Somehow I was able to get to sleep last night, but I was forced to wake up early because my bed was being delivered. Finally! The air mattress my landlord had lent me was slowly becoming deflated, so every night of sleeping became sadder and sadder. But here came the movers with my big new bed!
In a horrible twist of fate, THEY BROUGHT IN TWO MORE GIANT HOUSE SPIDERS. I froze watching one cling to my box spring, thankfully on the outside of a plastic sheath. When it fell to the ground, the guy simply picked it up like it was a piece of trash and carried it out. I was terrified. I mean, I’m glad he removed them, but ararrhghgh.
…I mean, I think he removed all of them. Gulp.
The worst part? I have this little overhanging canopy above my door overgrown with some cute vines. As they brought in the mattress, a giant house spider became dislodged from the vines and fell down to the opening of my door.
My doorway is a giant house spider home.
Fuck.
I would say I’m going to go buy a bottle of strong liquor to calm my nerves, but that actually involves going through the giant house spider infested portal. Right now I just can’t imagine walking under something that I know contains these horrifying things. I’m doomed.
Maybe I can use my sincere terror to negotiate with my landlord about how he really should let me have a cat. I’d be willing to pay a pet deposit – I need a spider assassin on duty at all times. Plus, cat’s require less effort than keeping around a spider squishing boyfriend.
Your regularly scheduled atheist programming will be back once Jen stops freaking out.
lol, spiders are such beautiful creatures! it could be worse; my ex’s place seems to have a rat infestation–>much more scary than some cute little spiders. . .
I studied and trapped rodents for my undergraduate research. I have no problem with rats. Biologists are weird.
Yes, but remember that cats are not always exactly the best assassins…sometimes they prefer to partially mutilate and play with something rather than kill it. My boyfriend used to have one that tortured geckos. You’d find her in the hallway batting a poor half-dead one back and forth, biting at it but not eating it. Yuck. But I suppose a half-dead giant spider is easier to dispose of than a fully live one, so there’s that anyway.
The entry to my apartment is concrete, about ten feet high, and filled with spiderwebs and cobwebs, so I know exactly what you’re dealing with. I tried dealing with the spiders by naming them, initially– there was one who built a web right near the trash can in my kitchen because he apparently determined he could eat the fruit flies, and I let him live because that seemed like a fantastically intelligent decision for a spider and I also hate fruit flies– but then I got a cat. Her name is Margaret Thatcher and, like her namesake, enjoys destroying the lives of the less fortunate creatures within her domain. So, in short: get a cat. Definitely.
Giant House Spiders SUCK. I had a whole adventure with just ONE of the bastards. They are also know as “Aggressive” House Spiders. ANY creature that alternately goes by the names GIANT and AGGRESSIVE is a serious bad-ass. These mofos are the opposite of most spider species. The MALES are the big ones, and they actively eliminate all other spider competitors when they show up. The one huge guy I battled with was almost 4 inches across. All the others I saw were much smaller, and they all had missing legs. One had only THREE legs left! They must live short, brutish lives.
I live quite close to fields and used to have a lot of trouble with spiders in my house. So I ordered a couple of these electronic spider scarer things off the internet and in the two years I have had it I have only had one large spider issue that I can remember and that was in the part of the house furthest from the device. I got one that can be set so that it doesn’t harm other animals like dogs and cats at all so maybe you could get one and a cat.That said I did have the same problem as you when I recently got a new table and book shelve but those unwelcome guests were quickly dispatched.
Don’t worry, as long as they aren’t on crack cocaine, they’re harmless. (Not that there’s a chance Jen will make it through that vid.)Suggestion: for indoor control, use a vacuum cleaner with a long tube. No messy cleanup.
I’m not sure how, but that’s one of my favorite videos. I think it’s so silly that it doesn’t scare me.
Come on, they are noble and pure creatures. Please love em :)
If you get a cat, be sure to get an active one. My cats are so fucking lazy, that they’d rather watch spiders interestedly rather than get up and kill them. And then when I kill them with a shoe, they look at me irritated, because I killed their toy. God, they’re useless.
I’ve never understood why people fear spiders. They don’t do anything except just stand about.Pigeons I can understand, because they fly all around in your face trying to steal your food. I hate pigeons. They have no reason to exist.
Come on now, spider-crushing-boyfriends can be lower maintenance than cats – at least you don’t have to clean up their poop! ;-) They just need beer, a TV and, well, I guess you have to reward them when they catch a spider! But other that that, yeah, cats are great with bugs. Did the basement thing too (still doing it, not for long…) Don’t mind spiders, but I have seen some very creepy centipedes. Now these are scary bugs… They’re soo fast and all the legs… yuck
Same here. Rat infestation? No problem. One teensy-weensy spider? FREAK OUT. Lots of giant house spiders? Go into fetal position forever.
seriously, cats really suck at spider hunting.
Iono. I think a boyfriend is cheaper to feed than a cat. Mine, at least, cannot survive on bugs.
It might look silly, but you could always escape your cute little spider-home doorway using an umbrella if it bothers you that much. At least then you’re not fearing them dropping in on you uninvited.
You need that Arachnotherapy :D Or a new home!
Yes, that’s what I was going to suggest! And she’ll need an umbrella all the time in Seattle anyways, so a temporary solution has been found.
So, am I the only one imagining Jen opening her door, and taking three deep breaths before running through it as fast as she can to avoid any spiders falling on her? Because that’s hilarious. Sorry Jen >.>
Cats love bugs so it’d be a win-win. My old apartment had millipedes. Not as terrifying as spiders, but would still scare the bejezus out of me. I have three boys who love ripping the legs off bugs… they’re great <3
This is pretty much exactly what is going to happen when I’m forced to venture out.
My cats must be afraid of spiders too: they don’t go near ’em. Other bugs, yes. Bats (!), yes. Spiders? No. The cats ignore them. Perhaps they have a kitty protection racket or something.
I have spiders hanging outside two front windows in the same position, at the center of their webs facing down. If only Link were here with his slingshot…I’d try spilling the hard liquor on the spiders if I were afraid of squishing them. For science.
We could write a nice little scenario & make it into a film, play or song. Hm… Jenny Blaghag & Spiders from Hell, sth like that. I’ll call David Bowie & ask for permission.
Nooooo! That’s a waste of hard liquor! If a bug is too big to squish comfortably, the thing you’re supposed to do is empty half a can of Raid in its general direction until it stops moving and/or the house is no longer habitable due to fumes.
As a person who grew up in Seattle (Shoreline, just north of you, to be exact) and still has to visit family up there, I HATE HATE HATE HATE those spiders. The banana spiders I had to put up with in Taiwan weren’t as bad as those. The downstairs (mostly unused) tub always had a few dead ones in it. I never remember seeing one upstairs, which (I know) doesn’t help you. I guess I really wanted to express my sincerest sympathy.An active hunting cat would be great, if you can swing it. Barring that, they sell bug vacuums. Hiring an exterminator is also a good idea. Get a contract if you can afford it, and they’ll come by on a regular basis to keep the spiders outside.Remember, though (and I speak as a fellow arachnophobe) that spiders are our friends. And like all friends, they live SOMEPLACE ELSE other than my house.
Is it really THAT hard to just catch one in a glass, put a piece of paper over the opening (substitute steel sheet if you prefer), and eject it out the door as hard as you can?
Yes, it’s that hard.They might move while you are getting close. That would be horrible.
I feel your pain, I have aracniphobia that severe too. Hell reading this is making me kind of uncomfortable. On the walk to work there is a “Spider Lane” for me so every morning I have to walk past it as fast as I can without looking like a nut and then get into the bathroom first thing to have a small panic attack before I can get on with my day.And yea I know you can’t get over some completely irrational fear like that. I tried and all it did was give me a small weird seizure.
I am so horribly sorry. I’m a terrible arachnophobe, and I don’t know how you are surviving. I’d get an exterminator and keep cans of raid within arms distance at all times.
O.K.- I haven’t jumped in until today because somebody should point out the best part about spiders. For example, they eat on average 60,000 bugs per acre per year. BUGS- we really don’t like! Anyone heard of a little story about a pig and a spider? The author was inspired by an Irish folk tale- Spiders were considered good luck and were not to be killed- even by cats. Sorry! They believed that spiders wrote predictions and special messages in their webs and if it was in your doorway it was especially good to great the web in the morning and walk underneath it. I know they are not for everyone- but it is an amazing thing to see a large orb weaver create a new web every night, some over five feet wide, and in time to spend many of the nighttime hours just sitting waiting for dinner.
If you’re going to adopt a cat, get one that’s lived on a farm if you can… barn cats usually do catch and eat bugs. Mine picks houseflies out of mid-air.If you really can’t get out the door, use an umbrella until the problem’s taken care of.
http://www.cleanertoday.com/Sp…Just put these near your door. And outside it.
You’re not alone! I was once trapped in my car for about an hour until I managed to flag down someone to help me kill a spider that thought it would be fun to scamper across my dash board.And then the time I wouldn’t leave the house because there was a spider in the doorway! Advice, find a nice vacuum that you can use to get those guys from a distance!!
http://seattletimes.nwsource.c…“Renton resident Shannon Bowley overcame her fear of spiders by keeping them as pets”Thaaaat’s what ya gotta do…
http://www.ehow.com/how_238416…some strong essential oils will drive the spiders away. You can spray them on the foliage or have someone braid some Eucalyptus branches into the leaves at your entrance. And your entryway will have a nice familiar smell everytime you come home!
Clearly you don’t have arachnophobic like Jen does. You are making a perfectly rational argument about an irrational fear. As an arachnophobic I speak from experience, once that fear is triggered there is NO rational thought going on. All I can manage when confronted with a spider is either running away or throwing everything within reach at it tell it stops moving then running away and finding someone to make sure its gone before I can start calming down again.
until you can get a cat, a can of raid might work?
Go to home depot, buy large tub of insect spray, spray the crap out of everything. Works perfect on the Black Widows that are common in California. It’ll cost you about $8 and give you peace of mind. Plus you can laugh manically while using it for added effect.
Consider this:WD-40 (Useful!)Lighter (Always good to have around!)Putting the two together makes a home-made flamethrower. half a second of this high pressure fire near a house spider will turn it instantly into carbonized non-living spider!Hairspray works too but WD-40 is good to have around for making things that stick not stick. Duct tape for things that don’t stick but should.Seriously, try the flamethrower. It means you won’t have to make any physical contact or risk missing the spider and having it bolt to somewhere unseen only to reappear when you’re not looking. Fire good!
That’s what I do, catch them under a glass and gently release them outside, but then again, I’m rather fond of spiders. They eat moths. I hate moths (they fly in my face and give me panic attacks).
Seattlites don’t use umbrellas though…
I once vacuumed a spider up and, one week later, had to opened the vacuum and this thing ambled on out. EEEEEuuuughghghg
Seriously go with the cat. We had a bunch of giant spiders at my apartment (I live in Everett) and when they ran under the couch, my boyfriend told me to stop freaking out and he wasn’t going to kill them because they “weren’t a problem”. Some people just don’t understand irrational fear.
I was told they no longer make WD40 so it is flammable, may have to sneak a can from hubby and give it a try (he has forbidden me from using it or hairspray with lighter. It was only a LITTLE fire! I didn’t mean to set the drapes on fire going after that spider!).
Jen, there are two spiders that match your description. They look alike. One is the giant house spider and the other is called the Hobo spider. The giant house spider actually helps to rid you of nasty bugs, including the Hobo spiders. The Hobo spider, however, is similar in looks but can cause ulcerating wounds from their bites, much like the brown recluse. Google them! One friend (although a little creepy and socially unacceptical), the other a crack toting nasty customer absolutely worthy of a mean and uncelibrated DEATH. Become educated!
Jen, not to make fun of you whatsoever, but as a light hearted jest to your readers, think of spiders as eight legged FSMs.
On another thought to Jen’s readers (not Jen), anybody remember the crummy 1990 B-movie, Arachnophobia. I wasted eight dollars with my old girlfriend on that piece of dung. Of course, one can watch it on Youtube.
I agree with Linda. Here is a publication that you could read to figure out which is which but it might require looking at the pictures (which there are so WARNING) but I guess you could do it based purely off reading the descriptions if you can overlook the pics. http://pep.wsu.edu/pdf/pls116_…I had a professor that was obsessed with spiders and scorpions and a project I had to do for him was looking at different types of wolf spiders so that got any fear of spiders out of me real fast. Good thing since I am always having to fight the recluses in our garage. :/
Holycrap, Jen, you have my sympathies. I just moved to a city on the other coast for graduate school, myself, and have the same problem. I will barely set foot on our wonderful balcony because it’s covered in spiders. Since we found a GIANT HOUSE SPIDER in our bedroom one night, I inspect every piece of bedclothes carefully for spiders when I pick them up off the floor. Fortunately I do have a spider-squishing boyfriend, because I think I would still be cowering against the headboard if I didn’t. >.<
I have selective arachnophobia. Mostly, I love to look at spiders and their webs up close. But I freak out if I get one on me, so those tiny jumping spiders scare me because I picture them jumping on my face. Do Not Want. But I live in arizona :puke: and think black widows are teh pretty.
I don’t mind spiders at all, but I don’t mock people who do because I’m terrified of rats. And birds. People laugh at the birds thing, but seriously, those fuckers will peck your eyes out.
“You don’t laugh at a man for screaming at a chicken. They’re prehistoric for God’s sake!” — Lew Staziak, P.I. (retired)
Hey, Jen, this is the first time I’ve commented though I’ve read for a while, but I thought I should share. I was having a bad day… school stress, planing stress, family stress, sleep deprivation stress… and I read your post and LAUGHED. Not that I like that you are having spider troubles- my fiancé hates them too so I’m always killing them to keep him from spazing out- but you are always so funny and humorous, even about the most depressing shit (spiders or crazy religious people). Thank you so much for helping me turn a bad day to a B.A.D day.
I actually went to see that movie with a girl on my first date…If I remember right, i terrified her by tickling her at the scene where the big-ass spider jumped at the main character in one of the end scenes.Our relationship didn’t last long…..in case that needed spelling out :/
I was going to suggest this, but I was beaten to the punch. The home made flame thrower is very effective in places where a little fire is okay. I have the same fear of spiders, and the flame thrower is damn gratifying when you are watching them fry! How horrible is that?
Oh my gosh, when I saw the picture of the door to get into your house, all I could think was “I hope she’s comfortable with spider webs.” Then you made the arachnophobia post. =(
My sister and I are terrified of cockroaches, so she hatched upon a plan to rid her room of them – She trained her newly owned kitty to hunt and eat them in place of mice :)
Ugh, I know how you feel. I have this overwhelming fear of spiders(Which is kind of embarrasing, cause I’m actually a pretty big guy)Once I was on vacation with my family, We were staying in a rented beach house in North Carolina. I walk into my bedroom, look straight up, and right there, merely a few feet directly above my head was what I swear can only be described as some kind of tarantula. I slept on the couch the whole week, and refused to go near that room again ever.
I haven’t got a spider problem. I have a cricket infestation. And while it sounds silly, I am terrified of all bugs, with terror escalating not with potential lethality of the creature, but with the unpredictability of its movement. Spiders are less scary to me than crickets. And the giant flying armored cockroach things that we have in Arizona are about the worst. Aaanyway back to crickets, my dog, a jack russell/chihuahua mix, looooves hunting them. It doesn’t do much to end the infestation, but it makes me feel safer to watch her going all predator on them.
I don’t really have any phobias per se, but I’m really afraid of being stung by wasps & bees. It probably doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I remember, but I’m not about to find out. If I see anything that vaguely looks like a wasp, I start kermit flailing, and running in the opposite direction. I also don’t like giant moths & huhu grubs (beetle?), but that’s more because the fuckers keep trying to fly up my nose. Also, those clicker bugs that drop from the ceiling. That’s just nasty. Not really phobias though, so much as they just squick me out.
Seems to me the problem isn’t so much with the spiders, as with your fear of the spiders…There are pe0ple around who can help with that. For a small fee, usually. Basically, intorduce you to spiders in controlled environments until you have mastery over your – let’s face it – irrational fear response.Good luck!
Ugh… you have my sincere sympathy. I’m terribly arachnophobic myself- to the point that even on the screen, they freak me out. I hold my breath in fear whenever my boyfriend links me to Pharyngula, because I’m always terrified I’ll get the spider pic from the animal roulette that is the title.Also- some tips for killing spiders with things that might not require you to walk under the doorway of doom: Hairspray will work on some spiders, though it usually takes a LOT. Spray starch, if you have any, (I know not many people do anymore,) will kill (or at least completely immobilise,) just about any type of bug, except something big enough that it shouldn’t damn well be allowed to BE a bug anymore. (Tarantulas and scorpions fall into this category.) Once it’s perma-frozen in a layer of starch, you can take your time (because unless it’s super-spider, that sucker’s not going /anywhere,/) either finding a nice, heavy thing to drop on it, or calling and bribing a non-arachnophobe friend to come and handle it for you.
I also have arachnophobia. I can only imagine what you are going through. I would strongly suggest spending the money and getting a pest control service to come in and treat your place a couple of times.
Oh, you’d have a problem with rats if they were in your walls. When I was a kid the orange grove down the street was infected with citrus canker so they burned it down. The grove rats moved into the neighborhood houses. These aren’t cute little whit lab rats. These are disease infested, scabby, brown and gray beasts that can chew through anything. And you don’t want to know how big a rat gets when it’s been feeding on dropped oranges and citrus melons. And right when I laid down to sleep and the house quieted, they started crawling around inside the wall behind my head. Yeah, no more sleep for me. But this is a rational fear, I don’t want a at crawling out of the wall and making a nest in my nice warm crotch and then biting me when I roll over on it. Face to face I can deal with a rat. Mouse traps, rat poison, golf clubs, and a golden retriever eventually got rid of the rats. I still blame them for the death of the dog, think she got a poisoned rat.
You’re either going to have to move or seek therapy for this phobia. You live in a basement, you aren’t going to get rid of the spiders.
My first camping trip as a Boy Scout the picnic table at our campsite was entirely infested with ants. My patrol leader began spraying down the whole thing with insect repellent, which I mentioned probably didn’t work on ants. He said, “it’ll work”, then produced a match and turned the picnic table into a giant inferno. Fortunately the insect repellent burned off before the wood ignited. No more ants though.
But, Jenn, spiders eat the bad bugs.
You’re not fooling me with this spider-phobia stuff. You’re just homesick already for Indiana…..[ducks]
you should just get that “home defense” crap and spray around your doorways, corners of your house, etc.you can even use it to do the outside perimeters of your place!:)
While most fears have some element of irrationality to them, I stopped having spider nightmares when I moved to an island with no, repeat NO, poisonous spiders. Back on the mainland, the nightmares returned eventually. Therapy might help; don’t know as I haven’t tried it. My husband might wish I had.
Mine don’t. Spiders have gone from common, but vaguely unwelcome guests to utterly absent since I got my cats a year ago.
You have my sincerest UGH I hate those big hairy spiders. Never ever live in a basement in Seattle with lots of forest around you sorry. Ihad to move out of a place because they were so bad if you need help spider proofing from a fellow anti spider person I have lots of ways :) one is seal really well between floors and walls and windows.
As a Seattle dweller myself I can assure you that the spider plague passes as soon as the rains really take hold. Say mid October. There are still spiders about year round but the big-spider-home-invasion runs from the big breeding burst at the end of summer to the first three cold days. Advice, the vaccume cleaner wand is your friend. Not only removes the spidey but it also removes any webbing making it that little bit harder for another spider to come by. I would recommend spider spray for the doorway. You really don’t want a hatching event there. Good luck.
Hatching event? OMGodzilla.
I just stumbled upon this website and it’s awesome:http://www.wired.com/wiredscie…
If I had a cat like that, it wouldn’t be around too long. I’d assume it had a mental disease or defect.
The boyfriend or the cat?
I remember there was a commercial for the northwest awhile back… During a graduation ceremony it was raining, and someone whips out an umbrella… stopping the whole ceremony as the crowd gasps… :)
1- Flamethrower.2- Maintaining a “No pants day” will attract many males….