We could have math books spiced up with bible quotes.
Or history books that tell us Jesus is the focal point of all history.
Oh, wait. Some American kids are being taught out of books like that.
(via 0xabad1dea)
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Does the Bible Math Book include pi being 3 or is it blasphemously correct?
Climaxed. Tee hee!
Just wait until the biology textbook comes out. That will be the one with the four-legged fowl (Leviticus 11:20) and insects (Leviticus 11:23).
Mike.
@#2, Audley Z:
Yup. And all of history since then has been lying back and smoking cigarettes, wondering what’s on TV.
Is God wanting a high five in that first book?
The mildly deranged penguins says the focal point of all history when the second time Atlantis sank. That’s when we lost lots of extremely good cheese plantations. Everything since then is trying to recreate those conditions, just as everything before created them.
As I recall, Issac “Gravity” Newton wrote a history of the (ancient?) world, The Chronology of Ancient Kingdoms. His methods of dating were brilliant. And his focal point? The voyage of Jason and the Argonauts.
I like Newton’s focal point better. It’s much better fiction.
abelundercity
That’s His Span, man.
I read that first book cover as saying, “… He meted out Heaven with the spam.”, and rejoiced in having made irrevocable prior commitments to the place with the barbecue.
And don’t forget Bob Jones University Press’s fundamentalist math textbook.
It’s-a me, the unfortunate photographer. Here’s a gallery with a few more shots: http://imgur.com/a/vNpg8
I’ve seen a late-19th century periodic table, in German, with the Bible quote “God hath ordered everything according to measure, number and weight”. I’d rather say Mendeleev and Meyer did that…
Meting out Heaven with His span? Hammering out Heaven, which is a metal kettle, from a sheet of metal. That, too, is in the Bible.
Thread won.
Imagine working for some dumbfuck “educated” at a school that teaches this tripe.
Except for the 3/5ths(?) of the world that use different calendars…
I live in Texas. I don’t have to imagine.
And I don’t have to imagine the horror of watching children being subjected to this nonsense either.
vaiyt
Those 3/5 are waiting to be Saved®.
Then they can get the right calendar.
#3 Noastonomer – had to find out what you were referencing, ie “4 legged fowl” (Lev 11:23). And saw that “Bats” are mentioned as unclean abominable “BIRDS.” (Lev 11:19) Lol. As a junior-high student I was forced to go to a private x-tian school. I had the biggest problem with the “biology” class…..
Fortunately I was kicked out 2 months later: for daring to ask “inappropriate” questions about evolution. Hahaha. Guess I’m lucky they didn’t catch me eating bats.
It is no wonder that so many companies must rely on H-2B visa foreign workers to stay in business.
Shouldn’t that be three time periods that Christians are taught? B.C.. A.D., and R.C… Return of Christ?
As the owner of the books… ouch, have some charity for innocent victims :) I may have had a complete, total mental breakdown over cognitive dissonance, but now I’m a happy rabid little atheist
I don’t really do twitter, so for the record, I enjoyed my public school experience (at a pretty rich public school that could afford both IB and AP programs).
But yeah, our school system is crap. So this is straight outta the public schools? That’s awful. Go texas, I guess =.=;;
I am just grateful these weird american protestant cults never took root over here in Europe(well, at least not in Germany). There is still, to my taste, too much deference (and money) paid to the church in the public discourse but even the crustiest catholics wouldn’t dare pull these kinds of stunts. But then again, we don’t have a schoolboard system that can shove their mental diarrhoe down our kids throats.
I’m not an American so this melts my brain a little.
Are these books are used to teach children at public schools? Or just at kooky religious schools? Please, please let it be the latter.
22. Me
Not that the latter is a good thing. Just a teeny bit less bad. Thought I’d clarify that…
Why do they have to be such literalists on only one subject?
It’s so appalling and tiring.
Private schools, but not for lack of trying. The public schools still do have a bunch of religious garbage. It wasn’t too long ago that David Barton, of Wallbuilders, managed to get Texas to adopt some changes to their curriculum. Given the size of the state, this has an impact on other schools.
A Bekka Books and Bob Jones produce such books for use in Private School, and the growing Homeschool movement. Creationism is still a problem in science classrooms, so much so that even in districts without that element, some teachers are even hesitant to broach the subject of evolution.
Hell, a teacher got into trouble recently for saying the word vagina during sex ed. And sex ed is another fucking problem…
Be educated by this book and presto chango, you might rise to the intellectual heights of:
Bobby Jindal
Marco Rubio
Rick Perry
Michelle Backmann
Sarah Palin
Mike Huckabee
Paul Broun
and many many more….
My son had a Calculus test this morning, so in order to understand “perfect mathematics” I immediately read Isaiah 40:12. Needless to say, there’s nothing about mathematics there, perfect or otherwise, just a promotional ad for the new Hasmonean kingdom’s big guy in the sky by how much it can measure and weigh stuff. What a surprise.
Re history: I had a philosophy prof in college (a Southern Baptist minister himself) who often scoffed at the progressivism of Western Christian civilization. He pointed out that history is portrayed in the Old Testament as wandering, not progressive. As discussed here often, this notion of progressive history still gets in people’s way when they think about biological evolution, and many American’s operate as if the US is the pinnacle of human history.
If 2013 CE rankles, consider going with 2766 AUC (ab urbe condita, the current date relative to the foundation of the city of Rome) or 4711 Huangdi Era (date relative to the beginning of the reign of the Yellow_Emperor)
It’s probably just a matter of time (if it’s not already happening) that someone interviewing a candidate for some science-related position looks at the resume, sees “East Sheepdip Christofascist Prep School”under Education, and then immediately concludes the interview.
Silly christians.
Everyone knows that the historical focal point was the Foundation of Rome, and not the execution of some guy in a province of the Empire in 786…
frenando — You are so right, and a backwater province at that. So this year is 2766 AUC, as best we can figure it.
Thank you, sincerely, for including a point of reference to China, one of the biggest elephants in the room when europeans act like europeans had the largest, most uncontested empires in the world.
@abadidea
Heh. I loved the “information” on the French Revolution in shot 3.
Hasmonean? That dynasty gained power in the 2nd c. BCE, and didn’t rule autonomously until the very end of that century. So-called 2nd Isaiah (chs 40-55 of the book of Isaiah) was likely written in the 6th c. BCE under the rule of the neo-Babylonian empire.
In general, ancient cultures tended to view history as the opposite of progressive. Typically history was seen as a degenerative process proceeding from a lost golden age located in a mythic past of diverse conception. The Bible is interesting, in part, because it reveals each generation relocating and reconceptualizing the mythic past in terms of its present reality.
This could be really disheartening for some students. If you do not get the math then you do not understand God.
If God climaxed in that act of redemption, was Mary still a virgin?
Somehow, I am willing to bet they don’t teach anything about Epicurus.
A colony breaking away from a monarchy, and establishing an oligarchy is, indeed, very different from a popular revolt against a monarchy followed by the establishment of an imperial despotism. But somehow, I think that’s not the point they’re trying to make. So you think the point they could be making is that the French revolution was (temporarily) atheistic and perhaps, by implication, Charles Darwin retroactively influenced the design of la guillotine?
The funny part is that these guys probably thought that Pravda was a bunch of propaganda, while they’re doing god’s work.
Got that? When the colonies turned away from god, they became prosperous and self-sufficient. Can’t have that.
sure!
… they used a turkey baster*.
*My entry into the Good Bad Tasteless jokes department.
why bother studying pure maths, when you can wave your hand airily and say “Oh, god did it!”
*tries it*
ends up just doing *jazz hands*
why bother studying pure maths, when you can wave your hand airily and say “Oh, god did it!”
It wasn’t this, but when a good friend took one of his phd exams in Graph Theory, he needed to show a particular result was true in order to finish a problem. He thought it was true but wasn’t making progress: time was running out (10 hour limit to finish), so he stated the “result” and stated “The proof of this result is straightforward and is left to the curious reader.”
That did not go so well with those grading his exam, especially since the “result” he needed was not, in fact, true.
I wonder how many of the students finish up on the minimum wage.
This is america, the country where morons can be rich and famous and even elected president.
I suppose if you’re studying Christian history, the birth of Jesus is a good cutting point for time (hell, it’s good enough such that pretty much everyone’s adopted it now), in the same way the Civil War is a good cutting point for US history. Of course, these poor kids with utterly stupid parents are taught that “Christian history” = “History”.
But sheesh, the idea of “Christian math” just makes me die a bit inside.
I had the misfortune of attending a fundamentalist school. I used that history textbook. That screenshot does not capture the sheer stupidity of A Beka Book.
My fundamentalist uncle made sure that his umpteen kids received a proper edu-ma-cation at home, away from the Communist public schools with their evolution and gay agenda. The eldest turned 18 last summer and he immediately got married to his own Christian-programmed Stepford Wife and intends to breed a quiverful of future Bible-Humpers of his own.
When last I heard, he has no job, he and his wife are still living at home with his parents, and he has no desire to seek further education.
Fundies set their kids up to fail.
Then they fail.
They score low in IQ and education, low in socioeconomic status, and high in social problems like teenage pregnancy, divorce, and child sexual abuse.
So… Am I to assume they stopped counting years in the “Time of Christ”?
Liberty University essentially teaches the college extension of this and they have no problem placing graduates in positions of power in the government and industry.
Let that sink in.
Gotta love their history of the Clinton years.
“special rights for homosexuals”
As codified in Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act
“more social welfare”
As in the welfare-to-work law.
“an increase in crime”
Yep, crime increased by -40% in the 90s.
“drug abuse”
Well, maybe they have sort of a point.
“teen pregnancy”
Right, teen pregnancy rose “to record low levels” in the 90s.
Dammit, reality is just so unchristian.
Now, now. Facts have a well known liberal bias. Anyone can prove a lie with facts, especially lieberals who hate baby Jesus and freedom. What you gotta have is faith in the Truth revealed to you here in this book.
@ CJO #34
Oh jesus, I hadn’t seen this. I think I’m pretty angry at the idea that the Meriken Revolution was a ‘calm, deliberate action, in contrast to the French Revolution’. Well golly fucking gee, the proximate cause of the French Revolution was mass starvation. And are we really calling the hissyfits thrown over no longer being allowed to shoot Indians, a proclamation that occured because we refused to pay taxes on guards to protect us when we settled outside our lands and in their’s? How about the parts where we engaged in terrorism? Christ.
DLC
Because, on very good authority, God only made the integers, the rest is manmade.
#53 Ahh, Rutee Katreya, doth know American history!
Yes, the taxes (like the Stamp Act) were introduced by the Crown to pay for the massive debts from the Indian Wars fought by the British to defend the settlers moving west into their lands. The tax on tea (which instigated the Boston Tea Party) was actually LOWERED. This outraged Americans who imported tea illegally and made a killing selling it cheaper than British tea. Lowering the tea tax killed their black market.
The colonists had legitimate gripes – taxation without representation (but then NO average person in any country had representation at that time); and laws that required the colonies to trade only with the British.
But I have always seen the revolt about taxation as people expecting the benefits of government then getting mad because they have to pay for them. The modern Tea Party is a direct descendant of the Boston Tea Party – douchebaggery wrapped in high sounding ideals and the American flag.
In the shameless blog-flogging department: Easter Sunday Sermon
When I worked at a large local music store in the ’80s, we carried a conservachris school band method! The lessons were supposedly taught by David (whose long practice with the sling had let him beat Goliath*). Of course, “David” was totally early-80’s blow-dried white kid… Fortunately, we didn’t have many copies of it, since it didn’t sell worth crap (and the band types in the department said it was a lousy band method, as well–I was the guitar and folk instrument specialist, and couldn’t judge that part).
*They always leave out the part that David had the advantage. A well trained slinger is devastating in combat–Goliath would’ve never gotten close!
Presumably, this method kept kids out of pool halls and from frittern away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too? Trouble.
I think the Think System™ might’ve worked better–and I don’t recall the books we had having the Minuet in G to play…
@Stardrake
Now I’ve got “La de da De da De da De da, Da de da, La de da” on repeat in my head.
I still have Tomorrow belongs to me on repeat.
Since last Sunday.
Fun fact–in the conductor’s score for THE MUSIC MAN, you are instructed to play the Minuet in G “Loose Embochuremoto et Outoftuneissimo”
The fact that the “The Music Man” is such a beloved musical speaks ill of the American character. “Professor” Harold Hill is a lying, philandering, con-man; in short, a scumbag. Yet he is portrayed hailed as a hero because he’s charismatic and makes the stuffy skeptical citizens of River City happy and outgoing even while he’s taking them for their money. The facts are meaningless, all that matters is happiness. All it takes is a scratchy, badly-played rendition of Beethoven to excuse all deceits.
And don’t get me started on fucking “Miracle on 34th Street.”
It’s meant to be a criticism of that character, I believe. The art, thus, is not endorsing that dynamic, and is thus not contemptible in itself. It does, however, point to something contemptible in the common tendencies among US folk.
Curious people want to know: Does the HOG [hand of God] have an opposable digit? He gave one to Adam, but the illustration leaves some doubt.
…who is, wait for it, wait for it, at least as mythical as Jesus!
Hah. It is 63 After Present.
…Aren’t those the parts that praise the Great King of Persia And Everything Else?
Let alone Diagoras of Melos. (Of course, I was never taught about that one either.)
Link doesn’t work.
Qumran. In particular, the q doesn’t mean what you think it means.
*blink* Source, please.
BTW, they (unsurprisingly) don’t know Latin. Anno Domini just means “in the year of the Lord” – there’s no trace of “our”.