Allow me to be the last to tell you… they switched on the Large Hadron Collider.
In related news, the world has not come to an end.
The switch was thown in Switzerland
And protons zoomed around a bend—
Across the world, we clasped our hands
And waited for the world to end.
The scientists at Fermilab
Were hoping there was much to learn—
But true believers everywhere
Were voicing their concern with CERN
The particles accelerate:
When protons smash—what happens then?
Did CERN just push the “reset” switch,
To start the cosmos up again?
The scientists themselves do not,
For certain, know what happens next—
But there are some who claim the truth,
As written in their Holy Text:
The Lord will come—the end is nigh
The saved will fly to Jesus’ side
The sinners will be cast to Hell
So let the particles collide!
(Of course, predictions such as this
Have happened many times before,
And every time—oh, gee, they’re wrong.
Congratulations; wrong once more.)