This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.
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Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.
Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread
page 2
Talking about wedding stuff now:
Fiancee and I had a big cry a few nights ago about the wedding. She’s been depressed lately, and just a touch fatalistic about everything. She’s worried about the money going into it, and when I looked at the budget, realized we were going to be running into a big problem. We don’t, currently, make enough to be able to afford the kind of venue we were looking at.
So yesterday I did some research into cheap places (you can make a hideous venue look really nice by putting up some fancy lighting or hanging draperies or creating neat centerpieces) and when I told her, she still kept up the fatalism. So last night I just got frustrated so we had another big talk.
I realized I’m a bit selfish about things. I want things to be some specific way and damned be the person who screws that up for me. I was angry about her fatalism and about her depression and everything I was thinking was a) unhelpful and b) a bit selfish and mean (like: “why can’t you try to be less fatalistic” “you should be happy.”) Overall I think the issue was that I felt like my efforts were just being dismissed.
That stated, I think we’re at a good point now. We’re going to have to learn to work with what will be a cheaper and less pretty place. I won’t be able to afford a really expensive engagement ring, but I can pick something up for cheap and upgrade later. I worry she won’t get the dress she wants, but every dollar I can funnel into our savings account for that purpose I will do so.
I think we can still do this, but I hate the fact I don’t have what I need to make it the best event ever for her.
birgerjohansson
*hugs* for you nd your family
birgerjohansson
That sucks. :( *hugs*
Even when it’s to be expected, it can be unexpected. But 90+, that’s impressive.
Kevin
Are you getting married in the summer? Have you thought about moving it outside? There’s some dependency on the weather (more or less, depending on your area), but it might deal with the ‘cheaper’ and ‘still pretty’ aspects. Don’t know if that’s even an option/desire for you.
I’m glad you (both) seem to be getting things sorted out, communication is important, and good luck with the further planning! Here’s to staying on the same page. :)
@rq:
We’re getting married in the fall.
birgerjohansson:
I’m so sorry. *hugs* Take care.
–
Kevin:
Hugs for the wedding situation.
Glad you talked things out.
–
Azkyroth:
You made me laugh out loud with the “more istant” bit. I love the snark-fantasies :D
–
CD:
That is a wonderful way to have that conversation, and a good suggestion. It’s unfortunately not an option for me because Big Boss believes the candidate pool for a replacement is intolerably shallow. He just doesn’t think we can do better. She does know a lot about the nuances of the processes for criminal and divorce cases, so he might be right, I don’t know.
–
In our weekly early morning meeting this morning (the five attorneys meet before the office opens to talk about whatever would concern all of us, usually administrative matters) we talked about her blow up yesterday. Big Boss asked pointedly why she was double checking my date, and that his assistant have never ever done that. I think the implication was I screwed up and had a history of screwing up and that’s why she had to do that. He never says anything without a purpose. But towards the end of the meeting, I said I wanted to pick his brain sometime because I need to develop my leadership/management skills to figure out how to deal with these issues better, and figure out how I can improve. He was so enthused (he’s an enthusiastic guy) that he jumped up and shook my hand over the conference table. He belted out “Now that’s just perfect, that’s the perfect attitude, that is such a mature thing to say!” So I feel like I came out alright ^_^
He also said he thinks that her outburst has to do with the timing of the thing – right after he gave her the what-for about calendaring specifically. He told her, apparently, that that is one drop-dead deal-breaker of a problem if she doesn’t get better at it. So then I screw up a date and it’s just ripe for her to capitalize on the mistake. I think capitalize was even the word he used.
It has been in the works for a while for other assistants to take on some of my files since she clearly can’t handle it all (Though she can handle making time for lots of non-work activities during work hours and then claims to be overloaded but whatever). So today they are going to be informed that two other assistants are taking big chunks of my files. We’ll see how it goes
She has a habit of talking at length about her mother. She started on me this morning and after two minutes I made a short response like “Well, I’m glad she’s all moved and no longer driving!” and then walked away as she started another sentence. I feel reallllly rude. But I have to remind myself that going on and on without regard for other people’s hints and clues and schedules and comfort is also rude.
Enough work whining.
tl;dr: “Assistant” still sucks but I will have to deal with her less from now on.
birger: My condolences and hugs to you and yours.
Kevin:
Fall wedding? Some apple orchards have outdoor gazebos available for weddings (if, of course, you are in apple country). Maybe look into some of the local farms/orchards — especially ones that do fall/hallowe’en-themed family stuff. There are at least three orchards in my area that do weddings. Just a thought.
Scary, isn’t it? And wonderful at the same time.
@Oggie:
Oh yes, that’s a good word for it. Scary.
But I know that I want this, and I know she wants it too.
Thanks for the advice. We live in NoVA, but there are some farms nearby. We’re looking at some historic properties around the area, but the places are (in the best term I can use) rustic.
She just made a point of asking when I’m leaving for Michigan. Guess she found a way to find out where I’m going this weekend after all. *annoyed*
Kevin:
I know a couple of people who have gotten married at Big Meadows in Shenandoah National Park. It requires a special use permit. Possibility?
Kevin – it might sound silly, but she may just need a little time to cope with the loss of what she wanted to do to get on board with new plans. It’s a big thing, and if you have your heart set on it being one way it doesn’t matter if other ways are just as good, they aren’t that way. You’re still just as much married no matter how you do it.
Doesn’t sound like the thing you’d both go for, but if it’s really getting stressful, you could elope ahead of time and then make the ceremony into more of a party. Would take one of the big stress pieces away from it. You could still have the full ceremony, but you’d have a private happy ceremony memory tucked back in your mind too, so anything that doesn’t go perfectly isn’t as much of an impact.
Birger, I’m very sorry for your loss – and I hope your mother is all right, and has support around her, and that you have too. Sending some hugs, if I may.
@Oggie:
Touch too far from us, but worth a look.
Semi ‘rupt, *hugs* all round.
Kevin
L and I ended up using a city park (there was a nominal fee) in the late summer. I dunno what the fall weather looks like there, though.
@Portia:
I’m glad you’ll have to deal with her a little less. I’m sorry your boss thinks you can’t do better.
Birger, your dad died? I guess I have to go look at the previous page. I know he was getting on in years. Hopefully he and all who loved him felt confident before he died that he had had a long and good life.
I got married in a feminist book store. It was pretty awesome.
CD:
Thanks. The other two paralegals who are stepping in have varying degrees of enthusiasm about the plan, but A, who will be doing my dissolution work, is 100% on board and actually really cool about it, so that’s a breath of fresh air :)
Very cool. ^_^
I had an apparently modest but fairly conventional ceremony imposed on me by a combination of my then-fiance and parents. It didn’t end well. Probably not because of the ceremony, but I’m a vocal fan of courthouse weddings/the like now. >.>
Mentor Boss’s Paralegal just came in with two new outboxes for me so that she and A can both have their own spot from which to grab my work. :) I’m feeling pretty good about this. So far.
Wife and I had rather traditional wedding. In her parents living room. With a JP performing the service (with no mention of gods). And a hammered dulcimer providing the music. And I remember none of it. We had a nice BBQ in the backyard afterwards, though.
Tony!, my first thought—given that you describe J as previously being a good employee, and previously showing no signs of homophobia—is to wonder whose influence he may have recently come under, and be reacting to; it kinda puts me in mind of one of Son’s friends, who I’ve known since they (the entire Son’s-friends-mob) were in their early teens, and who showed no signs of gun-totin’, socially-conservative right-wingism…but now, just the last year or so, is showing such signs, in response to his meeting and eventually becoming engaged to a young woman of that background. I think he’s trying to fit in with her set, and perhaps over-doing it a tad.
May not be relevant in J’s case, but that’s what it reminds me of.
In any case, possible cause ≠ solution, so this may be…no help at all.
–
WMDKitty, hurrah for approximation-of-normality!
:) :) :)
–
*pouncehug* for Nutmeg.
–
*blinkblink*
I assume that (presumably-Mister) Lockman is good with anybody, possessed of strength (or, hell, fire-power) superior to his own, mugging him and taking his stuff? Or does he still disapprove of Theft of Property?
–
*hugs* and condolences for birgerjohansson.
–
I barely remember any of my wedding, either. Too stressed out all day making things happen to pay attention to it. I really regret that. I would have rather had less of a wedding and a happier day.
I got my wedding dress from a department store, had it at our church, reception in the church fellowship hall with vegetable platters and a few other appetizers (it was early afternoon), just under 100 people (open invitation to the whole church, as was the custom at the time in my area). Do NOT try to cut up all the vegetables yourself the day before. That way lies tears and carpal tunnel. Flowers were delivered entirely the wrong color scheme, but were nice enough anyway, my aunt (who is a seamstress) made all the attendant dresses, the cake was donated by a dear friend as her wedding present, we had some candelabras at the front and some bows/greenery on the pews, as standard as it gets. and photos were a local professional and came out very nice, but we had a basement moisture problem a few years back and thankfully were able to save the pictures, but not the album itself. And as I mentioned last thread, I was so wiped out after that I collapsed, refused to leave the hotel room, and we ordered in Domino’s pizza for dinner. If Spouse ever dies (perish the thought) and I end up remarried, it’s going to be a cute outfit, city hall, and a vacation after.
Could Lockman be trying to make the lame argument that if abortion is legal there will be more rapes ‘cuz the rapist knows the victim can terminate one possible consequence ?
Bullshite argument, of course, and if that, or something similar, is what he was trying to say, badly expressed as well.
(In a reality-based world, is there any correlation between abortion availability and incidences of rape?)
I assume the mildly deranged penguin would point out the solution to the problem of forgetting what happened at a wedding is to not bother with the actual ceremony and just drink all the vin. Same net result, accomplished a bit faster, with less time spent being bored.
No, he’s making the argument that he’s too fucking stupid to see the difference between affirming the right of someone to remove something from her body that she doesn’t want there, and alleging a “right” to put something into someone’s body that she doesn’t want there.
blf:
My lack of memory of marriage is pure nerves. There was no alcohol involved. She is the only one in her family who drinks. And she averages about three drinks. Per year.
*offering hugs and this kitteh to Birger*
“Have A Seat And Get Ready To Love JoeJoe The Capybara” ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
So, the pope met the Latin American and Caribbean Conference of Monks & Nuns behind closed doors, but somebody recorded the whole thing and put it online at “Reflexión y Liberación”, where Der Spiegel (though not the English version) found it. Third-hand German source: the rumored gay lobby in the Vatican exists, says the pope; the curia needs to be reformed, but the pope says he’s never been good at organizing and trusts the cardinals he has charged with this; a church that makes mistakes is better than one that suffers from being closed to the outside; “abortion is bad, but that’s clear”, so there’s no point in talking much about that – but, get this, he wonders what interests are behind abortion laws, what large organizations invest money there. ~:-| Antichrist Inc.? At the same time, the pope laments that the Second Vatican Council is only slowly being implemented! He notices “restorative forces”, and when he meets them he feels “like before the Council, like in 1940” (…which he seems to think was 60 years ago).
Another source in German: Switzerland and now Austria have frozen bank accounts of Yanukovych & friends, and Switzerland brings charges agains Yanukovych & son for “aggravated money laundering”.
+ 1
…A phobia?
Full of win.
“Like us, microbes ‘eat’ things to get energy, and then produce waste. But instead of hamburgers (or veggie burgers if you prefer), a microbe might eat something like molecules of iron oxide.”
Uh, no. Some of them breathe iron-III oxide (rust, most iron ores…), which (incidentally) doesn’t come in discrete molecules. If you find one that turns iron-III into iron-VI instead of iron-II, brace yourself for that call from Stockholm.
(If you’re a single cell, it’s easy to breathe a solid. Just touch it and dump electrons on it.)
“This suggests two things. First:
‘The development of non-racemic acids and the strong bias for L-amino acids in proteins is something that arose after the origin of life,’ said Onstott.
Basically, if the origin of life occurred in the deep subsurface, the first proto-cells must have not had a strong preference for L-amino acids because the balance of L- and D- versions would have been relatively equal at that time. Life’s taste for L-amino acids would have come later in evolution.
And secondly:
‘If non-racemic amino acids are essential for the first proto-cells, then the origin of life could not have occurred in the deep subsurface,’ said Onstott. ‘Of course, deep sea vents where you may get formation of non-racemic acids at high temperature and rapid transport into a cold environment remains a viable option.'”
Not “and”. Or.
Interesting research, but it reinforces what I’ve been thinking for, like, ever: science blogging should be done by scientists, not by journalists, and somebody should pay them for it.
You know what? This works.
I stress this because that’s her own language she’s singing in… probably this one or this one.
*giggle* what is this, Krtek on LSD? *giggle*
I appreciate the happy end, though. ^_^
*offering hugs and this kitteh to Birger*
“Have A Seat And Get Ready To Love JoeJoe The Capybara” ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
“How Octodad works as an analogy for invisible illnesses“.
+ 1
…A phobia?
Full of win.
“Like us, microbes ‘eat’ things to get energy, and then produce waste. But instead of hamburgers (or veggie burgers if you prefer), a microbe might eat something like molecules of iron oxide.”
Uh, no. Some of them breathe iron-III oxide (rust, most iron ores…), which (incidentally) doesn’t come in discrete molecules. If you find one that turns iron-III into iron-VI instead of iron-II, brace yourself for that call from Stockholm.
(If you’re a single cell, it’s easy to breathe a solid. Just touch it and dump electrons on it.)
“This suggests two things. First:
‘The development of non-racemic acids and the strong bias for L-amino acids in proteins is something that arose after the origin of life,’ said Onstott.
Basically, if the origin of life occurred in the deep subsurface, the first proto-cells must have not had a strong preference for L-amino acids because the balance of L- and D- versions would have been relatively equal at that time. Life’s taste for L-amino acids would have come later in evolution.
And secondly:
‘If non-racemic amino acids are essential for the first proto-cells, then the origin of life could not have occurred in the deep subsurface,’ said Onstott. ‘Of course, deep sea vents where you may get formation of non-racemic acids at high temperature and rapid transport into a cold environment remains a viable option.'”
Not “and”. Or.
Interesting research, but it reinforces what I’ve been thinking for, like, ever: science blogging should be done by scientists, not by journalists, and somebody should pay them for it.
You know what? This works.
I stress this because that’s her own language she’s singing in… probably this one or this one.
*giggle* what is this, Krtek on LSD? *giggle*
I appreciate the happy end, though. ^_^
Way too many links again. Let’s see. Part 1:
*offering hugs and this kitteh to Birger*
“Have A Seat And Get Ready To Love JoeJoe The Capybara” ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
“How Octodad works as an analogy for invisible illnesses“.
So, the pope met the Latin American and Caribbean Conference of Monks & Nuns behind closed doors, but somebody recorded the whole thing and put it online at “Reflexión y Liberación”, where Der Spiegel (though not the English version) found it. Third-hand German source: the rumored gay lobby in the Vatican exists, says the pope; the curia needs to be reformed, but the pope says he’s never been good at organizing and trusts the cardinals he has charged with this; a church that makes mistakes is better than one that suffers from being closed to the outside; “abortion is bad, but that’s clear”, so there’s no point in talking much about that – but, get this, he wonders what interests are behind abortion laws, what large organizations invest money there. ~:-| Antichrist Inc.? At the same time, the pope laments that the Second Vatican Council is only slowly being implemented! He notices “restorative forces”, and when he meets them he feels “like before the Council, like in 1940” (…which he seems to think was 60 years ago).
Another source in German: Switzerland and now Austria have frozen bank accounts of Yanukovych & friends, and Switzerland brings charges agains Yanukovych & son for “aggravated money laundering”.
Part 2:
X-ray photos of various vertebrates. Contains surprises. Though the author’s suprise that penguins have knees is totally misplaced; lungfishes have knees, it’s normal! :-) Also, the “swordfish” is a sawfish; it’s really easy to see that it’s a shark.
The stegosaur from western Siberia! Finally!!! Been waiting for it for years! :-) More photos.
Petition to John Husted, the Secretary of State of Ohio, to save early voting.
“General Electric is one of the worst corporate tax dodgers out there. It has managed to pay ZERO dollars in federal income taxes for four recent years — thanks to some big tax loopholes and some clever accounting.
The company has mobilized a small army of lobbyists in Washington this year, because one of its most profitable tax loopholes has just expired. This loophole — known as the “active financing” loophole — lets General Electric put off paying its U.S. taxes indefinitely when it shifts the profits it makes from interest and dividends to offshore tax havens.
This one loophole will cost $70 billion over the next 10 years.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has said that a large package of corporate tax loopholes, which includes the active financing loophole, should be renewed without the cost being covered.”
Petition to McConnell to cut this crap.
The USS Reagan, befitting its name, was irradiated at Fukushima and is now in San Diego.
Moments of Mormon Madness, PR disaster and ever-changing dogma categories.
So, if you are a mormon man you might not get your own planet after all? So confusing.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/ap/article-2569688/Mormon-church-pushes-planet-misconceptions.html
If you have to be told you won’t be getting your own planet, does that something about you as well as about the LDS religion that promised you a planet earlier?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2569583/Mormons-People-dont-planets-afterlife.html#comments-2569583 From the comments:
A comment from ex-mormon alx71tx:
That’s a tiny Stegosaur. Is it a juvenile? Or just a really small genus?
More comments from the article referenced in #529:
Follow my fictional religion and you get a tardis in the afterlife.
——-
I find it incomprehensible that a church needs to explain to its members that they won’t be getting their own planets.
———
They should go and explain this to their followers that are no more alive!
———-
I joined the Mormon Church, and was in it for over a year until I left. I still have many Mormon friends. BUT, I was definitely taught from every life-long Mormon the exact doctrine of becoming a god and ruling my own planet. I was even told by one, that I might have my own Christ figure on my planet!! Either the church is lying about their beliefs to deter controversy, or they need a serious overhaul of their foundational beliefs, in every single member!
Part 3:
“the GOP’s successful filibuster of Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders’ veterans benefits bill”
Keep America strong!
“The Long, Sordid History Of Discrimination Against Christians in America”
Now on to actual replies.
+ 1
…A phobia?
Full of win.
“Like us, microbes ‘eat’ things to get energy, and then produce waste. But instead of hamburgers (or veggie burgers if you prefer), a microbe might eat something like molecules of iron oxide.”
Uh, no. Some of them breathe iron-III oxide (rust, most iron ores…), which (incidentally) doesn’t come in discrete molecules. If you find one that turns iron-III into iron-VI instead of iron-II, brace yourself for that call from Stockholm.
(If you’re a single cell, it’s easy to breathe a solid. Just touch it and dump electrons on it.)
“This suggests two things. First:
‘The development of non-racemic acids and the strong bias for L-amino acids in proteins is something that arose after the origin of life,’ said Onstott.
Basically, if the origin of life occurred in the deep subsurface, the first proto-cells must have not had a strong preference for L-amino acids because the balance of L- and D- versions would have been relatively equal at that time. Life’s taste for L-amino acids would have come later in evolution.
And secondly:
‘If non-racemic amino acids are essential for the first proto-cells, then the origin of life could not have occurred in the deep subsurface,’ said Onstott. ‘Of course, deep sea vents where you may get formation of non-racemic acids at high temperature and rapid transport into a cold environment remains a viable option.'”
Not “and”. Or.
Interesting research, but it reinforces what I’ve been thinking for, like, ever: science blogging should be done by scientists, not by journalists, and somebody should pay them for it.
You know what? This works.
I stress this because that’s her own language she’s singing in… probably this one or this one.
*giggle* what is this, Krtek on LSD? *giggle*
I appreciate the happy end, though. ^_^
Probably juvenile, but the text doesn’t say and the pictures lack the resolution to tell. :-(
David M
That, and a tendency to start with the Vomit Chain Reaction.
The smell of vomit… *shudder*
Once, in 7th grade, we were doing presentations in class. It was the last period. I was feeling rather nauseated, but was trying to hold out until the bell rang so I could run to the restroom unnoticed. Finally I realized I couldn’t wait, and turned around to ask permission to leave from the teacher, who was sitting in the desk just behind me while listening to the presentations.
I was not, in fact, able to hold out, and the twisting motion of turning combined with the effort to speak had rather predictable results.
None of us had ever seen a teacher move so fast.
carlie
Ha, I puked all over the competition judge’s shoes in my first Kiwanis recital. That was fun! “Is there a parent here?” in worried tones… I will never forget the look on her face.
Keeping up with Canadian Arctic research (more to follow at this site – this is an interview with a high school friend of mine who has, I admit, a job I envy).
40 historical photos, with mild trigger warning for traumatic historical experiences within.
Seth Rogen annoys me, but he does a fine job of speaking about Alzheimer’s at a congressional hearing. Or something similar.
carlie
I was hanging out with this guy I know. Used to buy weed from him. Anyway, I was lounging on his bed, stoned out of my gourd. (No, nothing like that, just a convenient spot to lounge, and cats.)
His dog was jumping from floor to bed, repeatedly.
There was an ominous *burble*.
I had juuuuust enough time to pull myself over the end of the bed before my stomach contents came roaring back with a vengeance.
Eight cats, sitting there, judging me. And three alarmed humans going “Are you okay?”
way T fucking MI
Crudely Wrot
Thank you for your explanation of the difference between sadness and grief at #492. That was excellent.
O Holy Moly is it ever raining!!! The thing to do right after buying an older house in the mountains is order a HUGE rainstorm so you can discover all the leaks and flood places that were not revealed during the inspection. And! (drum roll please) we get snow tomorrow!
No, this is not buyer’s remorse. Oops, we are about to lose power. Later.
Grow up.
Fuck you.
oops, The Lounge, Sorry.
Goddamnt
My uncle just called
My grandfather has inoperable bladder cancer
I am en route to michigan to see my dad
And now I have to tell my dad his dad has cancer
Next: diaper explosion poop stories!
(NO REALLY NO PLEASE NO)
(BUT I HAVE SOME GOOD ONES)
Oh no, Portia. I’m so sorry – I wish I could hold your hand while you talk to him.
Portia
O holy crap, I’m so sorry all this is happening. I wish I could hold your hand, and your dad’s, and your grandfather’s. Please keep us posted. Warm fuzzy hugs for everyone.
Not only is it wetter than a screaming baby with an old diaper, but it is windy. My back screen door just blew off the hinges. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.
Kind thoughts and condolences to birgerjohansson and family.
May you find your comfort in one another and live on in love.
More kind thoughts and condolences, this time for Portia and her family.
*oh, my — it starting to seem like endings are becoming more frequent than beginnings . . .*
David, I am hereby dubbing this gif (the one to which you linked at 527), the “Fuzzy Pouncehug”.
:D
–
Portia, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather.
*fuzzy pouncehugs*
–
…wow, now I feel fortunate: the first brand of gin so far that I straight-up can’t stand is also the most expensive so far (Hendrick’s). O.o
I think I actually like Beefeater a little better than Bombay Sapphire, actually.. ^.^
Other than that, teh LFC and I talked to some people who were in the process of moving out of an apartment we might consider transferring our lease to. It’s a two bedroom two bath, with…technically, a north-facing patio, but more internal space, and they indicated the patio gets a good 6 hours of sun, in the summer. We may be able to grow tomatoes and herbs on it. And it’s on the top floor, so while the initial move will be unpleasant, we’ll have higher ceilings, so it’ll FEEL bigger, and there won’t be loud people overhead (with any frequency). Will have to talk to LFC about teh prancing.. >.> And the north-facing WINDOWS will keep the bills down. (Although the ceilings and having roof above us might add to them, if being on the top floor means it’s less OMGWTFBBQHUMID in my apartment without a dehumidifier running…um…literally 24/7…it’ll be a net positive).
Mmph. I actually have the knowledge to calculate how much sun the patio will receive now, come to think of it. (Third thing Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning Design has been useful for, none of them HVAC).
…I suppose I should at least tour the place before I start getting attached to it, but..I’m excited :3
* hugs* and condolences for <birger andPortia
ChasCPeterson #546
Thank you.
Quiet just now. So, more on sadness and grief, if you will.
Thanks, morgan for appreciating my comments on same above. Lately I’ve had more than sufficient opportunity to reflect . . .
Many Loungelings know that I lost my mother a little over three years ago and that I lost my younger daughter last fall. My step dad passed away a year and a half before my mother and my biological father died in 1982. Grief and tears marked each event.
In the case of three of these passings I was hit hard and I wept and replayed memories each night before sleep. I was aware, though, that long life increases the opportunity for death to intrude so in the cases of my three (3! lucky me!) parents I was at least marginally prepared for the end of their lives. They were born into whatever circumstances they were born into, lived their lives that are landmarked with their own wins and losses, their own smooth moves and their own mistakes. They each had me plopped into their lives and each took up that burden with love and dedication. Each had their faults, some are still emerging upon retrospect; nevertheless, each left me with the tools and examples and exhortations that have produced the person now before you.
The grief that I felt upon their deaths was keen, sharp, unwelcome. Yet I knew the moment was nearing and had to some extent prepared myself for the inevitable. As a result the grief, the loud protestations and the quiet sobs occupied a finite space of time. I am at peace now. The grief that at the time seemed to occupy the whole of my life has receded like the tide to become occasional waves of mere sadness.
Like the time Ma sewed a ribbon onto my winter cap so as to keep it on my head in the wind. She chose a lovely, to her, shade of pink. When I came home from school the ribbon was gone because I, full grown second grader, just could not be seen with a pink ribbon tied under my chin. When I told her, the look on her face convicted me that I had hurt her feelings. I wish I hadn’t done that.
Similar stories apply to the two men who shared (with surprising cooperation) the duty of being father to me. I disappointed both of them from time to time and I wish I hadn’t. That I cannot change any of those episodes and, at this remove, understanding their disappointments, is something that makes me sad. But along with the sadness is gladness — I learned. I discovered something about fathers and sons, mothers and sons and those lessons continue to inform me to this day. My grandsons, the man cubs, are direct beneficiaries of such instruction. Then comes the death of one of my own children . . .
Now is the grief that threatens to last for as long as I have feelings. How is it that I could outlive three parents and now half of my own progeny has gone to join them?! It’s not fair. It goes against everything. It’s not supposed to happen that way.
*Ahh, dear boy. Fate is no respecter of your comfortable assumptions.*
Oh, yeah. There’s that. Cold comfort. Talk to me in ten years and maybe I will not grieve. Do I have ten years? Is ten years some magic number? Is my own humanity strong enough to accept and come to terms with the cold efficiency of probability? I can only hope so. I don’t know yet. Not enough time has passed.
Now comes a new channel for grief, cut by the flood waters of a friend’s loss My best friend has lost a seventeen year old son and he is devastated. And I am now weeping for two children who will never bury their parents. Weeping also for the pain of a friend who is a close as my skin.
Sadness is remembering how you disappointed or offended someone. Grief is when there is no longer any way at all that you can make up for doing so. Sadness is a divorce and your kids go to the other parent and are so far away. Grief is when they die and are gone finally, permanently.
_____________
tl; dr version: take all the care you can for the ones you have in your life and don’t ever be reluctant or embarrassed to love them in silly or spontaneous or earnest fashion. Each day could be your last chance.
Also this x.x
I’m often not quite sure what to say when people report their grief…I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m just tuning them out. :(
Crudely Wrott
Your Mom was three years ago?
wow
Time flies even when there is no fun at all.
for that and the rest
*big hugs*
From our Trying Our Damnedest To Prove That America Is Too A Christian Country Desk:
via Ed Brayton’s FTB: your attention is directed to comment #5 & #10
The good news is that Adriana Ramirez has legal counsel and that there is precedence in a similar case.
Azkyroth,
So. Is it amusing to you that our house gin at chez Dhorvath is Hendricks? With cucumber. Glad I am to hear someone say they don’t like it, it’s nice to have an alternate perspective.
IT IS THE LOUNGE.
everybody hug.
dammit.
Chigau, yup! Time flies*, dunnit? Like an arrow. Straight to the heart.
Love and *heartful hugs* and some rum and some chocolate cake and some squirming kiddunununs to you. Oops! Almost forgot to add that there is always great fun. (ahem)
–Dr. Seuss, “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish”
___________
I think one of the best things that could ever happen would be if everybody in the whole world read again the books that they had when they were just little and were trying so hard to sound out all the words and know what each one meant. Do you think so, too?
*someone tell me again why it is that the more time that has passed in one’s life the faster it seems to go. i read something about that some time ago but have forgotten*
Crudely,
As always, my tears for you. Something about your cadence makes me cry. That said, Birger and Portia, I have lost some who I loved, I feel your response and it makes my eyes leak. Hugs around. I wish…
My major childhood book was:
srsly
The Little Engine That Could
(I refuse to link.)
Azkyroth, #559:
Understood.
I am not quite sure what to say when I am reporting my grief. I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m begging for sympathy.
That’s not the case nor is it demanding that each and every one respond with socially acceptable murmurings or platitudes.
It is one part “trying to come to terms with my own emotions and how they will influence me in times to come” and one part “here’s hoping that others can either understand what I am saying and that others will be to some degree better prepared when grief intrudes on their lives”.
Just trying to be as human as possible while still learning what it actually is to be human. I take that seriously; there are so many poor examples that beg to be dealt with. We’ve still such a long way to go. Civilization is made up of individuals. This individual wants to make more civilization.
Common origin, common journey, common destination. Our differences are only in the details. What matters most is what is left when we (I, you) are gone from here. :)
>.>
In its defense, despite being more medicinal than some actual medicines and being $ 50% more for a given quantity, the distinct flavors of Hendrick’s totally disappear at a mere 5:1 lemonade/gin ratio.
…blf, did the MDP happen to leave the keys to the trebuchet? O.o
The trebuchet has keys?
welll fork
Here, Dhorvath, let me wipe that tear for you . . . the better part of our joy is, I think, knowing that we can only posses it for a time and then must pass it on. Nothing, even a good thing, that is kept by one has any useful worth. When something is kept it loses any value it might have had. Sharing the good things is what gives them real value. Again, civilization; the main portion being the civil part.
_______
Chigau,
“I think I can, I think I can
Whoops!
I knew I could, I knew I could*”
_______
*despite near crippling doubt along the way.
Of course these days it’s “iThink, iCan, iThink, iCan…”
*hugs* for Portia, that’s a tough situation, and I hope it goes as well as it possibly could… *more hugs*
Because that just sucks. :(
+++
The squirrels are turning.
I can’t believe the libertarian thread is *still* going.
____
Things with J took a turn for the worse. It turns out he’s got some race issues he needs to work out as well. In a conversation with two employees tonight, he used the N* word in reference to several people (not sure if they were guests or employees, but that really doesn’t matter). One of the people told me about it later on.
I’m going to speak with the owners tomorrow. I find that attitude intolerable, and I don’t think I can speak to him in the professional manner needed to address this.
____
http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/gay-singer-has-souful-musical-message-arizona-lawmakers250214
I’ve never heard of Eric Himan, but this sounds interesting.
Very tired, en route bed.
Good night, dear Horde.
Portia,
*hugs*
Of course it does. It’s a precision instrument, like the TARDIS. In the wrong wings the damage it would fail to cause is not worth considering.
And like the TARDIS, there’s a spare set. Secret compartment under the crank (the trebuchet’s, not the operator) near the Good Berserker Seal of Loud Screams. By the cheese-stain.
HI there
HUgs for Portia and Birger
ALso for Tony because of work
Carlie, whatever poop story you’ve got, I can beat it.
——
Kids and cats story
Last night we went to a friend’s birthday. That friend has cats and therefore the birthday is eagerly awaited by the kids each year.
I was in the kitchen chatting when the little one came running.
“MUm, the cat wanted my hotdog!”
“Did you give it to her?”
“YEs! I need a new hotdog”
5 min later she came running again, followed by a loud “Meooooow”
“Muuuuuuum, the cat wants this hotdog, too!”
By the end of the night 7 sausages had been shared between two kids and one cat. I guess that’s better than the year the cat licked the salt off the nachos before the little one ate them.
Yum! Salted Cats for Kids!™ Now with nacho flavouring.
(May contain mouse parts.)
Childhood books:
Dr Seuss’s ABCs
Ferdinand the Bull
chigau @569:
Not to worry. The keys are on the same ring as the key to the grog closet and the Spanking Parlor. Which hangs on the hook on the back of the Comfy Chair.
rq @572:
Squirrels have discovered short-track racing?
That photo is fucking hilarious. The secret is to stuff the sunflower seeds up the horse’s nose.
That is nacho cat.
Sometimes when I’m writing I have minor characters start popping up that I hadn’t planned, so they don’t tend to have names and backgrounds when they first arrive. Which is fine, since often those minor characters are just for a brief scene or two and then they disappear once more. I’ll nab a placeholder name off whatever else I’m currently reading/watching/looking at, slap it in there, and then go and replace it later on. That way I can just keep writing instead of having to stop and think up just the right name for Cheesemonger #5 or something like that.
Occasionally a character who was meant to be minor turns out a bit more important than I originally planned, though. Things develop and change and sometimes there’s a problem with a plot that I hadn’t seen coming.
In the fantasy novel I have right now (which is, sadly, on the back burner as I work on projects that I know will pay my bills), among the nomadic tribes there are specially trained people who keep the lore and provide medical care. I had one healer who was the mother of a main character and she was doing most of the heavy lifting in this regard during a war. There was another healer character who was mostly peripheral to the action, but acknowledged as the most skilled and knowledgable of her peers. I’d just been readng Pharyngula comments before I needed a placeholder name, so I slapped on Giliell.
A bit further into writing and the main character’s mother is dead, drawing Giliell into the spotlight. As it turns out, she knows just how good she is and doesn’t suffer from humility. She’s kind of a jerk, but she can treat infections in a world without pharmaceutical antibiotics, so what’re you going to do? This leads to a confrontation between her and a man who claims to have met and spoken with the gods. The man accuses her of terrible arrogance and putting herself as higher than the gods, who are responsible for her ability to heal. At first she’s upset and feels deep-seated cultural shame for doing something so terrible, but after thinking about it more she decides that, in fact, she is higher than the gods. She tells him, “I’ve saved hundreds of people without the gods. When they come before me to save one life without the aid of a healer, I’ll consider them on par with my lowest apprentice.”
So on the one hand I feel a little bad about using Giliell‘s ‘nym as a placeholder name for an arrogant asshole, but on the other…she’s awesome and I love her.
Hi Lounge!
@Lynna, OM #531
Whaaat? They’re saying the whole get your own planet thing isn’t true anymore?
My older brother has been LDS since he converted when he was a teenager. I knew about the planet thing back in the ’90’s.
I remember growing up whenever my brother would visit we were not allowed to drink caffeinated sodas around him. If we were ordering take out pizza and anyone wanted a soda, it had to be rootbeer or nothing.
Then suddenly I’m told they’re OK. I asked my brother about it a few years ago and he said, Oh, no! You could always drink Pepsi, you just can’t drink *hot* drinks with caffeine, like coffee or tea. He acted like it was always that way. I couldn’t believe my ears. “We could always drink Coke or Pepsi! And we’ve always been at war with Eastasia!”
It’s interesting to watch the evolution of a religion in the internet age. It’s so easy to find people who were LDS before changes were made to doctrine. People can compare notes now in a way they never could in the past. I can’t imagine the changes made to Christianity over the centuries that we don’t even know about.
.
I loved that book to pieces. I think it’s one of the saddest stories I ever knew, as a child – that, and The Terrible Things.
MM
Hihi, I think that the original Giliell, an RPG character wouldn’t be too far off She was a total jerk, but also a reliable friend.
http://news.yahoo.com/mormons-people-dont-own-planets-afterlife-192643724.html
Also, from the same article:
I didn’t know that.
I briefly dated an ex-Mormon guy and he told me that the reason for polygamy back in the 1800’s was that there was a shortage of men, so it was a temporary necessity. He and many other younger Mormons actually believe that.
@Tony!
Mormonism and Scientology are fun like that. Just when you think you’ve heard it all.
“Trying to slide one thing past another without disturbing it?
INFINITESIMALLY WEAKER THAN THE FORCES HOLDING ATOMIC NUCLEI TOGETHER!
Trying to keep one thing from sliding/rolling/falling off another?
UNDETECTABLE BY MOST ADVANCED INSTRUMENTS EVER DEVELOPED!”
-Scumbag Friction Force
That actually explains a lot.
*plays loud music on Lounge stereo while cleaning, starting with this song*
*hugs* where needed, especially to birgerjohansenn, rq, Portia, and Crudely
*****
Thanks for the support/venting space lately. I am so glad February is over, and I’m hoping that March will be better. For me and for everyone – it seems like it’s been a tough month for a lot of people around here.
I slept for almost 10 hours last night. I don’t even remember the last time that happened. And I didn’t do anything weird in my sleep. I feel almost human today. I’m doing my best to REST as much as possible this weekend. I can’t avoid all work, but I’m keeping it minimal and giving my poor mind a break.
I’ve discovered a new guilty pleasure – heist movies. I’ve always enjoyed trickster stories, and there are a lot of similarities. It may be a movies-and-stats-and-writing-up-results kind of weekend. The windchill here hit -50C last night, so I’m certainly not in a hurry to leave the house.
Nutmeg
May I recommend Bob le Flambeur?
And so it begins.
Hooray, the power did not go out last night during the storm. AND I made a very yummy batch of broccoli/cauliflower/onion/garlic/cheddar soup. I’ll send it around to all who want some.
rq
I claim very little knowledge of what is happening in Ukraine. Is this “mighty” Putin attempting to reassemble the Soviet Union?
Good luck and *thumbs* for all those experiencing crappy weather conditions! I hope you make it through with minimum damage!
morgan:
Putin is most definitely trying to put the Russian Empire back together. I don’t think it was coincidence that the Russian uniforms for the Olympics were so heavy on imperial symbolism.
rq,
I just finished watching “The World’s End” and that song is just the right chaser :)
morgan
Who knows, but it’s scary from over here.
Right now, he just wants the Crimea. What happens next – who knows?
I’m sure no one has missed the ludicrous irony of Putin’s homophobia. He who misses no opportunity to strut about semi-clad, displaying what he believes are his sterling pecs. It is unsurprising that political cartoonists here depict him as a bare-chested little twerp. Am I being too harsh?
morgan
Not too harsh, but I think that image doesn’t take him seriously enough. He’s a bare-chested little twerp, but laughing at him is definitely the wrong reaction. Because he’s a dangerous bare-chested little twerp with a lot of power behind his megalomanic fixations.
theoreticalgrrl @583:
I had to laugh about your caffeinated soda story. I’ve had the same experience. Furthermore, there are ex-mormons who report first hand knowledge of Tommy Monson’s addiction to Pepsi back when his daughters were young. A guy who took one of the daughters to a high school prom reported seeing cases of empties on the back porch. The daughter confirmed her father’s addiction when asked. And this was definitely when drinking caffeinated soda was against the Word of Wisdom. Prophet of Pepsi.
The HBO series “Big Love” featured a storyline in which the big mormon family opened a family-friendly casino that served root beer and ice cream.
So, yeah, there have been many changes to established dogma/culture (can’t separate dogma from culture in the Morridor), some more important than strictures on what one drinks, but all the mormons I know are still claiming that beliefs in the One True Church do not change.
Forbes magazine today published an article regarding Putin and the Crimea. It is a simplified overview and useful for us with little knowledge. I’d be interested in people’s responses.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/gregsatell/2014/03/01/5-things-you-should-know-about-putins-incursion-into-crimea/
theoreticalgrrl @587:
Yeah, that’s a crock of bullpucky that is easily proven false. Still an active meme in mormon culture, though.
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1185247,1185357#msg-1185357
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1183179,1183179#msg-1183179
Bullshit, mormons actually had a well-deserved reputation for older men marrying many teenaged girls. See first link above.
@ Crip Dyke, d’aww thanks for the compliment on my sourcing, some pages back. Coming from you that makes me squiggle. ;>
—
Daily allowance of linkdump:
Takei on Arizona’s anti-gay bill: Upworthy
But Takei’s full interview with far more topics plus transcript is here:Democracy Now
Cracked: Weird but effective alternate uses for sex products
rq: You have confirmed my fears. The squirrels eating my house are, indeed, working for the Horses.
–
Not unlike the way that some mainstream Protestants believe that the polygamous marriages of the Old Testiment Patriarchs was chiefly meant as a way of providing for widows and orphans. It wasn’t like they were real, i.e., sexually-active, marriages! No—One Man And One Woman, from the git-go!
–
Oh, goddammit. There goes my afternoon…
morgan
What the article fails to stress is the possible consequences from the Crimean takeover: if Putin faces little to no international resistance (and honestly, I don’t see it going any other way, really), plus the veneer of legitimacy, then he’s free to wreak havoc on all the other former SSRs in the area. At the slightest provocation, by ‘legitimate’ democratic means. Because Crimea isn’t the only region that Russia wants to regain, and not the only one where he wields enough ‘soft’ power to make a big, big difference in internal matters.
Also, that whole bit about tangible gain – well, he expands Russian territory, and that’s pretty fucking tangible. An economic downturn? Not going to affect him or his buddies, but will most likely create for him a populace easier to govern. He’ll be free to throw around some weak symbols of assistance that will let him say that, see, the Hand of Russia aids you, what more do you need?
(Then there’s that whole sympathy with the fascists thing that may arise: if he angers enough native populations, they’re more likely to seek aid and alignment with fascist and/or nationalist groupings who are willing to partake in violent means of protest and resistance. Which, you know, also leaves him with more people he can ‘legitimately’ arrest and/or wipe out. You know, because power. Or something.)
I think the article is far too soft and easy and naive.
Portia, I’m so very sorry about the bad news. I wish I could – damn, I hope you and your father have all the hugs and family support, I hope your grandfather has the best of palliative care.
And Azkyroth, I hope you get to move if it turns out right for you, and that it is a happy change.
rq
Big thanks for the input on the Forbes article. This whole situation does not look good for anyone, especially you folks in the Baltic States. I’m hoping this is being taken seriously. I agree with you, there is much to fear.
Oh, hey, I found this at Cracked. Thought I’d bring it here and share.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-jokes-no-one-should-tell-for-good-reason/
Weird, Wikipedia seems to be blocking my home IP from even viewing it.
Big ag companies, industry giants lobbied for this bill, and they got it. It’s a bad bill. I can’t believe Idaho politicians passed it.
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/28/idaho_passes_industry_backed_ag_gag_bill/
We’re having pasties for dinner tonight. They were made in Florence, WI, (notice the snow plowing warnings) which is on US 2/141 between Iron Mountain, MI, and Crystal Fall, MI. Close enough to be authentic, if there is such a thing. They have beef, pork, and rutabaga (a second root vegetable addition to potatoes in some “authentic” recipes. The argument of which potato/rutabaga/turnip recipe is authentic is a savage debate.) Topped with beef gravy by the Redheads request, but the copper miners allegedly took turns bringing a bottle of catchup into the mines to share (UP copper mining folklore) after heating the pasties on a shovel for their meal break. Take the folklore with a grain of salt, but probably not far from reality.
Thanks for all your support and hugs. Can’t respond as I’d like to right now and recognize and appreciate everyone. Know that you all mean so much to me. Whether you have the words you think you should have or not.
I imagined carlie holding my left hand and morgan holding my right.
.
JAL got in touch. She is alive but not well. I will keep as in touch with her as I can. I wish we believed in prayer so I could ask for something for her. I guess good thoughts is the secular equivalent.
.
Hugs all around.
Hugs for JAL and family.
@cicely
Once when I was 14, I really went off on my brother over the polygamy thing. I told him, “That’s NOT in The Bible!!” He said, yes it is, Abraham had many wives.
I didn’t know that at the time, I just thought he was brainwashed.
Much like comment 608, I just spent all evening and half of the night catching up with the glibertarian thread.
Anyway:
The Super Mario Bros. theme played on a Chinese instrument that looks like a complete little hand-held organ and was “invented thousands of years ago”.
Stuff that must have happened.
Russians vs. Crimean Tatars – the latter are against the Crimea seceding from the Ukraine…
*and another heap of fluffy hugs*
Vomit Chain Reaction. Interesting.
=^_^=
I don’t think so. However, he’s a nationalist. He’s Collecting the Russian Earth™, and he’s making sure Russia is the biggest power in the region – a sort of Monroe Doctrine for the space between the EU and China.
Much love to Portia, and to JAL.
Here’s a woman being chased by a herd of rabbits.
*anklehugs* for Portia and JAL. The words will be in here, kept warm, for you both to pick up when you will.
*hugs* and good wishes for JAL. Thanks for dropping by in the Libertarian thread as well.
*hugs* and *thoughts* for JAL – is there any way to help?
David
Considering he believes that the former USSR is Russian Earth, I would say yes, he’s trying to reassemble it. At least the easy pieces for now (he got a bit of Latvia a few years ago with the signing of the new border treaty: the country lost an entire historically-Latvian province, which is not according to the original border treaty, but heck, that was an old piece of paper).
Here’s some fun: united colours of Lupita. That’s the whole rainbow!
A reminder to dog owners, and others who like to give random treats.
Some information about me (because I am monolith!!!). The article actually has one of the best and shortest summaries of Latvian history, actually. But the rest of it is great fun reading, too.
TW on this for discussion of murder: In Honour of Loretta –
birgerjohanssen:
My condolences to you and your family.
****
Portia:
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. My sympathies to you and your family.
re: JAL-thanks for the update (JAL commented in the Libertarian thread too)
****
I wanted to thank everyone who has been participating in the Libertarian thread (I don’t recall all the nym’s and don’t want to leave anyone out). Even though I participated for a bit, the discussion has moved into territory that I lack sufficient knowledge about so I chose to lurk. Suffice to say, I’ve learned a lot, and I’d like to think there are lurkers who have followed the thread and done the same thing.
****
Dalillama:
You have mail :)
****
Ok, so the situation at work with J has intensified.
After the restaurant closed tonight, as various employees were cleaning up (including myself), one of the kitchen managers-N-approached me about getting a drink. Now N is a hard worker, but he’s also an annoying pest at times. He has a knack for trying to be funny, but going overboard or picking the absolute wrong time to play comedian. Sometimes its ok. Tonight (actually, today-as we were both there most of today) he went overboard a few times. The capper–in the process of trying to take a call-in order, he proceeds to knock the notepad out of my hand onto the floor (this was shortly before we closed). That ticked me off. So when he came requesting a drink, I refused. I lied and said I’d counted my money and couldn’t do any transactions. Then he kept going and going. I finally snapped back at him and said “I’ve counted my money and I’m not fixing any goddamned drinks!”. I followed that up with “..and if you’re offended that I said “goddamit”, I don’t care!”.
I said that knowing full well that J was a few feet away, and he was the intended recipient of my comments (not N). Recall that J considers himself a good christian. He’s offended by “goddamit”.
N responded that he wasn’t offended by that (which I knew full well), but J chimed in and said that he was offended.
That’s when I snapped back with “I’m offended that you’d use the N* word, and refer to a gay man as “”that little thing”” “. He then got really angry, and denied that he’d said either. He responded back with the claim that I drink all day at work. That took me aback bc it was a blatant lie. I *don’t* drink all day at work. I’ve sipped the remnants of a few drinks I’ve made, which is well within my right to do. Once or twice (in the 6 months we’ve been open) I’ve drank a margarita that I’d made wrong (and was watered down after a few hours and would have been thrown out). Again, that’s not a problem. Most of the time, I’m drinking water, or the occassional soda. So overall, my alcohol consumption while at work is negligible and is not an issue. Bringing it up was a total non-sequitor on his part.
Our back and forth didn’t last long. 30 seconds at least. A minute tops. It was heated. I was pissed off. He got angry and defensive and stormed off. All of this was witnessed by at least 2 employees and overheard by several others.
Now, I handled that completely wrong. I admit that. Prior to these events, I’d still been trying to figure out how to address the situation, but my anger was bubbling just below the surface and I made the choice to express myself. I own it.
I was *almost* angry enough to cry, but not quite. In a later conversation with one of the owners (M; the same one who J made his homophobic comment around), she sympathised with me, and largely agreed with me. The only thing critical thing she said was that I handled the situation wrong, which of course I agree with. She’s going to sit down and talk to him tomorrow or the next day, once she’s talked to the employees that overheard our exchange (as well as the two he made the racist comment around). She’s not happy with him right now. His constant complaints, near refusal to entertain any possibility that he’s wrong about how he thinks he’s being treated, his bigoted comments, and a few other things have M pretty close to being done with him. I told her I hope he quits. Even aside from his asshole comments, he’s alienated much of the Front Of the House staff (to the point that many of the servers don’t talk to him)
Argh.
I’ve calmed down now, but Fuck! I’m mostly angry at him, and a tiny bit angry at myself for not handling the situation better (in addition to expressing myself in the wrong manner, I also shouldn’t have said anything around other employees). I did assure M that even though I’ve no love for J, and no desire to socialize with him, I won’t let my feelings about him have a negative effect on the restaurant. If I have to interact with him for the purposes of the business, I will.
Uh, that should read:
Hugs all around
I hate not having a computer. I will have to “steal” some time at my in law’s computer to at least access my embroidery designs
Tony,
Yeah, you handled it wrong. But as someone who far more often loses composure at inappropriate moments, I get it. It happens. You had good reasons to snap. In the process, J showed their “true colors” and, in my opinion, made a much greater blunder than you did. I’m sure you’ll try to handle things better next time.
*hugs* for JAL. Keep us updated.
Tony
*hugs*
Your overall track record is still pretty awesome – it’s okay to lose it sometimes, especially considering that the things J has said while not meant specifically for you, certainly encompass a lot of what you are, and you have every right to take it personally. Yes, you could have handled it better. Hopefully (in fact, I’m convinced) next time you will, but I support your emotional outburst, because sometimes it’s just that difficult.
*hugs*
+++
Came in to work, turned on the ventilation. Huh. Didn’t realize it was powered by jet engines. [/loud]
HOLY SHIT IT’S MARCH
yay for JAL sighting!
<_<
io9 exclusive look at Robin Hobb’s next novel, Fool’s Assassin
Anybody know anything about “In Praise of Love” by Alain Badiou?
I’d be very grateful for any input. Anything at all.
Tony, sorry you had a bad situation to deal with. Of course you’re right, with hindsight and absent the heat of the moment, and could have handled it better – you do set a fairly high bar, I think, and generally handle this kind of thing pretty well. You get to be human too, though, and even fly off the handle once in a blue moon.
Hope things settle down at work and that it gets worked out OK.
.
Thank you for the news of JAL, Portia. Wish I could do more than just think of her :-(((
opposablethumbs
The title sounds familiar, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you any more.
Is this a current read of yours, or a recommended read?
Tony
I’m sorry you had to deal with that shit. I can totally sympathise with losing your cool in that type of situation.
Tony:
I fully understand, sympathize, and provide whatever support I can.
Someone’s apparently bought it for me but there’s still a short window in which it can be returned. I’m not sure about the book – and while I’m grateful to be offered a present, I really don’t want money-that-can’t-really-be-spared to be spent on something I might hate.
I’m a horrible person to buy presents for; anything bigger than (say) sweets or a cup of coffee I would much rather have some input into choosing myself. I find it hard to accept something graciously and be all it’s-the-thought-that-counts when I know that money can’t really be spared – so if it’s going to get spent at all I’d really much rather it went on a book I’d really like to read. I’m not a particularly nice person, in many ways.
Fuck, I think I just broke my foot.
Mr will take me to the hospital to have it treated. At least I live in a country with public healthcare, so the problems will be limited to the consequences of the injury itself.
opposablethumbs
Ah. Sorry I can’t help you out. :( The book doesn’t sound particularly appealing. To me. :/
Giliell
Eek, hopefully it’s something less severe that heals faster!! *get well soon* and *thumbs* (I’ll link to them when I get home).
Argh, Giliell! Hope you are OK – that you get something effective for the pain, and that it’s fixed leaving no problems behind.
Giliell, *hugs*
opposablethumbs,
Book doesn’t seem like my cup of tea, but you know – different tastes.
Giliell:
Who, or what, did you kick?
Seriously, take care of yourself.
——
Wife thinks she may be passing a kidney stone.
Ouchie.
*sympathies* to anyone in China, hope everyone is safe!
Ugh, should not have gone back to that thread.
I’m impressed with the Libertarian one, though – amazing learning opportunity for me, thank you to all who persevere! I’ll admit discussion of economics is difficult for me, because my brain has difficulty understanding it (calculus? easy! economics? uuhhhhh…), but I have read through most of that thread, and it is very educational.
Ouch, Giliell! Best wishes for good medical care and a quick recovery!
Ogvorbis
Hope Wife is relieved of pain soon!
A mathematician wants us to be a lot less gullible. And he has good reasons:
Mother Jones link.
Giliell
*hugs* that sucks intensely; my sympathies.
Ogvorbis
My sympathies to Wife; my ex had one of those, it was excruciating for her.
rq
The libertarians all seem to have fucked off anyway, unless Tom J comes back this morning. The other two haven’t been back for a couple days now I think. I haven’t actually tried calculus, but I’m going to have to soon.
rq @650:
This too shall pass.
Time + Painkillers.
Ogvorbis, my heartfelt sympathies to your wife – I’ve heard it’s horribly painful; I hope it’s over quickly and she’s got good drugs available.
.
I’ve been reading the libertarian thread with great appreciation and admiration – it really is very educational indeed!
.
I don’t think I like the sound of the book either …
Back from the hospial.
Nice clean break on the basis of the pinkie toe.
Everything is fixed for the moment and tomorrow I’ll have to see a surgeon to decide whether I need surgery or not. The doc who gave me the dignosis said ” if it were my foot I’d let it heal on its own.”, so I’m pretty hopeful that I won’t need it.
My poor in laws. I’ll need them a lot for the next 4 weeks.
Some climate change deniers are trying to use financial force to affect the actions of corporations.
http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2014/03/01/3348831/apple-climate-deniers/
Predatory payday lenders are trying to expand their reach.
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2014/03/01/3349161/pennsylvania-lawmaker-invites-payday-lenders-state/
So-called “Counter-Terrorism training” is being offered to police officers in Virginia by a flea brained former FBI agent.
Giliell, I’m not sure that “nice clean break” should sound as upbeat as it does. Still, that does fall in the “could have been worse” category. Best of luck with the healing process.
I broke my pinkie toe in middle school. The doctor said I had to wear flat-soled shoes for several weeks. I thought sneakers with their molded and arched soles wouldn’t count as “flat” and that I had to wear saltwater sandals the whole time. But no, I found out later that what he really meant is that I couldn’t wear heels. I was such a tomboy that the option of heels never even entered my head.
Some years ago, one of our cats launched himself off of a kitchen stool. Sending said stool, in a descending arc, onto Roast Beef. It hurt. I swore. I went to work the next day and, when I got home and took off my boot and sock, discovered that the painful and uncomfortable feeling in my toes may have had something to do with Roast Beef being the size of a small plum. I went to the hospital to be told that, yes, your toe is broken — nine separate cracks. And no, we really can’t do anything about it save for giving you a chit to get out of work for up to a week.
Only other bones I have broken were two ribs (pneumonia) and my nose.
… aaand DaughterSpawn has just come home from her dance competition with most of the toes on one foot plus part of the foot almost black with bruising due to a (non-dance-related!) accident (she fell through a folding chair while filming the other competitors from her club). Just to keep you company, Giliell! :-S (I’m going to keep her company to the GP tomorrow to get it checked out, just in case).
Glad it’s a “nice” clean break, at least, eh. :-\
Oh, I didn’t break the toe, but that longish bone that leads away from it. Sorry, I don’t know the propper English term for it. I don’t even know the German one. But yes, clean break is pretty upbeat, only that atm everything hurts like hell despite painkiller.
Giliell
I think it’s one of the metatarsals, if my anthro class memories are serving me right. :) Hope it heals quick!
Tea Party Unity Founder Rick Scarborough thinks that the yuck factor associated with gay sex should be made more prominent so that Christians will be more anti-gay. And now, poor Rick finds that christians don’t want him to talk about gay sex. It’s a hard life.
Rick goes on to say that bunches of Christians boycotted his subsequent talks.
Right Wing Watch link.
@Giliell
Ew, well that sounds much worse. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Lynna @665
I wonder how many couples went home thinking, ‘Anal sex… I wonder how that works? Iiiinnnnterestiinnnng…’
I’m mostly threadrupt, but even brief glimpses into the Lounge make it clear there is much that has been happening on while I’ve been busy with family and other matters. In no particular order:
Crudely Wrott – You have often been in my thoughts. Your words regarding grief mirrors my own experiences with the loss of my father when I was very young and my brother two years ago. *hugs, chocolate, and loving support*
Portia – *pouncehug with lots of chocolate and loving support* I’m so sorry about your grandfather.
birgerjohansson – You have my deepest sympathies regarding the loss of your aunt. *hugs and chocolate*
cicely – *fuzzy pouncehug* Have you ever played Zombicide? My husband, his sister, her husband, and I played a single game yesterday that lasted 5 hours; we were exhausted afterwards. It was supposed to last about an hour. We thought we’d get at least one other game in. We made a definite mistake in not opening the other doors sooner. I did, however, kill 126 zombies! :D
David M – *fuzzy pouncehug with American cookies*
rq – *pouncehug with lots of chocolate* Thank you for the link to “How To Piss Off A Latvian”. It was very informative and fun.
Tony! – *hugs and chocolate* I hope your work situation improves soon.
opposablethumbs – *pouncehug and chocolate*
Gilliel *gentle hugs and lots of chocolate* I hope your foot heals quickly and as painlessly as possible. I’m also sorry about your computer.
JAL – *hugs, chocolate, and support* I wish I could do more.
Ogvorbis – *gentle hugs* for your wife. I hope she feels much better soon.
I’m going to leave this pile of *hugs and chocolate* for anyone one who needs them. Take as many as you like.
So there’s this bug going around town.
You’d think, since my exposure to other people in meatspace is relatively limited, I’d be safe.
Nope.
I managed to catch the damn thing.
It’s a head/throat/chest cold.
Blargh. Back to bed.
WMDKitty – Get well soon. *sterile anklehugs*
WMDkitty
Yeah, L and I’ve got it too. It sucks
Dalillama – *sterile anklehugs* for you and L too.
Yesterday, at work, Wife was busing tables and asked four gentlemen at a table if they wanted coffee. One of them decided to be a smart ass and said, “Yeah, but I need lots. Just set up a coffee IV.”
Wife, without missing a beat, said, “Sorry. We’re all out of IV kits. But we can give you a coffee enema. Drop your pants and I’ll be back with the coffee pot.”
:D :D :D
When May I Shoot a Student?
–
*hugs* and moral support for JAL.
–
*hugs* for Giliell. Sorry about the foot breakage.
–
Best wishes for Ogvorbis’wife. I’ve heard that passing kidney stones compares favorably—painwise—with gall bladder attacks; not something I’d wish on an enemy!
(Later)
And a funnel, I presume?
–
Hekuni Cat, *fuzzy pouncehugback* and no, I haven’t played Zombiecide—or even heard of it, until now. Though it sounds like the type of game one of my friends would possibly have bought; I’ll have to ask him.
–
*scritches&chikkensoop* for WMDKitty.
–
*heap of fluffy hugs*
*happiness tea*
*chai*
*choco chai*
*sweet chai (with honeybush)*
For everyone!!! I’m feeling socialist tonight, har.
I wrote most of the first draft of my long-delayed grant proposal! Productivity at last!
*noms on Hekuni Cat’s cookies* =^_^=
Mittelfußknochen! :-)
And no, English generally doesn’t have fake-vernacular words like that. Metatarsal it is. (Tarsus = ankle.)
LOL!!!
NEW THREAD.