Dear Drew Brees,
As your fantasy football owner and a concerned fan, I respectfully request that you stop sucking. Your very manhood may depend on it. According to evolutionary psychologist David M, Buss, it is a well-documented phenomenon that testosterone levels in males fluctuate with the outcome of sporting events. Winners experience a boost of testosterone and mood while losers of athletic competition experience a decrease of testosterone. No wonder you feel like this:
So you’re now 0-3, you threw about four too many interceptions Monday night, and let’s be honest. That fumble in the fourth quarter? You just dropped it didn’t you. It looks like you’ve had a lot of testosterone-dropping moments this season, and I have to warn you: If you continue on this painful trajectory, you could wake up one morning to find you’ve developed female secondary characteristics. You’ll never be able to enter a locker room again! Ok… I’m kidding about the breasts, but if you won’t step it up for you, do it for your fans. Studies show that male sports fans experience similar drops in testosterone after their team suffers a loss. Hasn’t New Orleans suffered enough loss in Hurricane Katrina? It’s time to play some really football.