Content Warning: Led Zeppelin

Given that the dudes from Zepp were most likely rapists, and given that even if they weren’t, they literally have songs about impregnating teenage children, it’s fair for anyone to disregard their music, avoid them like the plague.  Certainly I don’t advocate giving them money.  But I would like, if I may, to make a puerile observation about one of their puerile songs, and if possible, keep the tenor of the discourse puerile as well.  That is to say, don’t read this if you don’t want to speak with light-hearted amusement at the horndogging foolery that is Led Zeppelin’s catalog.  Proceeding thusly…

The song “Whole Lotta Love” is the exact sonic equivalent of the phenomenon of big titties being shaken with erotic intent.  Not medium sized titties, not shaken by jogging, specifically big titties being shaken for horny spectacle.  I realized this recently, and it raises a variety of questions.

Is there a sonic equivalent of medium sized titties being shaken with erotic intent?  Small sized?  How about shaking peens?  Big ones?  Small ones? Artificial ones?  Hard strap-ons vs. wobbly strap-ons?  Less-culturally-sexualized body parts shaken with erotic intent?

Does the confirmed undeniable crystalline truth regarding Whole Lotta Love and its equivalent in erotic display suggest that if the song did not exist, there would be no musical expression of shaking big titties for thrills?  And if the songs for the other sizes and types of body parts and sexual implements shaking libidinously do not yet exist, is it yet possible that someone will compose them?  Will it be you?

Engage in this discourse if you are able.


  1. says

    Jesus christ how could I forget shaking booties? I love booties. It shows you my priorities tend to be frontal, but yeah. They should absolutely be a significant part of this discussion. And don’t let yourself get distracted by lyrics. Whole Lotta Love does not mention tiddies, but they’re there in spirit – in the rhythm. So don’t reach for KC and the Sunshine Band on this deal. Who is the *real* rumpshaker in musical form?

  2. mailliw says

    The *real* rumpshaker in musical form?

    For me it has to be bassist Bootsy Collins, that’s his bass you can hear on James Brown’s Sex Machine.

  3. mikey says

    Big ol’ wang song: Candy Man by Mississippi John Hurt. Medium wang song: Shake, Rattle, and Roll by Big Joe Turner.

  4. robert79 says

    “Nominee for small peens being shaken erotically: The theme from Green Hornet.”

    As a trumpet player myself, the theme from Green Hornet comes across as Al Hirt waving an impressively large peen around, smacking everyone in the face with it, and yelling “look how bad ass I am!”

    (Unless of course “small peen” is also a metaphor for tongue, in which case he just has a impressively fast peen…)

  5. mordred says

    Imagining a big beefy pornstar swinging his member around brings only one name to mind: Manowar!

  6. says

    Hm… I’m less taken by this subject of conversation than last night when I was in some kind of weird mood. Nonetheless, anyone who feels hot revelations coming upon you that must be shared with the world, feel free to add some. And like I said, it could be especially amusing if anyone shares original music to rise to this challenge.

    One more I thought of, for medium firm artificial peen shaking, “Dried Up Tied Up and Dead to the World” by Marilyn Manson. Have a nice day!

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