Yes, I will be HALF A CENTURY OLD tomorrow

As of 7:07AM Pacific time on 9 March, that is. I expect everyone to write me a poem in celebration. To start you all off, Richard Dawkins has set an example.

Don’t give me that cross-eyed look. It is not unusual that I inspire poetry, I’ll have you know.


  1. Technicolour Jorn says

    Happy Birthday PZ.
    May dodgy poetry rain upon you throughout this day.

  2. Tony Popple says

    A poem? What the hell rymes with pharyngula? I don’t even know how to pronouce it.

    Happy B-day anyway!

  3. Rich says

    Happy Birthday PeeZee.

    Davescott and Billy D send their regards. also.



  4. suffenus says

    I don’t know how to dress this up
    To be as good as Dawkins-

    Yikes! to dress it up at all
    I’d probably need eight stockins

    Happy birthday anyway
    PZ, up there in Morris

    I’ve got to go back to my space-
    Signed respectfully. Horace.

  5. says

    Science gains new friends;
    Woo, defeated, walks the plank.
    Let’s cheer Darwin’s squid!

    Happy birthday!

  6. Stacy says

    There once was a man who loved squid
    But not just to eat, no, forbid!
    PZ was his name
    Science was his game
    And godless was he, most avid.

    Happy birthday, PZ! (*sound a kazoo makes*)

  7. Magpie says

    There once was a man named Myers
    Who was told he’d burn in Hell’s fires
    But he did his research
    And he soon left his church
    Revealing the rest to be liars

    Happy Birthday PZ!

  8. says

    He’s quite obsessed with squid,
    And working hard to rid
    The world of all false gods
    (Though none are real, you sods.)
    So bloggers worldwide said
    “Happy Birthday, PZ”
    (Except those in the States.)
    Pharyngula relates
    Octopus sex — nifty!
    Congrats, you reached fifty.
    But take care for I fear
    The end of days is near
    Thor will soon be smiting
    The heretic here writing.
    Until that sad moment
    You have time to repent.

    I wish you’d given me some actual time to come up with a poem that doesn’t suck. Oh well. Happy birthday anyhow.

  9. says

    There once was a prof name of Myers
    Who threatened the ivory-like spires
    Of grand fundy churches
    Who cried: His science besmirches!
    But Myers has the brains it requires.

    Hmm..Not quite.

    There once was a man of biology
    Who taught without e’er an apology
    The fundys attacked
    But found themselves smacked
    By logical reasoned morphology.

    I’ll get back to you….
    Happy Birthday!

  10. Louis says

    There was an old Prof named PZ,
    Who liked creatures that came from the sea,
    His fondness for squid,
    Disturbed many a kid,
    Yet his beard caused nothing but glee.

    There once was a heathen named Myers,
    To whose standards one only aspires,
    At a credulous nit,
    He’d unfurl his wit,
    His patience does not include liars.

    A biology prof, name of Paul,
    Had no time for religion at all,
    He amusingly boasts,
    Of biblical roasts,
    And wiping qu’rans on his ball(s)!

    There once was a chap, name of Zach,
    Who’s atheist leanings weren’t slack,
    To creationist fools,
    He’d whip out his tools,
    Of reason and give them a whack.

    There was a prof from Minnesota,
    Who’s modest and not a base gloater,
    Yet he clearly took pride,
    In his leathery hide,
    Which repelled many creationist floater.


    I think so.

    Happy Birthday PZ.


  11. says

    I’ll take that up.

    There once was a blogger PZ,
    Who went to a snowdrift to pee
    His intelligent mind
    made up a design
    ’twas the likeness of Doctor Behe!

  12. Steviepinhead says

    So PZ’s no longer as rad
    As when he was a nerdly lad
    The news isn’t completely sad
    At least he’s still Skatje’s dad

  13. Yee Haw! says

    Birthday Haiku for PZ Meyers:

    PZ is fifty
    pity the brain died at nine
    old, stupid asshole

  14. Bob Carroll says

    There was an old geezer named Pharyng
    Whose temper had everyone staryng.
    When he reached 50 years,
    He drank 50 beers,
    Which left his bath plumbing despairyng.

    Happy Big Round One’

    Bob C

  15. Pope Sturbanfuher Benedict says


    Hey I chust flew in from zee Vatican, and Boy are my pectoral muscles tired!

    You vill all now all pay attention, Ja?
    Don’t make me invade Poland again…

    I proclaim that PZ is a real saint, and a pretty good guy, for an atheist – and that’s no Papal Bull!

    Happy Effing Birthday Herr Doctor Myers

  16. Bruce Breece says

    As a pedagague You ain’t no slob The author of Pharyngula. Happy Birthday to PZ Homo Sapien most singular.

  17. Grep Agni says

    Roses Are Red
    Violets Are Blue
    This poem for PZ’s Birthday
    Isn’t Very Good

  18. says


    There once was a sci-prof from Morris,
    Whos blog tended to preach to the chorus.
    But with steel-toed boots,
    and brass knuckles too,
    He hammers creationists for us!

    Thanks for all the inspiration and encouragement, PZ!!!!! Happy birthday!

  19. says

    Happy Birthday PZ. It is the 9th 00:56am in Scotland. Suprised you still remember the time you where born. Do you still have your birthday certificate? Is the time on it?

  20. J-Dog says

    ID is dead,
    Hovind is blue
    You’ve taught us to read
    and be skeptical too.

    So, have a Happ, Happ, Happy Birthday, and thank you Dr. Myers

  21. says

    The master of sci blog Pharyngula,
    Said of his obsession quite singular,
    “Creationist asses
    Keep me from my classes
    And I must focus on things curricular!”

    P.S. Now I wonder how Richard Dawkins found out about this little soiree…?

  22. says

    I am exactly one year and one day younger than you.

    There once was a something called God
    Whose ontological status was odd
    It couldn’t be seen
    Wasn’t heavy or green
    And left Myers profoundly un-awed.

  23. Ric says

    Wow, Dawkins doggerel ain’t half bad.

    To the guy who brightens my morns
    Much better than browsing through porn
    He makes me spit coffee
    While I cheer on his moxy
    So I’ll celebrate the day he was born!

    Terrible. Simply terrible. :)

  24. says

    You youngsters always have to hog the limelight, don’t you? Nobody wrote poetry for my 51st. But since it seems to be the thing:

    You are the very model of a modern biological
    You’ve information vegetable, animal and logical
    You know the ways of genomes and can list developmentical
    From zygote to fifth instar you can tell if it’s pharyngical
    You’re very well acquainted too with things creatonistical
    And understand the politics of matters atheistical
    About intelligent design you’re teeming with the critical
    With many snarky things to say about the hypocritical

    You’re very good at deconstructing neocon rhetoricus
    You know the names of pundits who are seen to be ridiculous
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal and logical
    You are the very model of a modern biological

    You know the mythic history of religious intransigents
    You answer hard apologetics offered by evangelists
    You quote the sci-en-tific liter-a-ture very concisely
    And give out so students can admire you actions wise-ly
    You can tell a proper explanation from a sketch miraculous
    You know the physiology that goes along with baculus
    You can hum the Internationale while dealing with the credulous
    And love for reasons unknown all the shapes of things mollusculous

    Then you can write a blog from which all the laity can be taught
    And mess with people’s minds by showing them they don’t know what they thought
    When others make it harder or just try to further fabulate
    And when they use religion over science to regurgiate
    The dogmas of an early age we progressed by last century
    You treat them with derision or project the penitentiary
    In short, when you encounter ignorant epistemology
    You say that we had better all rehearse the real biology.

    For your scientific knowledge, though you’re feisty and all generous,
    Though broad and full of clarity, is but part of your ingenious
    Recall of matters vegetable, animal and logical.
    You are the very model of a modern biological.

  25. says

    There once was a biologist named Myers

    Of Design and creationists he tires

    Of evodevo and Hox he ‘xplains like no other

    but it’s cephalopods he truly desires

    Happy BDay!

  26. says

    Scarcely rhythmic doggerel:

    Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni came out of the deep,
    And roused his Architeuthid friends from their delightful sleep.
    “We’ve hid away for centuries,” the beast then rumbled loudly,
    “But for dear PZ’s fiftieth, we mollusca show up proudly!”

    How’d I do?

  27. says

    There once was a cephalopodophiliac
    With penchant for the psychodiliac
    He stoutly denied God,
    While blogging unshod,
    And a pain in the creationists sacroiliac.

  28. Faithful Reader says

    Ain’t it nifty,
    PZ’s fifty!
    (But at fifty-three
    I’m older than he.)

    Happy day and many more.

  29. abeja says

    Well I’m not a poet, and I know it, but here goes!

    readin’ PZ
    is really easy
    I like this blog
    more than I like my dog
    (true that)
    it’s better than my cat

    it has a name I can’t pronounce
    but his words I can’t denounce
    cuz he knows what he’s talkin’ ’bout
    and with me his thoughts have clout

    Happy Birthday PZ!

  30. bPer says

    Three cheers for the prof named Myers,
    The scourge of evolution-deniers.
    With science and wits
    He gives IDiots fits
    And shows them all to be liars.

    Friends and family call him PeeZee
    But for me that’s never been easy.
    To Brits and Canucks
    It’s PeeZed – that sucks!
    So it’s Professor or Doctor from me, see?

    Fifty times you’ve whizzed ’round Sol
    (See – astronomy’s fun after all!)
    Tomorrow’s your day
    Par-tay all the way!
    Saturday we expect a tell-all!

    So, it turns out I’m 195 days your senior. And here I’ve thought I should respect my elder. No more! ;-)

    Have a good one, and many more to come!

  31. cyan says

    PZ’s a fortudinous being
    Who challenges folks that agreeing
    Just because THEY think so,
    That they truly know;
    Thus to others his memes are quite freeing.

    Evidence is key to his thought.
    Is there some or is there not?
    If so, use your noggin
    Instead of just bloggin’:
    Use brain: don’t let it just rot.

  32. says

    Ahem: (with short notice.)

    The deck be laid out in silver and gold
    The cap’n’s nigh on fifty years old
    Look lively there lads and raise the mainsail
    We’re headin’ out to kick ID tail


  33. Hank Fox says

    Happy Birthday, PZ! I offer a Double Dactyl:

    Prof. Paul Z. Myers
    Set to turn 50
    On Friday, March 9,

    Parties ’til midnight with
    Hors d’oeuvres and sips
    Of invertebrate wine.

  34. William says

    One half a century will grind no stone;
    no catastrophic Flood a Canyon cut.
    We see the layered ages in the rut,
    which in a million years has scarcely grown.
    The fauna north and south the river sown
    might speciate (no longer they abut
    and, isolated, lose the pow’r to mutt)
    but not when you a hundred years have known.
    And yet, in fifty years the world has changed!
    You’ve made a name in standing up for truth.
    We said hello to one that goes by Skatje,
    and science, tech, and politics arranged
    in ways so vastly different from your youth,
    it must be by the will of Jesus. (Gotcha.)

  35. CalGeorge says

    Squid-like PZ, squirting ink,
    In the blogosphere, makes a stink,
    O’er Johnny Wells and Dr. Dino,
    Two of the IDiots we have come to know,
    And loathe – because PZed is not averse,
    To tossing scraps of religious stupidity (and a curse),
    In our direction – fomenting godless insurrection! –
    And professing his proud atheism to perfection.

    Happy 50th B’Day, PZ!

  36. Hank Fox says

    BTW …

    I think there should be some sort of award for John Wilkins’ offering. It should at least be sung at your party.

  37. TAW says

    Happy birthday PZ!!! And may you have another 50 years of blogging ahead of you :)
    I’d write a poem, but I suck at poems.

  38. TAW says

    he he he… I just noticed I posted the 50th comment. What a coincidence (I swear it wasn’t on purpose). Do I get a prize?

  39. marcel says

    “You are old, father PZ,” young Skatje said,
    “And your beard has become very white;
    And yet you incessantly talk about squid–
    Do you think, at your age, it is right?”

    “In my youth,” father PZ said to his daughter
    “I feared it might injure the brain;
    But, now that I’m perfectly sure it’s under water
    Why, I do it again and again.”

    “You are old,” Skatje said, “as I mentioned before,
    And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
    Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door–
    Pray what is the reason for that?”

    “In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
    “I kept all my limbs very supple
    By the use of this ointment – one shilling a box–
    Allow me to sell you a couple?”

    “You are old,” Skatje said, “and your jaws are too weak
    For anything tougher than suet;
    Yet you finished the squid, including the beak–
    Pray, how did you manage to do it?”

    “In my youth,” said her father, “I took to the Law,
    And argued the Truth case with my wife;
    And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
    Has lasted the rest of my life.”

    “You are old,” Skatje said, “one would hardly suppose
    That your eye was as steady as ever;
    Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose–
    What made you so awfully clever?”

    “I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
    Said her father. “Don’t give yourself airs!
    Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
    Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs.

  40. llewelly says

    or Squid
    or embryologist
    or Terrorist
    or even a member of the Feminist Conspiracy
    all who will reason
    are welcome
    in PZ’s little corner of reality.

  41. says

    All the best PZ. I wish you a curmudgeonly, atheistic, confrontational, naturalistic, skeptical, joyful second half century. It’s the only way to live!

  42. tim serbo says

    Lines on the occasion of the 50th anniversary of PZ Myers’ birth

    the faithful are frightened, in fact they’re running scared
    of the professor who spooks the thinking-impaired
    he’s been suffering fools badly for half a hundred years
    let’s have half a hundred more! believers, cue the tears

    happy birthday, Professor Myers. I’ll always be older than you. so there.

  43. afterthought says

    Some excellent entries I see
    an engineer not a bard I be
    so just a simple wish for thee
    have a happy birthday on me

  44. Cat Faber says

    A child of the Enlightenment
    I look to reason’s spark
    To light a single candle
    And not just curse the dark

    The winds of blind religion
    May flatten reason’s fires;
    To coax the flames to rise again
    I count on P.Z. Meyers!

    So here’s to P.Z. Meyers!
    Today we count the score;
    For fifty years he’s held the line–
    I wish him many more!

  45. says

    I already did that. It was a pain in the aspidistra too. I went for the big half century plus one. Now I only have to accept the steady rise towards 60. Accckkk!

  46. Bryn says

    With liars, Priors and friars,
    Infesting the Internet’s wires,
    There’s one thing they’d agree,
    To beware of, you see,
    That’s the sharp wit of P.Z. Myers.

    Hmmmm…maybe Haiku:
    P.Z.Myers’ day.
    Cephalopods rejoicing.
    Creationists cringe.

    Happy, happy 50 and many more!

  47. says

    No angel attended his birth,
    looking down with cherubic smile.
    Nor did one follow his first steps;
    provide comfort when sick, succor when tired.

    Fifty years.
    Fifty years, walking, running,
    and at times stumbling;
    Neither God blessed,
    nor Devil cursed.

    What is the meaning of life?
    It’s not the greedy
    expectation of more, more,
    an eternity of more.

    We’re each given a handspan
    of years.
    What is life?
    It’s looking at you
    in the mirror.
    Every year another layer
    of silvering;
    Every year, a polishing.

    Happy Birthday, PZ.

  48. says

    My birthday offering is the zoologist’s version of “Happy Birthday.”

    Hippo Birdie 2 Ewes
    Hippo Birdie 2 Ewes
    Hippo Birdie 2 Ew….oooos
    Hippo Birdie 2 Ewes

    (Sung to the tune of ‘Happy Birthday.’

  49. says

    Still not enough Haiku in this thread for my liking:

    fifty years have earned
    a rest on their laurels, some say
    Not so! Cries PZ

    and now in the Japanese:


    the sound-killing snow, cannot kill the truth

  50. says

    PZ blogs about evolution
    with many a cunning locution.
    So to him I say “Cheers!
    You’ve reached fifty years!”
    And drink an alcoholic solution.

    Oy! That doggerel won’t hunt. But I wanted to contribute anyway: Here’s to you PZ! *raises glass*

  51. willdlifer says

    There exists a blogger named PZ
    Whose science makes creationists queasy

    They respond with ridicule and scorn
    Especially about his cephalapod porn

    But in the war of internet wits
    they always come off as ineffectual twits

    His wisdom comes as no surprise to us still
    For when he was born the Dead Sea had just taken ill

    But my welcome it seems I overstay
    In all sincerity PZ, Happy Birthday

  52. says

    I have eaten
    the squid
    that were in
    the icebox

    And which
    might once have been
    close friends
    of yours

    Forgive me
    they were delicious
    so sweet
    and so cold.

  53. says

    At half a century, you’re hardly hoary
    but please, do tell,
    your previous life’s story.
    You walked with dinosaurs,
    you should admit
    when you were just a little git.
    And when you died between two toes,
    you, born again,
    like a bad smell, rose
    as a modern skeptic
    and a sceptic, too.
    Do tell us true,
    you pharyngula-fixated
    professorial stew.
    Confess, profess!
    confess the Truth,
    dear ‘Pee Zed Myers’
    (or is PEE ZEE you?)

  54. Paco says

    PZ Myers is turning 50;
    As a fan, I find that nifty.
    He hammers on the cred’lous sods
    And links to lovely ceph’lopods.

  55. B. Wood says

    A poem?! Are you an English teacher now or something? Sigh, fine, but you owe me.

    Happy fith decade.
    A Thousand years ago,
    You’d be dead by now,
    Probably burned at the stake
    For Heresy or blasphamy,
    AKA Rational thought.

    Happy now?

  56. ColinB says

    Ok, so I’m no good at poetry – so I got my friends the Vogons at the BBC Vogon Poetry Generator to do it for me!

    Happy Birthday PZ! Oh, and sorry about the following…

    See, see the flowery sky
    Marvel at its big pasty white depths.
    Tell me, PZ Myers do you
    Wonder why the Colossal Squid ignores you?
    Why its foobly stare
    makes you feel belligerent.
    I can tell you, it is
    Worried by your flurbly facial growth
    That looks like
    A calamari.
    What’s more, it knows
    Your squidly potting shed
    Smells of lettuce.
    Everything under the big flowery sky
    Asks why, why do you even bother?
    You only charm preservatives.

  57. says

    Note: to correctly scan this epic, you must be ancient enough, not to mention uncool enough, to remember the song, “They Call the Wind Maria,” from Paint Your Wagon.

    At U of Minn
    They got a man
    Who blogs of squid and pirates
    Writes godless rants
    Instead of grants
    And they call him PZ Myers….

    Myers taunts the fundie hoards
    Deprives trolls of their vowels
    Posts lewd pix of ceph’lopods
    Makes Dembski loose his bowels

    Doc Myers
    Doc Myers
    His students yell, “Doc Myers?”

    Before I found Pharyngula
    I got my work done quickly
    But now I tell my boss to wait
    As I’m downloadin’ new squddie

    Now fifty years have come and gone
    And PZ starts to whining
    He’s asked us geeks to write in verse
    So the scansion’s gone a flyin’

    For Myers
    The strained quatrains for Myers

    Happy birthday, PZ, I sure hope it’s better than my poem!!!

  58. says

    Happy Birthday, PZ!

    Faced with the choice between a feeble attempt at writing poetry (with a high probability of an absolutely horrid result on my part thus detracting from the celebration) or presenting an entertaining music video featuring cephalopods — well the decision was easy!

    Enjoy this Octopus’s Garden.

  59. says

    With apologies to both Goldsmith and Myers, an (imaginary) encounter between an IDiot and Pharyngula:

    Good people all, of every sort,
    Give ear unto my song;
    And if you find it wondrous short,
    It cannot hold you long.

    In Morris there was a Prof,
    At whom the IDiots did balk
    That still a evolutionary race he ran,
    Where’er he went to talk.

    And in that town an IDiot was found,
    As many IDiots there be,
    Both mongrel, puppy, whelp and hound,
    And curs of low degree.

    This IDiot and man were never friends;
    But when a pique began,
    The IDiot, to gain some private ends,
    Went mad and bit the man.

    Around from all the neighbouring blogs
    The wondering scientists ran,
    And swore the IDiot had lost his wits,
    To bite so good a man.

    The wound it seemed both sore and sad
    To every pro-Monster-ian eye;
    And while they swore the IDiot was mad,
    They swore the man would die.

    But soon a wonder came to light,
    That showed the rogues they lied:
    The man recovered of the bite,
    The IDiot it was that died.

    Happy birthday Pharyngula!

  60. says

    Okay, I’m in:

    A 100% Original Birthday Poem for PZ Myers

    I think that I shall never see another quite like dear PZ.
    The man who blogs for you and me will soon turn half a century!
    The man who makes the fundies cry when he explains ID’s a lie
    by showing them the alterations in nature’s most bizarre creations.
    A family man with wife and kids who intimately studies squids
    ’cause he prefers cephalopods to any silly man-made gods!

    Happy Birthday, PZ!!!

  61. Ian H Spedding FCD says

    The Fate of ID at Pharyngula
    Could justly be thought of as singular
    At Dembskian prose
    He turns up his nose
    And raises just one Myers finguler.

    Many Happy Returns!

  62. Millimeter Wave says

    happy birthday PZ…

    I’m afraid I don’t have any poetry though. Probably for the best, actually ;-)

  63. Sean Foley says

    Two poems. First, a reworking of “The Story of Bonnie and Clyde”:

    You’ve read the works of Dennett & Dawkins
    And ScienceBlogs on the wires.
    If you’re still in need
    Of something to read
    Here’s the story of P.Z. Myers.

    Now P.Z. Myers is in the Atheist Gang.
    I’m sure you all have read
    How he rants and raves
    With discourse crazed
    And wishes the God-fearing dead.

    There’s lots of untruths to these write-ups;
    He’s not so vicious as some;
    But his rhetoric’s rough
    And he’s necessarily tough
    On the credulous, foolish, and dumb.

    Folks call him an uncivil firebrand;
    They say he is heartless and mean.
    But say what you will:
    His readers are thrilled
    For P.Z.’s prose is logical and clean.

    Creationists fool around,
    Try taking him down
    With claims of I.C. in the cell.
    They say of him,
    “He’s unduly dim
    And will doubtless end up in hell.”

    But their bulbs are dimly lighted;
    P.Z. lets reason and evidence guide.
    He tries to open up minds,
    Even those of the blind,
    But isn’t above being snide.

    His blog gets brighter and brighter,
    With posts to read and admire.
    So let e’vry woman and man
    Do all that they can
    For the 50th of P.Z. Myers.

    And second, with apologies to Hilaire Belloc:

    Of Dr. Myers, by the wingnuts ’tis said,
    “His sins are scarlet!” But his posts are read.

  64. Baratos says

    Something something something, happy birthday
    something something
    squid something
    something atheism

  65. Kiwi Dave says

    There once was a righteous prof called Pharyngula;
    To colleagues and friends he seemed quite avuncular,
    But his morality slid,
    Seduced by a squid,
    And his reputation no longer stands perpendicular.

  66. Don Cates says

    Note: I use Canadian Zs

    A biologist known as PZ
    An atheist too, it is said
    Puts his thoughts in a blog
    Which maddens the fog
    Minded IDiots who from him have fled

    Damn, Just 5 hours earlier and I could claim a full decade more experience than you. Anyway,

    Happy Birthday to us
    Happy Birthday to us
    Happy Birthday PZ and Don
    Happy Birthday to us

  67. Chakolate says

    Happy Birthday to you, Pharyngula!
    Sorry I’m not there to sing to ya.
    Do not go flying your flag half-furled,
    Cuz fifty is not the end of the world.

    But I bet you can see it from there, cantcha?

    (ducking and running)

  68. JohnTheStudent says

    Happy Birthday PZ. I think I speak for more than I know when I say that you have catalyzed a march toward rationality. PZ, Dawkins, Dennett, and Harris, are the pioneers, making rational and logical atheism acceptable to more people than you could ever know. I’m only 22, and from my limited experience, I think demographic trends are moving toward rationalistic humanism.

    P.S. I’m drunk, so it took me about 10 minutes to write this without typos. Please forgive incoherence if that be the case.

  69. Tiax says

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue.
    Damn, you’re old.
    Was this supposed to rhyme?

  70. says

    A Villainous Villanelle for Pharyngula Zed Myers:

    Pharyngula is widely read
    Its traffic comes from far and near
    To pick the brain in PZ’s head

    Like evil wraiths riz from the dead
    Creationists will laugh and jeer
    To pick the brain in PZ’s head

    Of science ne’er enough is said
    To quench most people’s primal fear
    To pick the brain in PZ’s head

    “Happy Birthday,” we all said
    For Myers’s fiftieth year —
    Pharyngula is widely read

    Trolls and seekers both have pled
    For science writing without peer
    To pick the brain in PZ’s head

    Dawkins ignited the thread
    Here within the blogosphere
    Pharyngula is widely read
    To pick the brain in PZ’s head

  71. nat says

    I can’t write poems but I can sing :
    ” Un p’tit beurre c’est pour vous, un p’tit beurre c’est pour vous…”
    If you know french and if you are already drunk, maybe I have a chance you find this funny…

  72. Carolus Hereticus says

    From one just-turned half-centenariarian (sp???), to another: Happy B-Day!

    Should we feel iffy
    About the turn to fifty?
    Nah, it’s quite spiffy!

  73. says

    PZ are you so young?
    Or am I so old?
    Have a beer on me, PZ
    One with a thick frothy head.
    And as you refresh your bod,
    Give thanks you have no wowser God!

    (PS In Oz we pronounce Z Zed not Zee).

  74. SEF says

    It is not unusual that I inspire poetry, I’ll have you know.

    It is unusual to demand it though. However …

    His L for “learner” PZ keeps
    With pride; unlike those many creeps
    Who claim that all is somehow known
    Within one book and thought disown.

    And now he has another L,
    Which may or may not suit as well,
    But still it’s his and duly earned
    Surviving so yet more is learned.

  75. Torbjörn Larsson says

    A poem on demand? Oy. But,

    Pharyngula grows
    Adult desires and wants
    ‘s quid pro quo

    so I am glad to give something back. Happy days!

  76. Torbjörn Larsson says

    A poem on demand? Oy. But,

    Pharyngula grows
    Adult desires and wants
    ‘s quid pro quo

    so I am glad to give something back. Happy days!

  77. says

    He rose from the wrong side of bed
    And with a mounting sense of dread
    Noticed the date, and clutched his head
    I’m fifty!
    Said Pee Zed

    What happened to my hair? he pled
    And what is this? My belly’s spread
    I think I’ve reached a watershed
    I’m fifty!
    Said Pee Zed

    There’s too much stuff inside my head
    Nonsense seen and garbage read
    Knots and snarls, a tangled thread
    And … fifty!
    Said Pee Zed

    He paced the room with measured tread
    There’s still so much I haven’t said
    So many IDiots to shred
    I’m fifty!
    Said Pee Zed

    But rising from his birthday spread
    He cleared his throat and scratched his head
    It’s funny how the years have sped
    But half a century lies ahead!
    We’re all the same age till we’re dead
    Don’t mourn the years gone by, he said
    Let’s drink another toast instead

    To fifty!
    Said Pee Zed

  78. bones says

    Happy Birthday! Gold has been the traditional gift for 50th anniversaries of all types, and that’s what you’ve given us pure gold – Ihope you get some in return on your birthday.

  79. says

    Hail! me hearties,
      And sing of P. Zachary —
    He, of the God-meme
      The zestfullest sacker! An’
    Them he denounces,
      Call his heart the blacker!? Such
    Libels are merely the
      Trade-goods of quackery.
    Still, the best defense is
      A good attack; or so
    I’m informed. As, no doubt,
      Is our P. Zachary.

    Congrats on a half-century without getting burned at the stake by Christianists, Doc Mhierzsh!

  80. Linda Herbertson says

    ” I expect EVERYONE to write me a poem in celebration. ”

    Just my luck to stumble on
    This dire exhortation.
    Birthdays may come and birthdays may go,
    but fiftieths deserve ovation

  81. The Swede says

    If the cephalopods don´t keep us away
    We godless just want to say
    congratulations and
    lead the way.


  82. Observer says

    I’m always amused that everything sounds better with a British accent; I think Richard Dawkins could read “There was a boy from Nantucket…” and it would sound mellifluous.* Ah, well, I won’t fare as well…

    I have no poem but to say

    that S-words are those

    that lead the day –

    squids & sex & stories & science

    are some of the swords

    you use in defiance

    of other S-words bound for history –

    supernaturalism, spiritualism,

    and, of course, stupidity.

    We thank you for your words

    and all that they bring,

    because through words

    is the meaning of everything.

    Happy Half A Century! (Hopefully your Wish List is current – May brings flowers…)

    *No thesaurus, but I did check the spelling. (-;

  83. Lerch says

    How about another double dactyl:

    Higgledy, Piggledy,
    PZ, biologist,
    loves evo-devo
    and can’t stand ID

    Now he can celebrate,
    with photos of squid
    that we all love to see

  84. pie.rat says

    For PZ
    It’s easy
    To de-feat
    the complete
    idiots who
    de-fend ID!

    Gee, the end doesn’t really fit, does it? Anyway, happy birthday and best wishes, PZ!

  85. Steve LaBonne says

    Not up to writing poetry this morning, so I’ll simply wish you a happy birthday and many happy returns. I hit half a centriy a year and a half ago, so I can tell you life after 50 is good. ;)

  86. Dawn says

    Happy Birthday, PZ! May you enjoy many more years. (Can’t do poetry before my coffee, sorry).

  87. makita says

    Happy Birthday PZ!! I have to rush off and English is not my first language, so writing poems is challenging. But best wishes anyway.

  88. MorpheusPA says

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    I believe in PZ,
    Not in Jesus the Jew.

    Yes, potentially insulting to those without a sense of humor, plus another rhyming victim of too little sleep combined with a sinus headache. Lighten up, dudes.


    Artlessly, smartlessly,
    Stupid creationists,
    Mindless book burners,
    Have nary a friend.

    Last time they screwed,
    With PZ and biologists,
    Lost lawsuits marked,
    What was left in the end!

    Better, that. The caffeine is kicking in.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Still 12 years left to go for me, but getting there.

  89. MikeG says

    Creationists sure raised a stink
    And were baffled by prose in sqiud ink
    and about evolution
    PZ’s happy solution
    At least some great apes can think!

    Happy birthday!


  90. Bunjo says

    It is interesting to contemplate an entangled blog, posted with many poems of many kinds, with comments on the threads, with various subjects flitting about, and with squid swimming in the deep sea, and to reflect that these elaborately constructed forms, so different from each other, and dependent on each other in so complex a manner, have all been produced by laws acting around us. These laws, taken in the largest sense, being Science with Scepticism; Insight which is almost implied by explanation; Variability from the indirect and direct action of the external conditions of debate, and from praise and abuse; a Ratio of Information so high as to lead to a World View for Life, and as a consequence to Natural Philosophy, entailing Divergence of Character and the Extinction of less-improved theories. Thus, from the war of words, from science and religion, the most exalted object which we are capable of conceiving, namely, the production of the higher thoughts, directly follows. There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few theories or into one; and that, whilst this internet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of electricity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.

    Sorry Darwin, but its PZ’s birthday and he wanted poetry.

  91. CalGeorge says

    You dropkick the fundies
    Right in their undies

    That should be:

    You dropkick the fundies
    Wearing nothing but undies

    It’s day two of this post. Time to get ugly!

  92. says

    With apologies to G.L. Hemminger:

    PZ Myers lacks all fears,
    We like him.
    We wish him fifty more great years,
    We like him.
    He’s witty and he’s really cool,
    He fisks the common creo fool,
    The squid revere him from their pool,
    We like him.

  93. Mark says

    Don’t think of it as half a century. Think of it as five percent of a millenium.

  94. Thinker says

    Joining in from Scandinavia:

    The ‘net, the web, the blogosphere
    its fibers, tubes and wires
    today will see a flood of cheer
    for our Professor Myers.

    And that is quite appropriate,
    since he fulfills our yearning
    for thought, debate and well-honed wit,
    and scholarship – true learning.

    Uncommonly intelligent,
    you could say well-designed,
    each bio-logic argument
    is reasoning, refined.

    Prolific, yes, but never lax,
    his steel-toed words have weight.
    His beak is sharp as he attacks,
    with ten brass arms – or eight.

    His oratory never wanes,
    he doesn’t straddle fences:
    “Since evolution gave us brains,
    let’s use them, and our senses!”

    “We’re feeling minds, not mindless souls,
    we love and learn!”, he howls,
    while sanctimonious, tiresome trolls
    he quickly disemvowels.

    Jerusalem’s a mental block
    and Rome’s a pious chorus.
    While Moslems bow towards Mecca’s rock
    let’s turn our minds to Morris!

    And as we do, I add my praise
    and ask of PZ’s worldwide class:
    Please join me as for him I raise
    a godless godly glass!

    Grattis på födelsedagen!

  95. Hairy Doctor Professor says

    A simple haiku:

    Credulous tricksters.
    The squid are not so slimy.
    P Z fights them all.

    Well, it’s marginally better than the version I started based on the theme song from the Beverly Hillbillies. Happy birthday, keep fighting the good fight, and welcome to what my wife (who turned 50 three days ago) and I (51) refer to as our “extremely late forties”.

  96. Roadtripper says

    A poem? Oh drat, this is my worst subject! Maybe if I switch to “pirate mode” it’ll look better.

    Happy birthday, Doc Myers,
    There be nothing to fear!
    Here’s yer bloody poem,
    I’ll write ye another next year.


    [/pirate mode]

    Best wishes!


  97. Gene Goldring says

    Ken Ham would put your years into prospective this way.

    At 50 years old you are 1/120th the age of the earth. How’s that feel?

    Happy Birthday!

  98. Jeff Chamberlain says

    Higglety pigglety
    Turns 50 today
    And has asked for some verse.

    Many obey and there’s
    Limericks abound
    And the haikus are worse.

    Wilkins weighs-in with great
    Gilbert and Sullivan.
    Fox has a dactyl
    That references squid.

    There’s free verse and blank verse
    To tickle the fancies;
    Meters and rhymes
    Only some of which fit.

    Submissions are mostly
    Appallingly bad, but
    It’s all in good fun
    And you love it, I’ll bet.

    So Myers we wish you
    The best of all birthdays.
    You asked for these poems
    And deserve what you get.

  99. David Marjanović says

    Comment 115 is the best!!!

    Five percent of a millennium? Hah. Contemplate paleontology: I can’t tell last week from last ice age. :-)

  100. David Marjanović says

    Comment 115 is the best!!!

    Five percent of a millennium? Hah. Contemplate paleontology: I can’t tell last week from last ice age. :-)

  101. skunqesh says

    It’s about 6:07 PST – one last hour before you ‘youth’ no more. Bah.. tis wasted on the young.

    Happy Happy PZ – Calamari for everyone!

  102. PeteK says

    Happy birthday. The first half-century is the hardest! I wonder if PZ will write Dawkins one when he turns 75?

  103. says

    Happy, happy birthday, PZ!

    I’d write you a poem, but you might not want one from the Bad Goth Poetry Queen. Our little one sends out a “happy birthday to the Squid Guy!”

  104. Skeptyk says

    You find the coolest youtube squids
    And sex among the spineless
    You cut up crank creationists
    with cyber-saber glee
    Your mighty pen cuts swathes of sense
    through creduloidic mindless
    dreck, And you, untiring hero
    inspire the same in me

    No longer do I sit and stew
    when folks repeat some nonsense,
    breathlessly extolling woo
    without a shred of ev’dence.
    I stand up like Missouri
    or a prof from Minni Morris
    “Show me! Show me facts beyond
    a testimony chorus.

    “Show me yours I’ll show you mine,
    then we can fin’ly argue
    like adults, ‘stead of bickering
    like babies’ gabbling googoo:
    ‘Googoo woowoo chopra ramtha
    energy and healing,
    spiritual, ways of knowing,
    facts are trumped by feeling…’

    “Aargh!” I yell my pirate aargh
    (Invoking noodly satire)
    and cleanly I eviscerate
    Their fallacies with sass.
    Most of them will take their toys
    and whinge that we are meanies,
    and I say, “Bye, don’t let
    the pub door hit you on the ass.”

    Then we Pharynguloids get back
    to learning, playing, thinking,
    to using every day this
    great brief life in which we’re born.
    Side by side in real or cyberspace
    now raise your glasses
    to PZ Myers and all who grok
    the wonder of squid porn.

  105. says

    “Fifty years have gone, and winter’s grown a little colder;
    The sophomores of Morris town are smaller every day,
    And that blogging daughter’s out to steal my flock away.
    And with Creationists about and lying ever bolder,
    Why should this biologist get out of bed today?”

    “Fifty years?” I heard my own voice say.
    “Really, sir, I thought you were a little older.”

    All the best, PZ! :-)

  106. J.W. Hanes says

    Curriculum Vitae

    From this world’s well of wisdom is allowed
    Each sojourner a brief eclectic sip.
    Consumption obligates us, thus endowed,
    To swell the reservoir of scholarship.

    For both the contribution and the draft
    Are means which will enable us to bind
    To every soul that lived and learned and laughed
    And those who follow after – mind to mind.

    So drink a little deep, a little wide;
    Take care in choosing how you will partake.
    It is your heart’s tuition you decide,
    The thirst for immortality you slake.

    Though appetite exceeds what you ingest,
    Imbibe your share; interpolate the rest.

  107. says

    Wow, that’s a whole lot of awesome blog entries for only 50 years!;)

    Happy birthday! Say what you mean and say it mean (if it has to be)!

  108. wmock says

    Everyone? A lowly lurker quavers…

    Writing Clearly,
    Illuminating Reality,
    Never Suffering Fools at All,
    That’s PZ!

    Happy Birthday!

  109. Steve_C says

    Happy Birthday P to the Z.

    Two days after Dr. Seuss.

    Today is your birthday! Today you are you! There is no one alive that is you-er than you!

  110. says

    What? I missed a party? Damn!


    Well it’s fifty years a PZ and you know it’s on
    Posts in the blog til the break of dawn
    Smackin’ down the frauds, got no place for people
    Claimin’ fossils and myths are all jes’ equal
    Ain’t no one on the nets can do it like he
    Cuts up the woo so viciously
    All cephalopodia ‘n posts that sting
    At the blink of an eye he does his thing
    Like a voice of reason in the World Wide Din
    Like a stick through the spokes of the DI spin
    Man’s on the ball, make no mistake
    If yer pitchin’ BS, he won’t make ya wait.

    (… apologies to Adam, Adam, Mike ‘n Mike)

  111. Neil says

    PZ is fifty,
    Now that’s rather nifty,
    For an old science duffer,
    Who’s a hell of a lot tougher,
    Than he looks.

    I discovered his blog,
    When my dad tried to flog,
    That dead horse called ID,
    Which was annoying to me,
    As I understand evolution.

    Now I regularly read,
    His science and screed,
    It entertains and informs,
    And usefully performs,
    To denounce bullshit.

    So happy birthday to Myers,
    Who says to deniers,
    Of ration and reason,
    That your kind are treason,
    To an enlightened world.

  112. denise says

    happy Birthday!

    happy birthday to you
    happy birthday to you
    you’re related to monkeys
    AAAAAAND the rest of us are too!

    lame I know. enjoy!

  113. PrinceMyshkin says

    “P” I get, but what’s with Zed?
    What was in his parents’ head?
    (Yes, his parents had but one.
    Where’d he get his sense of fun?
    Look no further!) Anyhoo,
    Hap-hap-happy Birthday t’you!

  114. ctenotrish, FCD, PhD says

    Haiku is not my forte, but here is an attempt at a poem in honor of PZ’s birthday.

    Zebrafish larvae
    Swim smoothly, developing.
    PZ learns from them.

    And a birthday wishes poem . . .

    Zebrafish, zebrafish,
    For PZ here’s a birthday wish:
    I hope you will drink many beers,
    Drive creationists to tears,
    And eat an octopus- or squid-based dish.

    Happy Day, Dr. Myers! Cheers, ctenotrish.

  115. Tony Kehoe says

    It’s PZ’s birthday, you see,
    And he’s just turned the big fif-ty
    So Darwin can rest
    ‘cos his successor’s the best
    And Pharyngula’s great–a certainty.

  116. N.Wells says

    Professor PZ Myers,
    Scourge of science deniers,
    Writes a blog that I cherish
    So please, publish, don’t perish

  117. Greg Peterson says

    You ask me what cephalopods weave below with their sinuous arms;
    I tell you, the ocean knows this.
    You say how does the zebra fish develop in its transparent egg,
    I tell you it’s waiting.
    You say who does the macrocystis algae hug in its arms?
    Study it. Study it at a certain hour and in a certain laboratory.
    You question me about the evolution of vaginas,
    and I respond by quoting Pharyngula.
    Inquire about the feathered dinosaurs,
    Preserved in ancient layers, and I say PZ knows.
    I want to tell you that the Professor knows this:
    That life, in its jewel boxes, is diverse and unnumbered,
    difficult to quantify, pure in its way.
    And half a century among the blood colored grapes
    has filled his mind with luminous awe,
    Just as it fills the jellyfish with light, and unties its knot, letting its musical threads fall
    From a horn of plenty made of infinite mother of pearl.
    I’m nothing but the hungry net trailing his observant eyes,
    Quickened by illumination, clicking through fresh wisdom,
    Longitudes in the timid glow of a screen.
    I walk around like you investigating the long-lived star
    And during the night, dream of naked stones, rocks
    That capture and trap Tiktalik and its kin.

    Happy Birthday, PZ, with apologies to Pablo Neruda.

  118. Mena says

    Aw, 110010 isn’t *that* old!
    (Why are my comments all being held for moderation all of a sudden?)

  119. says

    I’m going to be a jerk and try to direct some traffic over to my offering.

    But just so this post has some validity, here’s a haicthu:
    Creationists’ fear:
    In his office in Morris
    Dread PZ waits, blogging.

  120. Rob the Lurker says

    To the cephalopod fancier
    best wishes I will convey

    Oh, heck. I suck at poems.


  121. says

    You may be an old fart, but you gave me m’blogg’n start, t’was ole Pharyngula the first piece I wrote

    And it was a shocking post, eh? A nasty foray, a virtually significant jolt … arrghhh ..

    I was still swarming, with righty vermin, ugly neocon memes [Parrot squawks: “Ugly Memes“]

    You showed me kindness, lifted me up, and I soared away on yer science-y dreams

    Who could’a known, arrghh, I’d evolve into an obscure blogg’n star, the course my ship you’d send …

    ahoy, you’ll come to a Godless end, PZ m’friend … Just don’t go getting, like, religion, even as the beating wings of mortality descend … arrrgh …

  122. Umilik says

    Professor Meyers, all chubby and cute
    Once visited a lady of ill repute
    When she unzipped his lid
    She found only a squid
    And charged him eight times her usual loot

    Don’t know ya personally, but happy b’day and welcome to the other half. It’s not as bad as it looks from the outside… Really.

  123. Tuomo Hämäläinen says

    ;aPP>M,”_tHDaY p>*YYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_tHDaY pZ*YYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_thDaY pZ*YYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_thDaY pZ*MYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_thDaY pZ MYERs{
    ;aPP>MB”_thDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;aPP>MB”_thDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;aPP>MB”_thDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;aPP>MB”rthDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthdaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthdaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthdaY pZ MYeRs!
    ;apPYMB”rthdaY pZ MYeRs!
    ;apPYMB”rthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMB”rthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMBIrthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMBirthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMBirthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPY Birthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPy Birthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPy Birthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPy birthday PZ MYeRs!
    Happy birthday PZ MYeRs!
    Happy birthday PZ MYers!
    Happy birthday PZ MYers!
    Happy birthday PZ Myers!

  124. Tuomo Hämäläinen says

    ;aPP>M,”_tHDaY p>*YYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_tHDaY pZ*YYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_thDaY pZ*YYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_thDaY pZ*MYERs{
    ;aPP>M,”_thDaY pZ MYERs{
    ;aPP>MB”_thDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;aPP>MB”_thDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;aPP>MB”_thDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;aPP>MB”rthDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthDaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthdaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthdaY pZ MYERs!
    ;apP>MB”rthdaY pZ MYeRs!
    ;apPYMB”rthdaY pZ MYeRs!
    ;apPYMB”rthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMB”rthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMBIrthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMBirthday pZ MYeRs!
    HapPYMBirthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPY Birthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPy Birthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPy Birthday PZ MYeRs!
    HapPy birthday PZ MYeRs!
    Happy birthday PZ MYeRs!
    Happy birthday PZ MYers!
    Happy birthday PZ MYers!
    Happy birthday PZ Myers!

  125. Bob O'H says

    Sorry, about being a bit late: I had to line my brain cells up for this…

    To the tune of The Londonderry Air (or The London Derrière):

    Cephalopod, the pirates, pirates are calling
    From Greg to Grrl and Dawkins on the side
    The squid are come and astronomers calling
    ‘Tis you, ’tis you must go and I must bide
    But come ye back when Skatje’s in the meadow
    Or when Larry‘s hushed and Wilkins so
    ‘Tis we’ll be here in sunshine or in shadow
    Pharyngula, Pharyngula, we love you so

    And, err, happy birthday, I suppose.


  126. Paguroidea says

    PZ Myers is quite the leader
    Indeed he does exceed
    Exposing the truth as a great sleuth
    Creating a neighborhood for public good
    My but how Myers inspires

    Happy Birthday PZ!!!

  127. says

    The Story of the Kristmas Kraken:

    ‘Twas the Night Before Krakenmas

    Twas the night before Krakenmas, when all through the ocean
    Not a creature was stirring, no waves nor commotion;
    The stockings were hung on the coral with care,
    In hopes that St. Kraken soon would be there.
    The sea urchins were nestled all snug in their shells,
    While visions of shrimp-puffs danced in the swells.

    The Capt’ in his tricorn, and I in my black-patch
    Had just belayed the order to batten down the hatch,
    When from the ocean’s depth there arose such a rumble,
    The ship it rolled leeward, and I took a serious tumble.
    I reeled to the stern; blown like from a gale,
    And tripped upon the hawsers, and flew over the rail.
    The moon on the crest of the waves it did glow
    As I sank in the depths of the ocean below.

    When, what in loaming gloom should be featured,
    But a vast schooner ferried by eight ocean creatures.
    I spied a slippery old tentacle, and as I glanced once again,
    And knew in a instant it must be St. Kraken.
    More rapid than jet skis his dolphins they came,
    And he chortled, and bubbled, and called them by name;

    “Now, Tursiops! Now, Delphis! Now, Flipper and Sotalia!
    On, Stenella! On, Steno! On, Inia and Orcalia!
    To the top of the waves! To the top of the squall!
    Now Splash away! Splash away! Splash away all!”

    Like torrents of water spouts in a hurricane whirl,
    When they meet with an obstacle, sputter and swirl,
    So too did these dolphins flukes send salt-spray in my eye,
    As the toy laden schooner and St. Kraken passed me by.
    And then, in a twinkling, I felt round my waist;
    The rubbery suction of a padded tentacle was laced.
    As I threw up my hands, and thought I was drowned,
    I came face-to-face with St. Kraken – The Reknowned.

    He was mottled and striped, from his mantle to his head,
    And his arms were all wriggling and colored cherry red;
    A bundle of toys he had flung across his saddle,
    I saw nautical gear, plus a kayak and paddle.
    His slit-eyes — how they winked and were more black than brown!
    His cheeks, if he had them, would have been plump and round!

    His droll little beak was drawn up like a bow,
    And the red hat on his head was trimmed white as the snow;
    The stump of a mast he held tight in his beak,
    It looked fairly ancient; and may once have been Greek.
    He had a broad face and a round shell of a belly,
    That encased his three hearts as they pumped his life’s jelly.
    He was chubby and fleshy, a right jolly old Squid
    And I laughed when I saw him — I tell you I DID.

    A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
    Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his wares,
    And filled all the stockings that hung there with care.
    Then turned with a jerk, and went back to his task,
    But before he was finished, he gave me a flask.
    And raising one tentacle up towards his face,
    He gave me the nod to sip a good brace.

    When my lips touched the liquid – To the surface I swam;
    Compelled by some magic, though good swimmer I am.
    No bends, nor bad effect from the salt water had I,
    And hastily clambered aboard my ship waiting by.

    As I climbed up over the edge of the rail;
    I was greeted by my Capt’ – all hearty and hail.
    But I glanced back below and I swear I did see,
    St. Kraken astride his schooner was he.
    He gave to his team of Delphinus a whistle,
    And away they all flew like a guided cruise missile.

    But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he dove out of sight,
    ‘Happy Krakenmas to all, and to all a good-night!’

    And Many Happy Returns of the Day on yer Half-Century mark!

  128. says

    “What the hell rhymes with Pharyngula?”

    Behe losing the bacterial thingula
    Dembski KOed in the boxing ringula
    Shimmies and comments that are totally zing-gulah,
    PZ having a B-Day that is positively singulah!

    Happy birthday, PZ! (A little late – sorry…)

  129. Owlmirror says

    Another double-dactyl…

    Tentacle-spiracle [1]
    Professor P. Myers
    Held up a beaker
    Of squid mesenchyme

    Said, “To development
    Added some alcohol
    And squeez’d in some lime

    [1] This is usually “Higgledy-Piggledy”, but it’s allowed to be different, and I think this is far more appropriate

  130. suffenus says


    that PZ Myers
    icon of evolution
    still circulating!

  131. makita says

    Follow up on post #114. But I can write in Dutch!

    Lang zullen ze beven
    want lang zal hij leven.
    Zijn liefde voor de wetenschap
    is steeds weer een grote klap
    voor hen die liever dom blijven
    en weigeren een god uit te drijven.
    Zij die geloven in goede en boze geesten
    zullen beslist niet feesten,
    op deze vrolijke dag.
    Dat PZ er nog lang wezen mag!

  132. says

    I may be a writer, but I don’t do poetry.

    Well, I do know one that begins “There Once was an Biologist from Nantucket…”

    Happy Birthday, Oh Squiddley One.

  133. Mike N. says

    “PZ Myers, promoter of science fiction!
    Evolution! Bah! A mass contradiction!”
    His mere damnable presence
    Makes the DI doubt God’s existence.
    Praise be to squids for his atheistic maledictions!

  134. steve_h says

    IDers ‘theories’ (*) says
    top blogger Myers are
    worthless old drivel and
    not worth a clout

    those who write Dilbert and
    conservapedia –
    all that preach ignorance
    ought to watch out.

    (*) first line is supposed to be some sort of repetitive nonsense. Day job not given up.

  135. Flex says

    My senryu submission:

    Rational thinking
    Clearly may occur at the
    Pharyngula stage

    Many happy returns!

  136. Lim-Ricker says

    There once was a man named PZ
    Who exposed creationists sleazy
    Now his fiftieth year
    The creationists still here
    Nobody said it would be easy

  137. says

    A while ago, discussing Darwin Day I think, you stated:

    Note to self: publish world-shaking Magnum Opus on 50th birthday

    …or something very similar.

    Can I have a copy, please?

    Also, Happy Birthday. No poetry from me, sorry.

  138. khan says

    In the blogsphere, the mighty blogsphere
    PZ posts all night.


    ‘Neath the ocean, the peaceful ocean
    Cephalopods frolic tonight


  139. Radi says

    Happy Birthday (and a wish for many more), PZ! Here’s my PZ poem, in Fibonacci style (also known as a Fib):

    And Biologist
    Nemesis of creationists
    And the fellows of the Discovery Institute.

  140. Beth says

    some truly terrible haiku:

    IDiots are bleating
    Why are there PYGMIES + DWARVES
    PZ shakes his fist

    What is the sound of
    one tentacle clapping
    Cephalopods rock

    godless liberals
    with beards and love of science
    girls squeal with delight

    Happy Birthday!!! My husband and I will be toasting you tonight.

  141. MikeB says

    Let me know how it goes. I’m going to be there next month. Most of those I know who’ve been there have survived it, but I’m not sure……..

  142. truth machine says

    Here’s my PZ poem, in Fibonacci style (also known as a Fib)

    Here’s one with a Fibonacci sequence of line lengths:

    of biological
    inquiry and unbelief.

  143. Jim says

    Oh my (no) god
    Isn’t it odd
    PZ turns 50
    It’s so nifty
    The man who studies Cephalopod

    Happy birthday
    Now get your PSA tested

  144. Odonata says

    Thanks be to PZ
    Father of the Pharynguloids
    Great lifter of fog through the Pharyngula blog
    May he help us in our continued quest
    for rationality that is best

  145. says

    when god in heaven went to hell
    he knew in fact that it would smell
    he brought along a little mask
    that he thought would serve the task
    but along the way to down from up
    he was accosted by a pup:
    the pup, pz, said to his face
    you now have two masks in this race
    mask number one, to hide the hollows
    mask number two, for all that follows

    well, god was peeved but could not speak
    yet behind his masks he tried to peek
    but there was found a silent space
    no cheshire smile, no, not a trace
    ‘well this won’t do,’ thought the construct
    ‘for i am god, and hold no truck
    with those who seek to measure life
    i will not sit beneath your knife!’

    but pz showed his hands most clean:
    there was no blade, no metal scheme
    “i would not cut that which is not
    nor shadow box with cosmic rot”
    and god was peeved, as gods will do
    he grimaced and said, while looking blue
    “i can prove that i exist:
    faith will out or i’ll be pissed”
    “step right up, and play most jaunty
    a game of shells, or three card monte?
    those who need a god the most
    reduce all wonder to milquetoast”
    and pz smiled as he spoke
    but there was silence at his joke

    and that was all the lord could take
    his masks by two revealed most fake;
    the game must never end with light
    the bronze age gods must say good night
    the truth is not that hard to handle:
    just light a cake with fifty candles
    and what you see, that grinning host
    has not yet given up the ghost!


  146. says

    Posted on my blog:

    It’s still the 9th …
    … so I guess I’m not too late to wish PZ a happy birthday.

    His was one of the first blogs on my list, before I even knew what a blogroll was. And I still check it at least a couple of times daily.

    But there’s no way I’m going to be able to write him a poem, after reading the entries already. Unless a couple of lines of doggerel count.

    Americans say P.
    The rest of us, we
    Say P. Zed.
    But we
    All said
    Have a happy, P.Z!*

    (*However you want to pronounce it.)

  147. Ick East says

    Born on the same day as Osama*
    You came into this world from a hole in your momma
    But after that you followed another path
    Away from the insanity that religion brings
    Towards science and squids and other cool things

    Happy Bidet!

    *Allowing for time zones, yes…you were.

  148. truth machine says

    Since PZ is busy, let me disemvowel Yee Haw! for him:

    Brthd Hk fr PZ Mrs:

    PZ s fft
    pt th brn dd t nn
    ld, stpd sshl

  149. Ben Schwartz says

    Just be glad you weren’t born 4 years earlier, like my dad. March 9, 1953; the day Stalin was buried.

  150. Thony C. says

    Welcome to the club. Men in their fifties know more, are wiser, more amusing, better looking and better in bed.

    There was an old Prof called Paul Myers
    Whose motor had Darwinist tyres
    When fifty he did
    They evolved into squid
    And carried him off to the mire.

  151. Papillon says

    Glory to PZ
    Who led
    and long may lead
    whom read
    and weed out
    the louts
    of irationality
    to posterity
    Happy (Birth+1)day!

  152. says

    There once was a professor of biology,
    who knew more than most re theology.
    His audience they applauded,
    his bloggings they lauded,
    but they weren’t worth a crap at
    rhyming Happy Birthday!

  153. says

    I like big brains and I cannot lie
    You other brothers can’t deny
    that when PZ walks in with a great big brain
    causing the creationists pain
    you get SPRUNG, scientists got PZ’s back
    Brain so big he can’t fit in a hat.
    Deep in the beard he’s wearing
    I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
    Oh PZ, I wanna get witcha
    Print out your profile picture!
    Creationists tried to warn me
    but your big brain makes me so horny
    Oooh, lump of wrinkled skin
    You say you wanna get in my Benz?
    Selection pressure, and pressure
    cuz you ain’t the average professor
    I’ve seen you postin’
    the hell with boastin’!
    He’s snarky, smart, hip
    got it goin’ like a computer chip
    I’m tired of magazines
    saying ID is the thing
    ask a prof questions that probe,
    you gotta pack much lobe
    So ladies! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
    Has PZ got the smarts?
    Tell him to calculate, calculate
    calculate with that brain!

  154. says

    [rededicated hereinunder for PZ Myers]

    We speak of Man, evolved in nature
    with keen senses and emotion:
    thus the power of observation
    and the freedom of locomotion.

    Eden: peaceful, but still penal;
    Man is not trapped by abstraction.
    He is driven by the adrenal,
    the gland that drives us all to action.

    Brains evolved for nomenclature,
    reasoning, communication.
    He organized, imagination
    led him towards a legislature.

    But now the problem of controls,
    deceit, confusion, and frustration
    grew from conflicts between goals
    of group and family, self and nation.

    The adrenal’s no magician,
    it still cannot recognize
    messages about cognition
    that intend to civilize.

    We seek the means for living well;
    for us to find the just solutions
    we must know in parallel
    both ourselves and institutions.

    We cannot quickly change our ways;
    we must refashion what we’ve built
    To fit our nature, without guilt,
    then live in peace for all our days!

    5 June 87

  155. LuchinG says

    I don´t know who the hell are you,
    hope you’re as good as Scoby Doo.
    Feliz cumpleaños desde Perú.

  156. Bill G says

    Half way there
    half full/half empty
    half witted pome from a
    half a mile away
    half a mind to write more

    next year.

    happy birthday stranger

  157. PoxyHowzes says

    Here’s where I am logically led:
    God never was or now’s dead.
    PZ hasn’t had jolts
    From celestial bolts —
    He generates lightning instead!

  158. Willow says

    Love the posts from the host with the most
    A great source of science information
    Passion for the world of wonder
    Humour that makes laughter as loud as thunder

    Rock on PZ!

  159. Michele says

    Happy Birthday.

    Thank you for many interested reads and much food for thought.

    Welcome to the other half of the century. By the way I have been here almost 3 weeks longer than you. I can’t figure out why people think it’s so bad. I still don’t feel any older than 16 (except when I get out of bed in the morning).

  160. Linda Gross says

    Roses are red,
    violets are blue,
    My Brother-in-law is great,
    And his sister-in-law too.
    Love you,


  161. says

    i’m still catching up from way back at the beginning of March – you write so many darn articles every day I can’t keep up!

    Happy Happy Birthday
    From all of us to you
    I can’t pronounce Pharyngula
    so I’ll leave that to you.

    On this special day of days
    I wish you lots of fun
    so pause your blog, give thanks to LOG
    and go and git’er done.