The Minneapolis police are getting a little too serious—they’ve started arresting zombies (those are some really good mugshots.) I think the fact that there was a zombie dance party at the mall might have tipped them off that there isn’t a real threat here.
The reason they were arrested is ridiculous.
Harteau also said police were on high alert because they’d gotten a bulletin about men who wear clown makeup while attacking and robbing people in other states.
What’s the matter with law enforcement nowadays? They can’t even tell clowns from zombies. Here’s a hint:
≠
What are they going to do when the mad scientists invade Minneapolis next week—run around and start locking up dentists and undertakers?
Remember when you’d only see a phrase like “ZOMBIES with SIMULATED WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION” on Zippy the pinhead?
Don’t even get me started on the average intelligence level among cops…
The profession of police officer naturally attracts those with hateful, authoritarian outlooks on life. It’s no wonder why most cops are brutish thugs with no capacity for logic or humor.
As an aside, ZOMBIE DANCE PARTY! WOOO!!
Wow. It’s good to know that as a potential officer of the MPD that I am a brutish thug with no capacity for logic or humor and that I’m probably pretty stupid.
I know a lot of cops, and most of them have great senses of humor. It’s just that dealing with criminals all day long tends to wear on a person. Talk to them off duty, when they don’t have to worry about you possibly shooting them because of their job, and a good number are downright great people.
The zombie thing wasn’t why they were arrested. It was the wires that looked like bombs hanging out of their backpacks. Had they been bombs, the cops would look stupid for doing nothing.
Having said that, a Zombie Pub Crawl does sound pretty cool.
If you do get arrested, you could always try the “sociology project” line:
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio – A grand jury has accused a man of sucking on a woman’s toe at the public library in nearby Boardman after he asked to kiss her feet to see her reaction as part of a sociology project.
The urban legend and folklore researchers love law-enforcement-related clown stories. The supposed “bulletins” about mugging/raping/killing clowns have been circulated for decades.
Back in the late 20th century there were regular outbreaks of urban mass anxiety in the USA over “reports” that bunches of clowns were driving around in vans and abducting children or raping women..
Hey, DiscordianStooge, make sure your fellow officers know not to hassle the Narbonicon crew. You might also let them know that the gerbil is OK, but the hamsters are up to no good.
Oh. Their. God. That’s J.P.Patches! Does that ever bring back fond memories of youth.
http://www.jppatches.com if you’re not familiar with him. A north-west coast icon.
Recent reports of “Juggalo” (or counterfeit Juggalo, possibly) crime is unfortunately not in the category of urban legend:
Angry clowns in machete rampage
They’d better watch out for this guy, too, then.
One of the zombies seems to be the son of Eric Utne of the Utne reader. So this story should get press.
As if being confused with zombies wasn’t bad enough, now some ordinary clowns are being attacked by lawyers for “costume infringement” of media characters (link may require free registration, almost certainly will by 8/1). The Madison Ave law firm maintains a “Costume Litigation Hotline” to report infringers.
Of course that’s J.P. Patches. I was a Patches Pal once upon a time.
Those zombies are less disturbing than most clowns. Particularly clowns with “clown ministries.”
Cool! I figured you must have remembered J.P. Although I was a big J.P. fan as a kid, I never became an official Patches Pal. He had one rule that I just could not live with. Here are the requirements (from the packaging of my J.P. Patches action figure):
1. Mind Mommy and Daddy
2. Wash hands face neck and ears
3. Comb hair
4. Brush teeth
5. Drink milk
6. Eat all your food
7. Say your prayers
8. Share your toys
9. Put toys away
10. Hang up clothes
Coming from a non-religious family, I never said any prayers. I distinctly remember myself as a kindergartner, figuring that J.P. didn’t want me for a Patches Pal– so my only recourse was to become a Boris Buddy!
In the words of Terry Pratchett’s Reg Shoe: Undead, yes! Unperson, no!
“JP Patches!” was my first response to this too. Astounding how those memories linger.
I also forgot to mention that Mad Scientists are not the problem of the police. They are a problem for superheroes.
I often get frightened when I see men in dark suits with ties walking the streets. I fear that they are white-collar criminals who are out to rob me with the tools of their corporations and banks.
The tie-and-suit crowd are the real frightening zombies.
Those briefcases are probably carrying weapons of mass social destruction.
How can you not tell the difference between a zombie and a clown. A zombie isn’t scary. Zombies won’t eat you if you sleep. Zombies can be funny (Shawn of the dead).
P Z Myers chiselled into tablets of stone:
Exactly. Forget about the clowns. Watch out for Sideshow Bob masquerading as a scientist
Hey, hey, hey!!
…says the cop.
Given that we’re denigrating the intelligent, judgment, and humor sense of cops and potential cops, what makes you think we’re going to care about what you say?
Speaking just for myself, machetes would scare me more than ministries.
Given that we’re denigrating the intelligent, judgment, and humor sense of cops and potential cops, what makes you think we’re going to care about what you say?
Because I’m a loveable guy?
DiscordianStooge said:
No actually your wrong — directly from the horses mouth…
So there you have it, they were arrested for wearing zombie makeup and acting like Zombies.
The whole backpack thing came later as a pretext for arresting them. Cops often throw on as many charges as they can on letting the judge deal with it later.
Um maybe they had the bags to play music like they said. They didn’t want to haul arround a boombox so they juryrigged one in a backpack. That way it was easier to carry and hid the music source.
I’m not sure if I’d call the cops there brutish thugs but I think lack of humor and paranoid idiots fits nicely
Ironically, the police were the only ones who weren’t at risk. As we know, the preferred food of zombies is brains.
‘Uncooperative’? My guess is that’s code for “aware that the police had no reason to object and unwilling to stop what they were doing just because an officer told them to”.
The people arrested were publically identified. Any chance of getting the names of the officers involved?
Hm, I wonder how those cops would react to this wargaming society here that periodically enacts giant undead vs. knights battles …
Fat chance, Caledonian. These zombie hunters operate with complete anonymity, acting from behind their riot shield and wails of ‘national security!’ No zombie is safe from them.
Does the Religious Right stand up for the rights of the undead?
Does the Religious Right stand up for the rights of the undead?
Posted by: quork
Not that I know of. You’d think so given the prophet they identify with, but no such luck. Apparently they adore the undead, but only if they have not started to rot.
Fricking germophobes.
Maybe in your comic-book world. Everyone knows that the true nemesis of the Mad Scientist is the Young Couple Whose Car Breaks Down In A Heavy Storm Right Outside An Old Abandoned Castle. That, and torch-wielding peasants.
Oh, and an old link but some people may not have seen it: The Federal Zombie and Vampire Agency.
Friends and I got dressed up as zombies for the local premiers of Dawn of the Dead (remake) and Land of the Dead. The first time, we had security following us around the mall, talking hurriedly into their little radios. At one stage a single guard was following two of us over a bridge, when we split up on the other side. The look on his face as he tried to decide which zombie to follow was priceless.
The second time, some kids at the pizza place in the foodcourt asked if they could take photos with us. The manager then came and told us to leave because we were disturbing the patrons. The ones who were taking photos of us. Yeah, we didn’t get it either.
Undead, yes! Unperson, NO!
“The profession of police officer naturally attracts those with hateful, authoritarian outlooks on life. It’s no wonder why most cops are brutish thugs with no capacity for logic or humor.”
“Wow. It’s good to know that as a potential officer of the MPD that I am a brutish thug with no capacity for logic or humor and that I’m probably pretty stupid.”
Well, you have confused “the nature of profession X attracts people with attribute Y since X will give them a chance to express Y.” with “All X are Y”, so that right there demonstrates that you have no capacity for logic or humor.
You then go on to further argue, if I read you correctly, that it is ok for a cop to be a brutish thug on the job because the job is hard as long as he picks his morals back up when he goes off duty.
I’m glad to see that our law enforcement favors logic over emotional knee-jerk reactions.
It looks like I was wrong about the cause of the arrest. I didn’t have that quote when I read the story.
Cpt. Logic, I wasn’t talking about being a thug, but not having a sense of humor while on the street. I probably didn’t make that clear. But Stogoe made the leap you mentioned above by saying most cops are brutish thugs.
Caledonian, you absolutely can find out who the arresting officers are. Police reports are public records, so go down to the PD and ask to see the report.
I guess as a cop, and an atheist to boot, I’ll be resigned to accepting that people will think that not only do I eat babies, but enjoy beating them to death with my ASP before doing so. Especially if they’re black.
I took a moment to email J.P.Patches yesterday (jppatches a jppatches d com), just to say thanks for the smiles as a kid.
Got a brief personal reply from him already. Feels like a “brush with greatness” :-)
Discordian- good luck with your career; as a forensic scientist I well know the value of intelligent cops such as you will obviously be.
Another accusation that gets thrown around is “appeared to be drunk.” A colleague ran out of the house once when she saw police arresting, or seeming to arrest, her brother and asked what the problem was. They told her to go away and mind her own business. She, understandably, became upset and asked to know what was going on. They wrote _her_ up as “appeared to be drunk.” Unfortunately for their slandering, she was a complete non-drinker and took medicine that did not allow her to have alcohol.
Um, I don’t live in Minneapolis. Or anywhere near Minneapolis. And frankly, I’m not so angry about this that I’m going to leave my job and drive for several days in order to get the names of the arresting officers.
Is there any easier way?
Honestly, I’ve never cared much about police reports. Maybe you can get them by e-mail.