First, the contest (not mine), then the limericks, then a silly story.

The contest is here–and here, I suppose, if you want to see the competition. A limerick contest! Better than that–a Darwin Limerick Contest! With prizes and everything! (see links for details, but it is pretty simple–Darwin-themed limericks.)

I have seen what my readers can do; I will be sorely disappointed if we do not capture 1st, 2nd, and 3rd! Well, not disappointed, but frankly, surprised. And that’s not saying anything about the competition–I just know you folks are that good.

Anyway, here are the ones I am about to submit, just to prime the pump:

While still a young man, Darwin went
On a trip—and the curious gent,
From the fractions of inches
Twixt beaks of his finches
Inferred there was common descent!

It’s a fact that I cannot escape;
I share habits, genetics, and shape
Though the fact makes me blush
Darwin showed it’s not mush—
I’m convinced that my cousin’s an ape!

The gorillas are angry with me
And the chimps are as steamed as can be
No ifs, ands or buts,
The apes don’t want nuts
On their branch of the family tree

My lackeys, my staff and my minions
Are all of them proudly Darwinians
You see, they compete
For their pay (and to eat!),
Sharing only their fittest opinions!

Yes, I know that the key’s reproduction
And I know of the body’s construction
But as Darwin’s my witness
I’ll give up some fitness
Because I so dearly love suction!

The object of all my affection
Just told me I failed her inspection!
So I guess that this means
It’s the end for my genes—
There’s a downside to natural selection!

Oh, yes, the story… the last two limerick contests I entered. Second to last, I won’t tell you what it was, but I will admit, shamefacedly, that it was my goal to win the top three places. So I entered a bunch of limericks, under three different names. Yes, I was first, second, and third. My prize (a mug), though, when it arrived, had a sticker on it warning me that the glaze contained heavy metals, and that it was recognized as toxic by the State of California. Most recently, though, I entered Greta Christina’s contest, just under one identity. I won that, too, but just (just!) first place. But the prize…. !!! Much better than a toxic mug–Greta Christina’s wonderful erotic comic anthology (I’d give it a fabulous review here, but you’d be surprised how difficult it is to write that sort of thing in verse!–just go buy one!)! So, I could be all superstitious and say it works better not to enter as several people… or I could just be lazy and say it is easier to be one… or I could just say it is much more fun to have all of my readers join in!