archy warns us of an invasion of giant commie crabs. Invasive species are no joke, but in this case, I can think of some solutions: they all revolve around lunch and dinner, though.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Giant Hairless Monkeys invade Norway, proceed to complain about Giant Red Crabs invading Norway
I do like your proposed “Pass the drawn butter” solution, though.
“Norway fears giant crab invasion” may be the greatest headline ever written.
Respectful disagreement with RCP.
Headline: ‘Dundee man drowns at sea.’ Event: sinking of the Titanic. Dundee is in Scotland.
My own dear Whitby Gazette has had a couple of good ‘un, too: Man faces fish in trousers charge and ‘Seagull flies amok in gift shop’.
I rather liked “Waterproof Man Drowns” myself.
Mn, crab cakes!
Craig, do you mean Giant Hairless APES?
Yes, yes, I know it’s probably a cure as bad as the disease, but I’d be rather partial to this solution:
http://www.vibrantsea.net/octopus31_hardy7.htm
It puts the well-wron phrase, Guns and Butter in a new perspective.
Noooooo, we’re being overrun by thousands and thousands of delicious king crabs! Their lack of natural predators means they are growing fat, lazy, and succulent! Whatever shall we do!?
“Mn, crab cakes!
Craig, do you mean Giant Hairless APES?”
As all true taxonomists know, Apes are just Tailless Monkeys.
Oh. I thought this was going to be a post about the Chinese mitten crabs that have invaded Chesapeake Bay (two so far, including one that was found 2 years ago and frozen until enough for a meal could be collected). I guess they don’t want those invaders to interfere with the Japanese oysters they want to introduce to the Bay. Don’t laugh at the poor Norwegians–they may remember “Attack of the Crab Monsters” (The 1957 film that included Russell Johnson, Gilligan’s Island’s Professor, in the cast).
Stalin’s evil plan against the west has been laid bare!
I, for one, hail our new crustacean overlords!
A tastier, albeit utopian solution would be to introduce a species of delicious octopus over the crabs, and feast on THEM instead.
This sounds almost as bad as the time my dorm room was invaded by chocolate eclairs and Brad Pitt look-alikes.
“Norway fears giant crab invasion”
Oh the horrors we face up here in Scandinavia. Life is hard.
I was chatting to a Swede a few years ago about crayfish. The Swedes were worrying because native crayfish was declining due to the introduction of an American species, which was migrating in buckets. This Swede had been asked to predict the rate of decline, so he looked for data, and managed to find the best time series. With a total of 2 points. As he said, the projection was perfect: no error in the estimates. Straight down….
Incidentally, the Russians are trying to cover the invasion by setting up a smoke screen. So far, the smoke has got as far as Helsinki.
Bob
The one thing that struck me in this article was the absolutely inane stupidity of having fishing quotas on an invasive species… Intelligent Designer, but that’s dumb.
– JS
It kind of evens out when you consider this: http://www.planetark.com/dailynewsstory.cfm/newsid/21833/newsDate/13-Aug-2003/story.htm
Apparently crustaceans haven’t realised the cold war is over and is preparing to battle it out along the norwegian coast. And since the norwegian government are communist-loving social democrats we’ve only put a bounty on the evil capitalist, sorry, american lobsters.
I was wondering PZ, are your cyborg squid army up for hire, cause i don’t want any of this happening to my beloved coast. Maybe they could stop the pending clash of arthropods. If not, I’ll do what every patriotic norwegian would do facing a crisis of war, i’ll flee to Denmark.
The article says the king crabs were first introduced in the 1960s, instead of 1930s like I thought. Then how will we manage without all the jokes about “Stalin’s last army”?
Someone asked why an invasive species has quotas. this clarifies the matter a bit:
http://www.wowozanga.com/2006/07/12/millions-of-giant-red-king-crabs-turn-the-barents-sea-into-underwater-desert.htm
“…the species is protected by diplomatic accords between Norway and Russia, with a bilateral fishing commission deciding how to manage the stocks”
And apparently, Stalin’s introduction didn’t take, and the real culprit Orlov is still available for comment.
During the cold war, NATO ships off Northern Norway used to carry nuclear depth charges in case they caught a missile submarine and really, really needed to kill it before it launched.
Just one should do, and we’ll have history’s biggest chowder drifting gradually southwards..
Magnus:
You mean actually come to Denmark and live, not just take the Oslo-Frederikshavn ferry, get shitfaced and puke all over northern Jutland and head home again like all other Norwegians seem to do? We have this saying around here: “Keep Denmark clean: take a Swede to the ferry.” In Frederikshavn and Aalborg (where I’m from), it applies in equal measure to the Norwegians. :-) All in all our lower alcohol taxes are not without demerits… ho hum.
And, Andrea, no, Craig must not have meant apes: Norwegians do indeed have tails, and they’re born wearing knitted sweaters.
Martin
The reasons norwegians evolved tails was to better balance ourselves while skiing. It is a well documented fact that norwegians in addition to the knitted sweaters also are born with skis on our legs, and can master any kind of sport that includes gliding over a snowy surface with any kind of carbon fiber planks.
Actually I’ve never done the Oslo-Fredrikshavn trip you mentioned, though i do know of the phenomenon. I have done the Roskilde in late June early July, thingy, getting shitfaced and puking, but i concluded it was an axceptable behaviour considering most of the danish around me where doing the same thing. But it has been some years since now. Maybe things have changed. Even in Roskilde.
I am actually moving to Copenhagen. I’m going to study at Københavns Universitet (Copenhagen University).
The article says the king crabs were first introduced in the 1960s, instead of 1930s like I thought. Then how will we manage without all the jokes about “Stalin’s last army”?
Stalin gave the order to invade back in 1950, but it took time to actually do it due to all the bureaucracy.
“Stalin gave the order to invade back in 1950, but it took time to actually do it due to all the bureaucracy.”
And when the crabs ran out of ink for the paperwork, the squids weren’t very cooperative. :~)
In other news, Norwegian lemon imports are up 314%, and their Food Ministry is negotiating emergency shipments of Old Bay spice mix from Maryland (USA). (It’s not all about butter!)
“Someone asked why an invasive species has quotas.”
And there is also the fact that especially bottom trawling tends to destroy ecologies. I wouldn’t be surprised if fish ministries tend to measure and regulate work in quota instead of trawl time. (Not that it would be a good measure and regulation procedure, but bureaucrats…)
Martin:
Humpf, I’ll have you know that I easily get motion sickness, so I get greenfaced and puking on the ferry, alcohol or not. (And who would dring watery danish beer anyway? Not me, at least.)
Funnily, the same happens when I see drunken danish dancing, if that is what you can call those nauseating gyratic movements. The reason swedes get motion sickness so fast are our largely empty heads, no doubt, we get easily unbalanced as you know.
Right. Someone should invent a better method for harvesting invading King Crabs. I envision a device with 8 or more levers, each one equipped with suction cups for picking a crab, and a jet propulsion engine for returning the device to the surface, where the crabs could be loaded into a boat.
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