In a speech to Chicago’s city council last month, Alderman Howard Brookins bravely railed against the plague of aggressive, supersized squirrels (!!!) eating their way through the city’s trash cans, and called for efforts to stop the horrifying menace.
Out cycling on the Cal-Sag Trail on Nov. 13, Brookins was jumped by a kamikaze squirrel that leapt into the front wheel of his bike and lodged himself in the spokes, sending the alderman flying over the handlebars.
The attack cost the squirrel its life and left Brookins needing surgery and other treatment for a broken nose, a fractured skull and five or six teeth that were knocked out in the accident.
Brookins is facing months of recovery, including multiple surgeries.
“I can think of no other reason for this squirrel’s actions than that it was like a suicide bomber, getting revenge,” he said.
Anti-squirrel activists are now being targeted directly. Stay alert, people.