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Jan 30 2014

Just say it, “Anti-Christ!”

A spokesperson for the American Patriarchy Association has a few revealing words about Obama.

Responding to a caller who warned that “there’s a black cloud over our national capital” that is bringing down America, Rios said that there is a “spiritual” element to the political battle: “I do think what we’re facing here is otherworldly, there is a supernatural power to this president that I can’t—that I think most of us have picked up, those of us who believe in God and believe that there are other forces at work here, but we don’t know what God’s mind is on this.”

To be fair, she could be trying to imply that he is a Magical Negro who is going to bring wisdom to America…but somehow, I don’t think so.

My own position on the matter is that Obama is a human politician.

38 comments

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  1. 1
    Marcus Ranum

    American Patriarchy Association

    I LOL’d! I admit it.

  2. 2
    Pete Newell

    Well, of course that’s going to be *your* position, but what sort of evidence could you possibly cite to support such a radical viewpoint?

    (There’s got to be a way to get the snark tags to show on these posts.)

  3. 3
    brucegee1962

    I’d say that the most staggering part of this message is the part about “those of us who believe in God.” I’m always impressed by easily these folks seem to be able to jump from “most atheists are independents or democrats” to “all democrats are atheists.” As if Obama, or any politician for that matter, was somehow elected without a single Christian vote.

    I honestly wonder if she doesn’t actually know a single Christian who voted for Obama. I suppose it’s a sad commentary on our political system that she might not.

  4. 4
    cervantes

    You may recall the ad implying that Obama is the Antichrist that was run widely during his first presidential campaign. Funny thing though, still no battle of Gog and Magog.

  5. 5
    consciousness razor

    Wait a second. Obama has supernatural power? Not only does that mean he’s not just a soulless monster, but he’s a black cloud with superpowers! We might have to double-check this … they might actually mean this as a compliment. Too confusing to tell, at the moment. Bless their hearts.

  6. 6
    richardelguru

    “…..but we don’t know what God’s mind is on this”

    Wow! that’s the first time I’ve heard one of that lot admit anything like that!!

  7. 7
    cswella

    A black man elected president twice in the USA? Impossible without magic!

  8. 8
    Arete

    Sigh. I remember when Al Gore was the Anti-Christ. That was better, since then you could also have the Internet as the Mark of the Beast, somehow. Those were the days.

  9. 9
    Daz: Experiencing A Slight Gravitas Shortfall

    Pete Newell #2

    (There’s got to be a way to get the snark tags to show on these posts.)

    <snark> … </snark>
    Produces
    <snark> … </snark>

  10. 10
    vaiyt

    Pfft. Everyone knows Obama is actually a hologram projected by the Chinese. Or maybe a sentient cactus. I’m never up to date on his latest identity.

  11. 11
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    “I do think what we’re facing here is otherworldly, there is a supernatural power to this president that I can’t—that I think most of us have picked up, those of us who believe in God…” because through our belief in God and our Lord Jesus Christ we can SENSE EVIL! And it’s taint is on this man like the mark of Cain, and, er….

    Sorry, my Wingnut isn’t that good… hablas espanol?

  12. 12
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Yeah, you can tell Obama has enormous, sorcerous powers over the nation by the way he has to battle tooth and nail to get even the most routine, mundane legislation passed.

  13. 13
    moarscienceplz

    And of course when a woman is finally elected, she will be seen dancing naked under a full moon with the Horned One.

  14. 14
    Lynna, OM

    I know mormons who think that Obama’s hand gestures betray the fact that he is Satan.

    It’s a scary, exciting world if you are god-addled or josephsmith-addled.

  15. 15
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    If President Obama has supernatural powers, they’re pathetic.
    Look at all the trouble getting the Affordable Care Act passed.
    Look at the failure to pass sensible gun control laws.
    Look at his failure to convince far right fuckwits that he was born in the United States.

    Nope, I don’t think his mutant, Marxist, Socialist, Communist, anti-Christ powers have activated yet.

  16. 16
    Pete Newell

    Thanks, Daz.

    Always the smart one, me.

  17. 17
    Francisco Bacopa

    There really should be a productivity loss warning on that TV Tropes link.

    And that “those of us who believe in God” wording is pure tribalism. Everyone who disagrees with them must be disagreeing with them because they are controlled by ungodly forces. There are no disputes among “real” Christians.

  18. 18
    Rich Woods

    @moarscienceplz #13:

    And of course when a woman is finally elected, she will be seen dancing naked under a full moon with the Horned One.

    I knew it couldn’t be long before political videos would go the same way as music videos.

  19. 19
    Onamission5

    @ Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop! #15:

    You’ve got it backwards. That is all proofs that the Prayer Warriors are winning the battle against evil socialism/need give more money to Art Pope and the Koch brothers. Can’t let the antichrist have his way because that would lead to seven years of world peace, must rise up against him!

  20. 20
    peanutcat

    “there’s a black cloud over our national capital”

    I saw what she did there!

  21. 21
    frog

    To be fair, lots of people think all politicians are the anti-christ. Though these days the preponderance of evidence suggests his many incarnations occupy the House of Representatives more than the White House.

  22. 22
    anteprepro

    Responding to a caller who warned that “there’s a black cloud over our national capital” that is bringing down America, Rios said that there is a “spiritual” element to the political battle: “I do think what we’re facing here is otherworldly, there is a supernatural power to this president that I can’t—

    Rios then started choking, coughing, while strange, orchestral music slowly elevated in volume in the background, and indecipherable voices whispered things that would be unspeakable if heard. When the police arrived at Rios’s apartment, there was only a blood stain on the carpet and a faint smell of smoke, though there was nothing at the scene that could be identified as the source of the smell. The only clue was a cryptic drawing left behind, torn from a notebook. It depicts a mysterious, tall looming black figure, with horns, staring at a monument labeled “Hope” and laughing as it burns. The words “Change” were repeatedly scrawled all over the picture, and it was covered in bite marks that matched Rios’s dental records. If anyone knows anything about this mysterious disappearance, please call our hotline, 1-800-ILLUMIN. We will make sure to alert the FBI to any information out there immediately.

  23. 23
    Nick Gotts

    Funny thing though, still no battle of Gog and Magog. – cervantes@4

    Well, you know why that is: it’s down to Obama to arrange it, and you know how gubmint programs are always late and over budget!

  24. 24
    Strewth

    Mysterious powers for swaying the hearts of the people, which Conservatives don’t possess, which frighten and confuse them?

    You mean charisma?

  25. 25
    vaiyt

    @antepepro

    That sounded like something straight out of SCP Foundation.

  26. 26
    anteprepro

    vaiyt: Indeed. The Obamanation just couldn’t be contained.

  27. 27
    ibyea

    So Obama is like dark lord Sauron? Cool!

  28. 28
    What a Maroon, oblivious

    @Tony! #15,

    Obama’s superpower is the ability to turn his political foes into blithering, blubbering, incoherent idiots.

    Granted, that’s about as impressive as the power to make water wet….

  29. 29
    pakicetus

    @ Marron, #28

    Another of Obama’s superpowers is his ability to be a communist, atheist, gay, Jew, and Muslim all at the same time!

  30. 30
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Ah, we’ll turn you into a Troper one of these days, PZ!

    (It always starts with “just one trope”…)

  31. 31
    Dr Marcus Hill Ph.D. (arguing from his own authority)

    You linked to TV Tropes. You monster.

  32. 32
    Al Dente

    Mandatory xkcd link.

  33. 33
    kevinalexander

    So Obama is like dark lord Sauron? Cool!

    No, no, we saw the movies. Sauron is a giant flaming vagina. The only thing more terrifying to a conservative than a black man.

  34. 34
    Alexander

    Well, I thought it was obvious two years ago that Obama had a supernatural backing, when he defeated “Gott Mit Uns” Romney.

  35. 35
    David Marjanović

    No, no, we saw the movies. Sauron is a giant flaming vagina. The only thing more terrifying to a conservative than a black man.

    :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

  36. 36
    feralboy12

    No, no, we saw the movies. Sauron is a giant flaming vagina.

    Thanks, the movies make a bit more sense now. I always wondered what he was going to do with the ring if he got it–I mean, what, stick it in his eye? How does that work?
    I see it now–he must have a piercing.

  37. 37
    metalsheep

    @3 brucegee1962 “I honestly wonder if she doesn’t actually know a single Christian who voted for Obama.”

    I’m willing to bet that not a single Christian she knows is willing to admit to her that they voted for Obama, for fear of a huge shit-storm. Keeping your mouth shut around her is probably way easier that incurring her wrath/lecture/batshit assholery.

  38. 38
    Inaji

    frog @ 21:

    To be fair, lots of people think all politicians are the anti-christ.

    No, they don’t. People think politicians are a whole lot of things, many of those things being negative, but anti-christ thinking, that’s pure Christian. Go have a nice read at Rapture Ready one of these days, they have a section of their forum dedicated to politics. There’s a marked hesitancy in declaring any one person as the anti-christ, because they all think god will strike ‘em with lightning if they make a definite pronouncement, but they skirt the edge of that pronouncement constantly. There’s also a deep sense of hopefulness that the Prez is the anti-christ, because that would mean daddy’s a comin’ to take them home.

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