FSTDT


I’ve known this site for a long time, but a reader just sent me a link to it, so maybe I shouldn’t take for granted that you all know about it, too…it’s Fundies Say The Darndest Things, a collection of ripe and juicy quotes culled from Christian discussion boards. Some of them I suspect to be the product of godless trolls, but others, including some of the most outrageously ridiculous statements, are definitely from steadfast fundamentalists.

Comments

  1. says

    I prefer “Overheard in New York”
    http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

    Typical sample:
    “Stuffy white lady pushing stroller, to friend: I can’t believe people are actually taking Justin Timberlake seriously these days.
    Hipster crossing East: He brought sexy back, b***h! What the hell did you do?”

  2. Dahan says

    Link isn’t working for me…and my car won’t start this morning. Maybe it’s just me.

  3. bernarda says

    – DaveX, I have known that “overheard in NY site” for a while and it is always great for a laff.

    – Dahan, your mistake is that you didn’t say “C’mon Spaghetti Monster” before trying again. That goes for both links and car-starting.

  4. Dahan says

    PZ, it does seem a little weird that you’ve got banners for FUSE on this sight. Bringing all different faiths together?

    OK, that’s it, I’ll quit spamming.

  5. Mystic Olly says

    I’m sorry.

    I clicked on the mirror site (#3 Comment) looking for some humour. However the second quote about the gay teen who killed himself stopped me chuckling.

    Stupid? Obscene? Apparently Atheists are the evil ones. Ha.

    I feel appalled to be still alive when such ignorant, self-consuming malevolent love is still praised by my fellow humans.

    Aagh. I’m upset now.

    Oli.

  6. says

    I clicked on the mirror site (#3 Comment) looking for some humour. However the second quote about the gay teen who killed himself stopped me chuckling.

    Once you realize that we homos aren’t really people, you’ll start to feel better.

  7. Gingerbaker says

    Oh my God!!

    I read stuff at that cite for 60 seconds, and my IQ per sent went down by thousands in less than a minute.

  8. SEF says

    the Pharyngula effect has apparently killed the site

    It’s not necessarily that – unless the effect is supposed to stretch backwards in time too! The site already wasn’t working for me when I tried a day or so ago. It’s also been dodgy on previous occasions.

  9. True Bob says

    Wow, what a site. I don’t think they were saying the darndest things, they were vomiting hatred. So sad.

  10. Jari says

    I used to check that site regularly until it stopped becoming fun and started becoming depressing seeing such a combination of ignorance and arrogance.

    But every once in a while I just HAVE to submit a quote I’ve heard almost that’s too good to be true (And sometimes they are. Everyone gets smacked by Poe’s Law at least once).

  11. Ric says

    SEF @ 12:

    Time? What means time for such as Pharyngula? PZ is all-powerful and has little regard for chronological order.

    I wonder how long it will be until the first half of this comment is mined to show that PZ is the god of atheists? ;)

  12. Adrian says

    Just to remember, Allan Glenn (WinAce, the boy behind FSTDT) died in late 2005. He left quite the legacy despite being only 20 years old.

  13. David H says

    @ #8:

    I read that one, too, and then I read a bit further, including on the forum where she’s being consoled after her son committed suicide. I don’t buy it; I think she’s trolling. She says things like “But isn’t it my fault for not accepting him for being gay? :(”

    And the comments continue. Of course, the fundies believe her, and say some truly awful things, which is bad enough. But I don’t think anyone died here.

    That’s not to say that this sort of thing doesn’t happen, though.

  14. says

    My all time favorite from FStDT (which is MIA, but here’s the original source):

    If you’re worried about your wicked behavior being watched by a camera by the police department, let me tell you there is a bigger camera that is watching all of your wicked behavior. It’s call the Lord God Jesus Christ. And he sees everything. So turn off your computer porn and stop rubbing yourself in unholy ways, stop picking up whores in cheap bars and stop shoving long objects up your under-hole. Yes, God is watching, don’t be afraid of Big Brother, because Big Jesus is watching and you will be swimming in a molting lake of fire if you don’t hand over your life to Jesus, libtards. I’m praying for you, it’s probably a lost cause, but I’m earning points with Jesus.

  15. says

    Big Jesus is watching and you will be swimming in a molting lake of fire if you don’t hand over your life to Jesus, libtards. I’m praying for you, it’s probably a lost cause, but I’m earning points with Jesus.

    It really is about having God take care of those you hate so you don’t have to, isn’t it.

    Same with the folks who supported the murderous mother’s hatred.

  16. says

    #19:

    This has been mentioned elsewhere before, but there’s a certain irony that the FSTDT is now hosted by a PETA supporter…

    That’s why I stopped reading it. That and the wave of depression it induces in me. I wonder what Allan would think of it now.

  17. maxi says

    Pop in and out of FSTDT, but it does consume minutes of my life I will never get back.

    Followed the link to Overheard in New York. And to use horrible msn slang, ROFLMAO. Luckily I am the only one in my office today, so the chuckles didn’t need to be so concealed. Classic!

  18. True Bob says

    …a molting lake of fire …

    Oh, I must see that! Final fatal freaky flaming fluid feathers!

  19. Greg says

    If the site weren’t down, I would contribute this gem from a personal conversation I had:
    “I didn’t like the way [the Catholics] changed the Bible.”
    — A fundamentalist, on why he converted from Catholicism to fundagelical Protestantism.

  20. Kampar says

    FSTDT main site has been unreachable for the last day or so – but I dip in there regularly just for the incredulity factor … just when you think things could go no lower (and that is sans the poe’s).

    To my mind the saddest entries are those culled from Rapture Ready. Specifically those who claim there is nothing worth starting in life as the current troubles in the world are a sure sign of the end times, and that life is so, so depressing that they are begging and pleading to be raptured away from it all.

    I cannot even imagine what it must be like living your life like that … assuming that the whole site is not just one big “i’m more ready to be raptured than the next guy” bragging circle.

  21. Andrés says

    So turn off your computer porn and stop rubbing yourself in unholy ways, stop picking up whores in cheap bars and stop shoving long objects up your under-hole

    So, should I get porn magazines, rub myself in holy ways, pick whores in expensive bars and shove only short objects up my under-hole?

  22. Andrés says

    So turn off your computer porn and stop rubbing yourself in unholy ways, stop picking up whores in cheap bars and stop shoving long objects up your under-hole

    So, should I get porn magazines, rub myself in holy ways, pick whores in expensive bars and shove only short objects up my under-hole?

  23. says

    [Repeating the last line of my previous post, “Here’s some of it:]

    FAQs
    Q: When does the movie release?

    A: April, 2008

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: What’s the best way to get our school families to come out to the movies?

    A: In speaking with Christian Schools, we’ve found that hosting a school-wide “mandatory” field trip is the best way to maximize your school’s earning potential. Send a field trip home with your middle school and high school students, have each child pay for their own ticket, then collect the stubs at the door once you get to the movie theater. With this model, you also will be able to benefit from the ticket stubs purchased by parents who choose to come as well.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: What if we don’t want to coordinate an organized school field trip? Can we still participate in the fundraising aspects of the program?

    A: Absolutely! You can simply ask your school families to bring back the ticket stubs (similar to the way the General Mills “Box Tops for Education” program works). You can then turn those ticket stubs into Ground Force Network, PO Box 1055, Rockwall, TX 75087 and your school will receive credit for the number of ticket stubs you turn in!

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: Do we have to go to the movie on a particular day to be a part of the fundraising program?

    A: Not at all. HOWEVER, it is important for a movie to have a stellar showing at the box office on opening weekend. Therefore, we will only be able to accept stubs submitted within two (2) weeks of the movie releasing in your area.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: Should I book a theater for my school?

    A: You can. But it’s not necessary. A simple phone call to your local theater will be all that you need to do. Tell them that you want to bring a group of students on a particular day and they will likely arrange a special showing of the movie just for your group.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: Is this movie appropriate for my elementary school students?

    A: That is your call, but probably not. Due to the subject matter, it may be difficult to keep the attention of younger students.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: Will someone from our administration be able to screen the entire movie prior to the movie’s release?

    A: There will be opportunities for screenings in certain markets across the country, but not in every market. Please email us at expelledchallenge@groundforcenetwork.com if you’re interested in being a part of a pre-release screening, and we’ll let you know of the availabilities in your area.

    ——————————————————————————–

    Q: Who has endorsed the movie?

    A:
    Ken Smitherman, President, Association of Christian Schools International: Ben Stein has done an outstanding job of pulling together a cross section of interviews that point out the blatant discrimination against many in the scientific community who would embrace “intelligent design” or even more specific aspects of the reality of God… We highly recommend the movie to anybody. It is not only informative and challenging–it is fun to watch.

    Michael Medved, nationally syndicated radio host: This is an enormously important project and I am so proud of the fact that Ben Stein, who is a national treasure, is part of it. People know that there is a dictatorial impulse at work in the land to shut down even the most elementary questioning of this unquestionable belief in random evolution and the American people don’t like being told by their ‘betters’ what they are supposed to believe.

    Dr J.I. Packer, theologian: Propaganda molds minds in a very direct way and that is the logjam in this situation, which the Ben Stein movie, by being entertaining, seeks to break through. I wish it well – I hope under God it will have a great effect just at that point.

    Peter Furler, lead singer, The Newsboys: Something we all need to ask ourselves in life is “What am I here for?” You know, if we are just “lucky mud” then these questions don’t mean much at all. But there is a God and he did create us. So if the Ben Stein movie is asking these questions, and if somebody is keeping us from finding out the great answers to the great questions – then maybe they are more than just questions. Maybe they are questions with eternal consequences.

    Luis Palau, President, Luis Palau Association: It’s no surprise to those of us trying to communicate the Good News that God is now excluded from most scientific discourse on campuses and in the media. We are seeing the consequences of locking matters of faith out of our classrooms. We applaud Ben Stein for casting light on today’s challenges to academic freedom.

    See all of the concern about science in the quotes?

    Anyway, I didn’t intend to break up the post (clicked wrong), but it should work out anyhow.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  24. says

    I’ve now got a mental picture of people ‘orbiting’ mountains which I can’t get out of my head!

    ‘… objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down.’

    Erm… so how come the Moon hasn’t come crashing down to Earth yet, since those ‘evil’ astronauts have stomped their sinful space boots all over it?

    The stupid… it burns…

  25. says

    From the link in my last post:

    0-99 ticket stubs submitted = $5 per ticket stub
    100-299 ticket stubs submitted = $1,000 donated to your school

    300-499 ticket stubs submitted = $2,500 donated to your school

    500 ticket stubs submitted = $5,000 donated to your school

    One should note that they’re really spending a lot of money to pack the theaters. The last one amounts to $10/ticket, close to a full refund of the ticket price. They’re obviously concerned about filling theater seats with that dog of a “movie.”

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

    PS One reason I’ve brought this up here is that I haven’t yet been able to get through on PZ’s link to “Fundies say the darndest things”.

  26. says

    I can’t load the page, but I wonder how long before quotes from Ben Stein end up there if they’re not already.

    Just for fun I went to Ben-boy’s whinesite and under a new moniker left a real creationist turd (something about how nobody can explain how the pre-Cambrian explosion “created all those galaxies”). Being that the site is “moderated,” I thought it would get wiped for sure.

    It’s still there!

  27. Rey Fox says

    Well, it’s good to know that Expelled will be playing with Religulous. Actually, since Easter is really early this year (for sound theological reasons, I’m sure), then Religulous will be out first if they still do the Easter date. I hope that the local arthouse, at least, will have it.

  28. says

    Being that the site is “moderated,” I thought it would get wiped for sure.

    Just wait until “javascript” comes at with quote-mining and a bunch of dishonesty. That’s when they censored my rebuttal of his lies. I rather suspect that he’s part of Expelled, perhaps Ruloff or Ken Miller (Miller responded to me using his name on the first blog, and did nothing but accuse and fail to back up anything he’d written or said, so he’s a very good guess for who “javascript” is).

    They really do seem to allow a lot there, but their tolerance ends when certain people wish for their lies to stick.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  29. says

    My favourite FSTDT quote ever is from “Marie O” on Christian Forums:

    [Should I wear a chastity belt to stop masturbation?]

    Maybe not a chastity belt (not very practical/hygienic) but there are other devices you can get. My fiance has one, it goes round the base of his xxxxx and just sits there until he gets aroused, then it has teeth that stick in and hurt him so he turns his mind to something else. Plus, for obvious reasons it can’t be removed by a guy who’s in that condition.

    Personally I think it’s terrible that he has to wear that thing, it hurts him a lot at times and he bleeds, but we’re sharing a home together now and not married and we’ve promised each other nothing immoral will happen and he feels it’s the only way he can keep on the right path

    I vouch for it’s existence – I remember the original thread, which is sadly now gone from Christian Forums and from FSTDT. Good to see that Christian teens are exploring sado-masochism as an alternative to the nasty-nasty that God forbids.

  30. Kseniya says

    Lessee… a woman living with her fiance… abstaining from sex… so he gets metal prongs in his prong whenever he thinks of sticking his prong into her socket.

    So now the guy is learning to associate sexual arousal with excruciating genital pain. (Anthony Burgess didn’t even go that far.) Yep. That bodes well for the future of their sex life as a married couple.

    we’ve promised each other nothing immoral will happen

    Too late.

    *smirk*

  31. Kseniya says

    Oh, I forgot to add:

    IDIOTS! FUCKING IDIOTS!

    [Insert/remove punctuation at your discretion]

  32. Rey Fox says

    Re: IDIOTS! I remember seeing an ad for a similar device in one of the early 1900s editions of The Onion in Our Dumb Century (along with the chicken raper, an implement that no animal husbandrist should be without). Satire is dead.

  33. globally says

    This site has been BLOCKED in accordance with the Acceptable Use Policy

    Site:www.fstdt.com

    Category:Tasteless & Offensive

  34. Andrew says

    FSTDT has been hit by both Digg and Reddit in the past few days, so at best it is slow and at worse unavailable.

    I generally have a browse every few days. I don’t know why I do this as I end up feeling both sad and infuriated.

  35. Neil says

    I love FSTDT, but I can only handle it in limited doses. It’s like stumbling across an abandoned goldmine, but once you step inside and take a whiff, you realize that it has been abandoned because all the shiny gold nuggets are actually dog turds. The stinkier ones used to get nominated for facetious awards such as the “Highly Polished Mirror Award,” or the “Best Liar for Jesus Award.”

    The first page I read contained a howler that is still my absolute favorite over two years later:

    “One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.”

    This quote was so good they made a new category of “award” to honor it: The “Fundamentalist Almost Discovers the Sun Award.”

  36. RamblinDude says

    I’m gonna guess that quote about thermodynamics is fake, but a lot of the others on evolution definitely aren’t.

    I read about 20 of them and had to stop and put an icepack over my eyes. There’s a whole lot of ignorance out there.

  37. amk says

    “Fundamentalist Almost Discovers the Sun Award.”
    That has got to be satire. Surely. Please let it be satire.

  38. Owlmirror says

    “Fundamentalist Almost Discovers the Sun Award.”
    That has got to be satire. Surely. Please let it be satire.

    When the quote was first posted here (last year, IIRC), I wondered the same thing, and followed the citation to the original forum that it was posted to. The original forum was for video games, I think, and all of the posters sounded very young.

    As best I could tell, the original poster of that particular post was in earnest.

    As I recall, either that poster, or someone else who was trying to provide support, copied-and-pasted an ancient creationist canard about the rate of dust falling from space onto the moon as a “disproof” of the ancient age of the earth (since the lunar astronauts would have sunk into the dust, allegedly).

    One of those rebutting that claim was a moon landing denialist.

    Argh.

  39. Owlmirror says

    I fail at posting. Sorry, trying again:

    “Fundamentalist Almost Discovers the Sun Award.”
    That has got to be satire. Surely. Please let it be satire.

    When the quote was first posted here (last year, IIRC), I wondered the same thing, and followed the citation to the original forum that it was posted to. The original forum was for video games, I think, and all of the posters sounded very young.

    As best I could tell, the original poster of that particular post was in earnest.

    As I recall, either that poster, or someone else who was trying to provide support, copied-and-pasted an ancient creationist canard about the rate of dust falling from space onto the moon as a “disproof” of the ancient age of the earth (since the lunar astronauts would have sunk into the dust, allegedly).

    One of those rebutting that claim was a moon landing denialist.

    Argh.

  40. Gordon says

    I sent an E-mail to the guy who runs FSTDT and suggested that he could perhaps find a better use for his talents. All right, a few of the Top 100 were written by genuine AHs, but most of them strike me as ravings of people who are just hopelessly unable to deal with reality. When I first looked at it, I felt as though I had stumbled into a circus freak show. I am a lifelong atheist and have no more use for fundies than the rest of us who read Pharyngula, but really, can’t we do something more productive?

  41. says

    “One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.”

    This quote was so good they made a new category of “award” to honor it: The “Fundamentalist Almost Discovers the Sun Award.”

    I am going to be giggling about this at random moments for quite some time to come.

  42. Ray says

    You say to yourself, “My G_d, it’s like turning over a rock!” But then you say, “Wait, that’s unfair — unreasonable! The little crawlies under the rock are harmless, useful, even, like Darwin’s earthworms. I take it back. It’s like peering over the edge of hell.”

  43. Bobby says

    God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published.

    Shelby Corbitt, 2007rapture.com

    Hmmm…. my browser tells me

    “www.2007rapture.com” could not be found.

  44. Carlie says

    Of course not, Bobby. She didn’t pay the renewal fee on the site name because she was raptured. It’s just that she was the only one, so we didn’t notice.