Why my building has key cards

Now I just need to figure out how to make the doors say “Good morning, Ms. McCreight” instead of “Beep.” Then I’ll really be living in a sci-fi movie.

(Alternate reason why my building has key cards: To keep the undergrads out. I like my reason better.)

EDIT: I originally had pi = 0.6 because my project is currently looking at heterozygosity in humans, which is represented by pi, but I realized the inevitable nerd rage I would invoke when people would think I was too stupid to realize pi (approximately) = 3.14. So x it is.

…I have become too nerdy to make nerdy jokes, gah.


  1. Yellow Hatguy says

    We paid for HBO freshman year, only to discover that HBO only plays four things, and plays them for an entire year. Gattica was one of them, at it got to the point where we could act out most of the movie as though it were Rocky Horror. My skill have not degraded, but my respect for Jude Law as an actor has not.”There’s more vodka in this piss than there is piss!”

  2. RdeG says

    Two months in, and already you’re acting condescending towards undergraduate students. It’s amazing how that works, isn’t it? :)(Don’t worry, I did the same thing when I started grad school.)

  3. Hans says

    I used to love the keycard access to my office. The technology of tomorrow, here today! And then the keycard stopped late one night…

  4. Menno says

    We actually only have key cards for the coffee machine. And yes, they didn’t have those until people started noticing the undergrads plundering those machines for free coffee. Or at least, some fluid resembling coffee.I have too much contact with undergrads to be condescending towards them. Openly.

  5. Hans says

    That line has always bothered me. If there’s alcohol in your urine, something has gone badly wrong. Alcohol metabolism is really interesting, but is catabolized into acetic acid and water, then enters the citric acid cycle and leaves the body as water and carbon dioxide.Thus you can’t do alcohol tests on urine.

  6. Rmguest says

    Not sure what PS version you’re using, but you should be able to spell check highlighted text, type tool>enter text>double click text>right click the selection>select “check spelling”. Never say fail. :)

  7. Tony says

    The biometrics lab at Purdue had a hand scanner for entry. One felt really cool using it when it worked the first time.

  8. says

    In California, there are three ways to test a suspected DUI: breathalyzer, blood test, or urine test (you get to pick which one). Urinalysis can and does detect alcohol consumption, although it’s not a good indicator for your actual blood alcohol level at the time the test is administered. But it is legally admissible evidence for a DUI conviction.

  9. joergr says

    I’d program all the doors to have a cheerful and sunny disposition. It should be their pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.

  10. Hans says

    Interesting, I stand corrected. Upon reading further, the urine test looks for EtG (Ethyl Glucuronide), a metabolite of ethanol.

  11. olifantje says

    Grad school is a bit like Jedi training, you have to start young strengthening your dogma’s early in life, otherwise you’ll likely end up flipping to the dark side. So reinforcing condescending perceptions of all people not even trying to get a PhD is very important, it helps to protect you against the many temptations of the dark side. There are more similarities:Procrastination is the path to the darks side. Procrastination leads to fear of your professor, fear leads to hating your research project, hating your research project leads to quitting and finding a real job./lifelog

  12. says

    I actually kinda like the key cards. You need one to get into the engineering computer lab (which is always empty!) so it’s kinda awesome. :) I agree though, they should say your name and make a whoosh sound. That would be awesome.

  13. TheEye says

    You know, ever since reading your Ph.D.-related posts, I feel all sheepish and intimidated when I’m around my TAs in labs, because I now realise exactly how you grad students feel about us undergrads, haha. I guess it’s understandable though. It’s like how undergrads feel about high-school students, and how high-school students feel about junior high students, and so on all the way down. Kinda sad when you’re at the bottom, but fun when you get to the top!

  14. says

    Is it sad that I wish they’d lock the doors to my building even earlier in the day? Like say, five in the afternoon? I see of no reason why undergrads should be allowed in past happy hour.

  15. says

    > Good morning, Ms. McCreight! “It is my pleasure to open for you and my satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done. All of us are equipped with Genuine Personality Prototypes and a cheerful and sunny disposition, courtesy of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.”

  16. says

    You’ll need to hook up the card reader to a database with people’s names and their correct pronunciations. It depends on how your building’s control system is designed.

  17. Armitage says

    Why oh why does your research team ( and prob the whole research area you are in) use a known universal constant indicator (pi) to represent something else?This does not make your research easier to read by those not directly involved.

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