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Dec 31 2011

Anti-Caturday post

Review the unpleasant nature of the cat’s penis. Now contemplate this: “12 feet long and highly mobile” and “gigantic testes that weigh a ton”.

Although, I do confess, when a pod of these big boys go into rut in your back yard, you’ll probably get even less sleep than when the neighborhood cats are in heat.

(Also on Sb)

21 comments

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  1. 1
    Kevin Anthoney

    And you can’t even get rid of ‘em with a bucket of water.

  2. 2
    Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    Aren’t sperm whales a sperm competitor–gallons of ejaculate to wash out the previous suitor’s? This sounds like it might be a similar strategy!

  3. 3
    Glen Davidson

    Now that’s a trouser snake, twelve feet and wriggling about.

    What it takes to make her happy, apparently.

    Glen Davidson

  4. 4
    faehnrich

    Cat’s are stupid anyway.

  5. 5
    daveau

    @#4-

    At least my cats know how to use apostrophes correctly.

  6. 6
    Rey Fox

    People sure took leave of their rationality when naming whale species. Sperm whale – named after the gunk found in its head which looks kinda like spooge. That makes perfect sense and no way will anyone ever giggle about that! Right whales…as opposed to left whales? Wrong whales? I guess they were named by the first guy who saw one who said “Cor, that’s a right bloo’y whale, innit?”

  7. 7
    Rey Fox

    In the course of Wikipediing right whales, I came across an even dumber name: the Right Whale Dolphin. I have renewed respect for ornithologists, who while a bit daffy at times, would have never named a species after the species next to it. “That magpie’s got a yellow bill, we’ll call it the Yellow-Billed Magpie.” “How about the little brown jobby over there?” “The Yellow-Billed Magpie Sparrow. Beer time now.”

  8. 8
    Glen Davidson

    The claim is that the Right Whale was the “right whale to harpoon,” vs. the “wrong whale to harpoon.” It floated when dead, which was considerably better than the “wrong whales” that sunk when dead, thus depriving them of any return for their efforts.

    Moot point once they figured out how to keep any whale from sinking from sight, but the Right Whale was already named by then. Again, so the claim goes.

    Glen Davidson

  9. 9
    Glen Davidson

    Sank, not sunk, for pedantry’s sake

  10. 10
    jimharrison

    In Shakespeare’s day a prick was called a yard. Right whales, apparently, have four yards.

  11. 11
    faehnrich

    @5
    Ha! Thank Jeebus my wife the magazine editor didn’t see that.

    stupid autocorrect

  12. 12
    Glen Davidson

    Although, I do confess, when a pod of these big boys go into rut in your back yard, you’ll probably get even less sleep than when the neighborhood cats are in heat.

    But I’ll have a whole lot more meat when I quiet them for good.

    Glen Davidson

  13. 13
    DLC

    Back in the day, National Geographic (yes, we got Nat Geo. . . for the articles, why else? ) had an issue with a flexible vinyl record of whale songs. it was so cool I played it at max volume.

  14. 14
    marcus

    Sure it’s all just fun and games having a 12 foot-long prehensile penis until someone gets an eye poked out! (Then it’s fucking hilarious!)

  15. 15
    chigau (違う)

    DLC
    re NatGeo whalesong record
    Yes! Me, too.

  16. 16
    dorght

    You want hilarious, read Christopher Moore’s ‘Fluke, or I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings’. There is a description of the mating process in that book that will have you in tears from laughing so hard.

  17. 17
    Rich Woods

    Q. How do you make your penis appear to be six feet long?

    A. Fold it in half.

  18. 18
    martinbadke

    I was struck by how the motion of the penis was like the motion of a leech. Not surprising really since it is soft tissue which needs to search its environment by texture and chemotaxis. (I am assuming there is no penis bone but could be corrected if others know that point of fact.)

  19. 19
    Part-Time Insomniac

    Sex underwater: best left to whales and other water-dwelling species.

  20. 20
    mythusmage

    Imagine a male hamster enlarged to the size of a blue whale, then consider the size of the testicals.

    Only a ton? Pitiful.

  21. 21
    Shiroferetto

    Somehow, I am NOT turned on by a 12-foot-long prehensile penis…

    I can’t think why.

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