliminating the Satanic Kindergartens division entirely. So yeah, don’t complain. It’s belt-tightening time even for Illuminati lizardmen. The malicious rumours that we could afford to pay you if the Grand Supreme Imperial Pontiff Magus Scientificus (MDLXVIII°) didn’t spend half our annual profits on new carpetting for his Carribean hideout, building a 1:1 scale model of the Great Pyramid of Gizeh in his backyard out of ivory and human skulls, and a commode with legs are just seditious crazy talk and will be dealt with harshly.
Yours,
Fr. Morsky, XXIII°, OTO, A.A., YMCA
Department of Occasional Comments – Pharyngula
Europe Division
Evil Conspiracy, Inc.
@SEF (No 155)
I think it’s probably been on tv over here, as it was released long enough ago now to have been seen. I haven’t bothered to look out for it, (or watch it on DVD or at the cinema for that matter) so don’t actually know, but they will sometimes show a film in the evenings split into 2 parts on either side of the evening news. Much more likely, however, is that it’s simply MadeUpShit (TM).
I think the kooks came out of the woodwork on that one, probably in comic sans, too.
They covered most of the bases – freemasons are behind everything, because behind the freemasons are the illuminati! And behind the rosicrucians are the knights templar, and between the two of them (who I would have thought would be rather happy to have numerical proof of god, since both of them demand one thing in particular, that you agree that there IS a creator) that’s most of the secret new world order – others are right, they missed off the bilderburgers (who also really exist, and really do do some strange shit), grey aliens, moon nazi’s and the john derringer died for your sins lot…
I think they broke my loon o’meter – where do I send the bill? Surely they’ve got enough cash from running the world to buy me a new one?
PZ, the checks are overrated. My bank continuously refuses to check them, even after I dragged an ironing board to the counter to show them the invisible ink.
The conspiracy nutters that I encounter think that any numbskull VIDEO that they see on Youtube is a ‘documentary’.
If I had the time, I would search for said ‘documentary’ on Youtube.
I’m a Rosicrucian and I find this deeply offensive. Unlike Christians, we don’t meddle in science and politics, don’t receive tax cuts, don’t call to arms and don’t condemn non-members. Why do Christians use hate speech against us when we’ve done nothing to them? Are they afraid of the truth?
I’m an ex-Freemason, and sorry, if you don’t know the secret handshake (publicly available in many book and on various websites), you will not be receiving your back checks for the work you have done.
I’d be offended by this, but it is so conspiracy kooky that can not be taken seriously.